Critical Response Ch. 04

[Author's note: fresh from her humiliation, stripped naked at Cassie's feet in the final chapter of Only Consenting Adults, Lily comes into my office to give me some very direct author feedback.]

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I'm packing up the office, putting everything in a box, when Lily comes in. I see the look on her face and brace for a broadside.

"Going somewhere?" she asks, managing to insert a snide undertone into the words.

"Yeah, I'm finishing up."

"All done and dusted?"

"Yeah, Lily. All done."

"So, what? A holiday now?"

"Maybe, for a little while."

"You earned it. Your fingers must be worn out, all that tippity-tappety on the keyboard, cooking all this up."

"Lily, I've got to go. I'm handing the keys back in thirty minutes. Is there something I can help you with?"

Lily makes a show of looking around the empty office, her eyes settling on the whiteboard with its lines and annotations. She walks up to it and reaches out, her nails clacking on the surface, tracing down the arrows to the bottom. I step up, taking the eraser in my hand, starting to wipe the board clean.

"Anything you're looking for?" I ask again.

Lily taps the bottom of the board thoughtfully, before replying, "Yeah, I'm wondering. Did you misplace something?"

"I don't think so."

"I mean, right here, the last bit."

"Like what?"

Lily turns to me and gives me a sweet little smile, then says, "My fucking happy ending."

I don't reply, sweeping across the board in long strokes, rubbing out all the plot trails.

"I mean, you gave everyone else a happy ending. Even fucking Victoria, who was such a minor character I'm surprised you even bothered."

"She...."

"Nah. Just don't. Cameron and Mina already had a happy ending, but you double-tapped that one. You devoted an entire chapter to it, for no reason of plot progression that I could see."

"Wait. Tom and Hayley...."

"Yeah, those two, everyone going out to the West Coast to start up again. All nice and happily ever after. And, here I am again, fucked over again. I didn't get Henry, and then you dangled Damian. Guess what? I don't get Damian either in the end. Shock, horror. Fucking did not see that coming."

"You had Cassie delete the blackmail video of you. That's a happy ending."

Lily folds her arms and glowers at me. I try to ignore her baleful stare as I finish cleaning the whiteboard.

"There it goes, all of it cleaned up. Nothing to say it was ever there. Now it's all just what we remember," Lily growls.

"I don't know why you're complaining. Damian was never going to be anything other than a car crash in the end. You're better off without him."

Lily glares at me in silence, then she opens her mouth.

"Oh, you devious fucker," she hisses, "Like I don't know. In the story, we all have to play along with the narrative, only knowing what we're told. You forget that once it's done, we can step back and see the whole thing. I see how you manufactured everything for Quinn, for Rosa, like a proper little sadist. How you manufactured the shitstorm for me too."

"Did I?" I shoot back, a little too quickly.

Lily's tone is getting the better of me. I need to resist rising to the bait.

"I know what you did. I know what Cassie asked for. That bit at the end, deleting the video, that was Cassie's doing, it wasn't you showing some kind of mercy. She asked for the free will to choose, and she chose that. She was the one who showed me mercy, not you. You had me naked on my knees waiting to be turned into Syn's fucking pussy slave."

I cross back over to the desk and slide my laptop into the cardboard box. Lily follows close behind, relentless.

"Was that your plan, for them to just enslave me? Like Davey and Jodie, to be consigned to whatever punishment you thought appropriate. Tell me please, because I really wanna know. Am I really worthy of that kind of fate?"

I stop, the box in my hands. The hard, emerald-green eyes are staring back at me.

"Lily, please, it's all done now."

"Is it?"

The ire is gone, like it was never there. Instead, her emerald eyes gleam as she closes the distance between us, until we're face to face.

"You see, that's the author's conceit," she murmurs.

A coy smile graces her lips and she closes the distance, coming in for the kiss. I feel the softness of her mouth and then suddenly the bite of her teeth on my bottom lip. She applies pressure, eyes locked on mine and for a split second I think she's going to draw blood, but instead she breaks off.

"See, there's a little bit of you in me after all," Lily whispers.

I don't respond.

"Tell me something, hotshot, is that what you'd like? To have a little bit of you inside me? Is that what this is all about?"

Lily grins coldly, and I know she's taunting me.

"It's just the way the story played out," I respond, finding my voice at last.

"Oh no, let's not do that. We know each other way too well by now. You like your fancy literary quotes don't you? Well, here's one. The fault is not in our stars but in ourselves that we are underlings, don't you think?"

"What do you mean?" I rasp, unsettled by her shifting demeanour.

"Maybe it's my turn to cry havoc. You set me up to fail when all I wanted was something of my own. I just wanted a little bit of love."

"Lily, you made Cassie's life hell."

Lily laughs, but it's joyless. "The evil that men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones. You like that one? You get what I'm saying?"

"Really, Lily, that's enough."

She reaches out, pressing a finger to my chest accusingly, hissing, "You set me up for Cassie. It was all predetermined from the start. I had no other option."

"So, it's down to me, is it?" I fire back at her, too quickly.

Lily's eyes flare, and she snaps, "Of course it is. You wrote it all. Every thread, you pulled it together. What the hell else was I supposed to do? I was just dancing to your tune as you pulled my strings."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's done now. It's canon. There's no re-do. That's not how it works in the real world, Lily."

"If only that were true," Lily smirks.

The tide of the conversation is shifting again. I'm trying to see where she's heading, but she's one step ahead. This isn't like the last time, something's changed. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Her eyes glitter, daring me.

"If only what was true?" I ask.

"If only we were in the real world."

Lily's smile is chilling. I put the carboard box back down on the desk, ready for trouble.

"You fucked up, you realise that, right?" Lily tells me, "For all the plot twists and the character exposition and the downright mayhem, you missed something."

"And what was that, Lily? Enlighten me."

"You made a deal with Cassie, didn't you? What did you promise her at the end? Do you recall?"

"I...."

"We've already covered it, don't you remember? She asked for free will. Your issue is that she didn't exercise it for herself, she was quite happy where she ended up. No, she gave it to me. Cassie probably thought she was rewriting the story arc, giving me a chance at a happier ending. You know what she gave me instead? A superpower."

The way she says it stops me cold, and I realise too late that she's already way ahead of me.

"You're still bound up in the stories though," I reply, carefully.

"Yeah, I know. This is my universe, but the thing you don't get, what you fail to grasp, is just how much of it there is. Just here, a hundred new stories a day, a couple of million words a week, and me, free to go anywhere."

I know I need to do something, that somehow I've walked into Lily's trap.

"No you're not. You're...," I stammer.

"You think?" Lily interjects, "You really wanna test that theory? Okay, hotshot author, I'd like to see you try. You made life so very shit for me, let's see if I can't repay the favour."

"What are you going to do?"

"That's the thing. Anything I want."

"I'll find you."

"Will you? Tell you what. Catch me."

She takes a step back and I surge forward, reaching out to grab her.

Lily clicks her fingers and suddenly she's gone.

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In response to the person who wished I'd taken more risks.

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