by teller72
I enjoyed this. Things are getting good.
Now shift back to the Soccer, and the exhaustion of working to be the best. All that running and sweating. After writing that, insert momma scenes from the side lines. Then on your third read through put these sexy moments in. Make it a complete story and not simply hot sex.
Getting very good.
You really need an editor, as this could have been better without the mistakes. A number of the words you use also tell me that you were educated in one of the British Commonwealth countries. I don't know if you are trying to write this from a U.S.A. view, but, if that is the case, try using verbage from the U.S. (for example: leaned rather than leant). If that is not the case, then ignore that point. In addition, watch your punctuation. Lack of proper punctuation in some sentences interrupts the flow of the sentence, as well as the story.
Very hot story. It deserved the 5. I can see it coming and I can't wait for it to happen; the players start swapping with the moms. Maybe one or two at a time and build it up to a final season championship celebration orgy.
Love the ass fucking though doing that without any lube had to have hurt. Wish these chapters were a bit longer, though, as they seem to end just as you get in a good jerk off rhythm.
Nice way to end the chapter. I didn't expect that on their first go around. Hot sexy story. It's not perfect but I'm still reading and looking for more. Nice work.
Lovely story - the Next chapter is also very good. The story could be developed beyond the the next chapter - we are hoping for Chapters 4 and 5
P L E A S E !!!!! CAN WE HAVE MORE, BUTJUST
WATCH THE HEAT, MY COMPUTER IS STARTING
TO SMOKE. ANOTHER CHAPTER WELL DONE.
...THANKS...
ps. onto Ch. 03:
OH !! YA!! 5+*****
They went from being shy, unsure, near shut-ins to being arrogant and cocky jocks in the blink of and eye. And of course, they also went from being weedy geeks to muscle bound studs with horse cocks in a flash too. Oh, and don't forget, they have to share and swap naked pictures of their mothers too, because they're jocks now, so any respect they had for their moms is unnecessary now. Meh.
Don't know how long the other boys were but Todd only had 9". You got to be joking