Cupid's Elf

"And I'm screaming bloody murder, of course, because when something in the desert bites you, in your head it's always a rattlesnake, right?" he asked, to the unanimous agreement of the three children. "Well, then your Uncle Zach doesn't even miss a beat and he just picks me up, throws me over his shoulder and continues on the race like nothing happened!"

"Whoa! He's really strong! You're like 500 pounds or something!" Fallon exclaimed.

"Why didn't he just call for help?" Logan asked, frowning.

"No coverage. This race was the middle of nowhere... and Zach figured I'd get the antivenom faster if he brought me with him, not to mention all the things that woulda crawled up to bite me all alone out there in the desert. So, like a hero, your uncle carried me more than three miles through the desert and dumped me down only after he'd crossed the finish line," Terry said, nodding.

"And what's a 'bubblehead?'" Amarie asked.

"Well, you see, sweetheart, a 'bubblehead' is—"

"A bubblehead is someone who works on a submarine where there's nowhere good to practice running for a race... and who give you no end of shit when you fucking come in fourth place after them, carrying an idiot with a fucking kangaroo rat bite on his goddamn ankle! Back on your face, Maggot!" Zach roared, "Fallon, go sit on Uncle Terry's back, over there," Zach said, pointing to the corner where Terry was getting back into pushup position, and then he took out his wallet and dropped the entire thing into the Language Arts Scholarship jar. "All right, kids, I'm gonna tell you the story the right way, now..."

Released from the naughty stool, Honey happily buzzed around the apartment, making cupcakes with Amarie, giving pointers to Logan who had decided to fold each of his Valentines into a different origami animal, and bringing water to the profusely sweating Terry, over Zach's obscene objections.

At the end of the day, after the kids and Terry had gone home, Honey and Zach had nearly fallen asleep on the sofa when a knock at the door jerked them back awake. Zach seemed to expect it, though, and winked at Honey before getting up and going to the door. "Where do you want it?" the visitor's familiar voice asked, though their face was obscured by a large cardboard box.

"Yeah, put them in the storage area, through there... we'll go through it all later," Zach said, pointing out the way to a uniformed Cade.

"Cade! You got the job! That's great!" Honey squealed.

"Yeah, well it's just moving stuff around, but I can make something of it," Cade called to her over his shoulder as he carried the box to the area Zach had specified.

"And what is all this? Are you letting him stay with you until he's got a place of his own?" Honey asked Zach, her eyes shining as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Not exactly. Cade's staying at your place. Actually, it's his place, now. This is your place. That's your stuff he's moving in here," Zach explained.

"Wait, what? You're moving me out of my apartment?" Honey asked, getting up and looking into the boxes Cade was moving in.

"It's a shitty apartment. My foot went through the floor," Zach said in disgust, walking over and enjoying the view as Honey bent over and tried to pull something out of the bottom of one of the larger boxes.

"That's because you stepped on one of the soft spots!" Honey's voice said, muffled by the cardboard. "If you stayed to the path I showed you, it wouldn't have— wait a minute, you just gave my apartment to Cade? What am I going to tell my landlord?" Honey said, dropping whatever it was she was trying to lift out of the box.

"I don't think the guy who owns your building's gonna mind..." Zach said, scratching his chin and looking around the room with a slight smile.

"Of course, he's going to mind! He minds everything! Unless it has to do with a toilet that looks like it's sinking through the floor, he— wait a minute... Zach, did you just buy my apartment building?" Honey asked, pulling her head out of the box and frowning at him.

"It was really cheap. Saved them the cost of condemning it, really," Zach said with a shrug, taking her hand and pulling her against him. "I'll have Terry and Cade fix it up, rent it out. Maybe find some more guys that need a break... Cade's got some contacts at the homeless vets place."

"What, so Cade's one of your guys now, too? Like Terry? I was going to make Cade my Terry! You took my Terry?" Honey asked.

"Well, it's not like you knew what to with him, anymore. I have Cade training with us for next year's race, too. I'll make him carry Terry when he gets a hangnail or some other damn thing," Zach said.

"Took my apartment... actually my whole apartment building... and you took my Terry. Didn't even ask. I can't believe this," Honey grumbled.

"Just so you know, one of these days, I'm gonna need you to marry me and have some babies, too. Good ones, okay? None of those 'well, maybe they'll grow out of it' babies," Zach said.

Honey bit her lips like she was hiding a smile and crossed her arms, "That's not how you ask someone to marry you..." she said, trying to sound more upset than she felt.

"I wasn't asking. Now, was I?" Zach said, lifting her over his shoulder and giving her bottom a spank before carrying her back to the living room.

"Do you remember that time I slapped you and called you an 'overbearing ass?' This..." Honey said, gesturing to their entire situation, "This is what I was talking about."

"Mmm," Zach said, putting her down on her feet, then stretching back on the sofa, making a space for her under his arm, as he turned on the TV.

Honey huffed in disgust, but curled up against him anyway, taking the remote and turning it to a movie she liked, just to make a point. Zach only smiled, pulling her closer with his arm. "That apartment was mine..." she mumbled, the warm rise and fall of his chest and the steady beat of his enormous heart already lulling her to sleep.

Zach smiled down at Honey, stroking a lock of hair away from her face, grateful and relieved that she hadn't put up more of a fuss. Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head, "Yeah, well... so am I. Happy Valentine's."

Cupid's Elf

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