Country Roads

"I'll go brush my teeth and be ready to go to work whenever you are," she told Eric before taking another sip of coffee.

"Sounds good," he said before taking a large bite of the second toasted BLT he was halfway through.

Jordan was sitting on the back porch steps when Eric found her and told her it was time to get busy.

"Do you have you gloves?" he asked when he didn't see them. He did see her perfectly manicured and painted nails and wondered how many hours those would last.

"Gloves. Right," she said as she stood up and went back inside.

Eric led her to the barn and told her the horses needed hay and that he'd be milking the goats. But when he saw her staring at the huge stack of baled hay he knew what was going on.

He pulled three bales down, cut the twine with the knife he carried at all times, then said, "Just use the pitchfork to bust 'em up and toss an equal amount of hay in each stall."

He tried not smile when he said, "And when they're done eating, you can come back and muck them out."

"Oh, goody," Jordan replied without looking at him.

"Oh. And in between come help me with the goats. Please."

He waited for her to look at him then smiled.

"You look good in flannel, by the way."

"Ha, ha!" she said as she turned away to go grab the pitchfork.

"I was just being honest," he told her having meant it sincerely but now wondering if the 'bitch part' might be true.

What should have taken her ten minutes took closer to a half hour, but Eric chose not to mention it when she finally showed up.

"Those three on the end still need to be milked," he told her as he squeezed away on another one.

"Lucky me," she muttered.

Eric saw her pull off the gloves and hold up her left hand. He noticed two broken nails, and nearly lost it when he saw her look then loudly say, "UGH!," before pulling up a stool and doing something else she hadn't done since the late 1990s.

Just two or three pulls later, the goat she was milking let out a loud bleat.

"Easy over there!" Eric called out, trying to be friendly.

A muttered reply of 'asshole' actually did make him laugh and decide the bitch thing was probably true.

As they finished up with the goats, they heard Mia calling for her mom.

"I'm over here, honey!"

"Mom! Nana's gonna take me into town to buy school clothes!" her daughter said the moment she spotted her mother.

Eric sauntered over just in time to hear Jordan say, "Might be nice if she asked me rather than..."

"Can she, Mom? Please?"

Her daughter had clothes. She just didn't have many of them. Jordan brought a suitcase full, but it wasn't enough to wear week after week to school. She was also very aware of who had the money, and if she wanted her daughter to have anything nice to wear beyond the third day, she had to agree.

"Sure. That's fine, sweetie."

Mia gave her mom a hug then ran back to the house hollering, "Nana! It's okay! I can go!"

Eric's outlook softened a bit as he said, "I can imagine how hard all of this is on you."

Jordan looked at him then said, "No. You can't imagine. You have no idea, and I wish you'd quit pretending you do!" before handing him a small pail of milk and stomping off.

The problem was she was heading in the wrong direction.

"We've got a gate to fix!" Eric called out. "And it's in the opposite direction."

He watched Jordan stop, clench her fists then slowly turn around. The look on her face was one Eric couldn't ever remember seeing on a woman before, and as she walked by she glared at him.

As she strode by he said, "You know I didn't make you come here, right?"

She stopped again, clenched her hands into tight balls one more time then spun around.

Again Eric felt bad even though he'd done nothing wrong.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." he tried saying when she whirled around and lit into him.

"Get off my ass! You have NO idea what I'm dealing with! My husband is dead, everything we had is gone! I'm back here living in pig shit, and you're riding me nonstop!"

She went to finish the rant but couldn't. Eric saw her face screwing up in anguish as the anger and resentment and everything else came spilling out.

"I...I really am sorry," he said as he moved closer.

The crying turned to sobbing, and no matter how he felt about her, Eric couldn't not try to comfort her.

He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, but the moment he did Jordan screamed, "Don't touch me!"

The yelling caused her to nearly gag as she tried to breathe, and while he knew he might get hit or even kneed in the groin, Eric didn't move away. He moved closer and slowly put his arms around her and pulled her close as she her body heaved up and down.

"It's gonna be okay," he told her as she nearly collapsed in his arms.

He wasn't sure how long he held her, but at some point she slowly put her arms around him, too. It wasn't as though she was hugging him. It was more that she need to hold on to avoid collapsing.

