All Comments on 'Cryin' in the Rain: Conclusion'

Who cares? This has to be the DUMBEST fucking story ever. The cunt whore wifes actions were sooooo bad sooooo extreme that there was no chance for any reconciliation. So what else is there to say or do.? And of course the standard wife gets beaten up by the guy she is fucking.... Of course husband intervenes

the fickle finger of life has a funny way of choosing for you. TK U MLJ LV NV

...while writing this second part, it seems. She just does not behave natural.

A few of many examples:

"We're only together, because of Dylan?" she asked Jimmy. Earlier, she stated that she had no feelings for Jimmy and didn´t want him at her house. Then why are they "together"?!? This suggests a deeper relationship.

Further on she states he heard only shit from Jimmy. Still, she listens to his advice?

How dumb must she be to react the way she did after he clearly told her she "needed him" and could not "resist" him? A woman is told (more or less) she is just a piece of shit and she doesn´t throw him out? She must have known that Dylan would expect her to do just this more than anything else. Instead, you have her send out the clear signal that she is still enjoying Jimmy´s relationship, keeping him home? Doesn´t make sense to me.

And Jimmy, who by now clearly realized his misconception, still expects Dylan to keep up their friendship? I found all of this hard to believe and admitt to being disappointed of part two. 3*

it's six a.m. As I write this. This was one of the best stories on the site last week and I eagerly anticipated the ending. I'm still floored by the story. I was expecting a normal StangStar ending where he would find a new perfect woman with or without big tits. What I didn't expect was that Gretchen and Jimmy would not be the objects of revenge by Dylan. Gretchen punished herself and in the end she also dealt with Jimmy. It was kind of poetic justice. Another thing I didn't expect was the negative comments by haters. It is 6 o'clock in the morning. If you hated the story that bad why the hell did you get up this early to read it?

Not one of your better stories.

You make your female protagonists to be pretty dumb, self centered and incapable of making good long term decisions. With Gretchen you've come to an all time low. Completely unbelievable. She and Jimmy are both such wholly despicable characters that they lose a sense of reality and are more caricatures than characters.

In one of Gretchen's storylines she stated that her parents had met Jimmy and watched them play football but never met Dylan. Then described the scene at the hospital when her dad attacked Dylan. Shouldn't he have recognized that Dylan wasn't Jimmy?

I don't think that you, Barney and Theresa made good decisions this time.

...you have at least proven Darwin to be wrong:

According to his theories it seems impossible for an obviously braindead anencephalus like her to survive, not to mention reproduce herself. Any living being, being as "qualified" for life as she was, would most inevitably have been excluded of the gene pool. Nature cannot afford stupidity to be reproduced. Nevertheless she got pregnant not once but twice (ok - so nature took care of the first...) by a braindead zombie. Amazing!

Reminds me of the saying: God promised in Genesis that handsome and intelligent people would wait for us in every corner of the earth - and then he created this round globe...

Another well told story. The kid added a heap load more pain to it - thanks.

Best lines:

"What I wish the most is if instead of thinking I'm stupid, or that I don't see the forest for the trees; people would just realize that we are all different. And that at any time any person regardless of their level of intelligence can fall prey to their own personal weakness."

"Jimmy was really dead. He was as Dead as disco."

Except her husband DIDN'T intervene!

Her father said they only met Jimmy ONCE, and he still had his helmet on.

It's okay to not like a story or writing style or skill and to criticize, but at least KNOW what you are criticizing!

Yes, Gretchen was a fairly typical brain-dead Stang wife, at least she was just dumb and not evil and vindictive!

Dylan was strong and stuck to his guns, even when he was told she was in the hospital.

He wouldn't take her back even though she had his baby, and she found enough strength to recognize that both he and the baby were better off without her and with Sarah.

He and Sarah had enough compassion (unlike some of the trolls here!) to keep Gretchen in their lives and to help her get on the path to responsible adulthood rather than go all BTB on her.

Strong 5-stars!

It is a minor miracle that you can write so much and say so little.

As some of the others have said Gretchen was your typically dumb wife (instead of mean wife?) but I thought Sarah came out of left field to me at least. Good ending.

