Consequences of Chrissie's New Love

After four months of delay, our first real day in court, to finalize the divorce, came up. Before either of our attorneys could say a word, Judge Johnson asked if Chrissie or I had been to any counseling. The two attorneys admitted that there had been none. So, the judge requested eight sessions of marital counseling. Neither Chrissie nor I opposed the sessions. For me, I thought they were a waste of time, but I didn't want to piss off the judge. On the other hand, I couldn't help but feel that Chrissie still believed that she could convince me or maybe the therapist that what she was doing was right.

The first meeting with the therapist, Ann Patterson, proved to be precisely what I thought it would be. Chrissie spent most of the hour trying to explain that what she was doing was the "Christian" thing to do. I thought the therapist was going to swallow her eyeteeth the first time Chrissie launched into her explanation. I believe it was Chrissie's arrogance that truly shocked Ann.

The second week, Ann began gently probing Chrissie's arguments. She asked if she thought it would be fair if I went out and started having sex with a woman. I cringed, waiting for the attack on my manhood. But this time, it wasn't going to fly. Chrissie didn't answer right away, but I didn't care what she said.

During the months that the divorce had dragged on, I had made some changes. I know it sounds vain, but when you've been told by the woman you love that you aren't good enough, you desperately want to prove her wrong. So, I took the plunge and had hair transplant surgery. I didn't require a lot of it, but it still cost about four thousand dollars.

I was really back and forth about whether to have the hair procedure. I didn't know if I wanted to put up with the teasing. However, I was still using my vacation time, so I went for it. As near as I understood the procedure, my hair was buzz cut, then plugs were pulled out of the back of my head, and planted in the front. I pretty much stayed in the house for the first week. My kids didn't know what to make of me and asked a bunch of questions. I just told them that it was a minor medical procedure. After about ten days, I looked pretty much like my old self, and each week after that, the hair got longer and longer.

After the procedure was mostly healed, I started an exercise routine. I also started to run. At first, I could only go about a half mile before I felt like my lungs would explode, and my legs would collapse out from under me. Eventually, I got up to where I could run ten miles. I also joined a gym.

I changed the lunch and supper menu in our house so that we were all eating healthier. The kids groused at first because I cut out the fast foods, cookies, ice cream, pizza, and many other junk foods. However, I did some searching on the internet and found some fun foods to cook. They loved it when I surprised them with something new that also tasted great. Some of the concoctions didn't turn out so great, but we laughed about those, scrapped them into the garbage, and made sandwiches. As it turned out, my kids loved helping me in the kitchen. It became a real family thing.

Aside from the pain that still burned in my heart because of Chrissie's betrayal, I was beginning to feel better and better about myself. In fact, the first day back at work, I got a real ego boost. I checked in at the office to see what they had scheduled for me, and the receptionist, Trudy, welcomed me back with a strange look. I thought she was going to give me grief about my new hair, but she didn't.

"Welcome back, Ron," she chirped, and then her eyes started studying me. "There's something different about you."

I blushed a little. "Oh, I've been on a diet. I've lost eighteen pounds. I want to lose maybe another five."

She laughed and nodded. "Well, it really suits you. If I wasn't married, I'd be all over you."

"Thanks for the ego boost, but according to my wife, I'm just a middle-aged man with no sex appeal. So much so, she's found herself a lover," I tried to make a joke out of it, but it came out flat. By now, everyone in the company knew about my plight.

Storm clouds crossed over Trudy's eyes. "Chrissie is an idiot. Either that or she has a screw loose. You're a great guy Ron, and there are plenty of women out there who would be thrilled to have you. Don't let Chrissie get in your head."

That was the best shot in the arm I had gotten in months. Suddenly, I didn't feel like such a loser.

I snapped back to the present when Ann asked my wife again, "Chrissie, how would you feel if Ron had come home and told you that he was sleeping with another woman?"

As I mentioned, I was waiting for Chrissie to attack my manhood, but she didn't. I did see her eyeing me during our first meeting. I guess she could no longer say that I had thinning hair and was overweight. That was another boost to my ego.

Anyway, I just sat in my chair and waited as Chrissie seemed to be thinking about what to say. She couldn't very well say that I couldn't have another woman if she had another man.

