Crossing Rivers

"Yes, I suppose I do. "

"There are guerilla fighters in Missouri and Arkansas too. Don't you think the Union will be at all the landings there?"

Jacob shrugged.

"I hadn't thought much about it. They might be."

Emily grinned.

"Then you'll still need a wife to talk for you, won't you?"

Jacob looked at Emily.

"You want to come with me? Emily, I don't travel along roads. I go through the trees. I eat what I can catch and find. I sleep on the ground. A woman wouldn't find that very pleasant."

"It would be better than traveling by myself and as for the rest, I've been doing those things since my house burned down."

"You don't have a horse to ride?"

Emily smiled.

"Riding behind you won't be that bad once you take those revolvers out of your bedroll."

"You knew about them?"

She laughed.

"Well, it was hard not to know about them. Even though I put my blankets on top of your bedroll, they kept poking my...well, they kept poking me."

Jacob didn't want to take her with him, but he couldn't just leave her standing there. She had nothing except the clothes on her back, whatever she carried in her traveling case, and two wool blankets. He would make slower time with her riding Lady, but it would be better than leaving her and then wondering for the rest of his life what had happened to her.

"All right, Emily, I'll take you across the Mississippi, but then you have to go it on your own."

Emily smiled.

"Do you suppose we might stop by a town between here and there? If they have food, maybe we wouldn't have to eat what we find. I'm a pretty good cook and you look skinny as a rail."

At a fork in the road, the sign said Shannonville was three miles away. Jacob turned Lady into the trees and followed the road until he saw the buildings of the town. He stopped, reached into the pouch at his waist and took out a five dollar gold piece.

"Emily, go buy as much food as this will buy, and you better buy a pot because I don't have one. I'll wait for you here in the trees."

He saw Emily walking back toward him an hour later. She had a burlap sack over each shoulder. When she'd walked into the trees to where he stood holding Lady, she put down the sacks.

"Whew, those were heavy but I got things that will keep for a long time. I got a ham, some corn meal, and some molasses. They'll taste pretty good if they're fixed right. I also got a skillet instead of a pot. It's not very big, but it's the only one they had. You'll have to make us some spoons, because I ran out of money. Things were pretty expensive. The storekeeper said things like pots and spoons are just now being made again and they cost him a lot."

Jacob tied the sacks to his saddle horn and then mounted Lady.

"Let's go. You can show me how good you cook tonight."

By his map, it was a little over a hundred miles from Shannonville to Randolph. His intent was to get on a flatboat at Randolph and float down to the landing at Hopefield, Arkansas. Flatboats weren't very fast, but they could haul a lot of people, animals, and other goods, and the flatboat operators didn't ask a lot of questions.

The flatboats worked by letting the river current carry them downstream while men on the flatboat used long oars to steer them. They didn't need much water depth to float so they could put in to shore about anywhere, and the flatboat operators had places they routinely landed to pick up and drop off passengers or freight.

The flatboats would pick up other freight, people, and animals at some of those landings and carry it on down river, eventually reaching New Orleans. After unloading, they'd pick up new cargo and be towed up-river by a steam boat. Before the war, they started the trip in the North and picked up freight, people, and animals to be delivered at the various landings. After the war, the flatboats operating in the South began the trip as far north as they could reach and still be in Confederate territory.

Hopefield was marked on his map as one of those landings but there were probably others. Hopefield was across the river from Memphis, but most Union troops would be in Memphis since that was the main landing for steamboats.

After a week of travelling, Jacob and Emily reached the outskirts of Randolph. Along the way, Jacob had been impressed by the things Emily had done. When they camped that first night, Emily had asked for his bowie knife. She'd cut two slices of ham and put them in the skillet she'd bought, then used the cornmeal and water to make flatbread she baked on a flat rock beside the fire. When he bit into the flatbread, he tasted the molasses she'd added to sweeten it a little. He had to admit ham and flatbread were better than what he'd eaten since leaving the war behind.

He also had to admit it was nice having Emily along. She never talked much, but she listened to him talk about his plans once he got home. She even wanted to know about Martha Rice.

"You're going to marry this Martha Rice? How do you know she wants to marry you?"

