Conversion Therapy Ch. 01

She took me in her arms and held me like a mother would comfort her daughter and I began to cry. I was not sad, but this was the first time I had been held like that since I was a little child. My mother lacked any feeling of warmth to me. I sobbed for a good while feeling like I could not stop, but, finally, I was cried out.

"So, Layla, what was that about?" I told her that I felt a great release of feelings but mostly for the first time I felt the warmth of a mother. "You and your mother do not have a very loving relationship?"

"Not hardly. She is very judgmental and I know if she were here, she'd be very upset with me."

"Well, you'll not get that from me. So tell me about your date. Who is he?"

"I really don't know him well. We met at the sea wall near where I live. He is a professor of philosophy, quite handsome, very nice with what seems a good sense of humor, and I cannot stop thinking about him. As you can see, I cum quite readily. Until this morning I had never had an intentional orgasm, but since I turned 13 or so, I have been having spontaneous ones."

"So this morning, you induced one. Yes, with Grindle in the restroom at school."

"So we have you on the road to healing, don't we?" I looked at her as if I didn't understand. "Yes, Layla, healthy sex can be one of the most healing experiences a woman can have. I am giving you permission to masturbate. I know all about the sin teaching, but it is nonsense."

"That's what Grindle says. My church and my teachers though."

"Forget it. OK, I know it is not that easy, but think about it. Why would a loving God give you something that is so enjoyable, and then tell you not to do it?"

"To tempt us, to help us grow in faith?"

"Yes, I know that is what you've been taught, but really. He didn't give us appetites for good food and tell us not to eat. We are only to eat in a healthy manner but look at the people in your church or my synagogue and tell me how many eat moderately or only healthy food."

"That's for sure."

"Well, then shouldn't we just have healthy sex that is healthy emotionally and physically."

"That sounds good but I'll have to think about it."

"Oh, I'm not trying to get you to do something you don't feel comfortable with, but as you can see, it can be liberating for you. Think of what just happened because you let yourself. Consider what can happen if you have a loving relationship with someone you can trust, that will let you be you, and give you the space you need to grow and mature."

"So it's about more than sex? It's about love and freedom and our possibilities?"

"Yes, Layla, it is. You've been bound in this world that constrained you in every way. You have to fit a very specific mold. I know. I grew up there. I was raised to be a Jewish American Princess. That meant meeting the demands of the men in my life. Of course, my mother had been raised that way and thought it the only way. She and Dad escaped a horrible situation and came here. They knew nobody and life was totally different, so I think she clung to what she knew which was Dad and the Jewish idea of what a woman should be. I think they truly loved each other but so much of life was just on Dad's terms."

"I never thought of that."

"OK, I want to suggest something and you may say no. That'll be all right. Take this dildo, it's yours now. I suggest you use it now to make yourself cum. If you want, I'll lie on the bed with you while you do. I'll just hold you, nothing else."

I hung my head and thought about it. Finally, I asked, "Should I take off my clothes?"

"If you like. This is up to you."

I got up and pulled off my clothes, dress, bra, and panties. I was already getting turned on at the thought. Once I was naked and lying next to Mrs. F, I was on the verge and knew it wouldn't take much, but once I had penetrated myself with the dildo and felt it pass over what Grindle had pointed out to me and then pushed against and vibrated against my cervix, I was at a point of no return. I pushed the dildo in and out maybe 10 times when my orgasm came on me with such power I was squirming, quaking, convulsing. My hips shot off the bed trying to get the dildo deeper but it was at the end. I screamed, "Yes, yes, Yes. Thank you, Oh, Mrs F, thank you." Much of the rest of what I was saying was indiscernible. My pussy kept clinching at the dildo to the point I wasn't sure it would ever come out.

Before I withdrew it, I came again—not as strong as the first but it was powerful. Then I began to grow too sensitive for it to stay in, so I pulled it out and tossed it aside, putting my hands in between my legs and just pressing on my pussy, moaning and groaning and then for some reason I began to laugh. My laugh became contagious and Mrs. F began to laugh also.

It took several minutes to settle down. Then she said, "Layla, remember to find your own way and always seek to enjoy life. It's too precious to waste."

"Thank you, Mrs. F. This was incredible, but I haven't even finished the closets."

