Coming Out with the Truth Ch. 04byzolia_lily©
Even though I knew he wasn't going to stay the whole night, rolling over and automatically reaching for someone who wasn't there wasn't a great way to wake up. I lay quietly for a moment, overwhelmed by a sudden anxiety. What if he hadn't been serious? What if it had just been a fuck?
Even if it had been a really, really good one...
I shook my head to clear it. It was at that point I forced myself to get out of bed. There was no point lying there stewing all day.
All the same, I couldn't help wondering what I'd got myself into.
I made breakfast and fired off an email to my sister. I wanted to tell her about my sudden fears, but I knew it was ridiculous. The only reason I was so het up was that he wasn't still around. Otherwise I'd still be just as relaxed and excited about this as I'd been last night.
The whole thing made me frustrated. I was not the needy guy who over-thought things and needed proof. I was the reckless one who fell in love and didn't care about the consequences, just let things unfold as they would. So why was I so worried now when I'd never been before?
I wanted to ask Emma what to do, but I decided to tell her the good news instead. I'd leave anything else for later.
<<< Hi Em! Sorry I couldn't chat last night! Tell me more about your friend- they're really interesting in reading a second rate novel? It's probably not even worth it. I don't even have a job. I'll be broke soon. Nevermind. I'm sure you could help out... How are mum and dad? Sorry I haven't been back to visit yet, but I'm actually pretty busy here. Coaching is going well (who'da thought!). Better than the writing, at least... PS- Dinner went UNBELIEVABLY well! I'm in love! Don't want to gross you out too much, but I got to christen the new bed... LOL! Xxoo>>>
I spent the day writing since I'd told Em I was getting something done, letting my anxiety flow onto the page. I made a quick lunch and went back to work. I was getting into the flow of things again and it felt good to write like this.
I was interrupted when the doorbell rang mid afternoon.
When I opened the door, John held up a paper bag with a grin.
"Uh. Hi." Obviously sleeping with him didn't solve the problems I had speaking around him. Either that or realising just how much I liked him had robbed me of my faculties.
"Got you something." He said.
"Oh. Right. Come in. I'm just making dinner. Are you staying to eat...?" John smiled at me more slowly.
"If you let me in." I opened the door. Idiot. "It'd be food out of the freezer at home." John added. Ouch. I was too busy wondering if he saw me as a butt with cooking skills to notice him shut the door. He pulled me into his arms. He didn't try and kiss me, just held me gently against him.
"How'd you sleep?" he asked softly, one of his hands sliding down my spine. I melted. Just a fuck? A butt who could cook? Not likely.
"I didn't want to leave." He murmured. I'd been going to tell him that he didn't have to, but he slid both his hands down my back and I lost my train of thought. "Something smells good." He finally said.
"Besides you?" I said with a laugh, then stopped. Fuck. Was that the right thing to say?
John smiled. "Here." He said, and gave me the bag.
I led him into the kitchen and quickly checked that nothing was burning, then opened the bag- and found a new shower head.
"But mine works." I said stupidly.
"Yeah." He agreed. "I don't know if you noticed, but there wasn't exactly enough water for both of us." I blushed. I hadn't noticed. I had been far too busy paying attention to more important things.
"We can always use the bath." I suggested. I sounded quite vague, really. John smiled.
"I like that idea." He leant forward and brushed his lips against mine. I waited for more, breathed him in. "Can I help?" he asked instead.
"With dinner." Ah, yes. I was supposed to be cooking.
"Oh. Right. Uh... no. You can sit down. I'd offer you a beer," I added, recovering some of my mental capacities, "but no one will sell me any." John only chuckled.
"I'll bring some." He said easily.
"How- how was your day?" I asked. What I really wanted to know was if he'd missed me as much as I'd missed him.
"Not bad." He said with a shrug. "Except in my head we never left that bed, so I found it pretty hard to concentrate all day. I've compiled a mental inventory of all the things I want to do to you. It's a pretty long list." He only watched me, smiling, as I went red. I never blushed this much.
"Sounds like a good day." I offered. What the else was I supposed to say to that?
"It's better now."
My laptop was sitting open on the table and he bent to look at the page I had up. I quickly grabbed it and he looked at me with a grin.
"I could have picked you for one of those." He said slyly.
