Conversations 02 - Two Halves

Quick writer's note:

Tags for this story: Cheating, Cheating Wife, Consequences and Remorse.

Conversations 02 - Two Halves is the second story in an on-going series of conversations among lovers, former lovers, and their families. This conversation is between a wife and her husband right after he reveals that he knows about her affair.

This story should be just over a single Literotica page. I hope to keep the conversations relevant and a quick read.

I want to thank my editors for their collaboration and input in this story; Charlie, John, Simepop, Ma Fille Rouge, High Luster and KenD.

I love to collaborate with people and so I look forward to expanding this editing team. If you are interested in being a part of this collaboration team, please send me your email address through private messaging and I'll shoot you, my stories.

I'm sitting here in the dark by choice, the soft glow of my iPad providing the only light. As I often do when I'm alone, I contemplate the last day I was happy.

It was one of those days when I arrived home late. Again. The house was uncharacteristically dark and quiet. If I didn't make it home on time, Allen usually had all the lights on and dinner for our daughter, Kathryn, in progress. I parked next to Allen's empty spot thinking they must have gone out for dinner. I was starving and hoped that they would bring something home for me.

I entered the house, placed my stuff down in the entryway and proceeded to our bedroom to change into something more casual. Now I could relax and wait for their return.

My thoughts drifted to the two hours I had just spent with Luca. Damn, that boy knows how to rock my world! The way he rolls me around on his king-sized bed and takes me with that king-sized cock.

It's not like Allen is small or inexperienced. He's probably more like average, and Allen has a different, equally desirable skill. Unlike Luca, Allen takes his time with me and turns me on until I spin out of control and beg for more. On the other hand, the naughtiness that Luca comes up with, combined with his glorious cock, keeps me wet and wanting for hours.

I know I'm being selfish; I want them both in my life.

I hadn't set out to cheat on my husband of five years, the opportunity just kind of manifested itself on a girl's night out. Luca kept flirting with me and buying me drinks. That night I ended up in the parking lot letting him take me in the backseat of his SUV.

That one-time indiscretion was the start of a steady string of misdeeds, usually once but sometimes twice a week. I never ignored Allen's needs. In fact, I think I became better at meeting them.

I'd been a happy girl for the past four months; I was getting everything I wanted—no, everything I deserved! What thirty-one-year-old woman wouldn't take advantage of a big-dicked twenty-seven-year-old stud on top of a first-rate husband and lover? I convinced myself that even Allen would walk on the wild side if a younger hottie wanted to fuck him blind on a regular basis.

I immediately regretted that thought. I knew better. Allen would never risk his family for a cheap thrill. That made me rethink what I was doing for the hundredth time and for the hundredth time I resolved to end it with Luca. I needed to focus on my family. I was ready to have a child of my own. I know Allen would love to have another child, especially with me. We talk about it all the time, but every time I got close to taking steps to make it reality, something blocked me. Recently it's been Luca.

I can never think about having a baby with Allen without thinking of Kathryn. Kathryn is a special little girl, but I'm just her stepmother. Her mother, Lilly, died after giving birth due to some undetected medical complications.

The sorrow tore me up every time I thought about it.

Lilly would be so proud of her little girl and the way Allen raised her, but Lilly wasn't here to see it. I am. I'm so proud of how Allen stepped up and made Kathryn the focus of his life. It's one of the many qualities that attracted me to him in the first place. I also knew that, if Lilly hadn't passed, he would still be with her today. That's the way his love is.

I hung my work clothes up in our dry-cleaning closet and reminded myself to grab them the next time I went to the mall. I made my way to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of wine and moved towards the den to relax until my loved ones got home. Something on the table caught my attention. It took me a few moments to figure out what I was looking at. My throat tightened, and I instantly broke out into a cold sweat. Holding down a cheaply printed picture of Luca and I was a pair of ornate arcs.

I immediately recognized them: the two halves of Allen's wedding ring. I instinctively reached for the matching ring encircling my own finger.

