All Comments on 'Corax and Grum Pt. 01'

I now know why I continued with this bs site.

Thank you.

kind of juvenile. Too weird to be boring, but too weird to be compelling. Just kind of weird overall.

Thanks for the effort.

Wow, i get surprised periodically. Thank you for this one. It was a story line I have never read here.

awaiting part 2, a strange story but its got my attention ,, and im enjoying it, so please post part 2,, its well written and well thought out,, thanks for sharing ,

Pretty good-the sci fi elements are pleasing. The story is btb in a unique way. But this is counterbalanced by the improbability of the wife’s lomg term deceit. Who makes a plan to pretend to love someone for 10yrs? I enjoyed it though, looking fed to more.

I wonder how many of us could (Write the wrong)...Interesting what!...You know I liked the Story and hope we see the next chapter before Corax "Writes the wrong"...Thanks for sharing this Brilliant story with us! 5 Stars★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

I can see why you say this could be a number of categories but, yeah, LW is probably best for this episode.

The premise of the cheating wife was a little too much for me. If they truly were grateful to him, they'd have known the eventual heartbreak would be worse and probably destroy him, especially the kid part. If she wasn't truly grateful, she'd never have given up 10 years of her life for an inadequate (to her) companion. And the sex in front of him...not unless she actually hated him, which isn't hinted.

It will be interesting to read other installments.

You expect us to buy that these were the actions of a man and woman who felt grateful? On a scale of 1 to 10 that's about a zero for credibility. I don't care how young and stupid they were.

And then they make him watch them have sex and Ken says he can stay and watch forever if he wants? I know you claimed that was to make him cut out and not challenge the divorce but just the paternity bomb would have done that. Plus every state in the country allows no fault divorce so she could leave whether he wanted or not. And paternity established by DNA is not open to question.

Nope not even remotely believable.

I like Sci Fi and I especially like multi-verse, rewriting the past stuff. But the plot with his wife and her lover was farfetched. I realise the irony in saying that when it comes to the concept of this story, but that's just how it is. Still, I'm very much looking forward to more Corax and Grum. They are very unique and interesting characters. 4 for the story. One more as encouragement. 5*

Very good...Even being a "Twilight zone" theme...4*

Nice change of pace from the BTB stories. Well done.

On one hand I really enjoyed the SF aspect of this story.

On the other hand, why couldn't you have made the wife somewhat believable. Unless you're writing a parody (which I didn't get the sense you were) then why wouldn't you put believable characters in?

Anyone not certifiably insane would know that having sex with a guy for 10 years isn't a repayment or a thank you when you end it with, "you're inadequate, you're a cuckold, your kids aren't even yours."

You lost me at her line "We both owe you so much and there has always been genuine love..." as she prepares to have sex with her lover in front of him. Genuine love? No, her previous drunken rage that displayed she had nothing but contempt for him was the truth.

In this critical area, you failed as an author...making the characters come alive. It was a cartoon.

So, I'm torn between the interesting framework and the horrible execution of the first episode. I'm sure there will be plenty who rate it 5* because it's BTB and that trumps everything...but, for me, low-middle rating.

Waiting for part 2

There are only two possibilities for Kirsten and Ken doing what they did. First, scenario they are more kind than Mother Theresa, more grateful than all of Britain was in WWII to the RAF, and more looney than Charles Manson. If they thought the MC was a complete loser nerd who couldn't get a date maybe they conspire to offer him a fuck or two to get his confidence up so that he starts dating. But 10 year plan. Come on.

The other alternative is that they actually screwed that one time 10 years ago, Ken didn't want a relationship so she married the MC. Maybe they reconnected back years later, or maybe they were fucking all along and finally Ken says he actually does want a relationship, so they concoct the ten year plan story. That would make sense if the kids are the MC's actually, and they wanted him not to fight them in taking the kids from him in which case their coming up with this story makes sense. If that is the case then a major BTB is warranted. Lastly, on this topic, for all those in other LW stories where the child ends up being another man's, don't you want the husband who raised the kids have rights over the children so they couldn't just be taken away from him by a wife who wants to leave him? And with those rights comes responsibilities such as paying child support.

This part needs to be addressed in part 2, if his past relationship plays a future role in this story. Because if what they say is true it's absolutely absurd. They shouldn't be loathed, but thanked and then put in straight jackets and the kids taken away from them.

In the story Corax says the above statement. But all subsequent spawns are actually new origins as well leading to new threads. Which means nothing can be altered.

This story is too well written and too interesting. So I'm hoping that 10 year thing is part of the whole alternate reality shit. At least somehow explained.

Lastly, there are many reasons why I'm an atheist, but one is the idea that our individual lives would have any importance in the universe or to a deity. As Bogart says in Casablanca, "Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world." So I would think the MC's broken heart would mean even a little less in the scheme of things to the universe as narcissistic as human beings are.

However, I am willing to suspend all of that and get into the story, because it is very interesting and well-written. But please solve the 10 year plan problem. Otherwise, the whole story falls apart.

