Contest

"Well, let's move on," Lula May said.

"Yes. Let's." Lurlene said, with a little more enthusiasm than I thought necessary. Glorie Sue was quickly pushing my legs apart, telling me to raise my knees and getting between them. When they were in position there was silence for a time as Glorie Sue studied the subject and decided what to say.

"It's nice to see a fully furnished cock," she said.

"What do you mean by fully furnished?" Lurlene asked.

"Ah, foreskin and hair, he still has it all." Sometimes it's not good and I have to recommend circumcision. Judges like them visible and accessible. The hair is good, he has very little body hair but there's a lot of pubic hair. That gives us a lot to work with. She picked up my cock and moved it around. She looked at my balls and rolled them around.

"The sack is generous, see how his balls hang? That is really good."

"Why?"

"Definition. Underneath all that hair you can actually see his balls and their shape. They can be held. A lot of judges like to hold them while they're emptying. I know that Mr. Sea Urchin's hung down a long way."

"Ok."

"They desperately need a shave though."

"Should he be manscaped?"

"He could be either- he'd look ok pretty boyed too. If he had extensive body hair the only option would be manscaping because it looks weird having hair everywhere but not around his cock."

"I'd like him manscaped first," Lula May said.

"Can I do it?" Lurlene asked.

"I want to," Glorie Sue said, "I've always wanted to do Augie". I lay there watching them, wondering what would happen next. Then Lula May said,

"I think Glorie May should shave his balls and Lurlene can do the rest. We don't want any mistakes, do we?" and they laughed. "I want photos of it too," she said. Lula May quickly took the photos as Lurlene prepared for the shaving. Glorie Sue fondled my balls, not giving up her position, as she waited.

"I've been trying to get my hands on these for ages," she said with a laugh. "They're all of what I was hoping for, so far!" I giggled, the feel of her hands on my balls was hypnotic. My cock stirred, it was threatening to inflate and embarrass me. Lula May and Lurlene were ready and stood to listen." They're nice and firm." She had a naughty little chuckle. "We'll see why soon. It's not only about presentation. If you can present yourself well, you'll do well, but presentation relates to function. That applies to everything in life, I think, and if we can have fun along the way, so much the better. That's the criteria of judges. It's a lot of fun. Mr. Fire Hose functioned very well. It was fitting. The audience loved it. Mr. Six Shot Shooter was wonderful too- so much stamina, his wasn't the prettiest but he scored high with function. The ladies loved him, and so did some of the men. It took me ages to get him that way, lots of practice and I painted his equipment so it looked like a gun," Glorie Sue said. Hardly the subject for Earth Day, I thought.

"How did you do that?" Lurlene asked.

"I painted him first and when I was happy with the design I used dye, it took a lot of working out. I have pictures in my case, I'll show you after."

"Ok."

"Now, let's get moving." She picked up the shaving cream and gave my balls a squirt. It made me jump, it was so cold. Then she had the razor in her hand. "You're not going to use that, are you?" She had a cut throat razor and it looked dangerous.

"Sure, why not? I always use this one and it's been sterilized." I was frozen with apprehension. She rubbed the shaving cream around my balls. It felt lovely, like a prayer before an execution.

"You hold the razor like this. Then pull the skin of his sack out and down and like this, with gentle pressure." I felt the sharp of the razor slide down my ball sack. Lurlene watched carefully.

"Watch again. I just love shaving balls." Her proficiency was evident. I started to relax. She slowly shaved them and a little around. They were as bald as light globes. Then she cleared some of the tangle from around my cock.

"That's the shaving done. Now we use the clippers." It was quick.

"There you are- manscaped!"

"Wow." Lurlene was impressed. We only have to clean up. Lula May had the bowl of water and she washed off the soap and decapitated hair. Photos were taken.

"I'm glad you're taking the photos- I need them for my album."

"I'm hoping to get copies too," Lurlene said with a laugh. I felt a little odd about being a film star.

"Do you see how accessible he is now?"

"Sure do! It's wonderful." I had a look with the mirror and it did look impressive, a real fighting machine. It looked like it was ready to take on any marsupial and would win.

