Complexities of Ds Relationships

A Message from a Mistress/Master - Trust

This isn't a story. I am not sure how to explain it.

It is a letter, written to no one in particular but an explanation of the power of TRUST in a very complex relationship between a Dominant Mistress or Master and a very submissive sub. No not a slave, or a pet, although they are words some uninformed may use, but a sub, one who is totally and completely submissive to her Mistress and or Master. It is written in a way where a Dom is explaining to a sub the importance of trust.

"Trust is the most important element in any relationship." It is a statement used over many years for all kinds of reasons and all kinds of relationships. Loving relationships between two or more people. Diplomatic agreements between nations. A business arrangement between two or more corporations.

But even more so when it is a Ds relationship.

And more so again, when that Ds relationship is online.

And again, more so when the two in that Ds relationship are on opposite sides of the world.

Losing that trust for any reason and the foundations on which the relationship is built becomes not only unstable but in most cases terminal.

Having made that point, I do believe that a Dom or Domme should go out of his or her way to protect the welfare of their sub, by all means possible. That should be part of her oath to their sub when she is collared. Having a formal agreement, in my mind, is essential, it can step out who is meant to do what, and what both sub and Domme/Dom should expect from the relationship.

The Dom/Domme MUST have empathy. Without empathy, there can be no Ds relationship, if the Dom/Domme doesn't know how a sub is feeling about set tasks or simple submissive requests, how can they ensure their sub's welfare is protected?

At times, it may appear to the sub that her Master or Mistress has broken their sacred oath, to protect their emotional welfare. A Mistress or Master must know their sub intimately, that goes without saying, so knowing how strong your sub is can help you frame your requests and demands. This way it is unlikely a true Master or Mistress will ever break their oath knowingly.

This is where TRUST comes into play.

Even though a sub may feel betrayed, hurt, abandoned and even cast aside. They cannot know what is in the mind of their Mistress or Master. Even if such things are spoken about.

A sub can't put herself into the shoes of a Dom/Domme. The mindset won't allow it.

I do believe that there comes a time when even the most submissive of subs need to flex their muscles. (Never in a physical sense, but metaphorically speaking.) To speak their mind, knowing how to approach that time is an important essence in communicating. All good Masters and Mistresses need to allow such times when a sub can come to them and express themselves without fear of offending.

They need to be able to express their darkest fears and their most erotic desires. The place to do so is in a warm and safe haven, in the arms of their Mistress or Master. Where they know their trust will not be betrayed.

But if it is betrayed, only the very strongest of subs are able to overcome that betrayal and forgive. It can take a lifetime to rebuild that trust. If it can be rebuilt at all. In most cases, once trust has been broken by either party, it signals the end. Not always, but nearly always.

Words alone are not enough. Actions are required.

This is where time zones and the tyranny of distance becomes your worst enemy. Nothing beats a phone call or a video call or even better a face-to-face meeting. Hearing your partner tell you they are sorry, feeling them next to you looking into their eyes, is worth more than any flowers or gifts.

This is why a long-distance online Ds relationship is the hardest of all relationships to endure.

When time is on your side. When you are 20 or 30 years old and your life is in front of you, there is time. But when you are looking backwards at what your life has been it is then you realize that every waking and sleeping moment, every word and every action is priceless.

So, TRUST needs to be understood.