I know many loved this ending and as always you are a superb storyteller and writer but I could barely get through this chapter. In my mind it weakened the story. Others will disagree.

Thanks for you prolific contribution here and please keep them coming.

a well twisted ending.

As always I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

You took all of those emails, all that extra time, and still wrote the basic 'stupid wife finally catches on and behaves, but is doomed regardless because her ex has met a magic woman and gets everything in the end. thank goodness he comes down from on high to grant her some small consolation prize' trite template ending you've used thirty or forty times before.

I was one of the ones who thought Sarah should have stayed gone. She had value as the first love experience, but that part of the story had been told in chapter one. All of the character traits of Sarah in THIS chapter could have been found within a woman called (oh I dunno...say) Mary Ellen, and the story would have remained largely unchanged, except that instead of Dylan looking backwards, he could have the healing effects gained from moving forwards. I think you should be prepared for some reactions, if negative, based on my joke here. "Damn, Stang! You should have picked MY ending!" But at least, you were prompt, and the story you DID choose, has some amount of logical progression towards conclusion.

Actually, I think what is really so good about this chapter 2, is that it became MUCH more about Greta's story, than it was Dylan's. This works well, because it shows you have become much more sensitive towards acheiving the goal of balance in your characterizations. Well Done!

I liked that she knew the daughter would be better off wth Dylan. I liked that she finally found the courage to shoot Jimmy's worthless ass. As problematic as it was to try to understand why she DIDN'T....

a)kick Jimmy out

b)press charges

c)test the DNA sooner

d)fight harder with the family to find/contact Dylan

....it DOES effectively paint the extremes of this woman dealing with depression, and both mental as well as physical abuse. The delusions, and false hopes are symptoms of the illness.

For the FIRST time, I see you trying to paint the 'flawed ex" as more than merely just stupid and selfish. She WAS that, but it wasn't that simple. She really had developed mental problems, and you achieved a characterization of her that somehow managed to elicit some sympathy. If another woman was dealing with the shit that Greta was, she might succomb to mental illness too. But no, none of that gets her off the hook, or allievates blame. And sure enough, you make her pay for her crimes and transgressions. Actually, the ones MOST to blame (besides Jimmy-of course), are the PARENTS! This unhealthy 'friendship' between Dylan and Jimmy is cultivated by the parents. They are 6 adults in a mutual admiration society with eachother. And they all want to celebrate knowing Dylan as the golden boy, do not hide their disappointment in Jimmy, and ALL of them sit on their hands, when it comes to smacking some sense into Gretchen, and getting her the type of help she REALLY needed. Jimmy's parents should have intervened ALONG time ago. You say, they hadn't talked in years, but they knew right where to find him. They were content just to sit on the sidelines and watch him destroy his own life and that of those around him???? May be the story works better with you allowing this failing from the parents to guide events. But as accountable as you make Greta, and ultimately Jimmy, you allow the parents the free pass. Hmmm......

Whatever the case, Stang, it is clear that for as prolific as you are, you keep trying to get better. I see it in your work. I appreciate it in your efforts. I smiled when I saw the chapter 2 posted today, and I opened it first thing without delay. Even for 7 pages, it moved along quickly (at least for me), and I think you achieved what you set out to do. Thanks very much, and can't wait for the next!

nice tale you wrote . some things were easy to guess were going to happen.

like the gun , you knew he was going to die. over all better than most

writers .

Kind of poetic in a way. Stang's stories keep getting better and better. I liked Gretchen's answer when the cop ask her why she shot him five times. Gretchen wasn't really psychotic just narcissistic and not very bright.

Great story, I gave it 5 stars because like Gretchen pumping rounds into Jimmy that's all I got. It's strange how the little things grab my attention. "It takes a village to raise a child" That's an African proverb. How did Hillary Clinton get credit for that!

What's new with you?

Nothing!!!!

Only difference is wife is not as dense as usual.

Murder in story took a point away cause I wanted the scum to suffer more.

Please try some new story formula next time. PLEASE.

One, a balanced outcome for once,

Two, it has provoked lots of reaction.

For the Mustang man, 5 Stars. Nuff said.

A good story, a better ending...For me Jimmy being what he was, was dead sentenced since he was born...

Awesome story again. 5*s

Thanks for sharing.

