Creation of me, Dedication to Her

We have all probably been at that place where we wonder how did I get the way I am? What was it that triggered this desire or that one? I'm in that place now. It isn't the first time and most likely won't be the last but this time maybe it is a bit different?

It's 2020, the year of Covid, Murder Hornets, the guy in the White House, protests and it's an election year. This is also the year my ex passed away and it all has me reflecting on days gone by. She was the first person that I really opened up to about cuckolding, humiliation and BDSM, there will always be a special place for her in my heart. This story is a chronicle of my personal journey and is dedicated to her. M, you will always be remembered.

Being a cuckold and turned on by being humiliated and dominated by women isn't something people just randomly discuss so you won't be surprised that there are very few who know this side of me. I've always known I felt the need to be submissive to a more assertive woman. Even the fact that jealousy turned me on has been with me as long as I can recall.

The first time it really hit home was my first year of college. My girlfriend was sexually active before we had gotten together and had been with upper classmen that were more popular than I was. I'm willing to bet we've all either said it or heard it, am I the biggest, the best? Most people want to hear that yes, they were the biggest that they were the best but not me. I was hoping she would say no. I wouldn't tell her that though. My desire which was also my fear came true with sprinkles and Icing on the cake when she said without hesitation that no I was not the biggest or the best by a long shot.

Ever get that frog in your throat when you are afraid to ask something? How about that feeling when your breath has just been sucked out of your lungs and your heart is pounding with excitement? That was how I felt. I tried my best to sound tough and bigger than I was when I asked who it was. She let out a sigh and moaned as she said Danny was about 11". We were in my car and already were about to have sex but that was all it took for her to jump on top of me and slide me into her. She was so wet and I don't know if I had ever been so hard. Possibly 3 maybe 4 times she slid up and down my penis that was less than half the size of Danny's and I was already shooting my load into the condom. Her moans of pleasure instantly turned to a growl of frustration. She quickly climbed off of me and got herself off as I watched.

I learned that night that I was jealous like any guy would be, I was embarrassed knowing that at least 3 of my buddies had been with her and could probably have her again if the opportunity came about. What's more is that I learned it turned me on even more than having sex. Sadly she also learned something. She learned that I was a 3 or 4 pump chump. We dated for several months and I know she cheated on me during that time. Eventually she grew bored with me and we broke up.

Fast forward to a couple weeks before I met M. A friend of mine and I had picked up a couple girls in a bar and went back to their place. I was making out with my girl and not sure what got into me but there was something about her that made me want to demonstrate in some way to her that I was submissive. To give a little context I was more of a Country boy complete with wrangler jeans, roper boots and a stetson hat. She on the other hand was pure Goth. Black nails, black lipstick and eyes that just screamed I'm going to devour you.

We had gotten pretty hot n heavy and looking back I can see why she decided to put a stop to it before we had sex. I was trembling, I was fumbling, I was whimpering like a pathetic wimp. She said no and I begged, I begged some more and when she continued to say no I begged to be allowed to jack off. Oh jeez, fine but hurry up!

I had never jacked off in front of someone before but I knew after I did it I loved it. Looking into her eyes, she looking at me with abhorrence. I was hooked. The girl for me would be kinda slutty, dominant and more confident and emotionally stronger than me.

Next Chapter - I Meet M