Crossing Rivers

"Did you find out what happened?"

"Yes. Dr. Madison told me my father died of influenza last winter. My mother just wasted away after that and died three months ago. He didn't really know why she died unless she just gave up trying to live."

Emily squeezed Jacob's hand.

"She must have loved him very much."

"I suppose she did. I never saw her act like she did, but I suppose she must have."

Emily considered whether to ask Jacob about Martha. If he'd found her and Martha had waited for him, Emily knew she'd be crushed. If he hadn't, she'd be relieved, but she couldn't show it. If Jacob was interested in her, he had to figure that out for himself before she said anything.

"What about Martha?"

"I found Martha and we had a long talk. She's not going to marry me."

Emily fought the urge to smile and was trying to look sad when she looked up at Jacob.

"Jacob, I'm sorry. First you lost your parents and now the woman you were going to marry. If I could fix it, I would, but I can't."

Jacob's face still looked sad.

"Nobody can really fix what's happened to any of us. It was the war that took me away from home. If I'd been here, I might have been able to do my father's work so he could rest and he wouldn't have died. If he hadn't died, maybe my mother would still be alive. Martha...well, I guess you were right about Martha. She likes me but she doesn't love me. That wasn't the war, but what I figured out after I talked to her was."

Jacob put his hands on Emily's shoulders and squeezed gently.

"When I was talking to her, I realized I still liked her, but I didn't really regret being away from her those three years. She was more like a dream I thought might come true, but when I thought more about it, I didn't really care if it came true or not. That's when I decided I didn't want her for my wife. It was me that didn't want to marry her, so I didn't ask her.

"I...I can't say the same thing about you. I don't know if you feel the same way about me. I never gave you any reason to think that way, but I was hoping you'd stay for at least a while so we can figure it out."

Emily put her hand on Jacob's chest and pushed him gently away.

"Jacob, sit down at the table. I need to tell you something that might change your mind about me staying with you."

Jacob smiled as he sat down in the chair.

"I don't think anything could do that now."

Emily sat down opposite Jacob and put her hands on the table.

"Jacob, remember when I said my husband was an undertaker?"

"Yes, I remember that."

"He was, but he was something else too. I didn't know it when I married him, but he liked to hit women, or at least he liked hitting me. I had to help him be an undertaker by fixing up bad cuts and burns so they didn't show so bad at the viewing. That's why I could make a scar on your neck that looked real. I liked doing that and helping him, but if I did something he thought was wrong, he'd get mad and hit me. He never hit me in the face. Other people would have seen the bruises. He'd hit me in the back or in the stomach or on my sides. I had big bruises there all the time and it hurt all the time.

"About six months ago, I decided I didn't want to be hit anymore. Part of what I was supposed to do was undress the bodies so my husband could embalm them if they were going to be sent home. After he was done, I'd put their clothes back on them. One of the soldiers we got in had a small revolver in a holster inside his jacket. My father had a revolver, so I knew how they worked. When I found the revolver, I hid it inside my dress. He never really looked at me, so he didn't see it.

"That afternoon, my husband said I was wasting the pasty wax when I fixed the burns on a Union soldier and he hit me in the stomach. While I was laying on the floor, I took the revolver out of my dress and cocked it. When he picked me up so he could hit me again, I pointed it at his chest and pulled the trigger. After he fell down, I cocked the revolver again and shot him right where I knew his heart would be. After that, I put him in one of our coffins and when the Union Army came to pick up their dead, I had them take him too. I put his name on the tag and said he was a private from Bloomington, Indiana.

"I knew as soon as he got to Bloomington and nobody claimed the body, there would be an investigation. That investigation would lead to me so I had to get away from Tennessee. That's why I tricked you into taking me with you."

Jacob had listened intently, but when she finished, he frowned.

"You killed your husband?"

Emily nodded.

"Because he hit you?"

Emily nodded again.

"Well, I'd like to blame you, but I really can't. I killed a lot of men in the war because they were trying to kill me."

Emily's mouth fell open.

"You don't think that was wrong?"

"Well, if he hadn't done anything to you and you'd shot him, yes, but I think he'd eventually have hurt you really bad or killed you if you hadn't shot him first. That's no different than what I did in the war."

