Control Cycle: C POV 01

Authors note: The story started with all 4 main characters perspectives but I didn't know how to implement it in a clean way and I felt like it got too repetitive, so I'll post each perspective separately to add a sense of mystery as you aren't given all the pieces of the story and you'll have to later connect or theorize why certain things happen or people have certain motivations. Let me know if it's too obvious though. Also, if it isn't too obvious mind control/hypnosis does play a role in this story and I haven't seen a hypnosis story that's written in this perspective LMK if there is one. Also, if your reading this that means I finally removed enough snuff/torture like parts from this, this is also a warning, it can get intense.

Christian's POV

I stood as everyone stared at me, it was my turn to talk, before me was a group of people sitting in these stupid metal folding chairs in this large warehouse/school-gymnasium looking building. Some of them I knew and of some them I didn't, regardless I felt surrounded and the idea of describing my past to them made my stomach churn. I clenched my fist knowing that I may be judged, that I may be ridiculed but I knew I'll come out of this stronger than before and that they will help me do so.

"For those who don't know me I'm Christian but call me Chris," I waited a moment in deafening silence. "What's wrong aren't you guys supposed to be like Hiiiii Chriss in a monotone voice, like they do on TV." It was a cheap joke and I only got a few laughs, but it helped cut the tension.

"I... I was once told that having strength... that being strong didn't have to be a physical aspect, don't get me wrong it's still about how hard you can be knocked down and get back up, but not all hits come from a fist. In a span of 6 years I lost so much... too much, and well um... my professor once told me that the strongest thing I could do is to be the most reliable person at a funeral, to have a strong enough shoulder to help shoulder the suffering of others."

"I was able to do it well the first few times, but it... it just kept happening." A tear rolled down my cheek as I willed myself forward.

"All too soon and all too fast, the burden became too heavy to bear, and before I knew it I couldn't shoulder my own pain. That's when I started losing more than my family, my job, my house, my old love. That's... well that's when I started using. I had a friend, well she's still my friend and I'm not blaming her and I won't use her name for obvious reasons, but she introduced me to it, she knew my pain and I knew she was just trying to help. After a year my friend did me a favor, she stopped selling to me and I couldn't be more grateful.

For three more years instead of facing my problems, I drowned myself in an intangible mirage of happiness. Every morning I was on the streets with my hands cupped begging... begging for money to buy food... but I didn't use it on food.

One day someone didn't drop spare change in my hands, I got real change, a hand from someone who was willing to help me change myself. Through thick and thin, she helped me, she gave me her shoulder to help carry my burdens. A day doesn't go by where I don't thank her, as a matter of fact I already said this before coming here today, but I'll say it again thanks Kate... I owe you everything. A day doesn't go by where I don't remember those days of my past and a day doesn't go by, where I don't thank god and her that I'm here today.

"It's ironic or I guess you can call it lazy, that this is the same speech I gave on my last day of rehab, but I think it's fitting and I think you all should know who I am, or rather who I was. This is a new chapter in my life or should I rather say our lives." I grabbed Kate by the hip and brought her close being extra careful to not tear her white dress.

"And I know it'll be rough but I'll be strong and embrace this change, and... um well I guess all that's left to say is Cheers, Cheers to Strength and Change. Now let's cut this wedding cake."

*****

Ding! Ding! Ding! I grudgingly woke up to the alarm on my phone, my back felt numb and I was still tired. I put it on snooze and got up to my back up alarm.

"Another day, Another dollar and another fight, another night on the damn sofa." I grunted chuckling from my own joke. I grabbed my phone to check the time, but my eyes focused on the background image. I gazed at the photo I took of Kate in her wedding dress. To think it's been 2 years since then and a year since the doctor told us I couldn't have kids, now we fight almost every night, but I couldn't hate her... I never could... ever since she saved me.

I went to the kitchen to cook up some food for the both of us, but I doubt she would eat it fresh, she won't be awake for a couple more hours. She quit her job a while ago, I've been providing for the both of us ever since. She quit to pursue her passions but recently she's just been partying it up every night in town. If I'm with her and she's happy... I'm happy.

I started to hear an all too familiar annoying weird voice in my head, "lies." but I refocused my thoughts.

She asked me to get her a new ring because "The one I got her kept getting in her way." So, I was saving up for another one. I understood and didn't want to object to her.

The voice returned, "Lies." I clenched my fist around the knife as I took it and a cutting board from the dishwasher.

She's been wearing more revealing clothes recently, I guess it might be an extra hot winter. She obviously wanted a kid, she was already prepared, we just needed the baby... but I can't make that happen. Our life isn't what I thought it would be but It could be worst. Besides if I'm with her and she's happy, I'm happy and she was there for me and I'll be damned, if I'm not there for her.

"LIES!" I refocused, making sure to properly dice the vegetables, she was always a picky eater.

Though... I'm afraid... She's been talking about other guys a lot, she even wanted a threesome, I of course gave in and agreed and I finally noticed how inept I was in bed and how... how small I am and... what made it worst was my inability to make healthy sperm. Out of all the organs I had, it was my sexual ones that were shot dead by the constant overuse, but I guess I'm lucky... I could be dead.

It pissed her off that he always wore rubber so she couldn't get pregnant which was... Well it made me happy. That isn't to say it didn't hurt, because it did a little, and the threesomes progressively changed to the point where I would just sit there usually facing away, it was too painful for me to watch but more importantly I didn't want them to see my erection. I hate to say but I guess I enjoyed it, so I preferred to look away but if I'm with her and she's happy I'm...

That annoying voice whispered aggressively in my head, "Do you know what's the worst kind of lie is?"

"Shut up!" I yelled, almost cutting myself while dicing.

"The worst lie... is a lie... that convinces you."

I slammed the knife into the cutting board in frustration, breathing heavily, knees buckling, brain pulsating in pain, despite not being physically hit, I felt like I would just fall on the ground, I didn't know if I would be able to get back up. I shook my head left and right in frustration, trying to shake the doubts from my head as tears began to well up in my eyes, that's when I saw it.

The first gift Kate got me when she still lov... when she still... when she used to... a deep burn hit my stomach as I was unable or rather unwilling to finish the thought. The gift she gave me was the encapsulated and framed last piece of that mental poisonous supply, that I almost finished using, with the words "Strength" and "Change" plastered at the very top to remind me of my conviction, to stop using. I now think of it as a conviction to our relationship, in both regards it was a conviction that was starting to fade away. Which reminded me I still had my friend Stella's number, my first dealer.

I swallowed some aspirin and I started to cool down as I clarified my thoughts. I can't leave, I won't let myself, call it conviction, call it ignorance: devotion, debt, stupidity, submissiveness, obsession, fear, I call it whatever I need to call it so I can continue moving and keeping her happy, because I will always owe her everything and I'm sure she knows it.

Regardless I don't want to see her leave me, even if I can't make her happy, I want to be able to wake up every day and try, try to make her happy, try to repay my debt. If I could make her smile once a day, no once a week, I'll call it a week well spent. If she found another man and was happy, I'm not sure what I'll do and she'll... well she'll be gone.

No, No I'm overthinking this, she wasn't necessarily looking for another guy, just a dick, it didn't matter, who it was attached too, as long as it could make her cum. I... I hope.

Regardless, I was glad when the man we had threesomes with left town, it meant their relationship, if they even had one was over, it meant she would stay for now. Though I'm still afraid, because of this, she trying even harder to find someone else, I couldn't let this stand. I'll always be there for her no matter what.

Authors Note: I am posting the story in the smallest of pieces because some part of it doesn't comply with Literotica's policy and IDK which part. The story is written already just been having trouble posting.