Conversion Therapy Ch. 01

"Well, this all started because I told you Harry and I had sex. It's fun, it feels good, and it makes us feel loved. When I tell him I just ate you out, he'll have a boner so hard he can fuck my ass all night."

"Your ass?"

"I told you we'd talk about that later. Yes, dear, my ass. After you get accustomed to it, you can have the most amazing orgasms. Now another matter. I assume you have no dildos or vibrators."

"I don't know what a dildo is and why would I need a vibrator?"

"Both are good for self love. If this thing with Jaxson works out, you need to know your body, so you can give him a tour and let him know what works for you. That means scheduled playtime for you. Don't you work for that rich Jewish woman?"

"Yes, why?"

"I bet she has a drawer full of toys. She's pretty young, a widow and seems not to be seeing anyone regularly. Why don't you look around?"

"That's intruding in her privacy."

"Don't you have to clean her closets regularly and straighten her drawers. Bet she has some sexy lingerie and clothes stacked away."

"Her dresses are quite elegant and I am sure look amazing when she wears them. She does have a drawer with some pretty bras and some lacy underthings. I don't know what to look for."

"Well, it's pretty hard to get pictures but you are looking for something that is shaped like a penis. A vibrator can be a lot of shapes. Some look like back massagers. That's what they are supposedly sold for. In fact, most women use them on their clit. There may be smaller ones that look sort of like bullets but bigger. They will often vibrate like crazy."

"I never knew there were such things. I'll look around tomorrow. I think I'm cumming again." And I did.

Once I was done, Grindle declared, "How many do you have in a day?"

"I never count but probably 6 or 7 on a normal day."

"OK, girl, we are going to get you doing self-love four or five of those times. You deserve to have fun. See what you can find out tomorrow. It's almost time for class."

"But your blouse?"

"No prob. I'll just tell everybody you came all over me."

I looked horrified.

"No, silly, I'll just say I spilt my tea."

***

I began my morning lecture on St. Augustine's philosophy of persons. I'm not a fan of Augustine because of the negative affect he had on Western Christianity. One of those was his bizarre notions of sexuality that he imported and syncretized with what had been a far less ascetic notion of the subject in the Bible. As far as I'm concerned, he is responsible for the tradition that made sex a sin unless one had sex to produce a child. He believed self-love, better known as masturbation, was sinful. Women elicited lust from men. Men held no responsibility for their lustful behavior.

I know there is a bit in the Bible about some of this, but all of that is easily a result of men owning women and wanting to protect their turf. Women were not free. They were bound first to their father, her brother or her husband. If her father died before her marriage, she became the property of her oldest living brother or an uncle or cousin. That is, the closest living male.

Almost nobody in the contemporary world of the West believed that stuff. But the residual that made women responsible for the bad behavior of men still lingered. If she was raped, a woman was certainly acting as if she wanted it. There was little recourse for a woman even now in 1980s.

Well, I have to admit, my mind was elsewhere and that elsewhere was wherever Layla was. I failed to stimulate much discussion and ended up distractedly discussing the material. That was not my norm and the students seemed to wonder what was wrong with me.

I was never so glad to be able to retreat to my office and close the door. I heard several different people knock in the next hour, but I was busy loving myself. Was I ever horny for Layla! I could imagine every detail of her body and face as if she were right before me. I had it bad. Friday night could not come early enough, and it was a day away.

I tried everything to get back on track, but nothing worked. I decided I'd call her again tonight. I could not wait.

Then I sprayed cum all over myself.

***

Class dragged on for me. It mattered little that the subject had once been my favorite—the apocalypse. Not anymore. I felt like I was living an apocalypse in my body. My favorite subject had changed to Jaxson and sex. Why sex? I'd never thought much about it. I had considered it something I had to keep for my future husband, but now I could not get out of my mind what Grindle had said and done to me this morning. All I knew was that I wanted more of it.

Was I becoming a slut? If so, it was not Jaxson's fault. I was just being weak. I had to pray, so I tried, but the more I tried, the more I could think of nothing but Jaxson and sex.

When class was dismissed, Grindle came over and said, "Come with me!"

