Condo for Sale

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800 Castro Street. 2 beds, 2 baths, 1,340 sqft. Condo. $1.8 million. Nestled in the heart of the Dolores Heights neighborhood, this one of two condos in a classic, Victorian single-family home is perfectly located. Midway between the bustling nightlife of the Castro Village and the elegant shops and restaurants of 24th St in Noe Valley, everything is just steps away. The property is ideally placed for both work and leisure. Located on a corner lot, this light-filled property has two bedrooms, two bathrooms and an office, with expansion possibilities for third bedroom and studio. Throughout the house there are SPECTACULAR VIEWS of downtown.

How was I going to unload this, I wondered. The price was good for the district, of course, but there are only so many high rollers looking for real estate in the gay lifestyle Castro district of San Francisco. I had just finished selling off the four units in the Hill Street building. I thought Clifford would let me coast on that, but no. He plopped this Castro Street single Victorian house in my lap and said, "By next Tuesday, please."

I was stewing how I was going to unload a $1.8 million, two-bedroom house in four days when, within minutes of listing it on the Internet, Kurt Damon dropped into my lap. If it was the right Kurt Damon—the young movie star—then this was doable.

When I met them—not just Kurt Damon but two giggly, young and all eyes and smiles sidekicks, Larry Ziest and the particularly delectable Jewish boy, Benjamin Lehman, at the Castro Street café just five blocks from the property I was selling—I confirmed it was Kurt Damon, the movie star, and I relaxed on the topic of being able to afford the price. My attention then went elsewhere. I knew that Damon was gay—he'd come out in the open strongly—and the way he moved when he acted showed that he was a submissive. So were the other little darlings he'd brought with him to the meeting and the condo viewing. And they were all looking me up and down like they wanted to eat me. I saw no reason not to let them do that.

I knew, from the fan club Web sites, that Damon was twenty-two, five years younger than I was, even though he still looked young enough to play a teenager in the movies. The other two were much the same aspect and age as he was, as I confirmed through an ID check before I fucked them.

"I have a movie filming here, starting in a couple of months," Damon said. "And I've always wanted to live in San Francisco and in this neighborhood, in particular—the lifestyle, you know. And Larry and Benjamin here go wherever I go and like what I like. We do everything and everyone together." The three of them gave each other meaningful looks and giggled. "Larry's my personal makeup artist and Benjamin has a gig at the San Francisco Playhouse near here. And, my, are all Realtors in San Francisco as hunky as you?"

"No, I'm the hunkiest," I said. "And the best-hung top you can find here," I added.

The three giggled in unison.

"Do you do foursomes?" Damon asked.

"The more the merrier," I answered.

This was going to be a piece of cake—and a lot of fun, I bet.