Jacob chuckled then.

"You really thought with all the thousands and thousands of bodies the Union had to take care of they'd take the time to investigate one that nobody claimed? The Union Army will just figure somebody made a mistake, and they won't worry about what happened. If I had to bet, I'd bet he's in a cemetery in Bloomington, Indiana right now under a small headstone with his name on it, right along with a hundred or so others."

"That wouldn't change your mind about me?"

Jacob grinned.

"Well, I suppose I will have to remember not to ever hit you, not that I ever would anyway. Other than that, no. I want you to be my wife. Will you?"

Emily nodded but she didn't say anything. Jacob saw tears in her eyes,

"Emily, why are you crying?"

Emily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I'm happy, that's why. Women cry when they're happy. Didn't you know that?"

"I guess not. Is this going to happen a lot?"

Emily sniffed and smiled.

"I hope it does."

Jacob stood up and held out his arms. Emily went to him, put her arms around his neck, and smiled.

"I already figured out I love you. I just needed to hear you felt something for me before I told you."

Jacob kissed Emily then, just a short soft kiss because he didn't know any other way. When she raised on her tiptoes and kissed him back, it took his breath away. She giggled as she leaned away from him.

"What's the matter? Haven't you ever kissed a woman before?"

Jacob grinned.

"Not like that. I could get to like it though."

The next morning, Jacob and Emily rode into Sylamore and stopped in front of a small house beside the little church on the edge of town. When he and Emily knocked on the door, it was answered by an older man with glasses and a white beard. He recognized Jacob, grinned, and offered his hand.

"Jacob, it's good to see you back and unharmed. I didn't know if you'd make it back or not, but here you are. Your father and mother, God rest their souls, would be proud of you. It's a shame the Good Lord called them home before you could make it back."

Jacob shook his hand.

"Reverend Willings, Doctor Madison said you preached their funerals. I thank you for that. Now I have a request I hope you'll grant. Would you marry me and Emily here?"

Reverend Willings smiled.

"I'd be glad to do that, Jacob. Let me get Mrs. Willings and we'll go next door to the church."

As Jacob and Emily rode back to their farm, she held him tight.

"Jacob, I never thought I'd find a man like you, and now that I have, I still can't believe it."

"Well, I never thought I'd find a woman like you either. My mother and father would have liked you. I wish they could be here, but they're in a better place now."

"Will we stay on your farm?"

"Yes. I can't leave them there by themselves, and besides, farming and soldiering is all I know how to do."

Emily hugged him a little tighter.

"I hope tonight you figure out there's one more thing you know how to do."

"What would that be...oh...that."

Emily giggled.

"Yes, that."

"I...I never have before."

"That's all right, husband. You'll learn."

That night, Emily cooked some ham along with some of the leather breaches beans she'd found in the cupboard in the kitchen. She told Jacob she thought his mother would like it if she had a hand in his first real meal home.

They didn't talk much while they ate. Emily was excited by what she knew would happen when they went to bed. Jacob was worried he wouldn't know what to do or when to do it.

After Emily took the plates and forks from the table and washed them, she put her arms around Jacob's waist.

"Jacob, you stay here for a little while. I made the bed yesterday while you were in town, so it's all ready. I have to go change clothes. I'll come back when I'm ready."

Emily came into the kitchen a few minutes later, and Jacob was stunned by the way she was dressed. Emily grinned at his stare.

"This and my two dresses are all I brought with me. I brought this because it's the last thing I have left from my mother. I hope you like it. It was my mother's wedding night gown."

Jacob was fascinated by the way the silk nightgown seemed to cling to her body. The lace over the swell of her breasts was so fine as to be nearly transparent, and the separation between them was plainly visible. From the rise of her breasts, the nightgown tapered to her waist and then swelled over her hips. Jacob swallowed, and then smiled.

"It's really pretty, but not as pretty as you are."

Emily walked to where he sat, took his hand, and smiled.

"A husband would show his new wife how pretty he thinks she is, wouldn't he?"

Emily led him to his parents' bedroom. She'd already pulled back the blanket and sheet, and once they stood beside it, she put her arms around his neck.