I HOPE this is a ending to all your sorry ass Fucking stories. They are TOO Fucking Long and fucking crap.

Excellent. Thanks for making me feel.

This is the ending I hoped for. Sarah seemed to be the love of his life but that quick separation made a renewal a long shot. I now wonder if others will try to draft an alternative.

As always, love your storytelling. I hope you will try this style again. It was hard but worth waiting for.

Thanks!

If the cheater gets wronger life situation than the faithful ex spouse after divorce and the cheater knows this that is BTB!

Your usual good work. some of the other anonymous comments are truly hateful.. Ignore the asshole...now if I could just get you to drive a Challenger... Smitty19

I had hoped for a similar ending, and you came through as you usually do. One of your better recent efforts SS06, very well done!

It is very difficult to understand for some readers to be kind to the ex may be bigger revenge as the pure hate, when the betrayed ex is successful, happy and found another mate. The ex cheater could see what was the loss. However the overdose from the kindness is a stupidity as the majority of MM's stories. To find the fair balance is art for a good author. SS06 found the fair balance.

I agree with everything that Karen E. said below. To have old fumble fingers become a hero is quite impressive. This one had more interesting characters in it than usual but the egocentricity of the two protagonists was really impressive.

I looked forward to part two, and waited until I had read both before writing my comments.

A thrilling story that kept my attention all the way through, definitely a great addition to all of your other great stories.

My favorite is Billie Jean.

I always look to see if you have written anything new, wish I had five percent of your talent.

Thanks for the entertainment.

jacsr

Thank you for the great story. I really enjoyed the ending as I hadn't even considered that angle. So once again , Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with us lowly readers and please keep writing.

your stories if find objectionable. 1. The woman who causes all of the problems and pain is so lovable or pitiable that the husband can't get over or understands and forgives her weakness. 2. The woman who has to rebuild his life after the wreck becomes best friends with the destroyer or secretly invites her back into his life and he is such a wimp he let's her and even loves her more. 3. And finally you have the husband still in love with her whole family and sharing his new life with them and her. I really don't see that as something that makes him a better person.

You write a good first chapter and either have second thoughts or listen to the readers who are all touchy/feely emo types who need that kind of rush. Write the second installment that is consistent with the first. If you want a different outcome write a different story.

this story can not end like this need a chapter 3 to where sarah gets killed in car accident and dylan and gretchen get back together i think this is a good story that is why i suggested a third chapter

l for one think you have hit on a great conclusion. always read your stories, liked most all of them

and thank you so much for splitting it up. All the loose ends tied up and Jimmy in Hell. Flawless!

Another great read from you. Thanks. I was surprised with the ending, tho there is nothing wrong with it. Please post more in the future when you get a chance. Thanks again !

What a fucking waste of time this story was. Hey, I got as far as page 4, when Sarah reenters (ta dah!), and that's when I had to admit that this was some fucked-up made for TV script: The Stupid Gretchen Show!!!" I should be less ranting, OK. Your plot is based on the epic stupidity and poor choices of people who otherwise indicate they have an IQ above 47. Why not just bring in the fucking Martians to clusterbomb all the characters with their Stupid ray. Of course Gretchen gets a shot of Slut ray whenever Jimmy comes around. You are so much more talented than this idiocy reflects. Hope you get your brain back, soon. Guess the Martians are still experimenting with that?

Gretchen got stuck with Jimmy, a penance nobody deserves, even for adultery! Dylan got a brand new life, without his albatross, Jimmy! Probably another chapter with 'Aunt Gretchen', but that would "Gild the Lily"! Great Story! All Your Stories are Excellent! Personally, I like this the BEST! Thanks for Your Writing!

great story written with a positive prospective. a great story without all the gory details of the sex. a story about karma!

Great story with a good ending. I hate cheaters but it was all crazy and she was manipulated and paid a heavy price for it. She was really a good person who let some jerk fool her but in the end she did what she had to do. I would only like to believe that she also stays in her daughters life. She will have all those good people around to support her and love her. I was a tough story but a happy ending

I have loved nearly every one of your stories. I was also starting to get a hankering for a tricked out Mustang for a bucket list car. That was until they announced the new Hellcat Challenger. 707 hp ... and about $60K; need I say more? My first car back in the 70's was a used orange Challenger with a standard transmission and slant 6 engine. A buddy had a gas station and we worked on it all the time (because we had to). Hopefully production will match demand in the next couple of years.

