Cora, Goddess of Spring

*****

At eight-thirty, I stood in the alley behind the bar. The air was cold enough to see my breath as I filled my lungs and exhaled slowly before knocking on the door. "Hi, Roy."

"How you doing, Gray?"

"Okay, I guess... a little nervous."

"Hey, nothing to be nervous about. I just found out you wrote all those songs you sang. You've got talent, man. Just get up there and be yourself. You'll do great."

He showed me up the stairs and to a small room behind the stage. "This is our green room. I know," he chuckled, "it's not green. They seldom are. It's just a show biz expression. Wait back here until you hear Barry introduce you. There's a speaker over there on the wall. Once they turn the mic on, you'll be able to hear him. That door leads to the stage, and whatever you do, don't forget to plug your guitar in when you get out there."

My stomach was doing flip-flops. I had a lot riding on this show, more than anyone knew. I sat in one of the comfortable chairs they had, took out my guitar, and made sure it was in tune. I closed my eyes and took a few more deep breaths as the minutes ticked by. Suddenly, I heard Barry's voice coming from a speaker in the room.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and thank you for coming. As you know, Saturdays are rock and roll night at Plato's, but tonight we have something special. Some of you already know him from open mic night at the coffee house. When I was first approached about having him play here, I was skeptical until I heard him. He writes and performs his own songs and has a unique style of folk-rock.

"So, without further ado, please put your hands together for Grayson Stevens."

It was too late to run. I walked out on stage, shook Barry's hand, and almost sat on the guitar cord. I looked down at the reserved table. It was filled, but I only saw one face, Cora's. She had a smile from ear to ear. I smiled back, plugged in the guitar and took my seat.

I thanked everyone for coming, said I hoped they enjoyed the show and started with a lively tune I wrote about a childhood buddy and his dog. It had a couple of humorous lines but was mostly about the bond between a boy and his canine pal. I had practiced the order in which I'd play the songs almost as much as the songs themselves. I wanted to maintain a mix of fast and slow and keep the subject matter varied, as well.

The audience was a little slow coming around, but really started getting into it after a little while. I was about to launch into another song when I caught Ron signaling it was time for a break. I announced I'd be back in fifteen minutes, set my guitar on the stand they had on stage for me, and joined my friends.

I was hoping for a big hug and kiss from Cora as I sat down next to her, but it didn't happen. I did get a reserved kiss on the cheek as she took my hand and told me how well I was doing. Everyone was very complimentary, telling me how good I sounded and how much they loved the songs. It was nice to hear, and encouraging. I smiled and thanked everyone, but there was only one person sitting at the table that I was really concerned with.

My fifteen-minute break went by in a flash and I was doing my second set before I knew it. I could feel the audience getting into the songs more and more. Some of the love tunes got more reaction than others, and I knew I had the audience on my side.

When it came time for the second break, the first thing I had to do was take a leak. Scott came in behind me and unzipped at another urinal. "You haven't lost her, Gray, at least not yet. I've been watching her. She hasn't taken her eyes off of you the whole night."

I sure hope you're right, Scott," I said as I zipped up and headed over to the sink.

"When are you going to play her song?"

"It'll be the last song of the night," I answered.

We finished washing our hands and started back to the table. I stopped long enough to order some lemon water. When I joined the group, it was pretty much like last time with more accolades, except that this time Cora took my face in both hands and kissed me gently on the lips. I also had a few people from the audience come over and tell me how much they were enjoying my songs.

If it hadn't been for the threat of losing Cora, I would have been over the moon with the way the night was going, but that threat kept me anchored to the ground.

As I got closer to the end of the show, my stomach was doing flip-flops. I started praying I didn't throw up on stage. I didn't know if it was the right venue to sing my song to Cora during the show, but I had no idea if or when she'd be leaving for California and I had to play it for her. When the time came, I had to give it an intro. I waited until the applause died down.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. I have one more song for you tonight; I wrote it for a very, very special lady. She's in the audience, and like you, will be hearing it for the first time."

I put everything I had, my entire heart and soul into every word I sang. I could see her eyes glistening by the time I reached the chorus.

