Congi Len 04

Congi Len 04

[Clink, clink, go the long neck beer bottles]

"Mwahahaha!"

[Mwahahaha goes step Congi sister, Congi Teeny Tiny Tina, queen of the Congi Itty Bitty Titties!]

"Oh, I'm not even going to ask, Congi Len, but what the hell was that? And I'm asking that as someone who works behind a bar at a goth underground club!"

"(Slurp, empty slurp) darn it, my Frozen Curly Whirly Frozen Freeze is empty gain, Gigi! And that was just some crazy girl dreaming because until an actual Congi blood posts about it on Chang, I mean, it's not official (slurp, empty slurp), so?"

[Clump, slides a plastic cup filled with a fresh Frozen Curly Whirly Frozen Freeze down in front of Congi Len. And slaps a phone down too!]

"Oh, you mean like this recent posting from Suzie woozy Congi Sia Lia Mia, mother may I, hmm, Congi Len?"

[There has been a new posting on (pause) Chang from (pause) the only true blood Congi half-sister: World, please welcome "step Congi sister, Congi Teeny Tiny Tina, queen of the Congi Itty Bitty Titties", blurred out, of course! Enjoy!" End (pause) new posting]

Well, SOB!

"Two beers and two phone numbers, please."

"Oh, Mr. Goth sir, I mean, I have little experience with facial hair, but you're about one week away from a little face scaping and can I have a wrinkled $10 bill please? My private stash of Frozen Curly Whirly Frozen Freezes behind the bar is running low (slurp), so?"

[LOL, the guy with the beard actually searches his wad for a wrinkled $10 bill because that's what the booty Congi Boi asked for, tee he]

"[Snatches it quick] and a crisp $10 bill for Gigi seems appropriate as a tip since the higher gasoline prices go, the lower the neckline goes, so, I mean, I wouldn't even know how to kiss a full beard (slurp) but I do know that Gigi is wearing a shelf bra tonight (slurp), so?"

[Huh, he actually searched for a crisp $10 bill within his wad!]

"Don't tell me, you're related to that Congi belly dancer over by the black light corner, right?"

"(Slurp) I mean, knock on my front door with a full shaving kit and we'll gaze through the Congi family album afterwards (slurp), so?"

"Gigi, I'm going to pass out!"

"Hey, don't look at me like you looked at my cleavage from high gas prices, Henry, but you might want to show up with a few $10 bills in your pocket and one of them should be folded the long ways, so?"

"Oh, well, before I head into the new decorated lounge area to pass out, I mean, the belly dancer says my name is Chewy Jack, so."

They always pass out, am I right, folks?

[A guy just plops down in the barstool next to Congi Len like that's okay to do, which it is, of course since the barstool was open]

"Four long necks, Gigi my Bibi."

"Oh, so, you're just going to plop down right next to me like that the, hmm?"

"Relax, I'll just be a moment. I mean, unless you want to switch barstools with me because you're that crazy, so?"

LOL, that's the first sign that he had never met a Congi Boi! Or Congi Mom! I mean, somewhere, Congi must mean crazy, am I right, folks? And I'm asking because none of us actually know Congi means.

[Stand, slide step, slip right onto the middle of that guy's lap!]

"(Slurp) well, we can share while your precious Gigi the Bibi takes her time opening up your four long necks (Slurp, slide, slip, wiggle, slurp), okay?"

[Um, a screwed up facial expression means okay then? Maybe]

"[Wiggle, waggle, shift] can I have a $10 bill for my (slurp) next Frozen Curly Whirly Frozen Freeze from behind the bar and what's your name, hmm [slurp, wiggle, wiggle, waggle, shift]?"

"(Grunt, ooh, um, oh) I mean, the little belly dancer said my name is Truck, but it's really Turk, um [ooh, oops, is anyone watching, grunt, um, um, OMG, wiggle], so, um, crumpled, wrinkled, crisp or folded, huh?"

"(Slurp) folded half ways because your long ways fold is quite obvious! But Gigi the holy Bibi likes them crisp (slurp), so?"

[I don't know, the $10 bills were flipping out of his goth folded wad, so]

"(Slurp) Gigi the almighty Bibi, do you know this guy, Tuff Truck Turk, hmm? He has me in a mood (slurp), so?"

[Extends an arm to show the way to the smoking area outside of the side door and tee he, she snatches the rest of that goth wad while Tuff Truck Turk was distracted!]

"I mean, hurry back, tip master!"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, oops, ahh, ahh]

"Hmm, anything up to second base, Turk."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, oops, ahh, ahh]

"What, you're not sucking me off, Congi Len?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, oops, ahh, ahh]

"Sorry, I must be behind the times, of course, I'm kneeling down for you, but nothing past third base for tonight, so..."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, oops, ahh, ahh]

Well, so, what? I'm a Congi Boi and kiss dicks!

[Oomph, slush, oomph, gasp, oomph, slurp, oomph, suck, oomph, gasp, gag, ooh, gag, ooh]

And so, what if a few people watched? I mean, they were all jealous, right?

[Oomph, oops, ugh, spew, spew, spew, spew, blast, gulp, gulp, gulp, ooze, slurp, drizzle, slurp]

"OMG, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, you lap danced it out of me and that's all (wheeze), Congi Len!"

Tee he, the others got a kick out of how quick that was!

