All Comments on 'Cupid's Revenge Pt. 01'

good start. Am looking forward for the rest. Don't make the wait too long. G.Belgium

Ok I am a bit of an archery buff, so certain things just got my dabder up. Your use of normal bow would be a recurve, combination bow is more commonly known as compound bow, and crossbows are in a different class. Recuves and compound bows use arrows while crossbows use bolts. Major difference. Bows are vertical and crossbows are horizontal. Any police officer would have seen the difference between arrows and bolts. Arrows are longer and bolts are pretty short. It takes a lot more skill to use a bow over a crossbow. Crossbows are shot using a trigger like a gun, while yes you have to "draw" a bow to shoot.

I liked the over all plot and writing of the story, but next time do a little more research on things you're not to familiar with.

To previous Commenter;

Thank you! I totally stand corrected. It should have read as compound Bow instead of combination bow. I'll try to get it corrected in part two. Sorry about the mistake. I know when somewhat is heartfelt about their hobbies, they hate to see it listed incorrectly. You have my sincere apology as well as other archery users.

DG Hear

You can always blame Jack for any errors in the story. That's the beauty of having a writing partner. Seriously, glad to see that you two have teamed up together. Double our pleasure.

Boyd

When you two get together the stories get even better! I'll read just about anything either of you wants to write and have really enjoyed them, the teamwork is scary good. Thank You for this one and I can't wait for the next part.

I don’t think it is effective storytelling to give his married history up front. I think it is more natural to release it in dribs and drabs which creates some desire in the reader to know about him; why is he acting this way? But, if you’re going to do it in a big burst, do it in dialog. You have the perfect opportunity when he asks about her life over coffee. He may tell about the first and mention there was a second but not want to tell it all then. He could do that another time when she tells about the incident that moved her to leave the military.

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A first-person story creates an intimate relationship with the reader where he quickly forgets he is reading a story. That enables close identification with the characters, particularly the narrator. When you do something that jars the reader, it reminds him he is reading a story. When you write something like, “Let me tell you about my married life,” you remind the reader it’s just a story and here’s the background you’re making up.

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If you have her ask, “What about you?” and he hesitantly tells her, the reader just feels like he is listening to a conversation. It’s not there for the reader’s benefit, Charly has asked and he is telling her. That’s why I groan when I read, or hear on TV, “As you know …” If the character knows, why are you telling it? For the reader/viewer for whom it is patently obvious it’s being said just for his benefit.

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There was a story a few months ago where the husband was the last to know she got a promotion. When she talked to her father (before hubby), he asked, “Have you told (whatever his name was)?” That tells us 1) hubby didn’t figure prominently in her priorities and, more importantly, 2) it was so obvious, that the question was natural for her father to ask with the obvious assumption that he expected her to think about the husband last. That is such a natural way to convey the information to the reader that we just assimilate it as if we were voyeurs in someone’s life; not being told a story by an author.

to see something by you two again. Looking forward to the rest. Keep up the good work, guys!

In the 1990's I lived in Tredegar (South Wales)and I remember hearing a tale of a man who was found dead in a pond with his hands and feet tied up. The Coroner found that he had committed suicide!.

There was talk that his brother did it to in order to have all the family farm. This link has comments about it.

http://www.tredegar.co.uk/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1857#top

And an interesting concept - will it be Charly and will he arrest her or marry so he cannot testify against her LOL

Intriguing and fun read.