Cora, goddess of spring, you are my life, my love, you are my everything, You're a cool, gentle breeze on a warm summer's day, You're a breath of spring when skies are grey,

You're my guiding beacon on a cold and moonless night, You're the glowing warmth of flickering firelight,

You are the key that opens my lonely heart, And I thank God for creating his flawless work of art.

As I finished, I looked down and saw Cindy and Jennifer gathered around Cora. I thanked the audience again, but wanted to get down to the table and see what was happening. Unfortunately, Barry came back up on stage and had me take a couple of bows. By the time I got backstage to put my guitar in the case and got back to the table, the girls were gone.

"Where's Cora?"

"I think they all went to the ladies' room," Bob said.

"Yeah," Jason chimed in, "Cora was bawling her eyes out by the time you finished that last song."

I didn't know what to think. "Is she okay?"

"Hey, man, all I can tell you is that song really got to her."

"In a good way or a bad way?"

"I couldn't tell you, man." We all sat, waiting in silence. After a few minutes, Jennifer came back, leaned over Bob's shoulder, and whispered something to him.

"Oh, sure," he replied before standing.

"What? What's going on, Jen, where's Cora?"

She smiled, "Relax, Gray; you did good tonight, but Cora needs a little time." With that, both she and Bob walked back in the direction of the ladies' room.

I was on pins and needles. Jen's words sounded encouraging, but I really needed to know what was going on. Scott joined Jason and tried to calm me down. Finally, Heather, Jen, and Cindy all came back together, but without Cora. I was starting to get frustrated.

"I need to know what's happening," I demanded. "Is Cora all right?"

"She's fine, Gray. She just couldn't hold it together when she heard your song. That was really beautiful, by the way." The other girls agreed with Cindy.

"So, where is she?"

"She left..."

"LEFT?"

"Relax, Bob walked her back to the apartment. She asked that you give her half an hour then come by. She wants to talk to you, but she needs time first."

"I don't get it, time for what? Did she say anything? Is she still thinking about going to California?"

"I wish I could give you a definitive answer, Gray, but none of us know for sure. As much as she loves you, the memories she has of her and Jim are extremely strong."

I sat there, trying to keep control of my emotions. I took a sip of the lemon water that was still there from the last break and checked the time on my phone. "I can't just sit here. I'm going now," I said as I started to stand. "We're talking about the woman I love. I'm not just going to sit here torturing myself. I need to know."

"Okay, Gray, we understand; I'm sure Cora will, too. I'll call and tell her you're on your way," said Cindy. I grabbed my guitar and headed out the door. My head was swirling with what-ifs. It was almost a mile, but I made it in record time. I quietly knocked so I wouldn't disturb the neighbors at that hour.

"Come on in, Gray, I'm in the kitchen."

Cora was sitting at the table, writing. The engagement ring was sitting on the table in front of her. Her eyes were still red from crying. "I'm almost done, honey. Have a seat and give me about two more minutes."

I couldn't sit, I was too nervous to sit. "Cora, I need to know..."

"Please, honey, just two more minutes," she begged.

"I'm not nearly as eloquent with words as you are, but I hope this will explain everything," she said as she handed me what she wrote.

Dear Jim,

To say I was shocked to receive your letter is a gross understatement. Just seeing your name on the envelope made my pulse race. Reading your letter immediately took me back in time to when every minute I spent without you by my side was pure torture and seeing your ring brought it all back to life. Your words of love rekindled all the memories and feelings; they sent my life into a tailspin of hopes, dreams, fears, and doubts.

Evidently, when sending your letter, you never considered that I might be involved with someone else. If you did, you certainly didn't mention it. The fact is, I am. He's honest, intelligent, talented, and humble to a fault. He also taught me the meaning of real love. You see, while you want me for your own, he's willing to sacrifice his happiness for mine. Except for my parents, no one has ever loved me like that, not even you.

I am sending your letter back along with your ring and praying the man I love forgives me for tormenting him with my uncertainties over the last few weeks.

This is goodbye, Jim. Please, don't contact me again, I won't respond.

Cora

As I lowered the paper, I saw Cora staring at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please forgive me for what I've put you through, Gray. I love you so much."