"(Gulp) hi guys, I'm Congi Len and I'm really not that good, so, tee he, no fair teasing Tuff Truck Turk on Chang, tee he, bye, guys!"

"Well, wait, we mean, we mean, we mean, we mean, hang out with us for a while, we mean, hang."

"Well, I can't do that right now because I'm shaking right now from a Frozen Curly Whirly Frozen Freeze withdrawal, but I could use a $10 bill from each of you, I mean, like one crisp and one wrinkled and one crumpled and one tri-folded, so, I mean, can I have those from you hotter than hot goth guys, hmm?"

[I GOT TO GET A NEW JOB! Like that job!]

"Oh, who is this in my barstool seat with all the hair, hmm? You should flash this hair around in front of my Congi half-brothers for our next phase of Congi cuts, sweetie, so?"

"Gigi, another shot! And you, I just lost a belly battle to that prissy little missy, Congi Bar! [Gulp!]"

"Um, Gina, meet Congi Len and Congi Len, meet Gina and did I fare with tips from the smoking area, hmm?"

[Makes it rain a little with $10 bills in a variety condition]

"Oh, try it again, Gina, but change it to hair bra, with bra on battle and flash all this beautiful hair. Also, will you be my goth girlfriend on Tuesday's, hmm?"

"No! Yes! No, yes, no, maybe, no! Gigi, another shot!"

Well, that was helpful.

"[Slides a Frozen Curly Whirly Frozen Freeze across the bar] I assume you're having withdrawals by now, Congi Len, so?"

"[OMG, slurp, slurp, slurp, brain freeze, slurp, brain freeze, passing out, slurp!] Ahh! Oh, I'm dizzy from a brain freeze, like woozy and wobbly and..."

"[Catches the dizzy and woozy Congi Len from falling backwards] I got you..."

Hold please! Ahem, somebody should post on Congi Bar's Chang page that this guy was holding me up, half leaning backwards, with ease! Resume.

"I got you from falling backwards, um, it's Congi Len, right? I mean, ta da, I also come bearing gifts, so, ta da, a fresh four pack of Twirled Tipped Double Dipped Frosty because you must be tired of those gross Frozen Curly Whirly Frozen Freezes by now!"

Well, they weren't very good, but, yay, that's boyfriend material stuff!

[Starts to lean Congi Len back up straight, but Congi Len is having none of that and leans back further]

"Ahh, say more nice things to me, um, what's your name anyways?"

"Chad. Well, it might be Nathan based on the "bra on, hair bra" battle that I just judged earlier, but you can call me Earl, Congi Len."

[Again, Chad Nathan Earl starts to straighten Congi Len back up straight, but Congi Len likes being held leaning backwards by Prince Earl Charming]

"Oh, okay, um oh, and, and, and, each fresh Twirled Tipped Double Dipped Frosty comes with its own $10 bill stuck to the condensation on the side of the tumbler cups and..."

[Congi Con peeks across and huh, the four $10 bills seem to be missing, but Gigi the sneaky Bibi has a smirk on her face. Which is a really cute face, by the way]

"Ahh, Prince Charming Earl, tell me what happened at the bra battle under the black lights and, and, and, don't let me fall backwards because if I'm injured, you might not get second date stuff on our first date, so, ahh, tell it to me slowly and carefully then. And we need four more $10 bills, but, ahh, hold me and tell it, Earl."

[Um, four paper $10 bill airplanes came swooping in and across the short bar, I mean, I just narrate the scenes, so]

"Oh, Gina won because you know, boobs and all, but and get this, that little belly dancer, Congi Bar, said the prize was that Gina was your new roomie!"

[Damn, Congi Len half way slipped out of Chad Nathan Earl's grip]

"And, and, and as the other prize, I mean, whoop, whoop, Gina walked with a $500 gift card to the "Edged Weapons Shop" on the Strip! I mean, how cool is that, Congi Len? Congi Len? Um..."

"Oh, Congi Len passed out, Chad Nathan Earl, from hearing that, so, tee he, carry him in the lounge area and tee he and report back if his booty is as soft as it looks since that's where you're going to grab him as you carry him, ahem, I mean, he needs to lay down, Chad!"

Well, I never thought about here being prizes and all.

"[Rap, rap] three long necks, Gigi [whistles and waits]."

"That's $12 for the three long necks, $10 for my gas and a 10 spot for my new bar back, Dan, so?"

"[Oh, so, that's how you make it rain with $10's then!] Shut it, Gigi, a mouth is a mouth!"

"[Snatches and counts the rain drops] that might be true, Dan, but he's taken for the next couple of days, however, I could use my influence..."

[My bad! That's how you make it rain $10's]

"Cha-Ching! Gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, new shoes, gas, gas, gas, fuck, hear ye, hear ye, hear ye one and all, I'm officially claiming skate to and as step Congi sister, Congi Bibi Gigi Jeanie Jaye!"

[Weep, incoming text from the only true Congi blood half-sister]

"Shalom, my half-sister. Gently bow to your half-brothers and congrats!"

I mean, I don't know, I was passed out in the lounge area and being treated by Chad Nathan Earl and step Congi sister, Congi Teeny Tiny Tina, queen of the Congi Itty Bitty Titties, so, don't ask me.

And tell, tee he, the rest of my other half Congi brother Boi's that I was passed out the entire time and have no idea how our crazy Congi family grew by two!

End Congi Len 04