So, no Mustang for me but I will still be reading your stories!!!!!

I'm glad Lil Sis got a shot AND that it missed the target completely. Don't like it when a new (or very minor) character comes in to solve a dilemma. Sarah is a different case ... she had a lead part until she took her life into her own hands and outta town. I can accept her and Hubby taking up where they left off (and it sounds like her 'street smarts' were underestimated by Hubby in Ch1.)

Very glad that Sweetie Greta did not prevail vis-a-vis the Good Guy she Major-Shat on! Also glad that she offed the Asshole and then eventually got her life (and that of Hubby's Daughter) squared away satisfactorily!

5*

Seriously? I am SO JEALOUS of that. What an awesome name.

Great story sir.

First, I really liked the story - and you wrote it well.

However, in terms of the plot and characters, I think you missed something extremely significant.

First - if either his actual mom or his "sorta" mom had thought for one moment that the child was not the doofus' kid and it was HIS - there is NO WAY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH they they would NOT have told him - directly and immediately! The part of the plotline where the moms' "suspect" this is true but they SAY NOTHING either CRYSTAL CLEAR or IMMEDIATELY - TO _ANYBODY_ - and none of the main characters really understand this FOR A YEAR while she lives with the abusive JERK!? Sorry, but THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL that this actually happens given the loving parents' that they both are supposed to be! In restrospect, once I realize this weakness in your storyline, the rest of the plot falls apart right there.

Actually, another failing in this is that the jerk's parents don't haul his ass before the family and straighten him out at any point along the line is also completely unbelievable, but that's a quibble compared to this far more major failing of the plot line.

So I'm sorry, but I can't buy this as a valid ending to your story AT ALL.

Can people leave comment's saying that this is a good story?.

So much information was repeated needlessly and the ending was beyond predictable.

The writing was ok but the storyline was pathetic and needlessly unrealistic.

Very bad work from a normally good writer.

and a more unusual plot line for ss06 - a baddie that actually gets it by the end of the story. She appears to feel real remorse and seek some form of redemption.

One of the best (maybe not most entertaining/fun, because some other SS06 stories are outrageously fun... but certainly one of the best) literary efforts by SS06. Excellent work. Congrats!

5*

I enjoyed this very much. Some of it I don't understand but that's because I am English. Please keep up the good work.

I like you.

So SS06 sticks to his formulaic writing and his propensity for writing ALL the women in his stories as dumb, he must be of the opinion that all women are dumb.

The editing leaves a lot to be desired, he thanks his editor yet a good editor would have picked up the myriad of errors still in this and a good editor also helps to slim down a long winded story like SS06 always writes. Both these chapters could have been done in half the pages. I'm new to reading SS06 stories, but they're all the same, long winded formulaic boring stories. I am yet to find one that stands out from the rest.

say first of all I was entertained. Both parts were totally unbelievable, absolute and utter fantasies.

So what! They were fun to read, and that's why I so like the things you do.

Oh yeah; some of the lines like 'dead as disco', and 'pacmanistan' ought to have told someone this was supposed to be just what it was, a fun read.

You keep writing and I'll keep reading.

Had to slap another five on you.

Thanks again.

To unbelievable to be true, a real fantasy. Gretchen a flawed fucked up women.

This was one of the possible endings that I imagined. The entry was well written and nicely put together. The only thing that I hate about this story is when a story thread is left open with out resolution.

In the first chapter of this story, Dill and Jerry were leaving the bar and the following was written

:

"Another thing that I didn't know was that someone sitting near us had not only heard us but had realized who we were."

Who is this someone and how were they supposed to fit into the story line?

Thank you for the hard work and I look forward to your next submission.

Bravo ,Stang you wrapped it up beautifully,Thank You.How you are back soon!!!

Sort of a Burn the Bitch but with heart. You even brought back Sara and made it work.

Well Done!

One of your best stories ever.

I LOVE a Happy and a VIOLENT Ending.

