Creative Writing Ch. 01

We made small talk for quite a while. She told me where she grew up, where she went to college, how she met her husband, how she'd gotten pregnant too soon and had a baby when she was just 20. Getting pregnant was a mistake she told me, but Brad was anything but. He was her pride and joy and the love of her life. As we talked, she told me how she and Hugh had slowly drifted apart over the years to where their marriage could now best be described as a mostly platonic friendship. She wasn't complaining. She was merely describing the situation as she saw it and was now living it.

"So maybe that's why your paper was so special to me. You said all the things every woman wants to hear. Even so, I hope you can understand the way I feel. I can't be a Mrs. Robinson to you, Cal. You are so kind and so sweet. I don't want you to look back and feel that way about me. Does that make sense?"

"It does," I told her. "But please know I would never feel that way. You're not coming on to me and you're not um...seducing me. We're just talking. And I have no agenda or goal other than to be able to get to know you. So whatever does or doesn't happen, please understand that I will always respect and admire you." I hesitated before saying, "And I will always think you're beautiful and special—no matter what you wear."

Michelle looked at me again with that look. It was brief but it was definitely there. She cleared her throat and said, "Coach Simpson told me about your weightlifting. Are you also playing any sports this year?"

"Oh, no. I've never tried out for any team sport."

"You don't care for sports?"

"I like them okay. It's just that up until this year, I pretty much avoided any situation that gave other people the opportunity to make fun of me. It doesn't take very much of that to make you gun shy. When you're the most unattractive kid in school you tend to avoid any place that makes you vulnerable to more attacks."

"Oh, Cal. I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about that. You had to deal with that all those years and I can't even imagine how difficult and cruel and unfair that was. All I see now is the new you sitting in front of me and it's just hard to remember you like that." I didn't say anything so Michelle continued by saying, "I'm sure you didn't know this but when you were in my Mythology class I went out my way to make certain no one gave you a hard time."

I smiled and said politely, "No. I noticed. How could I not? I mean, other than my own home and maybe my friend Glen's house, your classroom was the only place I ever felt completely safe." Michelle was looking directly at me, her pretty eyes darting back and forth between my own. "In fact, that's the reason I chose you for the person I'd most like to spend a day with. It's the reason I feel the way I feel about you." Now it was my turn to look away. However I might appear physically, I was still that emotionally banged-up, overweight kid with the horrible grill.

Michelle never stopped looking at me. She could see I was uncomfortable. She told me, "Remember when I asked you to stay after school? When I tried to explain why this could never happen?"

"Of course," I replied.

"What I didn't tell you was that you were right."

"How so?" I asked. "Right about what?"

"I told you how your paper made me feel like you were watching me live my life. But what you told me just before you left did made me feel that even more so. I told you I was married and your teacher. You said you noticed I never mentioned I didn't have the same kind of feelings you have nor did I say I didn't want to spend time with you. That left me dumbstruck."

"Why is that?" I asked. "Is that also because I'm chronologically too young to know such things?"

She smiled warmly and said, "Chronologically. You see? There you go again! It's partly that. But mostly it was because it was as though no matter what words I said, you could look right past them and see into my heart." Now it was her turn to feel uncomfortable. "Cal, you've been so open and so honest with me that I feel the need to be just as honest with you. And, well, the truth is...I...I do have those kinds of...feelings for you. I just couldn't allow myself to admit it to you. At least not then. I convinced myself those feelings weren't real and that if I could just convince you I don't want to,—you know, spend time with you, that this would pass and I wouldn't have to confront them. And somehow, you saw right through that in spite of my best efforts to be the sensible adult. And now I learn you knew I was protecting you when I tried so hard to be subtle. All of this is just so...it's so... Actually, I'm not sure how to express the way it makes me feel. But before I stop talking, I want to tell you one other thing. You may have felt like the most un—attractive kid in school before, but I want to assure you that you are now by far the most a—ttractive kid in school. And no, I'm not just saying that because you've been so nice to me. It's true. Pretty much every girl in every one of my classes is talking about you—and in a good way."

"Wow. I can't imagine any compliment meaning more to me than that one since it's coming from you. 'Thank you' seems so...inadequate. And please know it isn't my intention to make you feel that way, Mrs. Lloyd. I honestly just wanted to have the chance to get to know you and to be your friend and I don't think I've ever enjoyed a conversation more in my entire life."