"What?" I said. What was he talking about? And where had this paranoia come from?
"My nephew's the same. You can't look at anything til it's finished."
I shot him a grin. "Glad you understand." I said dryly.
John left the room to use my bathroom, and I went to turn my laptop off, noticed I had a new email from Em.
<<< Forget my friend, that can wait. I want to know about you. I'm glad you're happy, but are you sure? Just seems a bit quick after Graeme, is all. Don't want you to get hurt... (Unless this isn't a person you're talking about but a toy... Ew I can't believe I suggested that. I don't want to know.) And LOL that's ok. You have to come visit for my B-day tho. There is an implied threat attached to that, btw. Em. XXOO >>>>>
I decided I'd better email her back and reassure her. Even if there was every chance John would come back and look over my shoulder while I did.
<<< Of course I'm sure- since when have I been one to jump into things without thinking about them? And I'm not offended, and I know I rush things, but this has been brewing and I am SO over Graeme. It's been months!!! And he's perfect. He's absolutely perfect. Absolutely delicious! (definitely not a toy.) Gotta go; we're making dinner. And yes, I'll come home! When have I ever missed your b-day? (ps- don't answer that!) Xxoo >>>>
Sunday morning. The perfect morning for a sleep in. Except that I'd gone to bed early since John had got a call from the station right after dinner and had had to leave straight away and now I was wide awake.
I got up and had a shower, found myself singing something really daggy and catchy. I wondered why they were the songs that I always seemed to end up singing in the shower. Maybe it was a sign. God. I hoped I wasn't that lame.
I was between songs when I heard some banging. I ignored it. What sort of person knocks on doors before 10 on a Sunday morning? It wasn't even 9 yet. I was not going to hurry and answer it. Maybe if they kept knocking. But probably not.
I did a little dance as I finished getting dressed and heard another noise.
That was funny. It sounded an awful lot like my drawers in the kitchen opening.
I listened carefully for a moment, heard more noises I couldn't identify, but I came to the conclusion that it hadn't been someone at my door I'd heard, but someone breaking in. There was someone in my house. I gave up the idea of ignoring it and seeing if it went away as quickly as it crossed my mind. I needed coffee. I was not going to stay upstairs all day on the off chance there was someone robbing me.
What I really needed was a gun. Or a baseball bat.
Or, I thought, very nearly resorting to slapping my palm against my forehead, my mobile phone. Which I'd conveniently left downstairs.
I edged downstairs as quietly as I could, expecting someone to jump out at me every step of the way. Now it was deathly quiet. My heartbeat was unnaturally loud in my ears.
I made it to the hallway, edged towards the kitchen. Noises like someone was going through my fridge. What the fuck were they going to steal from my fridge? The kitchen drawers I could sort of understand. Like if they were looking for a weapon. I had some pretty big knives. But the fridge?
I peered around the door and ducked back just as quickly while there were more noises, hoping my intruder was occupied and not going to see me.
I took a longer look around the doorframe.
"John!" I burst out. He looked up from my fridge, a sheepish look on his face. "You scared the hell out of me! What are you doing here? How'd you get in?"
"I rang the bell. Guess you were singing too loud to hear me." He looked amused, shrugged. "Wouldn't have picked you for an ABBA fan."
Ah crap. "How d'you get in?" I demanded again. I was going to ignore his comment about my singing.
"You haven't fixed your back door yet. This is the second time I've got in." Oh right. Yeah. He took advantage of my dazed state to pull me to him. "I had a crappy evening without you." He murmured. "I thought we could hang out today."
His warmth against me erased all the second thoughts I might have been having. "Mmm." I agreed, leaning my head against his.
"Watch movies. Cook. Sleep. Whatever you want. Unless you have other plans?"
"No." I told him, then grinned. "And I did promise to show you the tub."
John grinned. "Breakfast first?" he asked. I nodded once. "I can't figure out your coffee machine, though."
"I can do that." I jumped up straight away. It was good to do something other than stare at John and think naughty thoughts while he cooked me breakfast.
"So." John said after a short silence. "You sing."
"Yes." I said defensively. I was blushing already. Crap crap and double crap. He nodded. Gave me a look very much like some I'd received from him the other night. I wanted to drag him back upstairs to bed.
"Cute." He said. I blinked. What was that supposed to mean? Was he being sarcastic or what? "You want me to fix your door?" He asked then.