This story probably should have been in Romance. My favorite lines, were Gretchen's reason for firing five shots: "The gun didn't have any more bullets", as well as her explanation as to Jimmy's fate: "Deader than disco." That made my day.

I liked the way Dylan dealt with Gretchen. While he had no interest in taking her back, he didn't go on a campaign, to destroy her. Forgiveness, without reconciliation.

@ Good story-Wrong Category You are wrong to show the cheating ex wife goes to a wronger life situation and the ex husband becomes more successful after leaving the cheating ex it can be written with long time panorama epiloge the only good possibility. I think the short time stories except for excellent twist at the end are JPB type without end stories. For example to show the cheating ex wife can not see her grandkids as a very good BTB only a long time epiloge can show..............

but was ruined by the caricature personality portrayals of the main protagonists. Gretchen was marginally a cut above the recent Starstang loser wives. Jimmy was just plain bad. And Dylan was an emotional juvenile. Too much the boy scout to know how to build a relationship on his own. Mooning over Gretchen and then, the instant he reconnects with Sarah, Gretchen is history.

The plot deserves a much better story.

My only problem with the overall story was when Dylan's own parents told Gretchen that she had to take Jimmy to keep Dylan. That set her up for disaster!

i even gave you a 5 star rating.

but only on part 2, did a hell of a job on that section,

kudos.

This story took the dumb as a box of rocks wife type and sadly applied it to every character.

Dylan dropping the divorce makes zero sense seeing as he'd already paid for legal services and his lawyer was all ready to drop the hammer. Him staying in such close contact with Jimmy and Gretchen's parents was just bullshit.

Gretchen knows from the start of chapter 2 that Dylan picked her over Jimmy yet continues to believe the assholes bullshit, lets him move in and support him and accept his psychical and mental abuse just because? A newborn baby living in a house where the mother is being assaulted and neither family nor the police alert social services? Gretchen's farther goes from wanting to kick the shit out of Jimmy in chapter 1 to doing fuck all even when the asshole puts her in the hospital!

The parents all seem content to continue chilling out in Dylan's house while totally ignoring how fucked up each of their children's lives are! These fucks did nothing but cause trouble for their kids by continuing to enforce the "brother's from different mothers" angle. As another poster mentioned, these fucks doing nothing regarding Jimmy's actions and ignoring the welfare and true parentage of their granddaughter was just to much.

(As an aside, @Idiotsavant: the person in the bar was Greta's friend Sylvia. The one who later related to her what happened in the bar. End of that line.)

Greta goes to college, graduates, and is too stupid to think that maybe, just MAYBE, she should talk to her husband about his feelings re: her fucking his "brother" before ACTUALLY fucking his brother...?

She has known for some time that Jimmy was a shithead lying piece of cheating garbage who she already has made clear she doesn't even want IN her home even to talk to her husband... and yet she not only THEN let's him in but believes the words that are coming out of his mouth to the exclusion of year's worth of her experience with her husband.

I'm disappointed when authors make women so braindead that they find themselves unable to follow a reasonable line of thought and instead open their legs for what is clearly the kind of reasoning that ONLY seems likely in a fiction story.

It's like if you feel the need to generate the drama for a cheating wife at least make it plausible in conjunction with who you've lead us to believe a person is. If a woman is totally self-centered, stupid and a slut and the man just NOW finds out, fine... But if she's only slept with two men and married the second, there goes the slut angle and if she did well in college there goes the stupid angle and, truthfully, once she realized how much he loved her and you made us believe she loved him as well, there should have gone the self-centered angle.

Get out of your comfort zone and into your character's heads...

Everything has been covered in the comments, pro and con. No use re-hashing them. As always good story. Anything, even with all it's shortcoming, is better than most of the trash that's been posted in loving wives lately. Thanks. (ML)

I am male and I found things she done awful,but it was really a sad story,especially at the end.

An awesome story. It is nearly impossible for anyone who has not experienced abuse to understand how hard it is on the person being abused to leave their abuser.

Whether the abuser is male or female they share the ability to truly make the victim believe that the abuse is all the victims fault. Often times guilt on the part of the victim adds to the incentive for them to stay in the relationship.

When you throw in children and extended family, not to mention love, it all becomes a hellacious mix that is hard to explain. This story does a fantastic job of trying to show almost every possible aspect of such a situation, and does it in a clear and expressive way. A true feat of writing skill.

