by Red_Jakal
Very well written with excellent believable build up. Top marks from me.
5 stars from me. The story was well written with a nice build up and a great climax (pun intended).
No need to carry on the story in my mind.
Nice progressive story and evolved into a hot mutual satisfying story. Nice touch and definitely a way to a woman's heart and soul. Been there done that and am still heart warming friends even though have moved on.
Loved it all, a very nice build up and a very sweet story.
I'll give you an extra 51/2 stars for not having the huge cock and tits that so many writer think they need to make a story.
If ever two people needed each other it's them, so I hope you have a part two.
You put this together extremely well and conclude it the way is should be done. Keep writing.
The Curmudgeon
That was an amazing story! Great pacing, characters, vocabulary, this is the kind of stuff I want to write all the time!
Bravo!
I'm sorry to say I was surprised to see your note about the story being edited, as I picked up quite a few errors throughout, e.g. 'ease dropping', 'half way' and the punctuation didn't flow . Nice story anyway.
The banter and conversations between Brandon and Claire were great! The buildup was great and probably my favorite part about the story. Keep it up and I hope you write more!
Well written and very believable first time story. Good luck in the contest!
well done very good story, I wish I was Brandon as he seems a beleivable character with a stunning intern
Claire knows what she wants and won't say 'no' until she gets it. Lucky Brandon.
I'd like to see a sequel to this story, since Brandon and Claire have a romantic relationship. I'm sure they want to experience more of each other.
Good luck in the Valentine's Day contest.
I don't give 5 stars often but this one gets them all. Great build-up. Really enjoyed it.
That was truly an excellent short story. Kudo's to you for the excellent portrayal and keeping the flow smooth and interesting. Well done!
Loved how a relationship was built up leading to that lonely night
I was pretty sad when this ended! Great story, great characters, great build-up! Brilliant! I hope you will play with these characters and/or dynamic more! The way you've written the banter is superb and humouros as well! Great connection and writing style
Very well written...nice buildup and hot sex. Very well done.
Amazing nothing more nothing less this should seriously be a movie perferably a chick flick lol
You know what is going to happen, but it is so well done I read it twice. Very well done and looking forward to your next story.
The banter between Brandon and Claire was just great! I hope you're writing more
I'm glad I searched the archives for a highly rated "First Time" story and found this gem! I have weaknesses for (a) slowly budding romances, (b) mundane but profound observational nuggets that develop the reader's understanding of the characters, (c) witty, believable dialogue, (d) caring sex, and (e) happy endings. You managed to excel on all 5 points of the star, and thereby earned 5 stars from me. I'm usually a little "retentive" about grammatical errors, especially in the stories I write, but this tale was so compelling that I gladly overlooked them and just enjoyed the ride. Thank you, Red!
Very good job with this story the slow building of the plot as well as the love was written with precision Great Story will be glad if you would write a sequel. You deserve 5stars for this
This was a fun story to read, but I kept getting distracted by the spelling and punctuation problems. I hope you can find an editor to help you with the mechanics. Your talent lies in telling a good story well, a rare talent, indeed. But the other areas count, too. As one professor used to stamp on student papers, Too Good Not To Be Better.
The word is: "eavesdropping"
And a few "to" uses that should have another "o"...
That occurs when it's an extreme. Too tall. Too smart. Too far.
Nice story. Thanks.
THe build up was great...got to know characters, slowly built up the connection between them, and the lead-up to the sex was awesome. I'd love for there to be a sequel; maybe a story under voyeurism - caught having sex in the office, group sex - Amy or Amy and Kevin jump in, or even just a continuation of their growing sex life and freaky stuff Brandon could usher Claire into.
Thanks for the gradual building and a great finish. Your portrayal of the personalities was well done. Claire came across as cute and sexy. You did a great job!
love is great dear....
"…we must love each other…
..love is caring for the other...
…in the same earth we all live…
… a great part of love is forgiveness… "
sincerely,
Elias
GREAT 1st time!
genuinely likable characters, +, as mentioned, great banter, and as also mentioned, she gets what she wants...-gradually pulling him in...with dress, comments re V-day,and noticing him noticing her
tho, a petite virgin deepthroating his NOT small 7 inches her 1st time a stretch...
easily a 5, and fave story and author-going to enjoy reading your other posts
Well done, this has been saved to my list for years but this is the first comment? I am surprised. Happy Valentine’s Day!
I have always treated Friday 13th as a lucky day to be celebrated ... looks like Brandon's lucky day is Feb 13th !!
Good premise.
Lots of good back story.
Sex really rushed though. Needed more slow foreplay/preliminaries.
Needed extensive 'exploration'. Needed her being awed by his cock. Needed learning about it with her hands and exploring how it felt to her and to him. Needed dialog during it.
Had she never watched porn? If not, why not? If so, she should have had an idea about what giving a blowjow was like.
You really need an editor/proofreader. One example, you wrote: ""Ease dropping were we?"
It's EAVESDROPPING. There others.
Four stars.