Crushed Pt. 05

His heart beat rapidly in his chest, fear and excitement mingling together as he pressed the answer button.

His words became briefly strangled in his throat before he finally managed to choke out a croaky, "hello?"

"Alex?"

His voice was like a punch to the stomach. He hadn't realised quite how much he had missed it. He hadn't heard that voice in months. And yet it sounded strange.

"Logan? What's happened?"

"I-" Logan's voice broke off and Alex heard a shuddering sob down the line. His heart clenched and he held the phone tighter as if willing himself to be there beside him, to hold him.

"Logan," he whispered softly without even meaning to, encouraging and comforting.

"Dad threw me out. He knows. He said... he said I wasn't his son anymore."

There was a long silence, and Alex could hear the agony in that silence down the line. There were no words for the pain Logan was feeling, he knew there was nothing he could say that would help.

"Where are you?" He asked, as he slipped out of bed and began to pull on his jeans, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder.

"Um, at the end of my street, by Spinners Alley," there was another pause before Logan choked out quietly, "I don't know where to go."

"Don't go anywhere, I'm coming," Alex said firmly, grabbing his keys and heading to the door.

He jumped into his car and started the engine, the cheap car spluttered and groaned but it started and he pulled off the drive in the direction of Logan's street. He hadn't had the car long, but the freedom he had felt since passing his test and buying the cheap banger was beyond words.

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove, anxiety and excitement and fear and pity all bundling up into one churning mess in his stomach. He was going to see Logan. He was going to hear Logan. To talk to Logan. Then he chastised himself for being selfish, Logan needed him, he was in pain. The excitement bubbled away at that thought and the anxiety and worry doubled down causing his stomach to ache with the tension.

Soon he was in their hometown and was driving the dark quiet streets towards the location Logan had given. Spinners Alley. He remembered that alley, running through it as kids, care free and happy. Then avoiding it as a teenager, a popular place for underage drinking, smoking and much much more.

As he pulled up at the mouth, his headlights illuminated a large piece of graffiti on the wall, done in blues and purples, it would have been cool if it had not been marred with years of unskilled teenagers tags over the top of it. Underneath there was a dark huddle. Almost in slow motion, Alex watched as the huddle moved, Logan's face lifting, his eyes wincing against the bright light, his arm raised to shield them.

Alex flicked off his lights and got out of the car. He stood for a moment, barely daring to breath. Logan was curled up against the wall, his knees to his chest like a child. He looked so small and sad that he almost didn't recognise him. But what had him glued to the spot was his eyes, only a twinkling light in the semi darkness but enough, as they stared at him, stared through him, as if seeing his soul.

He walked forward slowly, kneeling beside him, and putting a shaky hand on his knee, trying to find the words to help him. He could see him now, and he had forgotten how handsome he was. But now his face was grimaced in pain, eyes bloodshot, and trembling. His whole body was trembling as if he was running a fever.

"You're alright, you've done the hard part now."

Logan's eyes filled with tears again and he let out a noise half way between a laugh and a sob.

"I feel... I feel like I always knew he would react like this. So why is it such a shock?"

"Because you're a good person? Because you try to see the best in people?"

"I'm not a good person," he said in a low voice.

"Oh shut up, you know that's not true. Maybe once I would have agreed with you, but you changed a long time ago and you need to stop torturing yourself for things that happened years ago."

He blinked at the firm tone in his voice and said nothing.

"Come on, let's get you off the ground. You need some tea and something to eat."

Alex pulled at Logan's arm but he didn't move, he just stayed slumped against the wall, his shoulders sagged.

"I shouldn't have called you, I'm sorry. I just didn't know who else."

"I'm glad you called me," he said, and he meant it. "Now please help me get you in the car?"

* * *

Logan: 23rd May

Alex unlocked the door to his apartment and Logan followed him, ducking through the low door and glancing around. Alex moved straight to a cupboard and threw him a hoodie. He caught it surprised, then looked down at his jacket. He hadn't realised it was filthy from his time sat on the floor.

He quietly took the jacket off and pulled on Alex's hoodie. It smelt of him, a comforting and familiar scent. He held it to his nose briefly, closing his eyes and then let it drop, not wanting to be caught out by Alex.

The flat was cosy, a studio flat with kitchen, bed and small living area all in one room, with a small door to what must be the bathroom.