Thank you for this 2nd chapter. It was everything I expected.

Actually, the surprise was Sarah not showing up on the last page of the 1st chapter.

But we all knew she was going to show up. That's your style ! So 3*s, again.

I'm off to the future as

AMerryMan

You made the people 3 dimensional, and wrapped it all up very nicely.

Also, 'Stang tech. Good all around.

Mike

or rather one type of it. Defense of another is also justifiable homicide. It just means that the law recognizes that you had a reason that justified your use of deadly force.

So he didn't intend to remarry so he didn't care about getting a divorce. This little plot device is used a lot here. Makes me wonder why they leave at all since they will be working their asses off for the wife anyway. Years from now they have become really successful then WHAM, she hits them with a divorce and takes half of everything they have built for themselves. Seems pretty stupid to me.

they think because of some gift of genetics or family status that they are "entitled" to a superiour lifestyle. someone will cover for them. someone will provide for them. and, no matter how bad they screw up, someone will step in and bail them out.

again and again and again.

they should all get a dope slap at least once in a while.

One of my new favorites.

To a good story with well-crafted characters. Lots of ways to finish the story, I think the one you chose was the most satisfying.

You can't help feel sorry for every character in this piece, except for Jimmy. He got what he deserved!

Self justification like a terrorist saying it was okay to kill in the name of god, please Bitches everyone is her friend no one is upset??????????????????

That is why you dont beat your wife......you bury the bitch deep!!!!!!!!!! fucking wimps.

She stayed She murdered a man, i hope all your sons die like jimmy, she could have left, kicked him out...any number of things, but no women are stupid cows, till they kill then they are justified.......every man who dies for a women deserves to go to hell... if you believe that she was justified and that this was moving story of redemption, but if you believe this was written to show that men are weak and stang's wife or "master" is now writing his stories, we can only pray he gets his balls back, say NO!

She cheated on him(less that 20 min), murdered his oldest friend, child with another man, and got away with it...because feminists run the courts, any action a woman takes is justified and men deserve to die in battle for their woman's hot coffee and accept being a cuckold and remain friends(like a house nigger..why wouldn't they want to serve) because a woman's life of pampered boredom is so hard.

Personally i wipe the lot of them out.....jimmy was the only real person a bastard.... but he never hid, but everyone else hid till they struck. at the end she goes off to discover her self, Jimmies spirit rips her head off in the car 5 miles down the road, the kid wakes up with in her bed, the sever heads voice says "don't be a whore or i get you to my pretty.ahahaha" Dylan hangs himself for being such a pussy.

I've never posted a comment before, but I felt I must.

I loved the story, it moved me to tears.

Loved how the 2nd part became about Gretchen and not about Dylan.

I have to agree with it being difficult to buy one of the three sets of parents not stepping in... especially Jimmies parents. Everyone could see what was going on. All the parents were very loving and understanding... someone one should have stepped in.

I felt bad for Ashly. I could have seen her ending up with Dylan, instead of being stuck in little sister mode. At least she moved on and found her own man.

Loved Sarah. Did from the beginning. Just wish you could have her a Dylan found each other again in a different way. I just hate the oh I had to go over to this state or town or country. I visit one other place then the one I'm working at and bamph.... there she is. It was obvious how much Sarah loved Dylan when she left. You were right Dylan had no clues to find her... and in his state of recovery had no brains to even look her up again. Sarah on the other hand did have means to easily find Dylan. I think I just would have liked it better if you had Sarah find out Dylan and Gretchen... and about their seperation. Maybe when she returned for a college reunion or to look up old friends or what ever. She could have found and and went after Dylan and showed up at his home or something... instead of them randomly running into each other. Just my opinion.

Anyway good story. As I said it moved me. And please ignore the haters and keep writing. I've read all of your stories and look forward to them. I like that you kept it to 7-9 pages. Your longer stories are hard for me to read. Love them, just to long as I find I don't have enough time with RL.