The black tungsten base shined strangely along it's cut edge. The Koa wood and Mother-of-Pearl inlay were chipped where the grinder split Allen's treasure in two.

Why did he have to do that? We had our rings specially made to represent our destination wedding. The Koa wood represented Hawaii and the shell insert reflected our love of the ocean.

I remember Allen slipping my ring on my finger during our beach vows. It was absolutely the greatest day of my life. It suddenly dawned on me that I had thrown away everything I've always desired for nothing more than a good fuck.

Allen's was a half size bigger than his normal ring size so he could force it over his enlarged knuckle. Being a machinist, he got his glove caught in a spindle years ago and it left him a constant reminder of why you don't wear gloves around spinning equipment. I remembered how he had to grease his finger and how painful it was for him to force the ring over his knuckle, but he insisted on wearing it. He wasn't concerned nowadays since he never worked around turning equipment anymore.

I knew in my heart that Allen would never come back to me. I knew that because he would joke about losing his finger before that ring would ever come off. I guess he found a way to remove it while keeping his finger intact. Set diagonally on the picture was a post-it with two simple words: "Call me."

I slumped into the chair beside me. My eyes welled with tears. I realized I was holding my breath and I released it with a groan. How could I have been so stupid?

My chest was tight, and it was hard to breathe as I sat there, staring at the grotesque photo of Luca, naked, on top of me. My face plainly visible. My eyes were closed as I enjoyed my cheating ways. A million thoughts went through my mind, but I seemed incapable of holding onto any of them. I couldn't imagine where Allen would have gone. He had no living family. It had been just the two of us in his life for the past six and half years.

We met when I was visiting my sister in Chicago. Our long-distance courtship lasted eight months before Allen and his daughter relocated to live here with me. As Allen would say, "A good machinist can find work anywhere." He was right. It didn't take him long to find a well-paying job. We finalized our commitment twelve months later when we married each other on that wonderful Hawaiian beach.

I knew now that I was destined to spend the rest of my life without him and without Kathryn.

I got up, wiped my tears on my sleeve and went to my purse to retrieve my phone thinking, I'll never know how bad it is until I talk with him. I paced around the house, trying to screw up enough courage to call my husband. I sipped my glass of wine hoping that some liquid courage would help me press that call button. Not ready to sit, I continued my laps, only stopping to refill my glass more than once.

I sat down at the table and stared at the two halves of his ring. I slid them around on the table. I lined them up to make them the perfect circle they once were, but the circle was incomplete. Allen had removed a small wedge out of one of the halves so they would never be perfect again. I realized that the state of Allen's ring was also the state of my marriage: incomplete and never to be whole again.

I downed the rest of my wine, almost ready to see how fucked I was. I pressed and held the speed dial button for Allen. His phone rang twice. "Hello July. I see you found my note." There was a slight tremor in his voice and an edge that told me he was anxiously waiting for me to make this call.

I sat silent, listening to the road noise before I squeaked out, "Hi Allen," I paused for a brief moment and then poured out my soul to the only man I've ever truly loved, "I'm so sorry Allen! I messed up so badly. Please, please forgive me."

"I know July. I wish this would have ended differently."

"What do you mean? Where the hell are you?" It dawned on me that I could hear his truck thrumming in the background of our call. He was driving.

"We're on the road. We packed our stuff and headed out. I didn't see any reason for us to stick around."

"Allen, we can fix this! I promise, it was a stupid thing. I love you. Only you." I could feel myself becoming overwhelmed with emotions again, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"July, we've talked about this. This is the only thing I could never forgive." He paused for a second, I could hear him taking deep breaths, "You chose him over us, July. There's nothing more to discuss." His statement sounded final; I couldn't believe my marriage was ending over a damn phone call.

"Where are you? You need to come home so we can discuss this. I won't allow you to leave me like this." I felt empowered for a moment knowing Allen was a better man than this and never shirked away from a confrontation.

"I have no idea where we are. In the middle of nowhere, best I can tell. You will be served tomorrow. My lawyer's name and number will be in the paperwork. I gave him the authority to negotiate out the terms and I will be checking in with him occasionally. I want nothing from you; anything we wanted we took with us." He was all business, his tone flat as he pronounced each syllable plainly.