"So I can't break in again."
"Now I know it's you, I'm not actually bothered by the fact that you're breaking in." He laughed softly.
"Yeah, but if someone other than me breaks in, you might freak them out if you try to jump them."
"I didn't try and jump you. Yet." I retorted, smiling. Now there was an image to savour. "You can fix it?"
"Sure." He said with a shrug.
"Ok. Great." I agreed. I wasn't going to tell him just yet, but a new door was probably a good idea. And then I was going to give him a key.
John wasn't half bad at breakfast. His French toast was pretty perfect. If I'd been able to find my vanilla essence then I'm sure it would have been even better.
We ate breakfast and talked the whole time. John and I had talked before, at Sarah's over dinner, at Jim's, in the street, and even the other night, but not like this. I felt for the first time that we were being totally open with each other. Or more, that it was the first time I'd really started to relax.
Afterwards we washed up - I'd wanted to leave it for later, but John insisted he helped now and I kind of liked that he did.
I went upstairs to grab a jumper, since it was a little cooler than I'd thought, and when I came back down John was searching through my bookshelves and my CD collections. I laughed at him and told him where my DVDs were.
He grinned back at me and asked me if I was going to bring a blanket for the couch, then.
My throat went dry but it was anticipation that sped up my heart.
I ran upstairs to pull the quilt off my bed, and then hurried downstairs again, tripping close to the bottom of the steps on the corner of the damn thing.
John was kneeling by the tv, holding a couple of my DVDs.
"Really?" he asked with a wince, looking at me.
"Yes." I said defensively and he started to laugh. Obviously he hadn't picked me for a trashy crime show fan. Never mind. It wasn't exactly something I told the world.
"What do you watch, then?" I asked.
He shook his head and watched me flop onto the couch. "Not this sort of stuff. I don't really know where to even start."
"The one in your left hand." I directed him helpfully. "If you don't like it we can go to the video shop."
"Ok." He said dubiously. He was probably wondering what people would think about us choosing videos to watch together on a Sunday.
I curled up next to him on the couch and during the course of the film found myself getting progressively closer to him until I was lying with my head on his lap. He stroked my hair.
I wondered how much of the movie he was taking in. I certainly wasn't thinking about it anymore. I let my fingers play along the seam of his trousers inside his thigh. He shifted slightly beneath me, as if to give me more access, and began gently scraping his nails against my skull. I shivered.
"Good bit?" John asked quietly. I looked at the screen.
"Mm?" I answered blankly. I had no idea what part of the movie we were even up to. John chuckled and I looked up at him.
"I meant right here," he said tracing the back of my neck. I shivered again.
"Oh. Yeah." He smiled at me.
Within a few minutes I was lying on John's chest, straddling his hips. His hands were in my hair and under my shirt while I unbuttoned his and our tongues tangled. I guess it was inevitable.
He slid his hands between us and I obligingly lifted up so he could unbutton my jeans. He slid his hands around to my arse and I moaned softly and rubbed against his growing erection to let him know how much I liked it.
He kneaded my cheeks for a while, began to lightly circle my pucker. My breathing hitched and I slid my hand down to his cock and began to stroke him firmly. Just being able to touch him made me so happy. John was already hard, leaking under my fingers.
John groaned and tilted his head back, away from my lips. I nibbled his collarbone instead. His hands flew to the back of my head.
"Keith," he murmured. I could feel the hitch in his breathing in the movement of his chest.
"Relax," I murmured, smiling down at him. "Tell me how you want it."
John jerked beneath me and looked up at me.
"Not likely." He murmured.
"Come on," I wheedled. I wanted so bad to do this for him, and as lame as it sounded, to please him as best I could. "Aren't you going to let me do this?"
"No." He said, smiling, but his eyes were dark and his cheeks were flushed. His pulled me back for a kiss and slid his hand back down to my cheeks. "You don't really think I'm going to stop touching you, do you?"
"Mmm," he started teasing the soft skin around my hole again and hot little bolts shot through me. Unfortunately, when he pushed his finger into me I jerked and gasped sharply before I could help it.
"You ok?" John said, sounding rather surprised.
"Yeah." I answered, leaning in for another kiss and hoping he didn't say any more about it.
"No you're not." He said with some alarm.
