All Comments on 'Cumming and Crying at The Same Time'

This is not a story. It's a short scene (or a diary entry) with no background, no names, and zero dialogue. Dialogue brings characters alive. We have no idea what made this man smart and charismatic since we don't know anything he said. We have no idea who these people are or why or how the MC knew she liked it rough before this. We don't know what attracted her to him in the first place. With zero details, no one will care about these characters. They're just two anonymous cardboard figures fucking and slapping. She (you) seems to do and say nothing but just lie there on your back passively.

You don't involve any of the senses. of taste, touch, smell, etc., and we have not a single clue as to what these people look like. You needn't write a police-type description, but a few details would go a long way. For example: "I ran my fingers through his dark (or greying or blond) hair. His blue/gray/brown eyes seemed to look right through me". "I gripped his broad shoulders", and "his fingers tangled in my long blond hair as he pulled my head back".

Some description of the setting would help us "see" it all better. Was his place messy, immaculate, luxurious, or sparsely furnished, big, small?

Do NOT add "lol" "lmaooo" or "hahaha" at the ends of sentences, or say "u" instead of "you". You are not texting or chatting online. I hope this might be helpful.

You got to the point from beginning to end. Very good date. And you got laid completely. Every thing Anonymous said is true. But for the first try? You did good.

Wow very nice sexy story indeed, would like to here more about your escapades, your profile picture is beautiful your a stunning sexy lady.

I prefer more complete stories

I support what Anonymous said. BUT.

Here's my take on this: I liked it. I didnt take it for the average LIT story that it could and/or might have been.

In the end, reading this, i felt like i had just watched some hardcore porn in litterature form. You could explore the tension between the sexual roughness and the sentimental seduction/presence more if you'd like to expand from this.

I come here to sometimes get a hard on while reading. This excited me. Nothing more to say! Good luck on your next work! :)