"I guess if he was trying to help that woman get over some tragedy," she said with arrogance, "I would be okay with it."

"What if he told you that he loved this woman and that the sex was very good."

"Again, I would accept it," Chrissie insisted. "However, he would have to assure me that the children and I would be taken care of."

The session continued on like that with Ann trying to get Chrissie to see that her position was really ridiculous, but Chrissie refused to budge. As I feared, these sessions were just a waste of time. Chrissie was just going to use them to try to convince me that she was right. That was never going to happen. And as it was, the initial shock of what Chrissie was doing had begun to wear off. It's a funny thing about love. If it isn't nurtured, it begins to die.

By the third week, something had changed. Chrissie came into the session much subdued and said little. Mostly she just listened. Whatever had changed, it had set Chrissie back a bit. Maybe she wasn't as arrogant now because Ann was calmly and compassionately challenging her entire premise at every point. I also saw Chrissie checking me out when she didn't think I'd notice. I continued to work out and lost a few more pounds. I'd even begun doing a lot of work in the yard, which had given me a great tan.

A couple of months before the therapy sessions had been ordered, I made another change. I was becoming dissatisfied with my job. Oh, I loved fixing cars, and not just the engines. I got tremendous satisfaction doing bodywork. I had been fixing old cars up since I was fourteen years old. I could do it all. Now, I saw owning my own business as a means to being able to spend more time with my kids.

I talked it over with Sam, and he agreed to help me. I wanted to set up my own shop and start building a business. But I couldn't just quit my job and do it. I didn't have the money to carry me until the business would sustain us. We'd starve before I could make a go of it. However, since Sam's farm was also in an industrial zone, he agreed to let me start my business in his workshop. Actually, Sam's tinkering shop had once been a barn for horses that he had converted. There was plenty of space for Sam and me. If I got the business established, Sam agreed to lease me a piece of land, on the road, to build my own building.

I spent time at work studying how they had things set up. The dealership was basically set up to handle a higher volume than I was anticipating. They did a little bodywork at the dealership location, but much of it was subbed out. With this in mind, I scaled down what I needed in the matter of tools and equipment. One thing for sure, I'd need to build a paint booth. Sam was not only okay with that but actually helped me construct it. I spent the savings I had liberated from our joint savings plus a small loan from Sam to finance the venture.

I started part-time, mostly on the weekends and evenings. It was fun, and the kids would come out many times to watch or even help. I really enjoyed teaching Ron-Ron how to do things. Even Sally got her hands dirty and loved to tell her girlfriends how she helped changed out an engine or helped paint a Corvette. That also made her more interesting to the boys at school. I got business by word of mouth, and soon, I was wondering if I shouldn't strike out full time. That decision actually came to a head when I was told that they needed me to work over the weekend to get some backed up work out. I couldn't do it because I had customers of my own that I needed to take care of. I figured I was going to get fired when I went in to tell Bob that I couldn't work because I had my own business obligations.

"Got a minute, Bob?" I asked as I stuck my head into his office.

"Sure, Ron," he waved me in. "I'm glad you're working this weekend. We've got forty-four cars coming in this Friday, that have been sold, and need to be gone over from top to bottom. We have to get them out by the end of the month."

I winced a little when he told me that. Most people don't realize that the factories have special incentives for dealerships. If they sell a certain number of cars in a month, they get a discount off the invoice. For instance, the factory could say if you sell three hundred vehicles this month, we'll take a hundred and fifty dollars off your cost. That's a forty-five-thousand-dollar saving. That money in the owner's pocket. But if the dealership only sells two hundred and ninety-nine, they get nothing. This was a big deal to the dealership.

"That's just it, Bob," I said and could immediately feel the sweat dripping down my back. "I can't work this weekend. I sort of have started my own business on weekends, and I've got stuff I need to get done."

"I'm sorry, Ron," Bob said curtly, "but if you can't work this weekend, I may have to let you go."

"I understand, Bob," I said with resignation. "I just hope there are no hard feelings. I have been trying to build up a business of my own. I want to spend more time with my kids and make a little extra money for their college funds. I'll clean out my locker."

