by fidopedar
this should have been chapter two with chapter one giving the proper background and character development plus details on them growing up. as said by others this needs another chapter or two to finish it off properly. half a story is worse than no story at all and this was much less than half so start writing.
Good story, not written extremely well, had some mistake thattook away from the story but all in all very good.
The story's quite effective, and the masturbation scene at the close is nicely handled, even if some of the initial dialogue is a little clunky in places. Definitely needs a sequel, perhaps covering another visit - or one where he spends some time at her parents' ranch during the holidays.
The story's quite effective, and the masturbation scene at the close is nicely handled, even if some of the initial dialogue is a little clunky in places. Definitely needs a sequel, perhaps covering another visit - or one where he spends some time at her parents' ranch during the holidays.
Very nice written - sensual and erotical at the same time. Hope there will be a sequel.