All Comments on 'Crazy, Dark'

"Roger drug his weary body " DRUG is not the past tense of "drag". It's "dragged."

" gathering his thoughts before going inside;" You want a period there.

" was within five pounds of his varsity weight," Another period there.

"Hey(comma) Sweetie"

"Hey(comma) honey"

"As she turned to face him though his voice faltered for a second(period) (capital "H")e wasn't sure what he expected but this sure wasn't it(period)

"That wasn't what was truly intriguing about her though(period)

"it was definitely her face(period) (capital "H")er skin, unlike (that of) most teens was flawless and fair,"

"chest cannons " WTF?

"Hello, I'm Jennifer, but you can call me Jeni(PERIOD) you must be Jack's dad",

" (YOU'RE) - contraction of "you are" very sweet and polite (TOO), "

"Roger felt himself blush like a schoolboy at the compl(I)ment, "

Spellcheck only tells you if a word is spelled correctly. It can't tell you that the word is wrong.

I can't go on. There are just too many distracting goofs here - poor punctuation and spelling - but I hope this will help. I highly advise you to get an editor.

Loved the story. I figured it out pretty early that she’d end up being a crazy bitch. She seemed off from the beginning.

Great story, reminds me of Angelica by 100 Angry Bananas yet not quite as dark. I'd love to see more like this.

Dearest darkoverlord,

Roger was a jerk, but, the bitch be crazy!! Excellent plot, fabulous writing!

GG

Sorry - couldn't get pass page 3.

Oh that’s a great story, nicely done