"What about Kathryn? An eight-year-old needs her mother. This can't be what's best for her!" I knew I had him. I was ashamed to use our sweet daughter as a weapon against my principled man, but I was getting desperate.

"Stepmother." He was being hurtful now; he knew I was the only mother she had ever known. "Remember? You chose not to adopt her because you would always be there for us. You chose not to make her your real daughter, July. How do you think that makes Kathryn feel? Not only did you break our vows, but you also broke the heart of a sweet little girl who desperately wanted to be your daughter. You only made a promise to her, not a commitment. You said that you would always be there for her and now you've made it impossible for me to allow you to keep that promise. You have no legal leg to stand on here, July. I checked."

I had to pull the phone away for a moment because my emotions were building quickly. I wasn't sure I could keep myself from sobbing. That was probably the cruelest thing Allen has ever said to me. If the fact that I was sitting alone in our house wasn't an indication of how badly I had hurt this man, that verbal slap surely was. The statement drove home how badly I'd fucked up. I sucked in my breath, held it for a second and steadied myself.

"Allen, you know I love her. I couldn't love her anymore if she was my biological child." I stammered out.

"At this moment, any talk about how much you love us doesn't mean shit to me."

"Is she listening to us?" Panic rose in my chest thinking that Kathryn might overhear us talk about her this way.

"No, she's asleep in the back seat. We've been on the road a long time."

"Where are you going, Allen?" I knew he didn't have any close relatives or friends. His life was us, which never seemed to bother him, Allen kept his focus on us and on making sure we always had what we needed. That was yet another reason I loved him so much. I figured I would try another approach since this one wasn't working, "Please come home so we can talk about this. Please?"

"I don't know where we are going, we are just gone. I can find work anywhere. My lawyer has my demands. You have nothing else I want, July.

"I've known for two weeks that you have been fucking around. I started planning the divorce as soon as the PI confirmed my suspicions. You were so wrapped up in yourself and that asshole that you didn't even notice that I have slowly been moving our stuff to the new apartment. We were on our way over with the last of our stuff when I just didn't make the turn. We got on Old Highway 99 instead and just kept going.

"I'll figure out how to get our stuff from the apartment later. There is just no way I can even stay in the same town as you two anymore. Damn July! You surely fucked this up!"

Allen paused his rant. His voice was getting hard and loud. When he spoke again, he was quieter and more to the point. "By the way, I've cancelled all of our joint credit cards. I know you have a couple in your own name, so I'm not worried about you getting by. You do, after all, make more money than I do. I did take several thousand out of our joint account; I figure that, along with my credit cards, should get us by until we get settled somewhere. I'm leaving the rest of the money for you. I signed over my interest in the house as well. It was yours before we met, and it didn't seem right to try to take any of it away from you. Divorce is hard enough without trying to fuck each other over." If anything, Allen had always been fair when dealing with people.

"What if I don't want a divorce?" My breathing settled some now. I was ready to play hardball.

"How long have you been fucking that guy?" His voice dropped a little and his tone was almost menacing.

I thought about his question briefly, my instinct was to lie. I was torn between being honest and trying to schmooze him back home. I just discovered that he has known for two weeks but had no idea how much more he knew about my affair; I wouldn't want to have him catch me in a lie and put an end to any communication. "Four months," it was a loud whisper, "it's been four months, but I don't love him. In fact, I was putting an end to it so we could have a baby." It wasn't a complete lie; I did want to have a baby with this man.

"I love you, Allen. I won't know what to do without you in my life. Please come home." That wasn't a lie.

"I can't, July. We can't. I would never trust you again and that's not fair to either of us. We would always be living with a rope around our necks waiting for the trapdoor to drop and hang us with our own mistrust. Did you even notice that we hadn't made love in over a month?"

"No, that doesn't sound right. I may not have noticed you moving out, but I know that's not right." I exclaimed, thinking that I hadn't neglected Allen and his needs while I fulfilled mine elsewhere.