"We used to talk after church on Sundays."

Emily chuckled.

"That's all -- she talked to you?"

"Well, yes, but it was the way she talked to me. I could tell she liked me."

"Liking you and wanting to marry you are two different things, Jacob. How do you know she waited all this time anyway? She might have already married some other man. What will you do if she has?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought about that. I suppose I'll find another woman who'll work hard and have our children."

Emily chuckled again.

"So, you'll just go looking and find another woman? That sounds like you'd be looking for a horse you could use to make more horses instead of a wife."

"No, not like that. She'd have to like me, of course."

"Well I should hope so. Taking care of a house while she's having babies and raising children is hard work for a woman. I don't think you'd convince one to do that unless she liked you a lot. Most women would have to love you to do that."

"All right, she'd have to like me a lot. I'm not sure what love means."

Emily smiled.

"I don't know what it means to a man, but to a woman, it means wanting to be with her man always and wanting to do things for him that he likes."

"I guess you must have loved your husband then, but you never talk about him. Why?"

Emily didn't answer his question. She just stretched and said she thought she'd go to sleep.

Jacob wondered about that. He'd asked a couple of times about Emily's husband, but she'd always change the subject. She was a riddle he wanted to solve, but he didn't push her. He figured when she was ready to tell him, she would.

The morning after they camped near Randolph, Emily again used the things from her traveling bag to give Jacob his fake scar. Jacob was pleased to see a flatboat loading cargo at the landing. As with the steamboat on the Tennessee, Emily did all the talking with the flatboat captain.

The captain didn't ask to see Jacob's scar or ask why Emily was purchasing the fare. He just jerked his head in the direction of the flatboat.

"There's a rail on the boat where you can tie your horse. We leave in half an hour. If you're not on the boat, we won't wait and you won't get a refund for the fare."

That afternoon, Jacob and Emily stepped off the plank and onto the soil of Arkansas. Jacob was shocked to see that the landing was all that remained of Hopefield. When the flatboat captain saw his frown, he explained.

"Pardon my words, Ma'am, but there ain't no other way to say it. There was Confederate soldiers in Hopefield making things hard on the Union soldiers in Memphis, so the damned Union bastards crossed over and burnt Hopefield to the ground. I heard they was laughin' when they come back to Memphis. I'da laughed if they'd been on my flatboat, laughed at how they hollered when I pushed them Union jackasses over the side about the middle of the river an' let 'em swim the rest of the way."

When the flatboat pulled away from the shore, Jacob peeled off his fake scar. He'd intended to leave Emily in Hopewell. When he'd left Arkansas, Hopewell had a few businesses and he thought Emily could make a home there. Now, with nothing there except ashes, she had no chance of doing that. Once again, he was faced with leaving her there and worrying about her or taking her with him. His decision didn't take long to make.

"Emily, there's nothing here for you like I thought there'd be. I can't leave you here by yourself. If you want to come with me, I'll do my best to help you find a place where you can start over."

Emily smiled.

"I've never been to Arkansas and I've kind of gotten used to riding behind you and sleeping on the ground. Let's go."

Jacob and Emily traveled for sixteen more days, sixteen days of Jacob feeling Emily's breasts against his back and her thighs touching his, and sixteen nights of eating and talking before going to sleep. They always stopped for the night beside a stream or small river so they'd have water. As she always did, Emily would tell him she was going to wash off the dirt of travel and walk down to the stream with her traveling case.

The first time she did this, he found out Emily had two dresses. She came back to the camp dressed in the second and carrying the first that she'd washed. She'd hang the wet dress up to dry overnight.

At about noon, they'd stop to give Lady a rest and to have a meal of whatever they could find. Once they had purchased a ham and cornmeal, that meal was usually a small slice of ham eaten just as it was cut from the bone. Jacob would find a place suitable to him and stop. Emily would slide off from behind him, take the sack with the ham and slice off a few pieces using his bowie knife. They'd eat and rest a little, then Jacob would mount Lady, swing Emily up behind him, and they'd be on their way again.