Michelle smiled as she said, "You're so young and yet you have the soul of someone who's so much older; someone who is insightful and wise beyond his years. That makes no sense to me, logically speaking. I've known hundreds of high school boys who range in maturity from unusually mature to downright moronic. But I've never known anyone your age who is like you. Then again, logic doesn't apply to the things of the heart, does it? I guess what I'm saying is that this has been just as pleasant for me and that makes me feel even sillier for the way I behaved when you knocked on the door. All of my fears were ill-founded and I couldn't have been more wrong."

We sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Michelle said, "Okay. So no sports. What do you like to do?"

"Um, well, I like school. I like video games. I like sci-fi. I like action movies. I like weightlifting." After a brief pause I smiled and said, "I like being here spending time with you."

She smiled and said, "Truth be told? I'm enjoying this very much, too. This is really nice. Do you like any other kinds of movies? Do you enjoy playing board games?"

"I'm not really into other kinds of movies but I'm willing to try new things. I know you like Bogart films so if you want to watch one of those, that'd be fine. And yes, I like playing board games. Did you have one in mind?"

"Ah, Bogie movies. I do love them. And your line from the Maltese Falcon really touched me, by the way. As to board games, why yes I do, as a matter of fact, have one in mind!" she exclaimed. "Let's go into the living room and I'll show you what I've got. While I'm getting the games down, you can look through my DVD collection. Are you a fan of Monopoly by any chance?"

"Like any good nerd, I am. But I have to warn you, I'm very good at it."

She pulled the box down from a shelf in one of the beautiful built-ins and said, "Ha! I'll have you bankrupted before the movie's over. And for the record, you don't look like any nerd I've ever seen."

"Well thank you, but I can assure you am a true nerd at heart," I replied. Then I told her, "Monopoly? Bring it on!"

She set out the board and asked if I'd found anything interesting. "Uh, well, these are pretty much all romantic comedies. You don't have any sci-fi or anything with Chuck Norris or Steven Seagal in them? Maybe even an Ahnold movie like Terminator?"

"No, sorry. I'm pretty much into just classics and chick-flicks. I don't like being scared during a movie, and I can't take watching someone beat the heck out of other people so I stick with the stuff that makes me laugh...or cry."

"Uh, I don't think watching something sad is such a good idea with everything you've been dealing with this week. Do you have any straight-up comedies?"

"I do!" She got up and handed me another dozen or so choices. I found something with Jennifer Aniston and chose that. Not because I liked the movie, mind you. I hadn't even heard of it. I just thought she was hot.

"I love this movie. It's perfect! If you'll be the banker and get us set up I'll get the movie started. Would it be too um, 'corny' to make some popcorn?"

I couldn't help but laugh at her attempted humor. "What? Why are you laughing at me?" she said in a mock pout.

"I'm not laughing at you, Mrs. Lloyd. You're just so..."

"So what? I'm so—what?"

"You're really cute when you try and be funny."

She put her hands on her hips and said with mock indignation, "I'll have you know I'm very funny! Are you saying I'm not funny?"

I put my hands up indicating surrender and told her, "Oh, no. I would never say that." Then in a very exaggerated voice I said, "You're very funny, Mrs. Lloyd."

She pointed her finger at me and said, "You're in so much trouble, mister!"

We sat down with a huge bowl of popcorn, started the movie and rolled the dice to see who'd go first. I chose the Top Hat and she chose the Dog. Before we knew it, the movie ended and she let it automatically start over. At that point, we both had hotels on several monopolies and the game was fairly close. By the time we were finishing up the game, the movie was also coming to an for the second time.

I had a large stack of Monopoly money and property deeds in front of me when I said, "Okay, lady. I have all your money and all your property except for that last railroad which I am now buying from the bank. Hand it over."

Michelle grabbed it and clutched it to her body. "No way! I'm not giving up..." She looked down at the card to see which one it was. "I'm not giving up the Reading Railroad. I have my pride you know."

I reached and said, "Past tense, Mrs. Lloyd. You had your pride. I believe I've taken that along with all of your cash, your hotels, your houses, and your property. Tell you what! I'll let you keep your dignity. As a token of my magnanimity, you may keep your little toy dog. How's that!"