When she saw me smile, she jumped up, rushed into my arms and smothered me with kisses. It was at that moment when I had no doubt that we would share the rest of our lives together.

After finally breaking our embrace, Cora picked up her phone.

"Who are you calling at this hour?" She just smiled.

"Hi, Cin; listen, I know it's late and you guys want to get some sleep, but is there any way you could give us an hour?" She smiled and said thank you two or three times before disconnecting.

"They're all at the Denny's on Harlem Avenue," she said with a grin. "Cin said they'll be there for at least another hour. Make love to me, Gray, please show me you forgive me."

Of course, we had made love many times already, but there was something different that time. There were no doubts, she was mine forever and we both knew it. We made slow, tender, sensuous love.

Cindy and Jennifer were just coming in as I was leaving with a big grin on my face. Scott had gone to Denny's with the rest of them, then took Heather home so he got back to the room about the same time I did. "So, since you're just coming in, I'm assuming everything is okay with Cora?"

"Yup," I said, happily, "she's staying right here. If I can get a few more gigs, I'm going to buy her a ring."

"How much did you make tonight?"

"I... I have no idea," I chuckled.

"What do you mean, you haven't even counted it yet?"

"I mean I never even thought about it. I was so worried about Cora, I never stopped by the office to get it."

"Jesus, man, I hope it's still there."

"Oh, I'm not worried about it. Barry wouldn't screw me over like that."

"There had to be close to three-hundred people there, man. We stuck around for a while after you left and everybody was talking about how much they liked your songs. I'll bet that Barry guy asks you back."

"I hope so," I replied. "I'm going to ask him if he knows any other places around where I could play, too. I'm hoping I'll be able to afford a ring after another three or four jobs."

As it turned out, I made three thousand, one hundred, and ten dollars. Barry helped me line up a few more jobs and I started the new year by asking Cora to marry me. She made me the happiest man in the world by saying yes.

My folks got worried when they heard how much money I was making. They were afraid I'd quit school, but I assured them quitting was not in the cards. I was more confident than ever that I would have a career in music and wanted to be educated in the business end of it as I'd planned. I had no idea that knowledge would come in handy as soon as it did.

Much to everyone's surprise, unless it interfered with a paying gig, I was still playing Friday nights at the coffee house. I felt I owed it to Andy, and it also allowed me to try out new songs.

It had been a pretty brutal February and everyone was looking forward to what we all hoped would be an early spring. I was just finishing my last song at open mic night when I saw Barry walk in and sit at my table with Cora. I finished up and walked over, holding out my hand. "Hi, Barry; what brings you to this side of the wall?" I asked with a smile.

"I wanted to tell you how good you're sounding. You're getting better and better all the time."

"Well, thanks, I really appreciate that, especially coming from you."

He sat back in the chair and looked at Cora and me like he was the cat who ate the canary. He smiled, and said, "How would you like to open for Gil Hartford at the Rosewood theater in April?"

I'm not sure which of us was more stunned, Cora or me. Gil Hartford was an international country and western singer with several gold and platinum records to his credit. After waiting for Barry to laugh and say, 'gotcha,' I finally found my voice. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not kidding. Chicago will be his third stop on a twelve-city tour he's doing. His regular opening band had some kind of blow up and quit the show. He's stuck. Blue Note Productions are the promoters for the Chicago show and I just happen to know the two guys who run it. They called and I recommended you. I sent them and Hartford's advance man copies of the demo you've been using and they liked it.

"Now, before you start doing cartwheels, I have to tell you it doesn't pay much, hardly anything really. He's offering two-hundred dollars, but the exposure will be priceless. Having your name on Rosewood's marquee along with his is worth a million bucks in promotions."

I was still in shock. I looked at Cora, "What do you think, hon?"

"Are you kidding? This is your dream, Gray. Who knows where this could lead? Of course you're going to do it, why wouldn't you?"

I looked back at Barry. "How long would I have to play?"

"About forty-five minutes."

I looked back at Cora who leaned in and kissed me. "I guess it's sealed with a kiss," I said, looking back at Barry.

"You're sure?" He questioned. "You'll have to sign a contract and you won't be able to back out once it's signed."