I couldn't have refused had I wanted to and I don't think I wanted to. I followed her down the hall to a woman's restroom. It was one for just one person. More than one person could fit in it comfortably, but there was just one toilet. I wondered what we were going to the bathroom for. I didn't need to.

"Have you had another since we left your place?" She asked me.

"Another what?" I replied sort of confused.

"You know", she said. "An O."

I'd never heard that terminology so it took a while for the question to make sense. Then I was surprised, horrified. "No!" I exclaimed. "Thank God. It would have been in class."

"Well, yeah, wouldn't that be so risqué."

"Yes, and I do not wish to be risqué."

"Well, I have to have one right now. You want to join me?"

"No! I do not want to do what we did this morning. It feels wrong."

"OK, then, lets just do ourselves. You do yourself and I'll do mine."

"Here?"

"Yes, silly, here. The hallway would be a bit risqué for sure."

She undid her blouse and pulled her breasts out of her bra then lifted her skirt. As she played with one of her breasts, she began to stroke her pussy. I was astounded.

"Come on, Layla, it's all right. You can do it. It will feel good and maybe keep you from having one in class."

I was not at all sure. I wanted to, but wondered if there was something wrong with it. That was my response to most things I had been told were sinful or at least unacceptable behavior. I know Mom would not have approved, but I really did want to. It had felt so good.

So I unbuttoned my dress down far enough to get my hand inside to feel my breast and play with my nipple. Then I pulled my skirt up and put my hand down my panties and went to work.

Grindle was getting excited and moving against her hand like I envisioned I might do to Jaxson. Her manipulation in plain view of her breast was stimulating also. When she came, I was fascinated. I had only once before seen a woman orgasm. That had only been a few hours ago and I'd been too shy to watch. This time I watched as Grindle's breasts grew engorged and her breath raspy. When she came, I was enthralled with the whole thing.

Then I felt my own O coming. The tension in my body was incredible wanting so badly to be released. Then the O came slowly at first, then like a freight train. I could not help it, I simply screamed and fell to the floor. Then I squirmed and whimpered. No doubt, had anyone been waiting outside, they would have heard me. Grindle had come in near silence.

Once I recovered, if you could call it that, my body felt like one big overstimulated nerve. We buttoned up and carefully opened the door hoping not to encounter anyone.

There she was, the dean of women coming down the hall. She spied us and asked, "Well, girls what may I ask were you doing together in the bathroom." Such behavior was frowned on.

I was stymied. I had no idea what to say and just blushed. Grindle was quick though and said, "Well, Dean, my bra strap came loose. It's a new bra and the thing keeps coming loose."

"Well, if you'd get a substantial bra that could hold those breasts of yours, instead of those flimsy Victoria Secrets things, you'd not have that problem."

Knowing that arguing with the dean would be fruitless and perhaps self-incriminating, Grindle let it be and said, "Maybe." Then "Have a good day!" With as bright a voice as anyone could muster.

***

I was far too distracted to do much of anything. I put a note on my door that I had canceled office hours, not that anyone ever attended except me, and went for a walk.

I walked to the sea wall hoping that Layla would be there. She wasn't. I walked through the beach shopping area not because I may buy something. It was just a distraction, but I passed a bikini store and looked in. Seeing the bikinis on mannequins made me wonder what Layla would look like in a bikini. Then I felt a familiar stir and within minutes I was hard as nails. I had to surreptitiously re-arrange myself to keep from being too obvious, but then anyone who paid much attention would be able to tell I was hard. But I was a lost cause because Layla was on my mind and I was trying various bikinis on what I imagined her body to be.

Man, what a problem. I had it bad.

Finally I decided to just go home, but on the way was a Victoria Secrets store. I went in. I thought, "Maybe I can buy Layla a present", only to realize such a gift was a bit too much for now. However, I perused the various panties and bras and negligees. That did nothing for my state of mind or my erection except to keep it hard.

After about 30 minutes, I left and wandered on home where, as was my custom, I threw off my clothes and grabbed a glass of water and went to the patio to sit in the chase, my pecker still partly erect.

I noticed my landlord over on her patio. She could not see whether I was naked or not, but she could probably guess as it was my norm and she knew it. She smiled and waved. I waved back. I laid my head back, and almost immediately fell into a deep but not dreamless sleep. Layla was in the dream, beautiful and radiantly so. She was dressed but in something I found quite alluring. I can't remember much more than that.