On the fifth day of their ride toward Sylamore, Emily asked Jacob if they could stop for their noon meal beside a stream or river. He jokingly asked if she was going to wash in the middle of the day instead of at night. Emily smiled.

"I'm sure your mother told you what I need to do."

"How could she do that. She doesn't know you...oh."

Emily smiled again.

"Yes, oh."

Jacob found a tiny little creek that Emily said would do fine. They ate, and then Emily picked up her traveling case and walked down the creek until she was out of sight. When she came back, she had her traveling case in one hand and a wet, white cotton cloth in the other that she looped through the tied strings of the saddle.

"I'm ready to go now", she smiled.

It was the same right after breakfast, the noon meal, and dinner each night for the next six days. Jacob understood what was happening, but hadn't given it a thought until it happened. Since he'd met Emily, he'd thought about her first as a woman who had basically blackmailed him so he'd take her with him, then, after they got better acquainted, as sort of a friend. He realized on that first day that he'd thought a lot of things about Emily, but he'd never really thought of her as a woman.

Now, he did, and it was a realization that sort of stunned him. He'd spent the past three years in the company of men, and had been treating Emily just as he'd treated the very few men he'd called friends. He'd joked with her, he'd told her his hopes for the future, and he'd told her a few of the things that had happened to him in the past.

He'd told her those things like he would have related them to another man. Never had he stopped to consider that she was hearing those things as a woman and not a man. He hoped he hadn't offended her in some way. It didn't appear that he had, but he wasn't sure and he didn't know how to ask.

Jacob then asked himself why he was so concerned with Emily's feelings. The answer that sneaked into his mind surprised him. He'd started caring about her when she'd asked to go to the Mississippi with him. He hadn't realized how strong those feelings were until they were in Arkansas.

Jacob didn't know what to think of those feelings. He'd told Emily he intended to marry Martha, so if he told her he liked her, she'd think he was just being nice. If he didn't tell her how he felt, she'd walk out of his life. He'd wonder forever if he'd made the right decision.

As they rode through Arkansas, Jacob also realized he'd forgotten how few people lived there. They rode as he had before, a little away from what few roads there were or across country if there were no roads to follow. There weren't many towns and even fewer farms. Like in Tennessee, Jacob didn't stop at the farms. He didn't stop in any of the small towns either. From a distance, it didn't look like they had much more than the people on the farms.

Jacob knew he could have stopped in Newport or Balesville, but when he mentioned it to Emily, she said she'd prefer a smaller town. Her fear was the same he'd heard about Nashville. Lone women there were often enticed into what looked like a hotel with offers of employment as maids. Once they were inside the building, they learned they were to be used by men and that there was no way to leave.

Instead, Jacob rode fifty miles away from both cities and then set their course for Sylamore. After fourteen days, he started seeing familiar landmarks and on the afternoon of the fifteenth day, he saw the farm where one of his boyhood friends had lived. Jacob knew it was the same farm though there was little there that he remembered. Only the three big apple trees that had stood in the front yard remained.

The house was just a pile of rubble. The big stones that had served as a foundation for the barn sills were still there, but the barn was gone too. A few fence posts remained, but most had been chopped off at the ground. Jacob knew what had happened. He recognized the signs of an Army scrounging for firewood, food and anything else they could use.

Emily wondered why they'd stopped and why Jacob was just sitting there staring at the ruins.

"Jacob, what's the matter? It's just an old run-down farm. We saw lots of them in Tennessee."

Jacob turned his head so he could see Emily.

"I knew the people who lived here, that's what's the matter. I never heard about any battles in this part of Arkansas so I figured the Union had mostly stayed in Missouri. It had to be the Union that did this though. We need to get to my father's farm. If the same thing happened there..."

Emily touched his shoulder.

"Jacob, I'm sorry I said what I did. Let's keep going until we get to your farm."

Jacob shook his head.

"No. It would be dark before we could get that far. We'll ride a ways and then stop for the night. Tomorrow, we'll see what we see."

After an hour's ride the next morning, Jacob found the dirt road that led from Sylamore to his father's farm and turned Lady onto the faint path. He shook his head and said to Emily, "nobody's driven a wagon here for quite a while. See how the grass and weeds are growing in the wagon track?"

