Curious Girls Ch. 38

"But how--" I trailed off. "Wait, what happened to that candle?"

"Candle? I--I don't know," Krista stammered, continuing to drive.

"We have to go back," I paused. "Don't we? Tamara was tied to the bed--"

"She'll be fine," Krista reassured me. "I already called the police, as a precaution, to keep her from following us. If she's in danger, they'll save her."

"But--" I started, feeling conflicted.

"Look, Tamara's going to be out for blood after what I did to her. Do you really want to go back?"

"Well, no."

"She'll be fine, I promise."

"You're right, let's get out of here," I smiled at her, pushing Tamara from my mind.

"Where are we going, anyway?" I recognized the area, but I was confused why we'd be here.

"You might want to grab some pants out of your bag before we arrive," she grinned.

"What did you do?" I asked, still on edge.

"I remembered that you were originally planning to leave with Michael. So, I called him while you were in your bedroom. I invited him to come with us."

"Y-You did?" I was suddenly in turmoil again. It was true that I'd been planning to skip town with Michael, but the idea of him coming along with Krista and me, well it just seemed strange.

As we approached his house, I could make out a figure standing on the curb with a suitcase. It should have made me happy.

Why doesn't it make me happy?

As we got closer, I felt inexplicable anxiety, and I found myself sinking into my seat.

"Keep driving," I said quietly to Krista.

"What?"

"Please. I don't want to see him right now."

The truth was, I wasn't sure if I liked Michael as much as I'd thought. Or at least as much as I tried to convince myself I did. He'd been an escape. A comfort mechanism. But when it came down to it, he had done nothing to help protect me from Tamara--not like Krista had. But all I really wanted at this moment was for Krista and me to be somewhere far, far away. Somewhere Tamara would never find us.

*****

We drove in silence for a while. Krista didn't ask any questions, and I didn't offer any answers. I was busy thinking over what had happened at the house. Had the candle been knocked over somehow? What if I'd knocked it over. What if Tamara died? What if I was responsible for her death? And would it bother me if I was?

"Hey, did you pack anything?" I asked, realizing I only saw my suitcase in the back seat.

"No," she said quietly. "I didn't have time."

"But you managed to grab my things?"

"I only had enough time to grab one suitcase," she said quietly. "Yours was half-packed and I hadn't even started."

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted to hug her.

I found myself thinking over Krista's words to Tamara.

Being in love means being willing to sacrifice everything for the one you love.

She was such an amazing sister. It was clear that she loved me more than I deserved.

Even if it means watching her be happy with someone else.

She'd even called Michael for me. She hadn't done that for herself. In fact, I assumed she'd probably rather not have a strange man along on our trip, but she'd called him anyway--for me.

If that was true, I would mind my own business and let her stay with you.

What was that she'd said? She'd let me stay with Tamara if it would make me happy? She said that right after saying that putting someone else's happiness ahead of your own was a mark of true love?

I strained my brain. My thoughts were a jumble, and they weren't making proper sense. Yet before I even knew what I was doing, I heard the words already coming out of my mouth.

"Krista, you're not in love with me, are you?" Fuck, that was stupid. I forced a grin and laughed. "Just kidding." But the look in her eyes. It was only there for a second, but it was pure panic. "Wait, do you?"

"I--Of course I love you, Sara," She smiled.

"That's not what I asked," I cocked my head, looking at her. "Because that would be," I hesitated. "Well, I don't know what that would be," I concluded honestly.

"Don't be silly, Sara," she laughed uncomfortably. "Why would you even ask such a thing?"

She was a terrible liar.

"Look, maybe things got a little confused because we got carried away with the kissing? Or maybe you just really missed me when I was away and you've gotten mixed up"

"I'm not confused," Krista suddenly burst out.

"But, love?" Now it was my turn to be at a loss for words. "You're young, and you probably don't understand what you're--" She interrupted me again.

"I know exactly what I feel."

"But love means wanting to be around someone all the time. To kiss them. To--have sex with them."

"I know what love is," she repeated.

Wait, was she saying she wanted to have sex with me? I felt dizzy.

"Sisters can't have sex, they just--it wouldn't--" My lips were dry.