I was awakened by my landlord asking me a question. I opened my eyes to see her standing at the fence that divided our territory.

I realized my state and looked for cover. "What?" I said still trying desperately to hide my erect cock with my hands.

"Don't worry, Jax. I've already seen it and it is quite impressive. I was asking if you'd like to join me for a dip. Well, you and your pecker."

Needless to say, I was embarrassed and was probably red as blood. My pecker felt like it may explode any minute and the cool water of the pool seemed a good antidote.

"Sure! Why not." I made the mistake of looking down at my "problem".

She said, "Don't worry. I've seen plenty of those, but that must have been quite a dream."

"I think so."

I got up, walked to the pool and dove in.

She dove in also. I had no idea what to expect. I'd never had this kind of thing happen with her. When I was in the pool, she was usually away or in her house doing whatever. Now here I was in the pool with a fairly attractive woman who I would not have minded having sex with. Now though, Layla was all that was on my mind and despite our not having even had a first date, I felt like doing anything with anyone else would be unfaithful. Geez!

She stayed a safe distance away. As for my erection, it seemed to shrink a bit, but it would not suffer me to miss this opportunity. All I could think is, "Down boy!"

Despite it being diminished, it was still erect at least half way. No doubt she could tell because she said, "Do you want help with that?"

I said, "NO! I'm OK."

"So what brought it on?"

" I guess a dream."

"About whom or what?"

"I don't know."

"Look, if you do not tell me, I'm going to come over there and pull it off," she threatened.

"I'm not sure about the dream because I do not remember a bit about it. I guess I've been pretty fired up since meeting a woman yesterday that I think I really like. I can't stop thinking about her."

She grinned pretty broadly and said, "Well, I'll be damned, you've been stricken by Cupid."

I understood the reference, but I did not think I'd been stricken by Cupid but by Layla. Nevertheless, her characterization sort of rang true.

After giving it a bit more thought, I said, "I guess so. She's really cute, seemingly smart and energetic. She has a sense of humor and laughs easily."

"And who is this darling?"

"I don't know that much about her. She is going to the Bible college, which is kind of strange for me. I think she should come to a real college. She cleans homes to earn living expenses. She seems fairly conservative."

"OK, but what does she look like?"

"Like I said, she is cute. Her hair is long and dark brown and she has nice brown eyes. When she smiles she lights up. She has a good figure from what I could tell. She's about 5'10" tall and very thin."

"What size are these?" She asked holding hers up in her hands.

"Not as big as yours."

"How big?"

"It's hard to tell. She had on a dress and a bra for crying out loud."

"Estimate."

"Maybe Bs".

"Well, that can be corrected."

"She doesn't seem the type if you catch my drift."

"Changing the subject. What do you think of mine?" She asked, cradling them in her hands.

"I think yours are great."

"Do you like this?" She asked standing up and displaying her neatly trimmed pussy.

"There is nothing not to like about you, but I'm going to wait to see how things go for now, if what you are thinking is us connecting tonight."

"I've been hoping for that for some time but I guess I missed that train."

"I think I'd feel I was being unfaithful to her if I was trying to date her and then had sex with someone else."

"Well, then you sure have a problem, that thing hasn't even begun to wane."

"I know. I can't do anything about it now."

"Well, you could. I'd like to watch."

"I don't think so. Maybe if things don't work out with Layla. I think I should turn in. See you another time."

"OK, then, your loss."

***

After classes, I had some lunch and rode my bicycle to Mrs. Finklestein's whom I called Mrs. F. She said her full name was too much. She was a fairly well off Jewish widow about whom I knew very little except her parents had immigrated to the U.S. prior to World War II. Her house was a very nice one story in a very upper class neighborhood. She paid me better than my other clients, I think, because she wanted to help me out. I think she sort of considered me a daughter because she had no children.

She was always home, and I wondered why she had me clean for her because she could have easily done the house once a month and it would have been fine. But, I benefitted and we probably talked as much as I worked. Maybe I was company.

I got there and, as usual, she was dressed only in a house coat or robe of very light material. She is very attractive and about 45 to 50. About my parents' age. I was due to clean closets which gave me opportunity to search for 'toys'.

