Cuckold Case Files Pt. 02

SUMMERSVILLE COUNTY PSYCHIATRIC UNIT

CASE NOTES

CASE #: 022523-A

PATIENT: Leonard Arnold

DOB: 4/29/XXXX

STAFF: Edna Keener, D/Psy. D

REFERRED BY: Municipal Court/Hargrove

February 15

PRE-SESSION CLINICAL NOTES:

Patient suffers from multiple issues including personality disorder, neurosis, depression and idealization of his wife. It is my belief that patient is being taken advantage of and physically harmed by his wife and her boyfriend although patient insists he consents to the exploitation and punishment.

PRE-SESSION ACTION PLAN:

Watch for further signs of abuse that could trigger an automatic law enforcement response independent of patient's permission. Patient was prescribed Alprazolam 0.5 mg at initial session. Monitor drug's effects, adjust dosage accordingly.

Interview transcript follows:

DR. EDNA: Oh. My. Hello, Leonard.

LEONARD: Um ... hi. You're probably wondering--

DR. EDNA: Well, yes. I see you're dressed ... a bit differently this time.

LEONARD: Uh, I ... I'm coming out. This is who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: Coming out?

LEONARD: As a ... a trans. Transgender. I'm coming out. It's who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: Oh? Well ... congratulations, Leonard. Um, when did you make this decision? To come out?

LEONARD: Uh, about a week ago?

DR. EDNA: After our session?

LEONARD: Um, yeah.

DR. EDNA: Leonard, have you always felt like this? That you're transgendered, I mean. You didn't mention it last time.

LEONARD: Oh, well ... I was ... I didn't want to tell you. But now I want to come out as a trans person because, uh, this is who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: When did you first start having these feelings?

LEONARD: I-I think I was, like ... two?

DR. EDNA: Two? That seems young.

LEONARD: Um, I mean, maybe five? Six? It ... I don't remember exactly. It's just who I am inside. Since as long as I can remember, you know. I just felt like I was a trans person ... inside. From when I was a kid. Real little. I want to come out as a trans person now, finally, because ... um, this is who I am ... uh, inside.

DR. EDNA: Leonard, I've got to be honest with you, it sounds like you're reciting a script. Is this really something that you're feeling ... or are James and Dawn making you do this?

LEONARD: I ... uh ...

DR. EDNA: Please be honest with me, Leonard.

LEONARD: Um ... well, they did ... uh, no. No, Dr. Edna. This really is who I am inside. I want to come out as a trans person. And that means you can't discriminate against me or call the police. Because I'm trans.

DR. EDNA: Oh. Now I see.

LEONARD: Are you gonna call the cops?

DR. EDNA: Why are you so worried about that? You said last time that Dawn would be mad if the police were to do a wellness check at your home. Why?

LEONARD: She hates cops. So does James. OMG, does he hate cops.

DR. EDNA: Is that it?

LEONARD: Is what it?

DR. EDNA: Is that the only reason you don't want me calling the police?

LEONARD: Look, Dr. Edna ... I don't expect you to understand. I told you before, we don't have a normal marriage. Yeah, I have to put up with some things ... getting the whippings ... and now having to be a sissy--

DR. EDNA: A sissy? That's no way to talk about yourself, Leonard.

LEONARD: That's what I am, isn't it? A sissy? Look at me.

DR. EDNA: Well ... I'm not--

LEONARD: Listen, Dr. Edna, I don't know why we even have to keep doing this. Dawn and James are really mad that I'm not home to serve them, and they don't like me coming here telling you what goes on in our house.

DR. EDNA: If this is a consensual lifestyle for you all, and nobody's being forced to do anything, there should be nothing to hide. Lots of people live in alternative relationships.

LEONARD: They say it's none of your ... effing business. Excuse my language.

DR. EDNA: Well, Leonard, Dawn and James need to understand that unless you work with me in these sessions you won't complete the program, and you'll likely be facing the original criminal sexual misconduct charge, along with contempt of court for lack of cooperation during the psychological evaluation.

LEONARD: I did try to tell them. They won't listen.

DR. EDNA: Well, Leonard, I'm trying to--

LEONARD: I mean, what difference does it make for me to sit in here and complain for an hour, anyway? I've got a shitty life, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I'm a sap because I let my wife walk all over me. Okay? And now I have to go through this ... this ... complete embarrassment. It's a nightmare.

DR. EDNA: What are you talking about? What embarrassment?

LEONARD: This. These clothes. Coming out. At work. (crying)

DR. EDNA: It's okay, Leonard. Here, take a drink of water.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA. You're welcome. Now, tell me about it. Coming out at work.

LEONARD: I-I came in the first day wearing a dress and ... everyone died laughing. They thought it was some kind of joke -- until I told them I was coming out as a trans person and they all stopped laughing right quick. James was right.