At some point he pulled back a bit and asked if she'd be okay once her sobs began to fade.

"I...I'm not sure I'll...ever be okay again," she said, one ragged word at a time.

"You will. I promise you that."

Jordan also pulled away a little then took a long, slow, deep breath before telling him again, "You can't know that. You...you have no idea what I've been through."

"I really am sorry," Eric told her again as he lowered his arms.

Jordan did the same then seemed to soften a little, too.

"Thank you."

"You ready to help me with that gate?"

"I don't suppose I have any choice, so..."

"Come on," he said, smiling once she looked at him.

Jordan didn't return his smile, but the ferocious look that was there a few minutes earlier was gone.

As they walked to the barn to get the tools they needed, and the tractor to ride out to the gate, Jordan said something that shocked her younger boss.

"Eric? You were right. You...you haven't done anything wrong. In fact, all you've done is be nice to me...and my daughter."

They took a few more steps before she said, "I...I'm really sorry."

She even looked over at him, and this time, he saw a face that was hopeful; hopeful that he would offer his forgiveness.

"I'd say 'I understand', but I don't want you to lay into me again," he told her, trying to be polite and making sure to smile.

"That was also mean of me to say. It might be true, but it certainly wasn't nice," Jordan said almost sheepishly.

She looked at him again then said, "I wouldn't wish losing the one you love the most on anyone, and even though you really can't understand that, I'm sure you've lost someone you love in your life."

He didn't smile, but the look on his face was understanding as he told her he had without saying more.

"Okay. We're gonna need a few things," Eric told her as they got to the barn door, happy to change the subject and even happier that they'd established something of a working relationship between them.

"Good thing you're here, because I have no clue!" Jordan said with a laugh that made Eric smile.

By dinner time, it was obvious that Jordan was exhausted. She hadn't done a day's work in over two decades, and there was the fact that she was a woman over 40. Eric didn't know that for sure, but he felt reasonably confident that had to be the case based on what little he did know.

Mia did nearly all of the talking during dinner as she went on and on about school clothes and making new friends and hoping the girls here really were different. Eric listened with genuine interest as he tried to imagine what it was like for a girl Mia's age dealing with catty girls who were best friends one day and talking behind your back the next. It hurt him to think anyone would be mean to her, but he understood human nature and that life wasn't always fair. He said next to nothing, but when he did comment he tried to be supportive and promised he'd be there for her no matter what.

When they finished eating, Mia got up and gave Eric a hug that turned out to be the second most pleasant surprise of the day, behind only Jordan's humble apology.

"So what's next?" Jordan bravely asked as she and her mom cleared the table.

"I think you've had enough for one day," Eric told her, a kind smile on his handsome face.

Jean gave him a look but didn't say anything as she handed some plates to Mia who put them in the dishwasher.

"I don't want to make you go back out by yourself," Jordan told him.

"I had a lot of help today, and that's more than I usually have, and you're gonna be unbelievably sore the next couple of days. So maybe go take a hot bath and relax?"

When he saw Jordan's eyes turn glassy, he realized he'd been overly harsh to think she was some kind of...bitch. She was just a woman doing her best to adjust to radically different circumstances, none of which were her fault.

When she came over and gave him a hug, too, it did something or caused something he hadn't felt in so long he'd nearly forgotten the feeling. It was so pleasant that it stayed with him the rest of the day and eventually led to him doing something he hadn't done in 3-4 months when he finally went to bed around 11 o'clock.

The following morning, Eric was up at 4am and felt like a million bucks. He was whistling on his way to breakfast but stopped when he walked inside and saw Jordan in the kitchen.

"Someone's happy," she said with a little smile.

"Oh. Yeah. I guess maybe I am," he said before asking her how she felt.

"Well, considering that lifting my coffee cup hurts like...crazy...I suppose I'm okay."

"Yeah, that lactic acid buildup is painful. The only good news I have is that it'll go away in a couple of days."

He smiled at her then said, "I can't say the same for your nails, though."

Jean was cooking but turned to give him another look, but again, she didn't say anything. Jordan did, though, and held up her hands to show him.