"I won't back out," I told him.

"Okay, good; now, this is the big leagues, Gray. You'll need a lawyer when you sign the contract."

"A lawyer, why?"

"Even though they heard your demo, they're going to want you to audition. If they like you enough, I'm sure they'll want you to join the tour."

"Join the tour? No, I can't do that. I'm not leaving school and I sure as hell won't leave Cora."

"That's why you'll need a lawyer. Contracts are written by lawyers and it takes another lawyer to understand them. Also, you're going to want a clause in there that says you're allowed to sell your own merchandise in the sales booths."

"What merchandise? I don't have anything to sell."

"If you're smart, you will. The Rosewood seats eighteen thousand, five hundred people, Gray, and they're all there to spend money. If I were you, I'd have a minimum of three or four thousand CDs ready to go."

"Barry, I don't have that kind of money. I'm not even sure I have enough to hire a lawyer, and even if I did, I have no idea where or how to get CDs like that. Professor Erickson helped me with the demo, but..."

"No, no," Barry interrupted, "that's okay to send around locally as a demo for gigs, but you need a professional CD with twelve of your best songs."

I must have looked like a dear in headlights. Suddenly, things were starting to sound way more complicated than I thought they would be. "Barry, maybe I should rethink this... Ow," I said as Cora punched me in the arm.

"What do you mean, rethink it? Don't be silly, Gray, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We'll figure it out."

"Honey, I don't even know a lawyer and it probably has to be someone familiar with the music business."

"You mean like mine," Barry said with a smile. "I'll call him and see what I can work out for you." Before I could thank him, he continued. "Byte sells CDs at all their gigs. They're really nice and very professional. The discs are imprinted with the same color photo as the album cover. They're packaged in a jewel case and professionally wrapped. I'll call and find out where they get them."

Between Cora and Barry, I was starting to believe I could put things together. I still didn't know where I was going to get the money, though. My parents weren't rich and they were paying for my education. There was no way I could ask them for more.

"I guess I could use the studio at school again to record," I said.

"Is that where you recorded your demo?" Barry asked.

"Yeah."

"No way; no offense, Gray, but the mix on that demo is terrible. I'll talk to Keith and the guys. We can do it next door."

"See," said an excited Cora, "you can do this."

"Don't get too excited yet, hon. I still have to figure out how I'm going to pay for it."

Once again, Barry spoke up. "Gray, don't worry about it. You just pick out the songs you want on the cd. I'll figure out the rest. If worse comes to worst, I'll front you the money and you can pay me back from the CD sales."

I tried getting a personal loan from the bank, but they wouldn't even consider it, so reluctantly, I took Barry up on his offer. We had to work on the album during the day so I missed a few classes, but my grades were good enough that it didn't really hurt me. It took us two full days to get everything recorded to everyone's satisfaction, but when we finished, I couldn't believe how professional it sounded.

Barry also hired a photographer to shoot pictures of me while we were recording. He experimented with different color spotlights and before long, had a great shot of me and my guitar for the album cover.

Barry found out where Byte got their CDs and two weeks later, I had four thousand CDs that looked and sounded as professional as anything out there. Barry kept all the receipts for everything and I almost flipped when we went over the cost. The CDs alone were over seventy-six hundred dollars. His lawyer was charging me another grand for the day, which I understood was a bargain. He paid Keith and the guys three hundred each, again, a bargain, but altogether it came to almost ten grand. I was really worried. I couldn't see how I was ever going to make that kind of money selling CDs. It was even worse when I learned the vendors would get half for their commission. It would have been even more if I wasn't the one supplying the CDs.

I was a nervous wreck through the whole process. I would not have made it without Cora by my side the entire time. She was like a rock, never doubting the outcome for a moment. She was with me on the night of the concert. She waited in the green room with me and would be watching me from the wings during the show.

About half an hour before I was due to go on, we heard a knock on the door. It was the man himself, Gil Hartford. I saw his eyes light up the second he saw Cora. I introduced her as my fiancée so he knew we were together. He asked if we needed anything and seemed pleasant enough, until, with no regard for me, asked Cora if she'd like a job in the show as a dancer.