"I hate to lose you, Ron," Bob said sadly. "Tell me about your business. Where are you located, and what kind of jobs are you doing?"

I explained that I had set up my operation on my father-in-law's property and told him what equipment and tools I had. Actually, I was set up to do just about any kind of car repairs, including bodywork.

"Go get yourself a cup of coffee and then come back here," Bob said as he reached for his phone.

I didn't want any coffee, so I went to my locker and put all my stuff in a box. Losing this job meant that it was going to be slim pickings for a bit. The kids would have to be put on Chrissie's health insurance plan as I had taken her off of mine. Still, I was confident that I could make it. I was turning away almost as much business as I was taking in.

Bob motioned me into his office when he saw me coming down the hall.

"I've got a deal for you, Ron," he said excitedly. "If you will work this weekend, we'll reimburse you for any money you lose because your customers are unhappy."

"No," I shook my head, "I couldn't do that to my customers, Bob,"

"Hold your horses, I'm not done," Bob said as he slid a piece of paper across the desk. It was an independent Contractor's agreement.

"I really need you this weekend. I also think you can convince your customers to wait a few days. If you can do that, and your shop passes our inspection, we'll hire you as an independent contractor to do some of our bodywork."

I was stunned, but I took the deal. After that weekend, I was basically working full time at my business. Occasionally, I would go into the dealership if they had a problem, and I wasn't busy. Also, Sam started helping me part-time, and Mary agreed to do my books. I was now making more money than I ever had working for the dealership.

The only thing that was still screwed up in my life was my marriage. And after the fourth counseling session, I wanted to put an end to them. I was pretty much beyond caring what Chrissie was doing with her new love. Oh, don't get me wrong, it still stung when I would stop and think about the fact that my wife was with another man. But I wasn't stopping to think about it as often.

It was in our fifth session that I decided I was going on the offensive. I figured if I attacked Chrissie hard enough, she might choose to put an end to these wasteful sessions. I decided to confront her on the most hurtful thing that she had said to me -- that I was basically too ugly to attract another woman.

When Ann asked if I had anything to say, I lit into Chrissie.

"Chrissie, I've decided that you are not only a totally selfish person, but you're basically a very nasty person," I said with venom. "How dare you tell the man you supposedly love that he is an ugly middle-aged man who no woman would ever want. You hurt me in a way that I don't think I'll ever get over."

"Oh God, Ron, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so ashamed that I ever said that. If I could take it back, I would. I do love you."

"Just not enough to give up your lover," I snapped back.

Chrissie burst into uncontrollable sobbing. No matter what Ann or I said, we couldn't calm Chrissie down. Eventually, Ann called an end to the session but gave us homework to do before our next one. I wasn't looking forward to it because by now, I figured these sessions were absolutely a total waste of time.

The "homework" was simply to answer a series of questions. Some of them I understood like how was our relationship with our parents. How was our sex life? Some of the questions didn't make any sense to me, like what my favorite food and drink were? What kind of vehicle did I drive? But the one question really caused me to sit back and think. It was if I could change one thing, what would it be? I had been working on this questionnaire the night after that last session, but I put it away after I read that question. I wanted to think about that one for a bit.

The next day, I finally wrote that I wished I had been a better husband, so my wife wouldn't have stopped loving me.

We turned the papers in at our next session, but Ann didn't even look at them. Instead, she started by asking if we had any questions or if there was something that we'd like to discuss.

"I'd like to ask Chrissie a question," I said immediately.

Ann nodded at me, and I turned to face my estranged wife. "Chrissie, I don't see that we're getting anywhere with these sessions. You've made it consistently clear that you're not going to leave your friend Bruce Hartman and that leaves no chance for reconciliation. Why don't we just stop this and get the divorce done?"

"How do you know his name," Chrissie asked in shock.

"That first time you came over to visit the kids, I got his license number. After that, it wasn't hard to find out his name. But it doesn't really matter. I have no interest in getting back at him or even talking to him. I just don't care anymore. I want to move on."

Chrissie looked up at me with the saddest eyes I think I've ever seen. I hated seeing her in pain, and I wanted to go over and hug her. But I knew that wouldn't solve anything, so I continued.