"So you actually did it then, moved out of casa de la Drumm," he teased, trying to force a lightness into his tone. It wasn't as hard as he had expected it to be. Here with Alex again, his father seemed a long way away. He was with Alex. The thought sent goosebumps across his skin. He had dreamed and longed for the day he would see him again, although he had never expected it to be under these circumstances.

"Yeah, I got it beginning of December," Alex replied, fiddling around tidying up, "It's close to the college where I've been doing some IT Technician work. It's not much but it does the job."

"Hey, don't down play yourself, it's a big deal and you know it," he said and Alex smiled graciously. That smile felt like his guts were being tied into knots. He was obsessed. Hopelessly, blindly, desperately. What a fucking twat he was.

The kettle bubbled to a stop and Alex poured them both large mugs of tea and moved to the sofa.

"What about you? You must be close to finishing Uni now right?"

"Yeah, finished. It's been a bit of a slog at the end as I kind of wanted to quit, but I thought I should at least get the little bit of paper I spent this long working for, although would have been fun to see Dad's money completely wasted."

The mention of his Dad made his smile fade, the memory of that stony glare, his red face as he had roared at him with pure hatred in his eyes made him shiver, suddenly feeling cold and hugging the warm tea to his chest.

"It's ok, you're safe here. And you're finally free of his burden on you. It hurts now, but I think you'll feel better once you realise how much of a hold his influence had on your life."

"I know, it just feels strange. I'll never set foot in my family home again."

"Of course you will," Alex said gently, "your Dad may have thrown you out but your Mum is an ally Logan, and she loves you. She will fight for you. I know how it feels but I promise you, you're not alone."

Alex reached out and placed a comforting hand on Logan's knee. He tensed slightly at the contact, and Alex seemed to realise what he'd done in hindsight, his eyebrows raising. But before he could move his hand away, Logan placed his on top, watching Alex's expression warily. His eyes flicked from their hands then to Logan's face, drinking it in and then back down again. Slowly he pulled his hand free and reached for his tea, not quite meeting his eyes as he drank.

"We should probably get some sleep," Alex said then, standing from the sofa and taking a blanket and pillow from his bed. "Take my bed, the couch won't be anywhere near big enough for you. I'll sleep on the couch."

Logan frowned, "no, I'll sleep on the couch. It's fine really."

"Logan you're too tall and you're exhausted. Please just take the bed."

It was true, he was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Too exhausted to even argue further, "thanks Alex."

Alex nodded awkwardly and then disappeared into the bathroom. Logan took off his clothes, deciding to sleep in just the boxers and the hoodie and got into the bed. It smelled strongly of him, he had to fight the urge to nuzzle his nose into the pillow.

He lay contemplating everything that had happened in the last few hours. His joy at finally finishing his degree, his excitement when Harley had kissed him, the horror and pain of his Dad and then Alex. He had forgotten how calming he was. When he was around him, it was like nothing else mattered. Like his brain would stop yelling and he could finally hear what it was trying to say. Right now, he could hear it begging for sleep. He didn't think he would have been able to fall asleep anywhere else, but here in Alex's bed, with him so close by, he felt his eyelids begin to feel heavy.

He saw the light from the bathroom when Alex came out, and watched him move to the sofa, his barefeet padding softly on the floor. It was too dark to see his face as he lay down under the blanket, the back of the sofa obscuring him from view.

"Good night Logan," he heard Alex say.

"Night Alex," he managed to reply, before falling into a deep sleep.

* * *

Alex: 23rd May

Alex couldn't sleep. He lay on the sofa wide awake, listening to the soft snores of Logan asleep in his bed. If it wasn't for those snores he would almost believe he had dreamt up the last few hours.

He had looked rough, his eyes bloodshot from exhaustion, pain and alcohol. But it was still him. It was still his eyes. His voice. Alex felt painfully aware of his presence in the small flat, a part of him wanting to walk to the bed where he lay and crawl under the duvet and lie against his warm chest.

He felt his stomach clench and his dick quiver in response. He growled in frustration and rolled over. The sofa was lumpy and uncomfortable and he winced in frustration. He heard his tap drip. Drip. Drip. A car drove past, and a dog barked in a nearby house. Drip. Logan let out another snuffing snore, then he moaned.