DR. EDNA: Right about what?

LEONARD: Um ... well trans people are kinda protected. Everyone tries not to offend them. If not, they file a lawsuit.

DR. EDNA: And this is what James says?

LEONARD: Yeah.

DR. EDNA: So, he made you come out as a transgender so I'd be reluctant to call the police because I'd be afraid you'd sue me?

LEONARD: I ... I ... he ... no. No. I made the decision to come out as a trans person, Dr. Edna. This is who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: Okay. Do you have a female name?

LEONARD: Um ... I ...

DR. EDNA: It's fine. We can use whatever name you'd like. I just want you to feel comfortable.

LEONARD: It's ... like, really embarrassing.

DR. EDNA: Now, Leonard, we've talked about this. There's no reason to be embarrassed.

LEONARD: There's not? Can you see how I'm dressed? All this makeup? I look ridiculous. (crying)

DR. EDNA: It's okay Leonard. Here's a tissue.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA: You're welcome.

LEONARD: Um, it's Faggetta.

DR. EDNA: What's that, Leonard?

LEONARD: My ... um, my name. It's ... uh, Faggetta.

DR. EDNA: Hm. Okay. I see. Okay. Um, do ... do you want me to address you as Faggetta?

LEONARD: Oh, no, please don't.

DR. EDNA: Okay, whatever makes you comfortable. We'll just keep on calling you Leonard, okay?

LEONARD: Thank you. Um, Dr. Edna ... can I ... ask you something?

DR. EDNA: Of course you may.

LEONARD: Uh ... you're 100% sure there's no way anyone could ... you know, ever read all that stuff you're writing down?

DR. EDNA: Of course not. Why?

LEONARD: I-I don't know. I just want to make sure, that's all.

DR. EDNA: Well, I told you, everything we talk about in here will be kept private -- unless I think you're a harm to yourself or others.

LEONARD: Okay, thank you. I just ... I hate this, Dr. Edna. Dressing like this. I hate it. It's so embarrassing ... and the name ... I have to go downtown and officially change it. (crying)

DR. EDNA: Leonard, it's okay. Just tell me how this all came about.

LEONARD: It ... it was the night after our first session. James and Dawn badgered me, wanting to know what all we talked about in here.

DR. EDNA: And you told them I'd mentioned possibly calling the police.

LEONARD: Yes. And I got whipped pretty bad for it, too -- 100 strokes. They said I was running my mouth when I shouldn't have. James has a felony on his record; he doesn't want anything to do with cops.

DR. EDNA: What was the felony?

LEONARD: Armed robbery. He did five years. He used to run with a pretty rough crowd although after he went to prison he kind of mellowed out, at least with the criminal stuff. Every now and then he'll have his old friends come over to hang out. Man, they absolutely trash the place. It takes days to clean up after them sometimes. I'm just happy if they're gone by the time I get home from work.

DR. EDNA: Why is that?

LEONARD: OMG, they're so mean to me. They ... I ... I don't even want to talk about it. Is that okay?

DR. EDNA: That's fine, Leonard. You were telling me about deciding to come out as transgendered.

LEONARD: Oh, yeah, it was after our session and I told them what you said about calling the cops. James hit the roof. Obviously.

DR. EDNA: You said he gave you 100 strokes? I'm so sorry to hear that.

LEONARD: It's okay. It's consensual, Dr. Edna. I promise. This is ... this is how I want to live.

DR. EDNA: But you said you hated it.

LEONARD: I ... I ... (crying)

DR. EDNA: It's okay. Just tell me about it. I'm here to listen.

LEONARD: I do hate it, Dr. Edna, but I can't live without Dawn. Okay? I just can't. So if they tell me I have to be a sissy from now on, then ... well, I guess I just have to do it. I have to. I know it probably isn't the best thing for me, you know, psychologically. I know this. But I love her. I really do. She's literally everything to me. If I didn't have her in my life, I honestly wouldn't see the point in ...

DR. EDNA: Wouldn't see the point in what? In living?

LEONARD: No, no. I'm not talking about suicide. Please don't call--

DR. EDNA: Leonard, relax, I'm not going to call the police. Just tell me how you feel about everything that's happened to you since we last saw each other.

LEONARD: I ... I just ... (crying)

DR. EDNA: It's okay, Leonard. Here's another tissue.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA: Now, tell me more about this conversation you had with Dawn and James about coming out as transgendered. I know you say you made the decision yourself. But what, exactly, happened?

LEONARD: Well, after James beat me, um ... he and Dawn went to the bedroom for a while. They do that a lot after my punishments. I told you before, Dawn really gets ...it really excites her. Anyway, I guess they came up with the idea while they were laying in bed after they were done having ... uh, after they were finished in there. They called me to bring them drinks and just kinda dropped the news on me.