"I know your lawyer hasn't been happy with the settlement I've offered so far. Well, I've told my attorney to offer some alternatives. I'm willing to alternate every two weeks living in the house with the kids. I'm also offering to pay you fifteen hundred dollars a month in alimony for three years."

I watched Chrissie for a reaction, but all I saw was just a terrible sadness. She had made it perfectly clear to me that she wasn't going to stop seeing the guy, and I couldn't and wouldn't accept my wife having sex with another man. For the life of me, I just didn't understand how she could possibly think that I would live with a situation like that? At this point, it didn't matter. I just wanted out.

I decided to push to end this farce. "I know that what you said about me was partially true. It did hurt like hell when you said it, and I did tell you that I didn't think I'd ever get over that. But as time goes on, I realize that I am getting over it. Anyway, as you can see, I've tried to fix myself up. I don't think that I'm the man you thought so little of when you took up with Bruce. I've also started dating. After we're divorced, you can take care of your gentleman friend for as long as you want. But I think it's time to end this, if for no other reason, so you can start to rebuild a relationship with your kids."

With that, Chrissie burst into tears and fled the room. Ann looked as stunned as I was. Finally, Ann composed herself and told me that she wanted to see Chrissie by herself for the next session and then me alone for the last session. With a sigh, I agreed.

When Chrissie unloaded all this shit on me, I was furious and filled with hate. But now, months after the fact, I was just worn out. I could see the pain this whole thing was inflicting on not only me, but Chrissie, her parents, and most of all our children. I wanted that to stop. I also was no longer furious that Chrissie was fucking some guy.

When I arrived for my final meeting with Ann, I was not only happy that Chrissie wasn't there but also glad that this would be the end of the counseling.

"Ron, I want to commend you for your restraint through all these sessions," Ann began. "I know this entire situation has been unbelievably painful for you. After meeting with Chrissie last week, I think I finally understand what happened to your wife."

I was now sitting on the edge of my chair. Finally, maybe I'd learn why Chrissie decided to destroy our marriage.

"Do you remember the homework I gave you?" she asked.

I just nodded. I had forgotten about it and figured that it had been of little value in these counseling sessions.

"The way you both answered one particular question surprised me," Ann said as she pulled two pieces of paper from her folder. "The question was if you could change one thing, what would it be? Do you remember that?"

I nodded.

"You answered that you wished you could have been a better husband so that your wife wouldn't have stopped loving you. When Chrissie heard that, she broke down and cried harder than ever. It took me quite a while to calm her down."

I didn't know what to think or say or do, so I just sat there.

"Ron, your wife, never stopped loving you."

"Yeah, that's why she continues sleeping with Bruce because she loved me so much."

Ann gave me a disapproving look but then sighed. "Ron, what I discovered about Chrissie was that she was going through a severe mid-life crisis. As the children were getting older, Chrissie felt her life slipping away from her. She is, and I suspect, she has always been a warm and caring person. Somewhere along the line, she found Bruce, who needed her terribly. She confused her desire to be young again and Bruce's terrible need for forgiveness over his wife's death for love."

"That doesn't change anything, Ann," I protested. "She's still sleeping with Bruce."

"Actually, no, she's not, Ron.

"Really?" this was news to me. "Then why didn't Chrissie tell me?"

Ann sighed. "I know this isn't going to change your feeling at this point, but you need to know the whole truth. Bruce left town the same day that you told Chrissie that you were going to start dating, and you just wanted to get on with the divorce. She figured that she had already lost you."

I thought about that, but Ann was right, it didn't change my mind. There had been too much said and done to go back. I had my life on track now, and I wanted to move forward. I would never be able to trust Chrissie again, and I didn't want to live like that. But aside from anything else, I wanted it so the kids could, hopefully, start bonding with their mother again. Sally's grades had slipped badly since this whole mess had started, and I was sure that she was still angry at her mother. Kyle had become sullen and withdrawn and was acting out in school. This was perhaps the worst consequence of Chrissie's actions. Kyle was no longer that "happy go lucky" kid. Ron-Ron was handling it the best of all. He wasn't angry or sullen. But any time his mother's name came up in a conversation, he changed the subject. Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps his reaction is worse than the two girls. I just don't know.