"Now we'll do the rest. Lurlene, it's your turn with the razor." I had a feeling that I'd be better off with Glorie Sue doing it, better the devil I know and I was about to say something but Lula May said,

"Yes." She changed places with Glorie Sue and after telling me to get my legs further apart she started soaping me up. At least she was proficient with that. Then Glorie Sue put the cut throat in her hand, showing her how to hold it and Lurlene started. She held my cock up and shaved around, stroke by stroke, I held my breath as I waited. I was already outnumbered as a male in the house and had visions of me joining the women of the house to outnumber me even more.

"Legs up," she said and Glorie Sue quickly had my knees on my chest as Lurlene shaved through. All was done and I could breathe again. I checked with the mirror and it all looked very exposed and vulnerable.

"I'm a little concerned, Glorie Sue announced. They looked at her and she drew herself up to make an announcement. As yet we haven't had the pleasure of an erection. I'd been battling not to have one. That's either huge self control which is good, or incapacity which is terrible." They were cleaning me up and looking concerned. I could have reassured them that it had taken an enormous amount of self control but thought it wise to say nothing.

"The judges don't like any suggestion of incapacity. I remember with Mr. Exploding Blunderbuss the guy with the best attributes, and they were huge, didn't win because he didn't perform for one of the judges before the event. He was fine during the event, the audience was out of their seats cheering when they saw it and when they saw him explode his blunderbuss they were throwing their panties and bras on the stage for him."

"Why would they do that?" Lurlene asked.

"You didn't tell me she was so naïve, Lula May. Each of them had a phone number on it Lurlene. He didn't win the competition but he enjoyed himself after. Not as much as the winner though. Mr. Exploding Blunderbuss was very busy, he sold so many pictures and videos of himself exploding and, of course, many prefer to be participants rather than members of an audience. He could have spray painted the hall." They laughed. I hadn't realized that Glorie May had changed positions with Lurlene. She was sliding the skin up and down, as though it wasn't something she was aware of.

"Have a look, this is good. See how the foreskin locks its self up tight at the end and when I slide the skin down it easily lets the head through? If any man is going to have a foreskin, that's how it should be. Look at the head too; it's big and meaty which is good. We've yet to see what it's like erect though. If he were a serious contest contender I'd get his cock trimmed- with a foreskin it's ambiguous." A cold chill went through me and I shuddered. I had no thought of having a circumcision but the persuasive powers of the other members of my household were, too often, more than I could withstand.

I prepared a guy for the Mr. Projectiler contest and he insisted that he keep his skirt. He was capable of squirting ten feet. We practiced over and over before the event but when he was on stage he forgot everything and when it was his turn to impress he forgot, his skirt was in the way and it simply dribbled out onto the floor. He scored a zero. Audiences can be funny. They like to see everything without the suggestion of anything being hidden but they also like to see the pop of the head as the foreskin is pulled down. Personally, I love them, they're so soft, like velvet, and beautiful. But contests are contests and rules apply." She was fondling my cock, watching how the head appeared through the foreskin.

"Let's get it up and going," Lula May said.

"Yes, erect and flowing," agreed Glorie Sue. "I'd love to see what's in these balls." Lurlene giggled as she watched Glorie Sue's hands become purposeful. The movement dictated that there be a response and quickly my cock was erect. They were all pleased. Glorie Sue didn't stop, she continued, to the delight of Lulene and Lula May who exchanged grins. I tried not to respond but Glorie Sue was skilled and as she wiped her top lip with her tongue my cock was twitching.

"I've always wanted to do this Augie," she said. "It won't be long now." Lurlene and Lola May craned for a better view. My hips lifted.

"Here it comes." Suddenly it rushed and I was squirting. I felt a mixture of embarrassment and pride as it shot out of me and splashed on Lurlene. I could see the look on Glorie Sue's face, the mixture of pride and professionalism, that she'd been able to show her skills and get me going. I could see her assessing my effort. I don't remember much after that. It had become cold with the rain falling more heavily and as they talked of their assessments I got dressed. I was deeply embarrassed.

In the morning I was late into the shower again and had to wait. It had rained all night and it was still raining.

"Lift your leg, Lula May," I heard Glorie Sue say.

"Why don't you use a disposable razor, Grandma?"

"She's a professional."

"But you can be a professional with a disposable razor too."

"It doesn't look nearly as good though."

"I'll color your butterfly tonight, Lula May"

'Good. Thank you."

"What time is it?"

"We have to fly."

"What about me?"

"Tonight, Grandma."

"Unless Augy can do it."

"Augie. Stop skulking around out there. Come and shave Grandma."

"Oh yes, good idea," I heard Gloria Sue say.