"You didn't mind it so much last night."

"Last night," I felt my whole body become weak. "But we just drank and fell asleep, right?"

"You know we didn't," Krista said quietly.

"But we--I didn't drink that much! I only had, what--half a bottle?"

"Half a bottle," Krista laughed despite the situation. "You drank closer to a bottle and a half."

That's when I remembered the extra half-bottle I'd drunk after waking up, thinking I'd only dreamt that I drank it. If that was true, that was easily a full wine bottle just from that. Plus, I hadn't eaten for a while.

When she said it, I knew instinctively that it was true. What had happened had always felt more real to me than a dream but, because I thought it wasn't real, I'd let myself be OK with the fact I'd enjoyed the experience.

My stomach sank as that thought dawned on me.

Did I have sex with my sister--and fucking enjoy it?! Fuck!

"I-I didn't realize," I stammered.

"Look, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't realize how drunk you were at the time. In all honesty, I was pretty buzzed myself.

I knew instinctively how repulsive what we'd done was. How wrong it was on so many levels. So why didn't it feel wrong? Maybe because I wasn't in control of my actions. But I knew it could never happen again.

"Look, neither one of us were in control. Maybe it's best to just forget it ever happened. Obviously, nothing can ever come from your--feelings. You have to know that."

"No, I know. I just--I let myself think--," she looked like tears were welling up in her eyes. I felt awful. "--And now I'm going to lose you again," she continued.

"Krista, please," I took her right hand in mind as she continued to drive. I don't know what to do about any of this right now, but I love you. You're not going to lose me. We'll figure this out, I promise."

*****

Epilogue

I found myself thinking about the past and wondering what had become of Tamara. I'd followed the news reports for a while. The news had claimed that the fire department had been made aware of the fire when a neighbor called it in. Had they gotten mixed up? Or had Krista lied to me? Either way, I wasn't sure I cared. If she'd lied, it had been to protect me. I didn't think Krista was capable of trying to kill someone. But you never really know what you're capable of until you go through an ordeal like the both of us did.

The other point of interest in the news was that they hadn't found any bodies. Could Tamara have perished so completely in the fire? By all reports and pictures, the damage had been total. Or was she still out there, somewhere? There were people back home I could have reached out to, but I thought it safer to stay a ghost. The less people thought about me, the safer we'd continue to be. The safer Krista would be.

I locked eyes with her from across the table. Her brown eyes looked back. I wondered what she was thinking. She noticed me watching her, and she flashed a smile at me. My heart skipped a beat.

How does she do that?

"Why don't I get the check, and we can head home?"

I nodded, still lost in my thoughts. It had been nearly six months since we'd left home. I still hadn't found myself missing it, although I wondered if regret would still hit me at some point.

"Did either of you save room for desert?" The waitress asked.

"God, no," Krista laughed.

As the waitress collected Krista's credit card, she hesitated. "Could I just say how cute of a couple the two of you are? How long have you been married?"

"Married?" Krista replied, blushing. "Why would you think we're married?"

"Well, when I checked her ID earlier, I noticed you both have the same last name."

"Ah, well--you see," Krista stammered, caught off guard.

"She's too smart for you, Babe." I took Krista's hand in mine, then looked to the waitress. "She likes to prank people, but it didn't work out so well this time, did it?"

"No, I guess not--Honey." She smiled at me, but the smile looked surprisingly genuine.

As Krista's card came back, we stood and I followed her out. Her fingers slid between mine as we walked to the car.

"Can you believe she thought we were married?" Krista laughed, her face still red.

I shrugged, but didn't reply. It was better than thinking we were sisters considering the way we'd been playing footsies all evening. I knew I shouldn't lead her own, but I couldn't help feel warmed by the attention and genuine affection.

Krista had I settled into a strange sort of normal. I knew what she felt about me, and I felt terrible that I couldn't reciprocate her feelings. But I came to realize I also didn't want them to go away. After Tamara, the only times I had ever felt safe had been when I was with my little sister. And I was afraid that if she stopped liking me, I would lose that sense of safety and comfort. It was selfish, and I knew it.