DR. EDNA: How so? What did they say?

LEONARD: Well, James said everyone's scared to offend transgendered people, and that I could sue you for discrimination if you called the cops, so they turned me into a sissy. He said he had a sissy in prison who used to wash his clothes and run errands and stuff for him.

DR. EDNA: Did James have a sexual relationship with this inmate?

LEONARD: Um, y-yes. He did. Kinda. You know ... he had to do ... things.

DR. EDNA: And, Leonard ... do you have a sexual relationship with James?

LEONARD: I-I ... please ... (crying)

DR. EDNA: It's okay, Leonard. Here's some more water.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA: Okay, now. Tell me about it. It's all right, Leonard.

LEONARD: Yes, he ... he makes me do ... stuff. Oral. Especially ... you know, after he and Dawn ... um ... after they're done. Sometimes they have me ... um, clean them. And then, last week ... the first time I dressed as a woman ... he ... he ... (crying)

DR. EDNA: It's okay, Leonard. Breathe.

LEONARD: I-I'm sorry. I just ... it hurt so bad. And with Dawn watching ... and laughing. I felt like dying. I really did.

DR. EDNA: Are you saying James raped you, Leonard?

LEONARD: Y-yes, he-- wait, I mean no. No. It wasn't rape. I went along with it. It was consensual, Dr. Edna, I swear. It was.

DR. EDNA: Er, okay, Leonard. I can only go by what you're telling me. But you don't seem too happy about all this.

LEONARD: Well, I'm not. I hate it. (crying) And they say I have to be like this from now on.

DR. EDNA: What do you mean?

LEONARD: At first, they were just gonna make me dress up for these sessions. But now Dawn wants to make it permanent. She told me I was useless as a man anyway, and when she saw me all dressed up she said this is who I was meant to be. A sissy. She wants me to get breast implants and everything. She's the one who came up with the name.

DR. EDNA: And you say you're going to legally get it changed?

LEONARD: Er ... yeah, I have to ... have to go down to the Municipal Center on my lunch hour Monday and fill out the paperwork.

DR. EDNA: Are you sure this is something you want to do?

LEONARD: That's what I'm saying: I don't want to do it, Dr. Edna. I hate it. (crying)

DR. EDNA: But ... you want to keep Dawn in your life. So you do whatever she tells you. No matter how much anguish it's causing you.

LEONARD: Y-yeah. I love her. I can't help it. I know what you think. I know you think I'm weak.

DR. EDNA: I don't think you're weak at all, Leonard, but I can see you're in a lot of pain.

LEONARD: I am. (crying)

DR. EDNA: Okay, Leonard. I guess, then, since your love for Dawn has put you in a situation you hate, but it's a situation you don't want to get out of, I think we first need to figure out the best way to help you deal with all this. Did you take the Xanax I prescribed?

LEONARD: Yeah, I took one and it made me really tired, and I had a hard time finishing my housework. Now, I just take them before I go to bed. They help me sleep.

DR. EDNA: Okay, I'm going to prescribe you some Zoloft, then. Perhaps that won't make you quite as drowsy. You need to take this medication during the day, Leonard; it's not a sleep aid. The idea is to help you manage these feelings of depression.

LEONARD: I-I hope they work. I do feel depressed a lot.

DR. EDNA: I understand. It's okay.

LEONARD: T-thanks. Can ... can I tell you something?

DR. EDNA: Of course.

LEONARD: I ... well, I feel like it's my destiny or something ... you know, to have to live this way. I grew up ... my mom used to mess around on my dad all the time, right under his nose. She'd get all dressed up and go out 3-4 nights a week. Guys would come pick her up at the house. And then they'd come back at 3 in the morning and sit parked in the driveway for an hour. Or sometimes they'd come in the house. I could hear them down in the rec room. My dad, my sister ... everyone knew what was going on. We just didn't talk about it. My mom treated my dad pretty much how Dawn treats me. You know, mean. She was never happy with anything he did. So ... it's like it was written in the stars or something. It's heredity. This is how my life is supposed to be.

DR. EDNA: Listen, Leonard, no matter what situation you grew up in, nobody's destiny is predetermined. Perhaps your childhood experiences shaped your current circumstances, and it certainly sounds like they did play a major role. We can explore your upbringing as we move forward in our sessions. But, please, never forget -- you're not destined to live in any situation you're not happy with. You can always change.

LEONARD: I dunno. I think I disagree with you there, Dr. Edna. I think some things are just meant to be. Like Dawn. I can't help how much I'm in love with her. I just am. Every time I even think of her leaving me, I get this panic feeling in my stomach. I'm getting it now just talking about it.

