by oneminute2
Your spelling in particular is atrocious.
Where’s the ending, you kind of left it hanging. A little rough, but I like anything where men won’t be ducked.
Please get an editor. You don’t get pattens. It is patent. The are other spelling errors and poor grammar. The storyline is good.
Only three stars ⭐️ . In the last paragraph you told Cindy six times.
I pulled Cindy aside and told her to watch out for my ex, if she had any problem with them to let me know, I told her anything, please do not be afraid to tell me because I know how conniving they could be. told her there is nothing that she could do to change my trust in her, told her that she was now in charge of this division and that I knew she could handle it. told her if she ever has a question not to be afraid to ask. I told her I would check in on her every once in a while.
I think Cindy gets the message.
Where to begin? The spelling is amazing. You would think that a smart engineer would know how to spell documents of creative ownership. They are called patents not pattens. You obviously wrote this without editor involvement. Get an editor immediately you are in desperate need of one.
I think you need to learn how to spell. You had the semblance of a decent story, but your spelling and other errors in grammar made the story almost unreadable.
This story is almost unreadable. Was the author drunk or stoned when he wrote the piece of crap?
Although the subject is very interesting, you made very little of it. You only briefly touched on all the topics. I couldn't feel the real feelings of the protagonists. I think a little more depth would have done the story good. You lived up to your pseudonym. The story seems to me to be plastered in a minute!
It was like I was reading an acknowledgement or something but not a fictional literary story
no emotion and no reason what so ever those 2 ppl should be married in the first place
So the ex and jim got a job at the new company? If not why were they there? If yes then why hire them?
Thank you for writing this. I recommend you focus on grammar, spelling, and syntax. Those detracted from the storyyou were telling.
"Steeling"? Is that part of the process of making steel? How about "Stealing", as in taking what belongs to another without their consent.
Ouch, please use an editor, not just a spell checker. Please
"Thou" is old English for you, though is what you should of used.
Steeling and stealing, sound similar but have entirely different meanings.
It's a good start, reads kind of like a run-on sentence.
Skip this. The plot has nothing new, and the spelling and grammar is super bad. It doesn’t look like the author even re-read the story, much less edited it.
You should install Grammarly and use it, your spelling and grammar are atrocious.
All the I's in the first paragraph were enough to drive me away. It's not I did this or I did that. That's not how you write.
You need a good editor but frankly, I can't imagine one wanting to deal with your mess.
Very bad!
You don't have any clue about using commas, do you?
And it's not "steeling", it's stealing.
And there is a great difference between there and they're and their. Read about it, please.
I hate to nail anyone trying to write on here, I know how hard it is. This story failed on so many levels, the writing quality was poor, grammar and even word usage. More importantly, while the outline of the plot was there, it was confusing. In one paragraph the protagonist is saying he doesn't want to hurt the town and makes it seem like his old company is failing and the new guy will buy them out, later on he talks about the old owners as if the company is still going. It never mentions that the old company was bought out specifically, that needed to be set up.
He suddenly mentions a pre nup in his marriage, where did that come from? And quite honestly, what engineer working for a company has enough wealth to protect to want a pre nup? Why did he even have one, did he suspect Sharon back in the day?
And it never really ends, it just kind of stops. So he lets Cindy run I guess the old company (????), she was head of HR!
Also, if he sold his patents it wouldn't happen in a couple of days, it just doesn't work like that. The buyer does due diligence, they have to do a patent search to make sure no one else has anything like it and they have to confirm the products actually work and can be produced economically.
While the story idea is interesting if not original, the execution is problematic. Even if you do not use an editor, please try to reread your story before submitting so as to catch mistakes. Spelling, word and phrase use and knowledge of subjects used in the story help.
It is spelled "patent" and these days in the US, take about 12-18 months or so to issue if it's allowed. Probably longer in a crowded filed like medical devices with lots of prior art. Which means spending more $$ on lawyers arguing with the USPTO to allow your patent claims.
I know it's too much to expect any realism in how the law in general works, much less Intellectual Property law, but you can at least spell "patten" correctly.
Ugly, just like the other stories so far. Not a bad simplistic plot but the narrative doesn't pull the pieces together. 2*
Take a night class in writing and spelling, learn how to finish a thought and then try again. Good plot though. Sorry, not being mean just truthful.
Decent story but you need to get an editor... fast! "Steeling" is not "stealing"; a "patten" is nothing, but a "patent", is. You need to tell your story in dialogue, not in a commentary format. Characters evoke emotion from the reader, and characters are developed through dialogue and interaction. Spend some time reading the top-rated stories on this site, and visit the "How To" category for some excellent tutorials on dialogue and characters.
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It's a disservice to this decent story concept that it wasn't fully developed. 3/5. Bonus point for naming a guy from WV, 'Truck'! Love that!
Barely readable half-ass story. Same comments I made on your other ones. You get a story and ruin it by going too fast, like you are writing an outline rather than telling a story.
Muddled, Confused and disinteresting... in short.. a very bad piece of writing!
"I also said that copies of these were being sent out to her work, church friends and family."
.
But not the police, after recording them planning to kill him?
.
Is your moniker based on how long you spend thinking up your plots?