"Jacob, just do what you feel like doing. It'll be all right."

He started to blow out the oil lamp on the small table beside the bed but Emily stopped him.

"I want to see you and I want you to see me."

Jacob took off his clothes and climbed into bed beside Emily. The sight of her body encased in the clinging silk had already caused him to be erect. When Emily held out her arms he eased down beside her and then kissed her. He felt a stirring in his loins and the feeling of becoming even more stiff and erect. Emily pushed him away gently and then stroked her hand over his chest.

"You should probably take off my nightgown now."

Emily helped by pulling the long skirt portion to her waist and then sat up so Jacob could lift it over her head. He put the silk garment at the foot of the bed and then stopped to look at the woman beside him.

In the flickering, yellow light of the oil lamp, Jacob saw a woman ripe for conceiving and birthing children and a woman he knew he would cherish forever.

It wasn't a feeling he could have explained. It was more of a rush of emotions that filled his mind and pushed everything - the war, his mother and father, the struggles of his trip from the Carolinas to home -- pushed everything else that had happened to him into the back of his mind.

He was driven by an urge he'd not felt before, an urge to couple with Emily and implant his seed, but an urge restrained by the fear of hurting her. Emily sensed this, and opened her legs as she stretched out her arms again.

"Jacob, I want you...I want you to do what a man does with his wife...I want to have your babies. Don't worry. You won't hurt me. You'll only make me feel like the woman I've always wanted to be."

He fumbled a lot, but Emily gently placed his hands where they would excite her the most and moved them to show him what to do. Jacob marveled at the softness of her breasts and how they moved when he fondled them. He was amazed at the way her nipples grew longer and rigid when he stroked them with a fingertip. He was carried away with need by Emily's little moans and catches of breath.

He hesitated again when Emily tried to guide him to kneel between her open thighs. He knew what he was supposed to do. It just seemed to him like doing that, penetrating her body with his, would have to be painful. Emily stroked his back.

"Jacob, you won't hurt me. All I'll feel is the good feeling of us being together."

Jacob felt Emily reach down and grasp his shaft and then move it between her lips. He felt wet warmth and the feather touch of her lips as she pulled him forward, and then the exquisite sensation of Emily's body sheathing him. It was just instinct that caused him to begin stroking in and out, but it was Emily's little murmur that told him it was the right thing to do.

"Oh yes, Jacob. Do it slowly, but don't stop."

Jacob couldn't have stopped even if she'd asked him too. The new sensations raced from his loins to his head and took away all his self-control. He tried to go slow and was successful for a while, but when Emily began to move her body up into each stroke, he couldn't go slow any more. His strokes became faster, and when Emily dug her nails into his back, faster still.

She cried out softly, then arched up off the mattress and hung there while the surge left Jacob's loins, raced up his shaft, and spurted inside her. He was gasping after three more such strokes when Emily eased back down on the mattress and pulled him down on top of her. Jacob felt her breasts flatten out against his chest as little contractions milked at his shaft.

Emily held him tight for a while before whispering in his ear.

"I think I'm going to like being married to you if it's always like this."

"I'll try to make it always like this", was all he could say.

}{

If you go to Sylamore, Arkansas today and ask about the Rhodes farm, they'll ask you which one, because there are eight Rhodes families in the area. Jacob and Emily had two sons and two daughters, and though it took a lot of work, he eventually owned the two hundred acres adjacent to the original eighty. That parcel was farmed by his two sons who in turn fathered two sons apiece. Over the years and another two generations, the two hundred eighty acres became over two thousand..

What they call "the home place", is still there, though the house and barn are gone. The stone foundation for the house is still there, and behind it is a cemetery fenced off with a low wrought iron fence. In the center is a huge, ancient hickory tree. The wooden crosses that marked Jacob's parents' graves now have small headstones, as do the graves of Jacob and Emily. As their children and then grand and great-grandchildren lived out their lives, they were put to rest there along with their spouses.

The name on the gate is "Rhodes" and on a small granite stone beside the gate are the last words of General Stonewall Jackson.

'Let us cross over the river, and rest under the shade of the trees.'