We reached her door. We'd gotten separate apartments on the same floor. It had been at my insistence. I knew it was a bad idea for us to stay in the same apartment. With her feelings and me so vulnerable--it just seemed like it was asking for problems.

She leaned forward and pushed her soft lips against mine.

Part of why I had insisted we have separate rooms was because I knew that us being around each other all of the time would only confuse her feelings further. And as a compromise to her, I'd agreed that I would let her court me. That is, I would allow her to take me on proper dates. I had a feeling that once we fell into a dating routine, she would realize how nonsensical her feelings were. The sexual tension between us would dissipate and we'd just continue being amazing friends and sisters. However, I begrudgingly accepted that part of the dating process was the goodnight kiss. So I obliged her--for the sake of our agreement.

"Do you want to come in for a bit," Krista asked.

"Sure," I smiled back.

We settled into her couch, and she snuggled close to me, running her fingers over my arm.

The problem was, by actually developing a dating relationship and spending less time together, I think it was actually my feelings which were getting more confused. We spent a lot more time talking. Calling each other on the phone. Texting. I had started to look forward to our dates and dreading that goodnight kiss. Not the kiss itself, mind you. I loved those kisses. But I hated what they represented. The end of another amazing day. I had only planned to let this go on for a month--maybe two. But it had been six months, and it didn't seem like she'd lost any interest in me--in that way. But I knew it was time to tear off the proverbial bandage.

"Krista, do you still feel the same way about me?"

She hesitated, licking her lips. "Yes. Why?"

"I don't want to hurt you," I started. "I guess I was just hoping that your feelings were because of missing me, or jealousy of Tamara, or something like that."

She looked at me, incredulous. "For real? Sara, my feelings for you go back way before any of that shit happened with Tamara."

"What?" I asked, suddenly realizing how dry my mouth was.

"Honestly, I thought for sure you'd notice it so many times."

"What times," I asked, my mind still reeling. "How long have you liked me for?"

Krista blushed. "Honestly, as long as I can really remember. But it wasn't until I was older that I even understood my feelings. But I knew I was in love with you before I even knew I was a lesbian."

I was stunned. I didn't even know how to respond.

"B-But, the times we talked, the--I saw you rubbing yourself while watching TV on the couch while watching that show with the hunky doctor--and what about that time you told me you were in love with Tamara when you were coming out to me?"

Now her face was beet red.

"You saw that? I wasn't thinking about him. Fuck, I don't even remember the show you're talking about. What I do remember was feeling your skin against mine. Your body--" She trailed off.

"You were thinking about me?" I asked, aghast.

"And the time you thought I was talking about Tamara--it was also you. It's always been you."

"But--you said the person you liked was self-conscious about her breast size?" That's when it occurred to me that I'd completely misunderstood her comments. "You were referring to me?"

Overwhelmed, I pulled Krista's face to mine and kissed her again. I was floored by her admission. She'd liked me for so long? I was on top of her before I realized what I was doing, squeezing her breast as our lips were all over each other.

I regained my composure, breathing deeply. It wasn't the first time we'd slipped and ended up in an intense makeout session, but I was still reeling at her revelation. In the past, we had always stopped kissing after twenty or thirty minutes, but it was always because I started to feel uncomfortable.

But this time, I didn't feel that discomfort, and so I didn't stop her. And I didn't stop myself. It wasn't a conscious decision on either of our parts. It was simply that there was no conscious desire for either of us actually to stop the kiss this time.

Her lips were as soft as ever, pushing wetly against mine. Our tongues intermingled and danced playfully. I hated to admit it, but we'd both grown far beyond amateur kissers at this point. We even knew each other's kissing style so well now that we were perfectly in sync. When she ebbed, I would flow. And when I flowed, she would ebb. We were a perfectly synchronized makeout machine.

My fingers tangled in her hair as I gripped her face between my hands. The more out of breath we grew, the more I sensed our synchronicity was veering into uncharted territory. I felt her hand squeeze my breast through my shirt.

I felt dizzy, and I reached my hand to hers intending to pull it away. There was a fine line between some sisterly kisses (not-so-innocent or otherwise) and sisterly groping. And we were starting to cross that line.

