by Moondrift
It must have been hard to write all the "stuttering" dialogue. I don't think you need all the Chapter headings, as they are distracting and some of the chapters are quite short. Either use a few asterisks or connecting/transition paragraphs. The ending was a little flat after such a long story. Are you planning on continuing with the same characters?
Sweet little story. I probably would have classified it as a romance.
Boyd
I gave it the Five Stars, I thought you deserved. Thank you for your work.
Moondrift, I like this story, BUT, if you're going to use real place names (as most of these were), then please use ones that fit. The Bungle Bungles are many hundreds of kilometres from Adelaide, even as the crow flies, let alone by road. And if you re-read the bit about her going back, you'll realise that your timeframe has gone wrong - she leaves on Sunday, saying she will be back Friday, takes two days to travel to the Bungle Bungles, then spends a few days on the coast, then she sees him on Monday.
Your geography of Adelaide is fine. When I lived in Klemzig, I caught the 7E bus from North Tce!
Overall, a good story, but spoiled a little by the geography - might have been better to pick a spot in/near the Victorian Alps - you could drive there in two days from Adelaide.
Keep writing - I'm still working through some of your other stories!
Nick
I really enjoyed the way this story unfolded.....it needed such tenderness and so glad they got together....they were made for each other....sometimes we are nasty to people because we have been hurt and that is our defence...but John was a very patient man....he and she are keepers.....well done....
Why would a woman let a man get away with assault, when she had a witness that would testify in her behalf?
I too thought the pace of the story was a bit slow but still a great story. I think this story could have been in the Romance category. Anyway, well done mate. 5 stars
I have been reading stories on this site for a while now and this is my first comment. This is an amazing story with good character development and paced so well as to pull the reader in carefully and then lay them out gently. Well done.