There is one theory that will make sense of this story. The MC has somehow directly or indirectly caused the death of the love of his life and possibly his children (possibly explained below), or they have simply died and he has lost his mind.

Clues:

I speed read these LW stories, but I wish I read this one slower (but not inclined to go back and reread). However some clues to this theory:

1. The story is very well-written and put together, but somehow this seemingly intelligent author threw in this absurd 10 year payback gratefulness and the wife bringing the lover over to suck him off in front of the husband now as a way to say goodbye and he doesn't make sure the kids aren't his. This is common in poorly written, ill thought through LW stories, but this was too well-written for that. When I first read it I got really angry because I was thinking this story is so good and the author just fucked it up. But what if he didn't fuck it up and it was placed there on purpose.

2. After I started thinking this story is maybe like The Machinist, I decided to think of other clues (short of having to read the story again). So I thought the title is kind of odd so I looked up what Corax meant. And it is the official name of the common Raven. And who is more grum than Edgar Alan Poe. Of course, "The Raven" was about lost love to be with him "nevermore" (dead?). Btw, I recommend Ciara's remake of Rolling Stones "Paint It Black" with the dancers; beautifully sad song.

3. The whole dog doing the crazy shit, Corax being mysterious. Again, all this makes sense in the real world if he has gone crazy. I think the author tries to throw us off with this possibly being sci-fi.

So here are three possibilities of what truly happened starting with the most likely:

1. His wife of ten years and his children die in an accident and he loses his mind. His mind plays the trick on him to make it more palatable that they are still alive and doing well, she just left him for her lover.

2. He causes his wife and kids to die (making things worse obviously). Did he find out she is cheating and he killed them in an act of passion? Again, making it seem that they left him instead to make it more palatable to him?

3. He is a very nerdy guy (clues to this in the story) and he had a huge crush on Kirsten, he sees her flirting with Ken, is majorly jealous. He detects there is something wrong in the chamber, but he allows it to play its course and doesn't save them, and is guilt ridden forevermore? So the children are what could have come about and he never had?

The lack of food in the house; was he in prison? I feel like I should go back to reread this story more slowly, but doubt I will. I will be really disappointed if it ends up that this was straight up and Kirsten and Ken had this absurd ten year plan on him.

Science friction . Goes back in time to remake his life? As you wrote it. Still can’t get over the sherade by Kristen for 10 years . Not plausible .

This premise has promise. But the whole "ten year plan" ruins it for me, unless there's some element to it that has yet to be explained. The idea of two normal engineers coming up with a long-term plan to totally crush the heart and soul of the person who saved their lives makes no sense whatsoever. It can't be that they're coincidentally both psycho, because that would show up in other parts of their lives.

I like the theory someone else put forward, that they only started an affair recently, but made up the ten year plan part to so destroy him that he wouldn't fight them on anything, including them taking away the kids (which are genetically his, not Ken's). That would be extremely cruel, but not totally illogical.

I find it more than a bit amusing that readers find a story about multi-dimensional beings who manipulate human events throughout the multiverse believable but don't see how two misguided people can get in over their heads when they mishandle a relationship.

"I believe in the aliens and the giant spider, but the cheating? that's the unbelievable part!"

o_0

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

OK, I responded to a DM from someone about this, to explain how this worked. Here's a summary of how I saw a ten year plan happening, now that Part 1.5 has been published:

My idea of K&K tolerating the 10 year plan was that it gave them the best of both worlds:

* they still had regular sex,

* the kids

* the joy of a fresh relationship since they don't have to wake up to bad breath, PTA meetings, bills to pay etc.

K&K were having sex together throughout the marriage, and Brian's career path was significantly farther along that Ken's throughout the story, so Brian paying for Kris and kids relieves a financial burden on Ken.

In part 1.5 it is stated that Ken has still kept a number of mistresses on the side all through his entire relationship with Kris. So, why would Ken want to actually "marry" Kris early on, when he already was getting the milk for free? Plus he was keeping several other women on the side. So Ken is all in on the plan.

Kris herself is arrogant and selfish. It's painted in smaller strokes in the story but she is happy to be doted on and live in luxury (funded by Brian), seeing Ken on the side, and getting herself prepared for the 2nd act of her life where she and Ken can fully be together. She's not a deep character, and has very base needs. Kris is so-so on the plan, but she also get the most out of it, so that kept her in line for the first few years before it got rolling.

Like so many youthful ideas, the 10-year plan was short sighted. It was cooked up by 2 people who did not plan on how people would actually react to such a hair-brained scheme. There was no exit strategy: they never considered Brian. But again, the two couldn't think past each other, so why would they think of Brian? It was clear neither one was a "big thinker" and once the 10-year plan got going, they never realized how deep they were in it until towards then end. This would cause them to lash out (like the last Xmas party), for lack of a "better" exit plan.