Alex listened, and he moaned again. It was so quiet he could almost have missed it, a soft high sound.

"No," Logan mumbled. "Please."

"Logan?" Alex whispered but Logan didn't reply, only repeating the moaning noises, louder this time, coupled with rustling as he rolled over in the bed.

"Please- I'm sorry- Don't. No, no," Logan's cries were beginning to get louder now and it became very obvious he was having a nightmare, about what he wasn't sure until he heard the next word.

"Dad. Dad, please!"

Alex stood, moving towards the bed, unsure exactly what he intended to do. He turned on the small lamp which showed Logan''s face, asleep as he had expected but grimaced in pain. His limbs were tangled in the bedding, and he was breathing heavily.

"Hey," he said. Logan didn't stir. He saw a glitter on his face and realised his face was wet. With sweat or tears or both, he couldn't tell.

"Don't, please don't," Logan begged, and Alex's chest tightened in response.

"Logan," he said louder, reaching for his arm and shaking him lightly. Nothing.

"I can't, it hurts!" He cried, louder now, almost yelling it, "I can't, I can't, I can't!"

"LOGAN!" Alex said firmly, grasping both of his shoulders to shake him.

Logan's eyes shot open and in one sudden movement he grabbed Alex, forcing him down onto the bed and his fist raised as if about to punch him.

"Logan!" Alex gasped. Logan froze, blinking as recognition dawned across his eyes and face. He still didn't move, and neither did Alex. They were so close, he didn't know whether Logan would punch him, let him go, or... or kiss him. His mind filled with memories of being held down on another bed, another time. But with those same intense eyes, the same heady scent of sweat and anticipation. He had to hold back the moan of excitement at the memory. Logan's eyes flicked to his lips and back for a moment, and Alex wondered if he had also been reminded of a similar potion not so long ago.

Then he seemed to become aware of his raised fist. Blinking in confusion he lowered it instantly, his shoulders sagging again.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I..." As he spoke, he lifted his body off Alex's to lay beside him, looking up at the ceiling. "I thought you were..."

"Your dad. I know, you were quite loud. It's okay, I know you didn't mean to."

Logan said nothing. Alex turned to him, and wished there was something he could do or say. Hesitantly he reached for Logan's hand and squeezed it. Logan smiled a little, turning his head to look at him. Lying like this Alex could take in every detail of Logan's face, storing it deep into his memory. Every hair that tickled his forehead, every eyebrow and eyelash, every colour of his irises, every slight imperfection on his practically perfect skin. He didn't know how long he stared at Logan, only that Logan stared back with equal intensity.

After what felt like eternity, Logan opened his mouth, hesitating before speaking, looking down at Alex's mouth and then back up to his eyes, his lip curling ever so slightly, his eyes softening.

"I've missed you," he said quietly.

"I know," Alex replied. A lame response. But he couldn't say it back, if he did he knew his throat would close up and the tears would fall.

"Did you miss me?" Logan asked tentatively. Alex looked away, looking instead at the ceiling, noticing a crack that he hadn't seen before to the left of the light fixture. He missed him. He knew that without any doubt. But admitting it was another thing. Getting the actual words out seemed impossible.

Over the last six months he had proven himself. He had learned who he was and could finally accept his place in the world.

He had discovered he was skilled in many fields, and had a talent for writing. He had learned how to be independent and listen to that voice in his head that had once been his enemy. He had even caught the eye of attractive guys, started a relationship with Lucas and had the self confidence and acceptance to end it.

He had once seen himself as little more than a burden to Logan, his parents, even himself. Someone with no skills and no future. But now, he could see the pride in his parents eyes, could talk to them like equals. Logan was an equal. Megan's words rang in his mind, "your life revolves around Logan."

But now maybe they could revolve around each other? Like planets on the same path of orbit.

With a deep breath, he pulled his fingers from Logan's and stood from the bed, Logan's eyes following him intently. He walked to the door, but did not reach for the handle, instead taking the backpack from the peg that was fastened to the back. He reached into it pulled out a large envelope and held it to him.

Logan sat up, swinging his legs out from the covers so he was sat facing him. He took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a heavy wad of paper, bound into a booklet.

He opened it and only had read the first few lines before he looked up at Alex incredulously.

"You wrote this?"