"Don't worry. This was fun and important for you. The house is not very dirty. You have been the best housekeeper I've ever had. So I think you should run along and have a good time tomorrow night. Also, we are going to be friends. Enough of the Mrs. stuff. Just call me Sheba."

"Is that your name?"

"It's actually Bathsheba but I've always been called Sheba."

"OK, Sheba. I guess I best get dressed."

"May I suggest something."

"Sure. Throw your panties and bra away."

"I don't have anything different."

"I'll tell you what. I think you can wear my size. I'll give you something to wear home. Of course, you can just not wear anything." My eyes must have become saucers because she laughed at me. "Why do you think I am always in a robe like this when you come?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe its more comfortable or you were always going out later and didn't want to be ready yet."

"No, my dear, I go naked when I'm at home alone and often when my good friends come over, I stay naked whether they want to or not. They know me."

I was surprised to hear this given I had never known anyone who did that. I thought Grindle and I were just having fun. We could do that!

"I'm not sure I want to go without anything."

"OK." She went to her triple dresser and searched through her drawers coming back with things so tiny I didn't think they would cover much. "Here. This is a thong and this is a bra. There isn't much to them, but you'll be lovely in them. Let me put them on you." She slipped out of her robe, knelt down and had me step into the thong. She pulled it up and messed with it a bit and then said, "Perfect." She then had me put my arms through the bra straps and placed it over my breasts. The whole process was very sexy, and I felt on my way again. She clasped the bra behind me and checked it to make sure it was on right. "There!" she exclaimed with some delight. "You are gorgeous. Look in the mirror." She showed me to the mirror behind her bathroom door.

I looked and there before me was not me but a very sexy woman in baby blue panties and bra both of which just barely covered essential areas. I turned and looked over my shoulders to discover there was hardly anything on my back. There was a waist string for the panties, but the other string hid within my buttocks. The bra strap was very thin.

She said, "Now you'll be beautiful under your dress. It is important for you to feel beautiful and sexy. You are both my dear. You do not need to feel that way for anyone else. You need to feel that way for yourself," she said and hugged me. Then she got my dress and helped me on with it. "I think we have to do something about a dress. This one will not do. But I'll deal with that later. Get home now and start thinking about tomorrow night."

I didn't need any prodding on that one.

***

After the venture in the pool earlier, I had gone out just to stay busy. I got home about 5 and stripped off my clothes, grabbed a beer and went to the pool. I just wanted to cool off and think. When I thought Layla would be home, I was going to call. Of course, I had no idea when that was. I guessed I could have some confidence around 8.

I floated around a bit thinking of Layla and hard as a rock. It didn't take much to get that way given she was almost always on my mind. Whenever I was free, I began thinking of her and mentally undressing her. That was difficult in one way because I'd only met her and she was wearing a very modest dress. Since we were both sitting on the wall, I never saw her standing up. So I had to just imagine. Was she wearing conservative undergarments or was she very sexy beneath?

I had decided I'd assume she had a risqué side and wore very sexy underthings. It made my fantasy better thinking that way. I could tell from our brief meeting that she did not have large breasts, in fact they looked on the smallish side. I tried to imagine what they may look like. I had seen only a few live women naked and lots of pictures in Playboy and Penthouse, but knew they were all too big breasted for Layla. That made my fantasy both easy and perplexing, but I finally got an image worked out that I could masturbate to.

That was what I was doing now. I imagined her 5'10", skinny, almost too skinny, hip bones showing if she were just wearing bikini panties or a bikini; stomach flat; vulva prominent with hair but trimmed for bikini; breasts sitting firm and proud on her chest with medium sized areola and nipples that hardened and became maybe half inch long.

When I explored in my fantasy her pussy, I discovered a nice half inch clitoris, well formed labia, and, well, I kinda thought vaginal openings were pretty much the same. I knew different girls' vaginas did not feel identical inside, but I imagined hers to be tight and quite smooth.

I imagined her being a virgin and quite inexperienced in sex which meant I'd have to teach her. So I was fantasizing our first time. I brought her back to her apartment, we began kissing. She was tentative but gradually relaxed and let me begin to run my hands up and down her back to her buttocks, then around to her stomach, up to her breasts. I spent some time kissing and groping her breasts until she began to squirm. Since this was her first time even going this far, I imagined her squirming despite her attempts to not do so and then having an orgasm.