By the end of the 10 years, K&K are pissed at themselves for doing what they did (Kris did have feelings for Brian especially towards the end, but they weren't enough; see the last Christmas party make up sex), and they're also tired and they just want it over. They're ready to be "grown-ups" but do so in the most infantile and cruel way possible (showing that they're not really grown ups). Pushing Brian away as quickly and completely also assuages their own complicity in a shitty youthful idea ("tearing off the bandage"). It also virtually ensures that he would not only leave Kris quietly, not trouble the kids, but also leave the area they were living in as well, so he couldn't as easily sway public opinion against them for being so shitty. They seemingly got away with their crime (until part 1.5, that is...).

Anyways, yes, it is an extreme idea. But under the above circumstances, I don't see it as the least believable element of the story. That's just me though.

Thanks for reading.

Pretty creative and well written. Three stars.

A bit evil that the redo would kill Kris and Ken, not to mention all that other damage stated early on. Could have just as easily just warned himself to correct the underlying big boom problem and stay the fuck away from Kris going forward as the woman is obviously messed up. Also, by killing them the kids he loves so much will never exist.

A cheating wife and her lover conspiring to trick some poor schnook into raising their kids is pretty much a LW trope, although usually the schnook doesn't find out he's been had until after the kids grow up so that he's paid for their college educations and they can reveal that for years they've been in on the deception and were just calling him "Daddy" and pretending to love him so that he would pay for their degrees before they joined their real parents in humiliating and destroying him.

The part that's really out of kilter for a LW story is that K&K didn't wait longer and have a scheme to cheat him out of all the marital assets!

A breath of fresh air in a stale category. 5 stars

I had several theories as to what Corax and Grum were and would do, including a more sinister idea in which they get revenge for him by getting Ken and Kris into the processing facility, killing them with the gas, and then making it look like Brian did it, leaving the kids as orphans who'd never know their real parentage.

But I have to admit I like your way better, and that I both enjoy this version and the 1.5 ending, especially the idea that Brian may now just be a suit for yet another extra-dimensional thing doing the same job as Corax. Perhaps this group of being is harvesting the energy of beings from 'lower' dimensions, and expanding their harvesting by using the corpses of those they extract energy from as additional agents?

At any rate, 5 stars for both. I could easily see this as just straight sci-fi instead, but the loving wive aspect is strong and necessary, so no complaints.

At the root of the problem is the usual LW dumbass marrying a woman he should have known was a party girl slut. Setting aside the concept of rewarding him with a slut wife...well really the whole thing didn’t make sense. Kind of fun anyway

If "Brian Prime's" consciousness traveled back in time and merged with a younger version of himself in another dimension, then why not repurpose his body into a suit for another dimensional entity? Nature abhors waste.

I could almost hear Rod Serling's voice announcing Brian's appointment in the Twilight Zone.

make you think of the possibilities of "what might have been". This is one.

The concept of multiverses are very hard to grasp but easily understood once grasped. Every decision in life leads to possible futures. Do I turn left or right gives two possible outcomes. Bringing it down to the atomic level makes for incredible thought. There are infinite possibilities every second.

Incredible concept.

This story is so weird, it's a classic. The title is perfect. This story takes the reader on a very trippy journey with some very well discritive characters.

You're so many ridikerlously bed and stupid things about the story interdimensional beings alien life forms that it makes it impossible to like. But the worst thing about this story is the actual plot itself.And the plot flaw has nothing to do with the alien beings ....changing Reality or Interdimensional beings

The wife comes home drunk hours after the husband has left the party. The husband KNOWS the following

that she's dressed like a slut

Has been drinking heavily

Has danced with every men there many times

Disappeared for hours

screaming and ranting and raving about how pathetic he is about

how inadequate he is in the bedroom

And the next morning he says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! The fact that the wife gave him some morning sex doesn't change which she said or the conversation she had or where she was or awhy should acted of the wayv she did.

That's would kill this awful stupid moronic story.After that entire drunken rant and rave at 2 o'clock in the morning the husband the next morning doesn't even say what was that about?

He says nothing.That's what makes a story unbelievable. And awful

It's mentally unsettling to see somebody make 3c long winded posts some over a 1000 words with a story this bad. You seem to have this obsession that your analysis's commentary is really brilliant and that you offer insights nobody else can see.

You are a blowhard

shut up already

you don't need to make 3 post on the same focherd story

You sir, need to heed your own advice. I can recall you trashing stories and calling the author names, quite recently in fact. You are absolutely no different than John pompous ass. So please STFU!

Shucks and deviled eggs. No matter what others may say - I enjoyed your tale. Loving Wives with a dash of Sci -Fi. I found it entertaining and amusing. Thanks for sharing. 5*s.

Very entertaining so far

Very well done. 5 BIG STARS!

Entertaining, but it feels rushed at the end. I would also have taken it in a different direction.

Fascinating. But the 10 year fake "love" betrayal was so unreal. No one does that. Ken willingly let her be another man's husband, instead screwing her once every two weeks? What women would do all that out of obligation? Surreal.