Emily tried to comfort him.

"That doesn't mean much, Jacob. It's really just late spring and you know grass and weeds grow really fast in spring. Don't start worrying until you see if there's anything to worry about."

Half an hour later Jacob breathed a sigh of relief. The house and barn were still standing. He urged Lady to a trot, then slowed again when Emily shrieked and squeezed his waist.

"Let me off if you want to go ahead. I'll walk."

Jacob stopped Lady and lifted his right leg over her neck and slid to the ground.

"No, I'll run. You ride."

With that, Jacob ran toward the house.

Emily moved into the saddle, clucked to Lady, and rode up to the house. She'd just tied Lady to a post beside the house when she heard Jacob calling for his mother and father. As she walked to the house, she paused and frowned. In the back yard of the house were two low mounds of earth that were sparsely covered in grass beneath a small hickory tree. A wooden cross stood at each grave.

Emily went inside the house and saw Jacob sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.

"Jacob, aren't they here?"

"No, and it doesn't look like they have been for a while."

Emily put her hand on Jacob's shoulder.

"Jacob, I think I saw two graves in the back."

Jacob jumped up and ran out the door. Emily found him standing in front of the two low mounds. He was shaking when she put her hand on his shoulder.

"Jacob, is it them?"

Jacob nodded then turned to face Emily. She saw tears streaming down his cheeks.

"The cross on the left says Matthew Rhodes. He was my father. The other says Rebecca Rhodes. She was my mother."

Emily didn't say anything more. She just put her hand on the back of Jacob's neck, pulled his cheek to hers and held him while he fought back the sobs that wouldn't be silenced.

As she held him to her breast, Emily thought about this man who she'd tricked into taking her with him, but who'd never complained about that. That first day, she'd thought he was just a Confederate soldier who was afraid of what the Union would do to him, and she'd used that fear to get what she wanted. She'd expected him to let her come along and cross the river. She hadn't expected him to let her stay with him until they came to the Mississippi.

He had, though, and Emily had escaped what she was certain would be her arrest and possibly death. When they'd crossed the Mississippi, she'd been ready to say goodbye and strike out on her own. She'd planned it that way, but much to her surprise, he wouldn't let her. He even said he'd worry about her if he did.

Over the time of their journey, he'd become more talkative and she'd learned a lot about him, his past, and what he wanted for the future. He'd asked a few times about her and when she wouldn't answer, he didn't press her to do so.

Jacob was a good man, and he didn't deserve to come home and find his parents both dead. That's what she'd told herself when she pulled him to her cheek and tried to ease his pain, but while she stood there holding him, she realized it was more than that. She realized it had made her feel good to fix his meals even though they were meager, and she realized she didn't want to leave him. She thought it was what she'd told him love was.

Emily also remembered his desire to marry a woman called Martha Rice. She told herself that she wished there was some way to keep them apart, then chastised herself for thinking something so evil. Martha Rice was Jacob's choice and if she interfered in that, it wouldn't matter if she loved Jacob or not. He'd never want her after that.

Jacob stopped sobbing a bit later, and pushed gently away from Emily.

"Emily, stay here and see if you can find Mother's lamps and candles. I'll be back before dark."

"Where are you going?"

"Into Sylamore to find out what happened to my mother and father and to find Martha."

Jacob had handed her the sacks with their food and skillet, then mounted Lady and started back down the road. Emily watched him ride off, then went back into the house with both sacks. After starting a fire in the cookstove, she sliced the ham and made corn cakes with molasses. The corn cakes went into the oven as soon as it was warm enough. The ham she'd fry when Jacob came back. Making the corn cakes gave Emily something to do besides think about Jacob.

Emily found two oil lamps, made sure they had oil and would light, then busied herself cleaning up around the house. It didn't look to her as if anything violent had happened. It was almost as if Jacob's parents just walked out the door and left everything as it was. The dishes were still in the cupboard and when she opened the doors at the bottom, Emily found a basket of dried leather breaches beans.

She was wiping off the kitchen table when Jacob walked into the house. His face looked sad, so Emily put down her dishrag and walked to where he stood.