And yes please keep giving your wives... female characters a bit more brains or maybe it's wisdom. Yes their are a ton of stupid men and women out their... I just hate always seeing a good guy get on with his life... because the female really was so stupid and selfish and didn't have a clue. In the end at least Gretchen got a clue... and grew up. Would have been nice if you wrote her a few years in the future visiting, with maybe a family of her own as she became an adult.

thanks again

Thank you for answering my earlier question. Must have missed it the first time through.

I like honestly did not just finish it as a job story. I say this is yours. Sarah was one that got away. I missed her. Himalayas dock. I kind of saw it in the part about the Nintendo.

I loved the story...especially the second part. Like a few of the others...I wanted Sarah to get back together with Dylan. I don't know if you have heard this before or not...but I just reread all of HDK's stuff and you two have some similarities in your dialogue and descriptions of your heroes. I think that must be why I love your writing too. He never writes his women as being brain dead as much as you do...but his protagonists are similar. Keep on writing please. I beg HDK as well... OldMarineVet

a huge effort to produce rubbish hated it 1 so unsexy it was unbelievable etc crap rubbish hospital?/ what a hard on , not....

Having a detractor like the anonymous (no just another JPB or MM story of) is like the scene where the one guy rants about how the defendant is guilty just because they're all animals and blah blah blah... and suddenly NO ONE wants to be even remotely associated with the vitriol spewing out.

Jimmy is, was, and always would be some of the worst of what makes humans human. He was a user and an abuser and drug people down just by being associated with him. He was able to tarnish and corrupt people and brought, in the end, nothing but misery to everyone who knew him - only by deluding himself was Dylan able to profess there was any good in him.

The only good thing you could say for Jimmy isn't exactly FOR him... it's just the line that "If there be light, then there is darkness; if cold, heat; if height, depth; if solid, fluid; if hard, soft; if rough, smooth; if calm, tempest; if prosperity, adversity; if life, death." - Pythagoras.

But just because you need bad to know good doesn't mean you have to be so dense as to try to say that bad IS good.

(Shame on me for feeding the trolls...)

Becasue I am the only one who reads these stories to see how formulaic they can get.

The point I am trying to make is that they are all the same story , warmed over with the spices reintroduced but nothing really new.

Granted, I prefer darker stories because I am a dark person but all of SS07's females are sex, lack any moral integrity, and always screw upi what they had. His protagonists are all "rightous dudes", Granted, Dylan finally beat the shit out of Jimmy but in reality, that would or should have been the end of it. He would leave and never have anything to do with any of them again. Including the 3 sets of parents! That is stretching it a bit..I suppose there are some out there, but I have never met them.

Try something really different next time . Stretch yourself. Have him drive a Chevy Impala at least!

C

it was so scrambled, and mislead, that it may be true.

.....take precipitous action against Jimmy far, far sooner.....or even had Dylan come back long enough to beat Jimmy within an inch of his life. Then, keeping him drugged and unconscious, might have had Dylan haul his ass to Matamoros, in Mexico, just over the border from Brownsville, Texas....let him see his own way out of this world, the abusive, reeking sack of incompetent entrails!

I might have also put something in the story about Jimmy's parents and how they must have felt about having such a poor showing in a son. Jimmy was loved and taught right alongside Dylan, so had the background to be a real stand-up guy. But, as happens more frequently than, any will admit, such an upbringing will bring out the best in most people and will make certain other personality types feel entitled and believing that everyone around them (and the world) owes them something.

Having said all of that, I liked it far better than most of your recent work. It still suffered somewhat from the StangStar06 writing formula, but was much improved.

It's good to shake it up once in awhile. I hope you try again and reach even farther beyond the safe, comfortable framework you've fallen into, because of your successes with it. To risk is to live.

Respectfully ,

Anonymous

of your stories I read, you shatter your stories by rewriting the same reterec over and over. Way to much length................

The conclusion to this story made me cry. You are a very gifted writer.

5 star for the epilogue alone. Rest is your usual crap! ;-)

Like I said "elenment of surprise is expected" . According to me ending could not have been much better. Way to go .....

Gretchen was a fool and betrayed her husband at the first opportunity. She was too stupid to get a DNA when the baby was born. She was one of those stupid women that let their so-called man beat on her without filing charges. I would have killed her off for her stupidity if I had been writing, at least she did the right thing about her baby. In other words, this story was too much like real life. Jimmy should have been made to suffer many times, killing was too good for him. I guess I am getting to be a romantic instead of a pervert in my old age. Dylan was also a fool about Jimmy until the last. Yes, I know that it is just a story and that I got too enmeshed.