I quit kissing her and looked her in the eyes, and asked, "Was it good?"

She simply responded yes and pulled me in to kiss. Then I ran my hand down to her vulva and massaged that area discovering what I thought I had when running my hands over her butt that she had a pair of bikini panties on. I continued exploring her vulva for a while pushing into what I imagined was close to her clit. The result was moans.

I ran my hand down and under her dress and was pleased when she let me run it up and between her legs to the patch of material covering her vulva. It was even better when I discovered her wet.

I came squirting cum into the water in gobs. I probably squirted eight maybe nine times. I looked down to see the gooey substance, white and forming what I imagined looked like nerves, the pictures of which I had seen in text books. It floated around me.

Then I heard clapping and a hoot. I looked up to see Sheila standing there. I turned red as a beet I am sure. She was all smiles. "That was some show, Jax." She descended the steps into the pool. She was naked as usual.

"I'd sure like a chance at that."

"Not for a while, at least. Sorry, I did that in your pool."

"I'm not. I loved it. I've never seen a man cum in the water like that. Quite sexy."

"What time is it?"

"Oh, maybe 6, why?"

"I have stuff I need to do."

"Oh, don't run off just yet."

I lingered for a while and we discussed a variety of trivia, but my mind was not there. I told her I had 60 or 70 pages of dense reading to do for tomorrow, so I better get in and do it.

I went in, dried off, and picked up a book I'd been working on and went to my chase. Problem was my mind was on one thing and after about an hour of trying to read, I finally gave in and went back to my fantasy. Where was I?

It didn't take me too long before I was cumming all over myself. I cleaned myself off with tissues. I kept a box on the table next to the chase. Since I wasn't going anywhere, I didn't bother washing myself. I'd get in the pool later.

I tired reading some more, went in and fixed some supper—a steak and salad. The clock ticked mercilessly slowly toward eight. I decided the time was an artificial goal and that 7:35 was good enough. I picked the phone off its station and dialed Layla's number which I had memorized.

The phone rang four or five times and then her beautiful voice came on. "Hello."

"Hi, Layla, this is Jaxson."

There was silence. Finally, "Oh, hi. Sorry for my response, I was surprised it was you."

"I'm glad you were home. I've been thinking about you all day and wanted to call."

"I don't do much except go to classes, work, study and go to church. I don't have much of a social life."

"Me either. My life is my work and church. I don't go out a lot."

"So what have you been doing?"

"I got home and spent a while floating around in the pool and thinking about you. Then I tried reading but ended up thinking about you."

"Well, that's flattering I think. That depends on what you were thinking."

"Well, it is like a dream that keeps repeating itself. I'm just wondering what you are like and what our date will be like."

"I'm just a Pennsylvania country bumpkin."

"That's not how I imagine you. At least, my image of a country bumpkin is not a beautiful woman who is intelligent, bright, and humorous."

"You think I'm all that."

"From what I saw yesterday, yes."

"Well, thank you. That's quite a compliment."

"So are you actually the handsome, college professor on his way to fame in the world of academia I recall meeting yesterday."

"I'll let you think that until tomorrow night when I expect you'll be disappointed that I am a short, dumpy, bespectacled, unkempt, guy in jeans and a slightly soiled t-shirt." By the time I finished that description she was laughing.

"I hope not", she laughed. "That is not at all what I remember."

By now I was about ready to cum again given I'd been pumping my cock the whole conversation, but then I heard her phone sound like she had dropped it and her saying, "Oh, Oh, not now" and then a string of incoherent words. I thought something bad had happened.

My orgasm sort of receded and I asked, "Layla, are you all right?"

She came back on a bit breathless. "I'm sorry something frightened me and I dropped the phone." It didn't sound like she had been frightened, but I felt I shouldn't question her.

Then I heard knocking through the phone. "Oh, Jaxson, just a minute someone is at my door." I heard the phone lay down, footsteps and the door open, a voice said, "Sorry, Layla, the storm door was locked."

"That's OK, I'm on the phone with Jaxson."