"I cut them all back last night. I only had two left, and the others were all jagged. Now they're at least smooth if very short."

"I think they look beautiful, Mom," Mia told her.

She gave her mom a hug and Eric winced when Jordan flinched.

"Easy, honey! Your mom's feeling every day of her 41 years!"

Jean gave her daughter the look this time, but Jordan didn't see it, and Eric finally knew.

In jeans and flannel, Jordan still didn't look anywhere near that old, but she did look a little less young than she had in her 'street clothes'.

At 7:15 both Jordan and Eric went back to the house to wish Mia a happy first day of school. They each got hugs, and in turn, they told her how nice she looked in her new clothes. They weren't fancy, but they were more than adequate, and most important, they were what the average girl her age was wearing. So at least she shouldn't be getting any grief over the way she looked.

Beyond that it was anybody's guess, but everyone felt hopeful as she got in the Land Rover.

"Thank you for being so nice to my daughter," Jordan told Eric as they walked back to finish 'blading the slab' a farm term for scraping the massive amount of cow poop into a large cesspool under the barn. Eric jokingly warned her about what a pleasure it was to pump it out every couple of months, and Jordan told him she couldn't wait as she rolled her eyes then laughed.

"You doing okay? With your body aches?" Eric asked once they were finished.

"Thanks to the Ibuprofen I took, I'll live," she replied. It was obvious she was in pain, but it was also clear she intended to pull her weight. "Besides, I couldn't stand myself if I sat inside knowing you're out here by yourself doing your work and mine."

Eric stood there, his hands on his hips, and just stared at her for a couple of seconds. He cocked his head a little then said, "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"For?"

"Everything."

Before she could ask a question like 'such as' Eric told her they needed to move over to the horses, and that made Jordan wince.

"I'll help you with the pitchfork," he told her with a little laugh as they headed that way.

"Ha! My hero!" she playfully replied as she walked along beside him.

Just as Eric had promised, the soreness passed over the next couple of days, and while he knew Jordan didn't want to be there, she did her level best to hide her feelings and that included griping or complaining. And there was another side benefit to having her around. Eric was in bed by 10 o'clock each night for the first time since he started working there.

It was roughly a month or so after that before Jordan was able to do enough to allow them to finish even earlier. One night around that time, one they called it quits for the day, Eric went to the bunkhouse and Jordan found herself talking with her mom.

"Eric tells me you're doing great around here," her mom kind of casually mentioned.

"He's a very nice young man," Jordan replied.

"I take it you two do your share of talking during the day?"

"Not really. We do talk, but it's all work related. Why do you ask, Mom?"

Jean started coughing, and this time it was really bad.

"Mom? That cold has lingered for weeks. When are you going to get it checked? It could be bronchitis."

"No, it's not bronchitis," her mom said without looking Jordan's way.

"How do you know? If you haven't seen a doctor."

Jean looked at her girl, sighed, then said, "We need to talk."

"About?"

Jean sighed again, and the sigh made her cough almost as bad as before.

"Sorry. We do need to talk, and before the coughing started again, I was going to ask you if Eric mentioned his wife to you, but now that this cough is forcing my hand, it seems like a good time to tell you..."

"Stop. Mom. Did you just say...Eric's wife?"

"Oh, my," her mom said, realizing she'd let the wrong cat out of the bag. "He hasn't told you, has he? And now I'm deep kimchi."

Jordan remembered that saying from her father years ago and knew it meant trouble.

"Mom? What are you talking about?"

In a way Jean was relieved not to have to mention the cancer yet, but she also felt like she was betraying the son she never had.

"She...Eric's wife. She...she was killed in a car accident, too. While he was away overseas. In Afghanistan," Jean said. "I really can't believe this never came up."

Too stunned to speak, Jordan sat there staring into space.

"Jordan? I thought you knew. Now I've betrayed a confidence, and I hope you won't say anything," her mom said, nearly pleading.

"So he does understand."

"What?" her mom asked at the absentminded reply that seemed like a non-sequitur. "I'm the one who isn't understanding."

"All this time and all the things I said. Mean, hurtful things."

"Jordan? What are you talking about?"