"I'm just a little tender." I admitted reluctantly. He looked totally blank. I wasn't actually quite that tender or sore - it had been a reflex more than anything - but I wondered if he'd ever been faced with a night after or if they'd all been one night stands.
John gave me a suspicious look.
I shrugged, but I realised that he didn't get it. I'd have bet anything that he'd only ever had quick fucks. He probably didn't have much of an idea about preparation...
He stroked my hair, but he looked unsure. "It had been a while, you know. I probably should have got you stretch me out for a bit longer first the other night. So I'm not hurt. It's just, you know, a natural side effect."
"Sure." He said quietly, but he was apprehensive. I leant forward and kissed his lips, trailed my mouth over his jaw and sucked his earlobe into my mouth.
"So we do it slowly. Really slowly. I'll tell you exactly what to do. And then," I kissed him one more and then sat up on him, grinding my erection against his. "I'm going to ride you like this..."
"Keith," he murmured as I pinched his nipples and rubbed against him faster. He gripped my hips to stop me. "I didn't mean to-"
"I know." I said gently and quietly. "Believe me, I do. It's fine. Really. And if I'd even messed around with my toys since-since I moved here, then it really would be fine. It's just been a while."
John stared at me, blinked rapidly. "Toys?" he finally repeated. I could feel his erection straining beneath me.
"Mm hm." I murmured idly as if it was nothing much, when in fact I wanted to laugh. John licked his lips.
"What-what sort of toys?" He asked hesitantly.
"Oh, you know. The usual. A couple of different dildos. Vibrator. Um... nothing much." He was staring at me like it was. I smiled slowly. We were going to have soooo much fun. I hadn't used them for ages, actually. I'd gone out and bought them when Grae was on a business trip for a couple of weeks and I'd been lonely. He couldn't figure out why I was so into phone sex that trip. He was a bit shocked when he got home. He never entirely warmed up to the idea of it, although on rare occasions he had liked to use them on me.
John pulled his shirt off suddenly and then pulled mine off too. I pulled my blanket over us and attacked his jeans.
"I don't need them anymore though." I told him idly as we rubbed our erections together, restrained by the damp cotton of our underwear. John's look was somehow both appalled and confused.
"What?" he managed, panting. I reached to pull our underwear down.
"My toys. Unless," I said slowly, wrapping my hand around our cocks and stroking them, twisting my wrist. John groaned. I caught my breath. The feeling of his cock against mine was crazy good. We were both moving our hips as if that would help. I leant forward so I could kiss him and whisper in his ear. "Unless you'd like to watch me." John's colour heightened.
"Watch you?" he repeated breathily.
I groaned at the delicious sensations as he reached and squeezed my cheeks gently. He was leaking precum and it felt wonderfully slick against my skin. It hadn't take us long at all to fall into a rhythm together.
There was a few brief moments of heavy breathing and hot friction between us before I replied. "Yeah." I said, and kissed him briefly. "Watch me lay on the bed, all exposed. Watch me touch myself. First I'll play with my nipples." John groaned softly and I ducked my head and nipped one of his to punctuate the thought. His hips jerked up harder beneath me. "Then I'll get the first drops of precum on my fingers and suck it off. The first drops are the sweetest, don't you think?" John's breath caught, his hips thrusting up to meet mine with more urgency. I scooped some of our precum off our bellies and brought it to my lips. "And while I'm sucking on my fingers I'll use my other hand to make myself so hard I'll be so close to cumming.... And then I'll let you watch me put my wet fingers inside myself, one first, and then a second. I'll stretch myself out really well. And I'll still be so hard I'll barely be able to stand it. And then when I'm good and ready, I'll take that first dildo and I'll-" John gave a half cry, sounding rather surprised, and erupted between us.
"Christ." He said when his hips had finished jerking and covered his eyes. I hadn't realised he'd been so close. I laughed softly and kissed him.
"Mental imagery was that good, huh?" I asked him.
"Well the guy in my head is good, but you should give yourself some credit." He said dryly. "You're not half bad either." I grinned. I was still hard between us.
I rested my head on John's shoulder. He sighed and cursed again softly.
"You ok?" he asked finally.
"Well, yeah." I agreed, slightly bemused.
"Good." He said, and as I was about to ask why, he moved off the couch and dumped me in a sitting position.