Theres so much here to address, but a good editor would be an excellent place to start.
I have to agree with others, you need an editor. The premise of the story is solid. However, you lose the reader with so many grammatical errors. Sentence structure is atrocious as well. While I admit to never submitting a story here, I believe I am somewhat qualified to render this opinion.
I suggest an editor. You write very much like a sixth grader. “I did this and this happened and then I did that.” Very basic. Try to develop your characters a little more. Felt very wooden, main character had no emotion.
I wish I could say something decent about this but it really didnt flow, felt like it was just thrown together.
Learn grammar, learn about tenses, learn how to spell, learn about how to construct a plot line, learn about proofreading, and learn about the value of an editor.
Then try to write a story.
Simplistic, choppy and unfocused rambling. The premise of the story is fine, if unoriginal. I would say amateurish but, that’s kind of the point of this website anyway. This author deserves credit for putting themselves out there but really, really needs help and practice.
Kind of rushed. I would think an engineer would know how to spell "Patents". The story could be ok with some work on it.
Sorry, but you must get an editor. There were so many run on sentences and misspelled words that I gave up trying to be involved in the story.
DOS
The author has the correct name as this "story" appears written in one minute. I applaud your efforts for writing a "story" but the vast numbers of grammatical and English errors make it difficult to read and comprehend. My suggestion is if you attempt to write another story find someone who has command of the English language assist in writing the story.
What is a "Patten"? And what is firring? If you ever decide to try writing, learn to spell the words you try to use. Oh it's patent and firing. So sad. Keep your day job!
They talk about "killing me and steeling my money".....So why not go hard core BTB (Burn the Bodies) or just get them on conspiracy to commit murder. i mean he would get all her money and watch them rot in jail. so needs a part 2 then.
It was interesting but very clipped. You should work on “fleshing” it out. It needs a bit more intrigue, a bit more suspense. Not too bad for an early storyline.
Thanks for writing this and putting yourself out there. Good story line however you need an editor to make it smoother and fix a few spots. Well done.
You are in desperate need of a proofreader and an editor. Numerous misspelled words, improper words, omitted words, sentences that make no sense, one sentence in the last paragraph should have been about 4 or 5 sentences.
‘they plan on steeling my ideas‘...?please show them your ‘metal’ and don’t allow them to steel
Worse! You don‘t need to look for an editor, you simply should stop writing and spare us such crap!
An editor would help with some of the things, but it wont fix the story. I get writing gives freedom to the story but it needs to make sense. He was not well paid in his job, and had to pay all of the bills. Normally that would not leave much money left over. His 401(k) from the time he worked at that company at his salary would not be all that extravagant. Why would a competitor suddenly allow him with all this newfound wealth to buy the company hire and give a raises. The story was just shit. I felt like I was reading a story a drunken little kid would make up. I guess I’m just getting frustrated because lately a lot of stories even from authors I follow are just shit. Nobody is making an effort to write anything decent And take the time to put together hey well constructed story
Steal, their and patent. Look them up.
Thanks for the effort but please get someone to proof read as there were too many errors.
Even as a 2nd language that was poor... poorly conceived, poorly written, poorly executed, some pretty poor spelling thing there (not their or they're) too.
And if someone 'could care less' then they still have some care left, however, if the 'could NOT care less' there is no more care to give, whatever happens, happens and they will not worry.
Should also include incest in your tags.
Editing software and a proofreader would help you loads.
This story is so disjointed with run-on sentences, sentence fragments, and poor grammar. The author uses "patten" for "patent". Does he not know how to use Spell & Grammar check? Why not use an editor, or a beta reader? I think it would greatly enhance the quality of the story.
Good idea, bad plot development. This is more like bullet points to form the background of the story.
Unless this story is being told from the viewpoint of the common man, I would suggest the use of a proof reader.
Your English is atrocious. Is it your second language? You need to get an editor fast if you wish to continue. The story was so full if spelling and grammatical errors, and poor sentence structure, I gave upbefore the end of Page 1.
It is a "patent" not "patten." No company would take no interest in a possible invention. We should respect authors who put stuff out for us, but authors ought to respect readers and not put out crap to waste readers' time.
The story idea is fine, though not in any way original. I wish I could be kind, but beyond the lack of proofreading and editing and over all poor writing, the story reads like a police report at best. It's just a mess.
A mess. You "steeled" 10 minutes of my time, before I gave up. (I know it's "stole" but only "steeled" makes my point. I suppose there was a story in there somewhere, but I didn't want to invest anymore of my time and interest.
Very hard to read, and keep up with. As othervhave said, this guy needs an editor.
I think the story idea was good, but it's execution left a lot to be desired. Very hard to read, and choppy. Really needs an editor to help "flesh it out" a little more smoothly.
This reads like a 12 year old’s ideas about adult relationships. There is absolutely no emotional or motivational weight to this recitation of facts. And a good editor would have caught the numerous errors such as the use of “steeling” instead of “stealing”. I mean, really?
IMHO, not well written. It reads like random sentences built on a theme just strug together.
2*
I'm not a writer not an expert like most of the comments seams to be but I love the outcome of the story.
People everyone starts some where, the ones being so critical, what have you written.