DR. EDNA: Well, we are going help you find ways to deal with all that. Is that okay?

LEONARD: Yes. I appreciate it.

DR. EDNA: And you can tell Dawn and James that I'm not calling the police. Although I was wondering whether we might do a family therapy session sometime in the future, where I could talk to the three of you.

LEONARD: Y-you mean Dawn and James ... come here?

DR. EDNA: Yes.

LEONARD: OMG, no way. Please, please, Dr. Edna, that might be worse than calling the police.

DR. EDNA: Why's that?

LEONARD: I ... uh ... like I said, they hate me coming down here. They want me to get all this over with as quick as possible. And ... um ...

DR. EDNA: What is it, Leonard?

LEONARD: Um ... are you sure nobody will ever read your notes?

DR. EDNA: No, I promise. It's completely confidential.

LEONARD: Um, okay. Uh, well, Dawn and James aren't ... well, they aren't exactly very smart, Doctor. They don't trust psychologists, or anyone, for that matter. They think everything's a big conspiracy. They'd never come in here to talk to you.

DR. EDNA: They would if I had the court order them to. Otherwise, you'd be charged with the original crime.

LEONARD: Oh, please, Dr. Edna, don't do that, I'm begging you. I would be whipped so bad.

DR. EDNA: We'll see. We're not there yet. My number one focus right now is to make you feel better about yourself.

LEONARD: Well, if you make them come into one of these sessions, I won't be able to sit down for a week, and that sure won't make me feel better about myself.

DR. EDNA: Alright, Leonard, let's just move on from that. This isn't something that's imminent, anyway; I was just thinking that it might be something worth exploring down the road. There's no need to worry about it now.

LEONARD: Okay. Thank you. You had me scared for a minute there.

DR. EDNA: You feel scared a lot, don't you, Leonard?

LEONARD: Uh, yeah, I do. All the time.

DR. EDNA: Tell me some of the things you're scared about.

LEONARD: Gee, where do I start? Scared Dawn will leave me, of course. Scared James will get mad and whip me. Scared of James ... doing that to me again ... um ... the anal sex. Uh ... scared I'll come home from work and see his friends' cars parked in front of the house, and scared of what ... what they'll do to me. And now, I'm scared of having to go back to work every day wearing ... wearing a dress. My boss asked me if I wanted a new name plate; I think he was relieved that I didn't want to put "Faggetta Arnold" on my desk.

DR. EDNA: Is that what people call you at work?

LEONARD: No, they call me Ms. Arnold, thank goodness.

DR. EDNA: Now, you were saying Dawn and James aren't ... aren't very smart?

LEONARD: Well, no, not really. I mean, I don't want to sound like a snob or anything. But neither one of them finished high school. I don't even think James started high school. All they do is sit around smoking weed all day ... and making messes for me to clean up.

DR. EDNA: Is Dawn very pretty?

LEONARD: OMG, yes. She's like a ... like a perfect princess. An angel. She could've been a model. Well, except ... you know, her breasts are kinda big, and those models are all flat-chested.

DR. EDNA: Not all of them are.

LEONARD: Well, that's what Dawn says, anyway. She went to an audition for a toothpaste commercial when she was in junior high but she said they picked a darkhaired girl instead. Dawn was a lot prettier than that girl. She got totally screwed.

DR. EDNA: Oh, how did you know her?

LEONARD: Who?

DR. EDNA: The darkhaired girl. You said Dawn was a lot prettier than her. You said this happened in junior high school, before you met Dawn. Did you see a picture of this darkhaired girl or something?

LEONARD: Oh, no, I ... I was just saying what Dawn told me. And I'm sure she was a lot prettier, because nobody is prettier than Dawn. Whoever picked that stupid darkhaired girl must've been crazy. Or blind.

DR. EDNA: Oh, okay. I can tell you have very strong feelings for your wife.

LEONARD: Dr. Edna, I just don't know what I'd do without her. I know she treats me ... well, from the outside, I can see how it would look pretty bad. But this is how it turned out. We don't always get to have the kind of life we want. Yeah, I wish things could be different. But they never will be. So I take what I can get. Does that make me a sap?

DR. EDNA: No, Leonard, of course not. You're just--

LEONARD: I'm just a wimp who lets his wife and her boyfriend shit all over him. Sorry about my language.

DR. EDNA: It's okay, Leonard. Is that how you see yourself? A wimp?

LEONARD: Well ... yeah. Look at me. Look at what they made me wear. What do you think? Do I look like a wimp?

DR. EDNA: You're not a wimp, Leonard, and you're not a sap just because you would do anything for your wife.

LEONARD: Oh, Doctor, I really would. Do anything.