All Comments on 'Complex Relationship Ch. 08'

I hope you take this the right way - as a constructive criticism. You can tell a good story, but you don't write very well.

Every time I have to stop in mid-sentence to make sense of what you've written, or shake my head because the dialogue doesn't sound right in my head as I read it, I lose track of - and interest in - the story, which is a shame because the story itself has a lot of potential.

Your editor should be correcting your spelling, punctuation grammar, and other mistakes in addition to helping you with storytelling issues. If he or she isn't doing this, I think you need a better editor.