Just then, I remembered the conversation I'd had with Krista when she told me she was into women. What was it she had said about her crush?

I could stare into her eyes forever.

It was hard to think straight. Had she really been talking about me?

When she smiles, my heart skips a beat.

Just like mine had done when her lips touched mine. And again when I'd felt her fingers on my breast.

If I were going to be gay, you'd be exactly the type of woman I'd be into. Those had been my words back to her.

I realized that a long time had passed, and I hadn't removed Krista's hand from my breast. In fact, my hand was still on hers as she massaged my small breasts.

No. Get your act together. I chastised myself. I tightened my fingers around her hand and pulled it firmly, but gently, away from my chest.

"We shouldn't," I whispered. She let me lead her hand away, dropping down to the couch. But she didn't slow her kisses. They were so soft and sweet, yet intense at the same time. I wanted to kiss her harder, but I fought with every fiber of my being to maintain control.

She's just confused. I reminded myself. She's a virgin with a naive crush who doesn't realize what she's even asking for.

I think I'd die if I had to live without her in my life, but the thought of being... with her.

One of the last phrases Krista had said to me during our conversation. She had thought about being with me, but there was no way she really knew what that meant. Yet I couldn't get those eyes out of my mind. The way she'd looked at me when she said it. There had been no doubt in those eyes. I hadn't seen any at the time. And looking into Krista's eyes, I didn't see any now. She really did know what she was asking for.

I hadn't even realized what I was doing until I came back to awareness. Krista's hand was between my legs, and I was pushing her fingers against my crotch, using her hand to tease myself through the rough fabric.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I swore to myself, jerking my hand away.

"I didn't--I wasn't--," I didn't even know what to say. What excuse could I even offer to explain what I'd just done?

Instead, she touched her finger to my lips and shushed me gently. She took a hold of my hand, and guided it slowly between her own legs. She pushed my hand into her crotch, gently rocking against it.

I looked up at her, about to stop wherever was happening. But the look in her eyes was something I'd never seen there before.

This time, we grabbed each other's faces at the same time, and locked lips with an intensity that almost hurt. But I couldn't stop myself.

Out of breath, Krista reached down and yanked my shirt off over my head sending hair everywhere. We pulled the hair out of our mouths as she climbed on top of me, straddling my lap. Electricity shot through me as I felt Kristas's tongue tease my nipple. I found myself melting into the couch as I just let her continue caressing my chest with her lips.

I watched her, amazed. She sucked at my breasts with a hunger that scared me. She wasn't just trying to make me feel better about my small breasts, she really seemed to like them. And it made me want to repay her in kind, to show her how much I appreciated her attention to a part of my body I'd always been self-conscious about. Of course, it didn't hurt that her breasts were quite large, which apparently did something to me.

Of course, I'd never really thought too much about my sister's breasts before. Who would? But I found myself pulling Krista's own shirt over her head and tossing it to the floor. Unlike me, Krista was wearing a gorgeous, red and black silk bra. I almost hated to remove it, but I knew what was beneath would be infinitely more beautiful.

I knew because I'd seen them dozens of times. Millions of times. But I'd never before wanted to kiss every inch of them. To feel her nipples in my mouth. Yet in that moment, it consumed my thoughts.

As the bra fell away, my breath caught in my throat. They really were breathtaking. I gently caressed her large, perky breasts with my lips, suddenly feeling nervous. Despite the fact that Krista had already led the way, I found myself worrying somehow that she would judge me. That somehow I had misread the situation and this was taking things too far. But she made no moves to stop me. In fact, she was watching me anxiously.

Tentatively, I stuck out my tongue, feeling it touch her areola. She had relatively small areola despite her the size of her breasts. I knew for a fact that she wore D cups, which is also how I knew that Tamara wore something larger. I had never noticed it before, but Krista's right breast was actually slightly larger than her left.

More to kiss on this one. I thought eagerly.

I knew I should stop and think about this rationally. But adrenaline was pumping through my veins, and I felt an extraordinary high. All I could think about was how delicious her supple skin tasted.

I probably should have felt awkward by the soft, little moans that Krista kept making. Yet somehow the validation only fueled my desire.