Then I heard excited talk from the strange voice that sounded like, "Oh, really. That's so (inaudible), So exciting," then there was inaudible whispering. Apparently, Layla had shushed her.

Layla returned to the phone and said, "Hi Jaxson, it's my girlfriend, Grindle. I guess I need to go. Thank you for calling. I enjoyed talking to you. See you tomorrow."

"OK, I'll see you tomorrow at six."

"Sure thing."

We hung up and I returned to masturbating. A few minutes later I sprayed cum all over me again. I walked down and went for a swim still hard as a rock.

***

I had gotten home with the vibrator and ideas from Mrs. F, I mean Sheba, and spent some time meditating and praying, not sure what to think about what I had done yesterday and today. Was I yielding to temptation or was I actually doing what was good?

I was confused. What I did know is that on my bike ride home I had two orgasms. I can't say they were both spontaneous. I used the nose of the bicycle seat. I was so turned on from what I did with Sheba, I couldn't seem to help myself. I had a need and I fulfilled it. Was it like eating? Could I overdo it? Could sex be addictive, harmfully so? Sheba had said something like, as long as it was healthy and with the right person it was good. Was it?

I couldn't think of anyone but Jaxson and never really had. Was I just lusting? Was he the right man? Or was I just trying to justify sinful behavior?

I went over and over it in my mind until I was going crazy and getting turned on at the same time. I ended up taking my panties off, such as they were. There was hardly anything to them. What was the point? I got the vibrator out of my purse and began running it over my breasts which were still covered with bra and dress. It felt so good, sending shock tingles down to my pussy and back. I decided to take my dress and bra off, so I was naked.

I ran the vibrator down to my vulva and back up passing over both breasts and stopping long enough to vibrate my nipples directly. I began to squirm involuntarily, I thought. Then I ran it down and between my legs hitting my clitoris which made me launch my hips up as if searching for something. Then I went back and lingered on my clitoris and felt the wave of an orgasm welling up in my stomach and breasts. My breasts were now firmer and my nipples hard and protruding out.

The wave grew and grew until finally it began to break, I rode it down the crest and then exploded. I shivered, quaked, convulsed, my hips shooting up time and again searching for that enigmatic something. I then realized I had something and pushed the dildo into my vagina. It ran over something at the entrance and then hit something when it was all the way in both of which shocked me differently. I pulled it part way out and jammed it in again and I began to cum again.

I collapsed. Spent, satisfied for the moment.

Then the phone rang.

I answered it and nearly came again just hearing his voice. We talked for a bit. I can hardly remember a thing I was so sensitive down there and on my breasts. I remembered that we sort of sparred a bit, then suddenly I did cum. It wasn't very powerful but it made me drop the phone and I have no idea what I said, but I was afraid it would be revealing to him of what happened.

I composed myself and we talked a few minutes more when Grindle knocked. We said good bye.

Grindle saw that I was next to naked. I had tried, sort of unsuccessfully to put on a shortie robe that was meant for summer so was made of thin cotton knit. It wasn't meant to hide so much as make one feel a bit more modest. I had gotten the sleeve turned wrong. One arm was in right and the other wrong so it wasn't doing it's job.

Grindle sort of smirked at me and said, "I think you are in quite a state."

"I think I am also. Don't make a big deal out of it though, please," I sort of whined.

"OK, but if you are going to be naked, so am I," she said as she began removing her clothes. She asked me how my day was. I recounted most everything. Since meeting, we never had had any secrets. She found my description of my time with Sheba a turn on and began playing with herself ending in an orgasm. This was all new to us and it seemed odd that it felt so natural. It made me wonder if maybe Sheba was right about it being natural and good with the right person. I knew I could trust Grindle with my secrets and I'd keep hers.

She told me she had plans for me in the morning and those plans included going shopping for a new dress appropriate for a first date. That excited me except I really did not have the money to buy a new dress, not at any of the stores in our area. The closest Penny's or Sears were at least 20 or 30 miles away.

"Don't you worry about it. It'll be a present from me."

I tried to say she couldn't but she kept insisting until I gave in, partly because I wanted something else for Jaxson. I felt there was something very cosmic about this date and I wanted to look and be my best despite it was going to a ball game.