She put her hand over her mouth and laughed loudly. "Magnanimity! There you go again! How do you even know that word?" she teased.

"I have a really good English teacher," I told her proudly. "Now give!"

"But I won't have anything left," she said in a mock pout.

"You'll have a new friend," I said matter of factly. "Seems like a reasonable trade, doesn't it?"

I got that look yet again before she held it out and said quietly, "You're right. That's more than reasonable. It's...invaluable. Here. You won. Fair and square." Then she perked up and warned me, "But next time, you better watch out, buddy!"

She suddenly sounded worried. We'd both lost track of time when Michelle said, "Oh, my gosh! It's after 2am. You should probably be getting home. Where do your parents think you are?"

"They think I'm at Glen's. Besides, they don't worry about me like that when it isn't a school night. It's fine, really."

"I'm so glad. I would feel terrible if I caused any problems for you," she said with genuine sincerity.

The movie ended and the DVD player had shut off. We stood there in silence for a moment when Michelle said, "You know, Casablanca is my all-time favorite movie. I cry every time I watch it and I've seen at least a dozen times. Have you ever watched it?"

"Um, no. Sorry. I've never even heard of it."

"You're kidding!" she said. "Have you even watched the Maltese Falcon?"

I shook my head and told her the truth. "I knew you liked Bogart movies so I just Googled his name for famous phrases. Sorry. I'm a total fraud. But at least I'm an honest fraud, right?

She laughed and said, "Honest fraud? I know I've taught you what an oxymoron is. If that's not bad enough, you've never watched either of the two best movies of all time." She pretended to be distraught and said, "Oh, my goodness. This is all my fault. Your education is so incomplete! We need to address this deficiency right away!"

I was still too dense to pick up on what she was suggesting. I glanced back at the clock and said, "I probably should be going. I didn't mean to keep you up all night. I really enjoyed this."

Michelle said, "It's fine. Really. I haven't slept much the last several weeks so this was not only a lot of fun for me, too, it was also a very welcome relief. So thank you for a very pleasant evening."

We got to the back door and as I was about to open it Mrs. Lloyd said, "Cal? I was just wondering. I mean, if you're free and if you'd be interested...well...I would really enjoy your company again tomorrow. I would love to have someone here to watch Casablanca with. That is, if you can forgive me for making an educational date with you." Her eyebrows were raised letting me know she was sincere and very hopeful I'd say yes.

"Date? Was that intentional or a Freudian slip? And isn't 'educational date' also an oxymoron?"

"Okay, okay. You win this one, too! I surrender. But date or no date, I would really love having you watch it with me. Would you?" She looked so hopeful and so innocent.

"I'd love to," I told her. "Besides, if I don't show up, who's going to hand you tissues when you cry?"

She recalled me doing that for her in the classroom. Her eyebrows lowered and she once again looked at me like that. She looked down for a moment and then said, "Why do I feel like I'm the girl in high school when I'm with you and you're the older person?"

I have no idea where I got the courage but I reached out and took her hand. She didn't pull back so I said, "I'll throw out another $50-word and ask you if your question rhetorical or not.'"

She replied in the softest, sweetest voice, "Yes. It was rhetorical because I know exactly why you make me feel that way."

Again, I don't know how I look to others. I only know what others tell me. One thing I do know is I'm not tall. I'm only 5'8" (and a half) so with my shoes on I was just two inches taller than Mrs. Lloyd in her stocking feet. Even so, I was looking down at her as our we stared into one another's eyes for several seconds. She broke the silence and said, "I'll do my best not to be quite so schizophrenic when you come back. I really am sorry for being such a ditz tonight. I'm not promising I won't be a little bit schizo..."

I didn't let her finish. I leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. Her eyes initially opened wide in surprise and then they closed as she kissed me back. It wasn't a long kiss and it certainly wasn't a passionate kiss. It was just a very pleasant kiss tonight.

Our eyes darted back and forth into one another's as she said, "Good night, Cal."

"Good night," I said.

As I turned to leave she reached out for my arm and said, "Cal? Will you please call me by my first name when we're alone? I know you said you'll never tell anyone about our time together and I believe you. So I also know I can trust you with calling me Michelle, too. Will you?"

