Confessions of a Psychotherapist

I was finally on my last therapy session for the day. The last client; I'd seen her twice before at the time. She was extremely depressed and down on life. I'd diagnosed her with adjustment disorder which is a fancy and billable way to say that she was struggling with a big life change. She was married, young and very pretty, pressured to marry when she wasn't ready. She just looked sad all the time and her husband was begging her to see someone to "fix" this problem so she'd get back to doing dishes again.

She was extremely shy during our first two sessions which were all about rapport building and simply getting her to talk and loosen up. She wasn't ready to talk about her past so I decided to keep it all focused on the here and now: skill building, mindfulness, emotional awareness etc. This session was like the last two but this time I introduced "big list." A list with hundreds of ideas of new things to try or things you do already with a suggested added twist. The list is exhaustive to the point of annoyance: plant herbs, complete a crossword puzzle, etc. I told her to pick one for homework.

She studied the list, biting her lip. I watched her face as she read. Suddenly, she gets an uncomfortable look and says "masturbate?" I nod my head "yeah, that's definitely something that can make you feel a little better, keeps you grounded and provides some safe pleasure for awhile." She continues to look at the list and shakes her head with a look of disappointment, handing it back to me. She says, "I don't know, nothing looks right." I paused and let her feel the discomfort for a moment.

"You pointed out masturbation... maybe that's one to explore" I finally said. She explained uncomfortably that she already does that often, especially since her and her angry husband have been having trouble at home.

We talked about it. I tried to normalize it as much as possible to make her comfortable with idea and to just pick something. We processed the depressive thoughts she was having in the moment, preventing her from taking action to feel better. Nervously, she listened, wringing her hands and struggling to maintain eye contact. I told her the key is to do something different, something out of the box. I made a few suggestions: masturbate in the bath tub, in the car or even in bed to put on a show for her husband. Her eyes connected to mine when I said the last part, but then quickly looked away. I smiled "putting on a show?" This made her smile and giggle, a response I'd never seen.

She finally agreed to maybe try this idea but was concerned that she'd do a terrible job and he wouldn't like it and only criticize her. We took some deep breaths together and I had her walk me through the steps she'd take. She could barely get the words out. Stuttering, trembling, she manages to give a brief plan to rub her fingers over her panties with her legs spread out.

I stopped her there. "It's ok. You're in a safe place. Let's take some deep breaths. Just close your eyes. Let's walk through this together." She followed my instructions. With her eyes closed and rhythmically breathing I walk her through the plan. I asked her to move her legs into the position she would do to show me, and just place her hand and fingers over her skirt and walk me through it.

She was comfortable with that and had a guilty smile on her face. She put one leg over the arm of the comfy chair and started to paw between her legs. "Come on now, you want to get better don't you? You need to take this seriously."

She paused and squirmed uncomfortably with her eyes still closed. She pressed her hand against her skirt with just a little more effort but was still too shy and just needed a push.

"Listen... you can do this, this will help you if you just give the effort. This session is just for you and you know that everything is completely confidential. I'm here just to help you, that's all." She took a deep breath and without even being prompted lifted her skirt revealing her little green panties and milky white thighs that had never seen the sun.

She started to rub over her clit with two fingers. My cock started to bulge and she opened her eyes staring down at my pants, rubbing and rubbing more and more. "Ok that's much better" I praised. A wet spot grew on her panties as she continued to stare at my bulge. I tried to remain professional.

I asked if this was how she normally does it as she simply nodded rubbing and panting. I remind her that the purpose is to do something different. She makes a worried face and lets out a whine while she continued to stroke her fingers over her wet panties. I asked if she wanted help and she nodded with almost begging intent.

I stood beside her in the chair where she was still rubbing her clit over her panties, looking up at me. With one hand I reached down and slowly slid her panties aside and touched her soaking pussy with my two middle fingers as she gasped. I thrusted my two fingers inside her, stroking them up toward her pubic bone at the little spongy G spot. With my other hand i pulled her head back by her hair forcing her to look up at me. She panted as I slowly stroked my fingers inside her.

She was panting, still rubbing the same way at her clit. "Come on, change it up. Change the speed" I demanded. Her panting turned to excited moans as she and stared into my eyes. I begin to bang her G spot up and down and she screamed "ooooh fuuuuuuuuck" just as a warm stream soaked my hand and arm and ran down the chair.

"Ready to do this now?" i said in a stern, demanding voice. She was struggling to find her words as I pulled my soaked fingers out her. She lunged at my crotch, but I pulled her head back by her hair. "Oh no no sweetheart, we can't do that."

She sat back in her chair pouting and grunting, forcing her fingers in her pussy to finish herself off. I sat back in my chair watching her climax. After she gushed on my chair to an exhausted end, I wrapped up the session. "I think you're gonna do great! What do you think the outcome will be?" She pulled her soaked skirt back over her legs and smiled, "I think it'll make me better for sure."