"I'm sick of you hanging around and not helping." Lula May sounded angry. Chastened, I went in. There was still steam wafting around which gave a soft focus to everything. Six breasts confronted me. Lula May turned to the mirror to continue her makeup. Lurlene was climbing into her clothes. Glorie Sue sat on the edge of the bath tub watching me.

"Ready to start?" she asked.

"Why don't you do it on the kitchen table?" Lurlene asked.

"Good idea," Lula May agreed. We went to the kitchen. Glorie May had the equipment. She filled the bowl with warm water, got onto the table and with her legs spread wide suggested that I might like to start. I got between her legs and soaped her up. I'd never seen her naked before and it was a little more than I'd expected. Obviously she hadn't been shaved for a while.

"How do you want it?" I asked.

"All off please she said.

"Ok." I started drawing the razor through the foam and hair. It was intimidating to have such a responsibility. She watched, I guess for any mistakes. I was careful. Lula May and Lurlene emerged from the bathroom and grabbed something to eat. They stood around and watched as they ate.

"Dad, it's not going to bite you." They laughed. Lula May suggested that the skin needed to be stretched out to get a close shave. She patiently explained that Glorie May had kindly offered to start interviewing the support people today. I continued to shave and pulled the skin around in as gentlemanly fashion as I could.

"I've got to go."

"Me too," and Lula May, with Lurlene, quickly left us.

"Now we're alone and you can do it properly. When you do a shave you should also do a check, you look at everything so you know all is well and in my line of work you also check the function."

"Well, you tell me what to do and I'll do it." Her butterfly may well have been bigger and better than Lurlene's, but she didn't have to demand that I tell her that and her clit may have been bigger than Lula May's but she really didn't need me to tell her. Assessing function wasn't easy, the clitoral orgasm wasn't too bad but being hosed off by a g spot orgasm was more than I wanted. I had to change my clothes. The rain continued to pour. Finally dressed, she was in the car and heading for her interview at the hall. I was pleased to be alone. Apparently she was able to get into the hall. I have no idea why she did though. About half an hour after she did I got a phone call.

It was Bob from the General Store telling me that the creek had come up and turned the Hall over. From the Hall, on old wooden beds, members of my family emerged, all in the middle of their interviews, oblivious of their sudden transportation. It was a spectacle for the patrons at the pub.

I had to drive along the creek and find them. I pulled Lurlene out of the creek first. It also meant rescuing one of the judges. Further along, I found Glorie Sue in her fishnet stokings and one high heeled shoe. I felt like leaving her there but rescued her along with a prospective wardrobe manager. Further along the creek I found Lula May. The others were too cold to help but the prospective judge caught a rope I threw to him and I was able to rescue him and Lula May.

I was so fortunate that no one had drowned. I decided that there were too many people in the car and threw out the prospectives so they could walk home. I figured that as they had such a big interest in seeing members of my family naked they could be generous with their nudity too.

I announced that regardless of whether the hall would be returned to its site, the contest was going to be cancelled. As the only one in the car with clothes on, I felt empowered. There was no murmur of protest, they acquiesced to my demand, and I said to Lurlene that if she still wanted to be involved with contests she could pack up and go- I wasn't looking for glitter in her life or mine, I was looking for substance and that I wanted her to earn it.

Glorie Sue wanted to say something but thought better of it. I told her that I'd help her to leave when we got home. I had a big idea that our happy family was fine before she started talking to Lula May. The phone bill was something I was dreading. When we got home they all wanted showers and one by one they warmed up under them. Then they, with modesty, found clothes that were bulky and warm.

Glorie Sue came to me and I was about to tell her to bugger off when she said she was sorry and that contests were no longer going to be a part of her life. She felt humiliated that she'd been caught cheating by almost everyone in town through the pub window, as they watched her sail down the creek, fucking a contest official. She said she felt humiliated. I let her stay the night. Next day she asked how she could redeem herself. I told her that it wasn't for me to know but for her to volunteer.

"I know you have had trouble finding someone to work on the farm," she offered tentatively. There were tears rolling down her cheeks. I gave her two months probation. Perhaps we could plant those trees for Earth Day which would be a lot more honest than being false for a competition. Lula May was also contrite and begged that she stay within our marriage.

Later that day, I wondered. What did the contest cost? I mean, not in terms of money, but in other things. I can't say what, there are some things I can't define.