Another real good story. Entertaining, enjoyable, creative and interesting. I just don't know if I believe that some slick, charming, oily cad can talk a married woman into bed. She has to want to be seduced. If a woman doesn't want to be seduced, I don't think she will be. I believe that over time she can be made to think that she wants it, but not in one day. He comes to her house and seduces her in a matter of hours. She has to be either brain-dead or she has to want to try someone else herself. Then this supposedly college graduate decides to have Jimmy move in with her to get her husband back?? This makes no sense whatsoever. But after all that, Thank You for another amazing and ingenious story.

So many of my favorite authors from this site no longer have current submissions and it is a distinct pleasure to find that the author I like above all the rest is still writing new stories. It is also nice that you have such an affection for Mustangs in all their forms. My favorite car I've ever owned is my current one I have a 2012 Shelby GT500 and it is my pure joy every time I drive it that makes it so. I have read all of your stories many of them over and over, please continue to write them and I will be eternally grateful. Just a hint there was a story called Sophie I believe and it was never finished as the author passed away I would love to see you finish it as I know you would do a superb job and it really does deserve to be completed.

as someone said, the unbelievability factor was just way too overwhelming.

the trick in fiction is to make the unbelievable believable; there is little value in making the unbelievable still unbelievable, when we fictionalize.

how do I know?

I don't know for sure; but I think even Mother Teresa won't buy her once-beloved husband, if she had married, a spanking brand new car, when he got out of prison, for some shit that happened WAY after they'd divorced, because BEFORE that happened, he shit and urinated in her coffee for the entire time they're married...

Mother Teresa was known to be a pretty patient person who's willing to suffer fools for ages; but I doubt even she would buy her ex a brand new Jeep the first day he was let out from prison after some years there, for, what was it, killing someone HE was married to, AFTER he shit and urinated in Mother Teresa's food and drink for the entire time she was married to him... along with all kinds of other brand new things, including, what was it, healthcare policies?

sorry, again, FICTION is to make the unbelievable BELIEVABLE. making the unbelievable unbelievable is not fiction but MASOCHISM. I don't doubt many people love masochism.

And enjoyed the entire story! Well done!

Dylan's dependency was a bit unrealistic and Jimmy's lack of growth was hard to grasp, but really liked the overall story and conclusion. Please keep writing!

thanks for a great story. I've read most of yours and this is up there with the best. Gretchen's character may have been flawed but there are women like that. It makes her a tragic figure, but still believable.

Where were you when the inspiration for this story came to you? Alps, Andes, Himalayas? You know, not enough oxygen and all that. What kind of convoluted, twisted, cockamamie ideas are brewing out of that tofu eating brain of yours? Gretchen and jimmy are the must absurd and unrealistic people I have ever read out of all of your stories. By the way, beside that 1960's fastback from the movie ( Bullit) and the 2015 model Stang, oh sorry! And the Mach one all others in between seem to look alike, boring cookie cutters!!! Keep the faith and keep writing!!!!!

SS I don't fucking belief that there can be such a stupid and wimpy idiot like the character you have painted Dylan to be! Talk about sloppy-seconds-loving-cuckold husband can't even begin to describe him. 

Then to top it all you have a woman in the form of Gretchen who must have been nursed by a female baboon up to school going age and cannot distinguish between her ass from her elbow even after being made pregnant! This has got to be your worst LW story by far and it's so full of unnecessarily painful draggy flashbacks!

Fortunately, and to your credit however, your concluding chapter saved the day. You brought Sarah back into the story for a very satisfying finish.

Regardless of any and all naysayers, ignoring all the unhappy peeps and taking into account the twisted souls that hate happy endings.

THIS IS A STANGSTAR06 PRODUCTION! 5 STARS because I can't find the damned 10 star button!

I didn't comment on the first part although it garnered your typical 5, simply because I was afraid you would bend to pressure and let our hero return to one unworthy of him.

Kudos for this story and once again you prove your place in my favorite authors list.

MorganDeWolfe