I told her I'd be doing that which seemed to suit her, and I went to her bedroom and began taking things out of the closet. There were a number of boxes that I had never looked in. Today, I was going to look.

I checked each one. Most were hats, some picture frames with old photos or art for decorating and unused 'what nots'. The last box was stored at the end of a shelf next to the door of the walk in. When the door was opened inward, the box was hidden from sight. As I began to lift it, I found it a bit heavy something I remembered from before. This time as I took it down, I lost my grip and fell to the floor making quite a noise as the things inside poured out onto the hardwood floor.

I was dumb founded. There were a number of things that looked like penises and other assorted objects whose purpose I could not imagine. I quickly tried to collect them but before I was done, Mrs. F came in and asked if I was all right. When she saw what I had found, she smiled and said, "Let me help you with that."

We put them all back in the box and I began to blush incredibly. Mrs. F noticed and said, "Do you know what these are?" I shook my head no and did not look at her, too embarrassed to think of anything to say. "Well, maybe I should share with you. Come, let's sit on the bed."

We went to the bed and sat together with the box between us. "As you can see, these four look a lot like the shape of a man's cock. A couple of them are also vibrators. Do you have a vibrator?"

"No, in fact, I'm not sure what you'd do with it."

"Oh, my dear, it can be quite delightful when you do not have a lover or even if you do. You use it on your pussy to make yourself have an orgasm."

"You mean masturbate, but isn't that a sin?" I asked bashfully.

"Some think so, but I don't. If we do not love ourselves, we can't expect anyone else to." She turned one of them on, and I heard it making a motor noise. "Here, you hold it." I took it and felt the vibration, I wondered almost immediately what it would feel like touching my pussy. "Now, just hold it to your nipple."

I did and felt the shock wave immediately and took it away. 'Wow!" was all I could say.

"Wow! Yes. Did it feel good?"

"I think, but I didn't have time to feel it that much it was sort of shocking."

"OK, put it back to your nipple and hold it there."

I did and the longer I held it there the greater the pleasure and not being accustomed to such stimulation was caught off guard when I orgasmed, not hard but hard enough that it was obvious. I let out an audible whimper and shivered pretty hard. Then I turned red from embarrassment.

"Was that good?" she asked, as if approving what had happened.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it."

"Well, do it intentionally. It's a good thing to have an orgasm. You were made for them. Welcome them," she said in a soothing and approving manner.

"Now imagine what it would feel like on and in your pussy. Don't believe this stuff about masturbation being a sin. Almost everybody does it and not doing it is unnatural. If you do not love yourself, nobody will love you enough. Do you have a boyfriend, Layla?"

"No, yes, maybe." Did I? "Oh, I have a date tomorrow night."

"Is it your first date or have you been dating him?"

"It's my first and I have to admit, I am very naive when it comes to these sorts of things."

"Well, let me tell you about the other things. Many of these you can only get in the cities at special shops. You can order them by mail if you can get a catalog. Many communities ban stores that carry these things. Besides the dildos, there are small vibrators called bullets." She took one and turned it on and it made a fairly high pitched buzzing sound. "Imagine this on your nipple or clitoris," she said handing it to me.

I nearly dropped it, it felt so strange, vibrating so fast. She said, "Slip it inside your bra and onto your nipple."

I felt embarrassed to do that in front of her and blushed slightly. "Go ahead, darling, we're all girls here."

I slipped it in and I felt it on my breast as I moved it toward my nipple. That alone made me feel funny. When it touched my nipple, a shock went from there to my pussy and back. I held it there and exclaimed, "Oh, my God." I was taken aback by my curse and reacted by taking the vibrator out. Then I shyly put it back in. "Should I leave it there?"

"If you want. It's up to you. If you want, you can make yourself cum."

So I did. Doing this in front of Mrs. F was different than with Grindle. Mrs. F was my mother's age, and it felt somewhat disrespectful but she was telling me to. It did not take long for the desired effect. After several minutes, I was so turned on, that I began to squirm uncontrollably. Mrs. F gently laid me back on the bed and began caressing my head with one hand and my legs with the other. Within seconds, I was cumming quite strongly.