I smiled as I opened the door and said, "Of course I will. And thank you. And for the record? You look amazing even in sweats and...jewelry."

Michelle smiled and even giggled slightly. She kissed me on the cheek and once again said, "You know, if you'd come over around six or so, I could make dinner for us, too. Would that be okay?"

"That would be perfect. I'd like that. Thank you...Michelle."

"Well, good night—again. See you...later today?" I nodded and she let go of my arm.

As I stepped into the garage, I was greeted by a blast of very cold air. I got in my car and turned the heat up full blast. My head was spinning as I tried to process and relive everything that happened that night. I drove around for a while and got home just before three o'clock and lay in bed for several hours unable to sleep in spite of being completely exhausted. I finally gave in and let myself imagine being with...my...what? Girlfriend? I came very quickly after having had a partial erection the entire day and a hard on the entire time I was with her and finally fell asleep. My last thoughts before I did were, "My God, she's beautiful" and "I can't believe we have another date for tonight."

It was around noon when my mom finally knocked on my door. "Honey? You okay?"

My eyes were completely stuck shut from sleep. I wasn't even sure where I was for a few seconds. My first thought was whether or not last night was real or a dream. The sticky Kleenex on the floor next to my bed answered my question.

"Uh, yeah. I'm awake, Mom. I'll be right out, okay?"

My mother made pancakes for me even though it was lunchtime. She needed to be at work by 2 o'clock but as always, my needs came first. She asked about last night and what Glen and I did and for the first time I could remember, I lied to my mother. "Oh, we played Monopoly for several hours. You know. Just talking and stuff."

"Well that sounds fun. It was well almost 3am when I heard you pull in," she said. There was no judgment in her voice; she was just stating a fact. "So what do you hear from Karen these days? Are you two still dating?"

Karen. I hadn't thought about her since I got my last assignment back with the note from Michelle. "We haven't talked much recently. I guess we're still sort of going out. I don't really know. I mean, I guess it would be okay if she dated other guys at at school."

"That's a very mature attitude. Are you interested in anyone else these days?" she asked as she set three pancakes on my plate.

"Um, yeah. Well, I guess so. There is this one girl I really like."

"Well maybe you could ask her to come to dinner some night. We'd love to meet her."

I couldn't tell my own mother I was talking about my married English teacher. I only said, "Mom, kids don't do that these days. Besides, we haven't actually even been on a date yet. We just sort of hung out one evening at her place."

"Well, that sounds very nice, dear. Do you like this girl a lot? I guess what I'm asking is do you think Karen would care if you were dating her? Is she as open minded as you regarding these matters?"

I hadn't thought about that. All I cared about was being with Michelle. "I don't know, Mom. As always, you raise a good point. I'll call her today and discuss this with her so we don't have any kind of misunderstanding."

She came over and bent down to hug me. She kissed the top of my head and said, "You are such a good boy. And so handsome!"

"Moooom!" I protested. I actually liked the affection but I wasn't going to admit it. I did have to admit though, that she was right about Karen. I decided the best thing to do was just end the relationship because no matter what happened with Michelle, I really had no interest in a girl that young. I laughed because she was 18 months older than me. Little did I know, she'd be the youngest girl I'd ever date after that as I learned that older women, especially older married women, were far more interesting than anyone my own age.

I called her that afternoon and although she was hurt and upset, she said she understood. She admitted there was someone she was interested in and that perhaps this was a sign from God that she should pursue it. I told her I thought that was a good idea as I had someone else I wanted to spend time with, too. That was as honest as I cared to be with her. We wished one another well and that was that.

Other than Karen, I had no experience with women. I could tell Michelle was the romantic type but I didn't know how to be romantic. I was running some thoughts through my mind when I decided to do what most kids in high school do for a boyfriend or girlfriend. I made her a mixed-CD of love songs. I knew she was 37 so I just did the math to figure out when she would have been in junior high school through college and picked a dozen or so of the biggest-hit love songs of those times. I was able to fit 14 of them on the disk. I labeled it with a modification of the title of the first song on the disk. I titled it, "To The One I Love" from the song by R.E.M. I hadn't heard most of those songs as they were well before my time, but some of them were pretty nice. I hoped she'd like it.