He nodded, "I finished it a while ago, I've actually been sending copies to publishers but nobody has picked it up yet."

Alex shrugged nonchalantly, "it's probably not a good enough standard but, I enjoyed writing it. It's my journal. It's everything that happened. It's... our story."

"What?" Logan breathed, flicking through the pages.

"Us. Everything. I changed some details, and obviously our names. And if any publisher does pick it up it'll be under a pen name so no one will know it's you. But it's all about you. Well, us."

"How does it end? For us I mean?" Logan asked, looking up at him curiously.

"Happy ever after," he said with barely a whisper. Logan put down the book on the beside table, his eyes flicking back to stare into Alex's, analysing him, baring his soul.

"And is that what you want?"

He said nothing, he couldn't move, couldn't breathe. He knew the answer. Slowly he felt himself nod. Logan's eyes sparkled in the dim light, and he felt a shiver of goosebumps up his arms.

"Come here," Logan whispered, holding his hand out to him. He approached slowly, his heart beating so fast at odds with how slowly time seemed to move around him. When he got to Logan, he put his hand in his, feeling the warmth of him. Logan laced their fingers together, and pushed their palms close, never once taking his eyes from Alex's. He lifted his other hand to his face, his thumb tracing up his cheekbone, down his jawbone and up to his lips. When his thumb touched Logan's bottom lip, his lips parted slightly, and he could feel his hot breath against his skin. Logan's eyes closed and opened in a long satisfied blink.

"Are we equals now?" Alex asked him after a while stood like that, then felt as his blush spread across his cheeks at the question.

"We're not equals Alex," he replied, continuing despite Alex's slight frown, "I will always be in your shadow in every way. And I am very happy to be there, for as long as you let me."

Alex smiled, and leaned down to Logan, his free hand moving into his gorgeous blonde hair as he met his lips with a gentle kiss. Logan made a noise of relief that seemed to come from deep inside him, letting go of Alex's hand to wrap his arms tightly around him, pulling him closer against his body.

It felt incredible to be held by him again, so familiar and right, he had forgotten how it felt. His smell and taste sent his brain into a foggy bliss as their tongues met, kisses turning hungry as he held Logan's face, and Logan gripped his body. They were tangled together, inseparable.

Logan's fingers began to slip under Alex's clothes, hunting for his body. Alex didn't need to ask to know what he wanted as he threw off his t-shirt. Logan too quickly pulled off his hoodie, leaving him in only his boxers. Alex's eyes fell on the lump there, and felt his own cock quiver in excitement. How long had it been?

Logan grinned as he saw his eyeline and guided him onto the bed beside him. They lay down and kissed some more, longer and passionate this time, feeling their legs intertwine. Logan's cock brushed against his, and Alex moaned. Logan repeated the movement again, slower, harder.

"Ah fuck," he gasped and he could feel Logan's smile as he begun to kiss down his neck and collarbone.

He continued to grind against him as he kissed his body, and Alex's hand fell into Logan's hair as he got closer and closer to his waistband. Logan wasted no time in stripping him of his remaining clothing, and when his cock sprung free he was there before Alex had a chance to prepare himself.

He moaned in pleasure as Logan's warm mouth began to bob up and down on him, his tongue swirling lazily against the tip before driving back down with a fierce hunger. His moans and gasps were uncontrollable as Logan began to build him up to orgasm.

"Oh fuck Logan," he gasped. And Logan knew what that meant, doubling his speed and attentions, fondling his balls and then taking his already damp fingers to gently massage his asshole. This extra sensation was too much for Alex and before he could even give Logan warning he was cumming.

Logan swallowed, slowing but not stopping as Alex rode his climax. Eventually, when Alex's breathing returned to normal, he lifted his mouth free and grinned, wiping his chin with a cheeky twinkle in his eyes.

"I forgot the noises you make when you come," he teased.

"Shut up," Alex said, hitting him with a pillow but he was grinning.

Logan's fingers were still at his ass, and slowly he began that circling motion again.

"Do you have lube? It's been a while, I don't want to hurt you."

Alex reached into his beside cabinet and retrieved the little bottle.

"Turn over," he whispered.

Alex did, feeling the anticipation building inside him again. Logan began by massaging his ass, it felt incredible, Logan's touch firm as his eyes roamed his naked body.