Jordan stood up, went to a side window and looked at the ranch house. The lights were still on, and as she came back through the kitchen she told her mom she'd be next door.

"It's after 10pm! What's so important it can't wait?"

"An apology," her daughter said as she walked out and let the screen door slam shut.

Within seconds she was at his door and knocked. Eric was watching another episode of The Good Wife and the unexpected knock startled him. He set the iPad down and went to the door.

"Jordan? What's goin on?" he asked as he opened it. "Is your mom okay?"

"She...she's fine. I just..."

"Are you okay? Is something wrong with Mia?"

He closed the door then noticed that Jordan's eyes were teary.

"Hey. What it is it? What's going on?"

Jordan was still in the same shirt she'd worn that day, her hair was kind of up but also hanging down, and yet Eric thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd seen since his wife was alive.

"You know," she said as she looked into his eyes. "All this time and...you knew."

"You're upset. Why don't you come in and sit down?"

"No. I...I won't be staying. I just came over to tell you how sorry and I am and to apologize."

Eric couldn't smell alcohol on her breath and that only confused him more.

"May I ask what it is you're apologizing for?"

Her arms were around his neck so fast he wasn't sure whether to pull them down or hug her back.

"Jordan? What's going on?" he asked again.

"Your wife. I had no idea, and I'm so sorry."

The words hit him hard, but as soon as they did he understood.

"I see," he quietly said as he kind of raised his hands and put them in the small of her back.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me make...an ass out of myself?"

She'd pulled her head back and was looking up at him, her eyes darting back and forth and imploring him to explain.

"I felt you needed time to vent and work through your own loss. I couldn't see any value in telling you I've been through that."

Tears fell as she asked, "Can you...can you tell me what happened to her? Please?" even though her mother had provided the cause of death.

The only time Eric had even come close to crying was at the funeral, and yet he was on the verge of tearing up himself as he saw the emotion on her face and felt it in her voice.

"Please sit down, okay?" he said as he gently lowered her arms.

Jordan had forgotten how tiny the ranch house was, but that didn't matter as she sat down in the only padded chair while Eric pulled out one made of wood and sat across from her. He took a few seconds and gave her the shortest possible version of what happened then sat there waiting for her to speak.

"Another car accident. And she was so young," Jordan quietly said as she continued looking into his eyes.

"Yes. On both counts. But I suppose it was a blessing that I wasn't with her. Like...you. And your husband. I can't even imagine how awful that was."

"I feel so...ashamed," Jordan admitted as she looked down at his feet.

"Why? You have no reason to feel that way, but you do have every reason to feel bitter."

Jordan looked up at him again as though she were studying him.

"And that's exactly how I've felt since learning about the accident. And the investments. And...everything."

She looked down again before looking back and continuing.

"But being here...or maybe...being around you...has reminded me of how my...my moral compass gotten so out of whack over the years. I really did love my husband, but I...I lost track of the values my parents tried to instill in me. I looked down my nose at people content to live in rural areas. I thought they were small-minded and...shallow."

She raised an eyebrow then said, "But I was the one who was shallow. I wanted money and a big home and lavish parties and..."

"Remember me saying you don't give yourself enough credit?" Eric said, interrupting her.

"Yes. Of course."

"This is one of those times. You've learned a lot about life and yourself, and since coming home, you've changed, Jordan. A lot. If you could only see yourself from my perspective you'd realize that and stop beating yourself up."

Jordan made a kind of 'yeah, right' sound then said, "See myself. Because I'm so...great to look at."

She tried to laugh a little when she said it, but Eric wasn't going to let her keep putting herself down.

"I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known since my wife passed away," he told her so sincerely it sent chills up and down her arms.

"I...you...what do you mean by that?" she asked as her heart pounded.

"You don't need to be wearing cashmere to be beautiful, Jordan. You have this...natural beauty I can't explain, and even in a flannel shirt you look amazing."

She could only look at him for a second before having to look away, but in that second she saw the same sincerity she'd just felt, and although she'd noticed how handsome he was many times, this was the first time that it really hit her.

"I'm tempted to say you've been alone too long, but after learning that you were married and what happened, that wouldn't be funny, so I'll just say...thank you."