"It sure is, go look at the kitchen calendar. I marked it down," his tone was again flat and uncaring as he continued. "You forgot to love me, July, while you gave your everything away to that shithead. The best thing you can do for all of us is to let us go. You are smart, beautiful, and a sexy woman. Let us go and find your happiness elsewhere."

The sobs escaped before I had any opportunity to stop them. I became a blubbering idiot, "You are my happiness." I tried to say more, but I choked on my own spit and dry heaves.

"Look. I should probably let you go; I need to find us a place to stay for the night." He sounded sorrowful, quiet, repressed. He never could stand to hear me cry; I knew what this must be doing to him. "Stay home tomorrow, I'll let the lawyer know so he can drop the paperwork off at the house, Ok?"

My brain was racked with pain and anguish, I knew I couldn't keep the conversation up any longer. I was drained and beat, "Ok, baby. We'll talk more later."

"July, I love you more than anything else in this world. I figured we only get one or two big loves in our lives. My first was Lilly and I nearly died that night with her, but I knew I had to push on for Kathryn.

You were my second. I'll never find someone who I love as much as I love you. Maybe that's why it hurts so damn much to know you don't feel that way about me." I could hear his voice crack from the emotions he was sharing with me. "I love you."

He uttered those last words and then there was silence. I tried to respond but the words came out as stutters and strangled noises. I knew he was gone. The phone dropped from my hand and bounced off the table and onto the floor. I just stared at it, almost comatose, then I staggered over to the den, pulled the sofa blanket over me, curled up on the couch and cried.

----

I slept fitfully. When I jerked awake it took a moment to realize that I was still on the couch. The clock told me I'd been there for a few hours. I remembered my conversation with Allen. I felt the hurt I caused him and how lost I felt knowing he wasn't coming right back to me. I slipped in and out of fitful naps for several more hours. When I just couldn't do it anymore, I got up and prepared a cup of coffee. I could see my phone still on the floor by the table.

I went over and picked it up, I resisted the urge to push the button that would call Allen. I finished prepping my coffee and sat back down on the couch, wrapped in the blanket. The clock said that it was just after six in the morning, I decided not to resist anymore, I needed to hear his voice.

Ring

Ring

"Hello?" It wasn't Allen's voice, it was obviously an older woman, she sounded frail. Pulling the phone away from my ear, I double checked the contact. It was Allen's number.

"Is this July?"

"Yes, who are you?" Still stunned that someone else answered his phone not catching that she knew my name and sounded like she was expecting my call. She sounded kind.

"This is Edith, a tall handsome man handed me this phone last night and told me that if I was lucky, the most beautiful woman in the world would call and talk with me."

"What? When? Who are you?" I was stunned, my senses were coming around quickly.

"Last night. I was sitting at a bus stop when this big truck pulled over and stopped near me. This man got out and asked me how my night was, then asked me if I had a phone," she stalled for a second, "Thinking he wanted to make a call I said no, I had no need for one since I'm living on the streets. He then pulled this one out of his pocket along with fifty dollars and told me to get dinner and make as many calls as I wanted and if I was lucky, you might call."

I couldn't contain my emotions anymore; I broke down crying again. Edith stayed on the phone with me for an hour consoling me, then she said the phone was beeping and had a low battery indicator and needed to go.

"He's really gone, isn't he Edith?"

"Yes dear, I think this was his last link to you. I'm sorry."

"It was my fault; may I call you again?"

"Of course, dear, I don't have anyone else to call or to talk with."

We disconnected and I sat there heaving and crying. My world was gone. I was set adrift in my own personal hell.

I called Edith every day and we would talk for a few minutes each time. I called about two weeks later, and my heart broke all over again when I got a disconnected message. I guess Allen finally cut the phone off. My last connection to Allen and Kathryn was irrevocably severed.

++++++++++

After three years, my PI finally located Allen. He was living in a small shithole town in Missouri. I dropped everything I was doing and caught a flight out. A day later I was sitting out in front of a small diner where the PI said he gets breakfast every morning.