All Comments on 'Dad! That's Not Fair!'

Present tense is a stupid way to write a story.

Honestly the story came in like a lion and went out like a lamb... not sure why all these authors just end the story so abruptly. Don't get me wrong I did like it and would have given it a 5 but the ending was just to quick and out of nowhere.

Decent story, but he needed to let Jimmy know about the ex-wife fucking his son... after the asshole had married the evil slut obviously.

Yeah, kids notice everything, and I’m pretty sure Jennifer realized I was visiting her mother while Rick was at work, bu I got away with it, so . . . .

Good story!

5

Loved this story! I like how your stories are varied. Great job, please keep it up and keep them coming!

"I didn't want to stir up any trouble."

So tiresome. Why can't authors here wrote more than 1 character that the reader wants to side with. That guy is not his friend or neighbor, that's his own father. "I didn't want to stir up any trouble." What a nice and reasonable father.

And then setting up the sex with future stepson and not using it for mild revenge after she got remarried. C'mon man. That could have been the cherry for her comeuppance.

At least this ain't no cuck story.

But Reggyguy69, reading this one is like reading a CNN report.

Little drama on what took place seems it just coast along what happened.

But I gave a 4* since at least this is not a cuck story.

If Mr Jimmy lives right down the street, seems to me the MC and the boys would see her all the time

Feels unfinished

now that you've got the outline done, you can flesh it out into a story.

Bare bones, but okay. D

Was cruising along…until that abrupt ending

The man got his house, paid little 'maintenance', and, most importantly, kept his kids away from an awful influence.

It's as good as any divorced man could ever hope to get. Plus bonus - he seems to have upgrade, when it came to wife. All and all, a short, happy story, in my book.

Thanks for the share, author.

would have been better had he not agreed keep quit to Mr Jimmy. I saw lie. Tell her that but once the divorce is all agreed spill the beans to Jimmy.

I liked it.

Thank you.

Cheers

zzzzzzzzzzzz

"Hello" - There should be something indicating a break there. Either some dashes, or stars, or just say, I called my dad.

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"They said he's had lunch with them a bunch of times too.'" - No they didn't. Also, that should be a double quote at the end.

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Another weak ending.

When does he let Mr. Jimmy know what's going on? That would have been an acceptable way to put a period on this story.

Good story tale. But too short.

The writing was fine, I was just looking for more in the story department. There was no emotion outside of him thinking it was funny. This was like so many other stories these days, especially by new authors, no real effort put into them.

I think this story was written by a computer program. There isn’t an ounce of humanity in it. It reads like a police report. The dialogue is far to formally written. Real people, especially couples do not talk like that. Although I suppose, an english grammar teacher would be happy with it

Just so you know surgeries are NOT generally scheduled on Saturdays, especially three of them. They use a skeleton staff for emergencies. Just a red flag. I thought he was going to find either his new wife was having an affair or covering for her friend who called her at the last minute.

Gave you 4 stars for tight story. No fluff, just how he caught the ex. Now wonder why he only laughed instead of beating the kid like he's planned to do to Mr Jimmy.

Well, what a wife tells her husband about contempt for other people's penises does not always correspond to her actual attitude towards them.

MEEHH

Yes his wife cheated and he was surprised hurt etc. The story did not arouse any emotion or connection to character from me. After discovering the cheating everything goes perfectly for husband. Yawn.

Another Lifetime Movie Network script. Boring.

I enjoyed that a lot! Thank you.

Nice story

If it only work that way in real life. Drop the whore and pick up a true life partner. But real life is another thing she keeps the kids screw who ever and gets the house and the child support. Good husband gets screwed over by the court, and his ex wife.

Short and sweet. Maybe to clean and straight forward, a little boring.

Good guy wins. Some women aren't cut out to be faithful or Mothers. Nice story

Well done, well presented, grammar and all that seemed correct. I do wish it were longer, I really enjoyed it.

Nice story. Love cheating wives / revenge stories. Is there not a second chapter?

That's it? Hoping there will be additional parts to this one. So much potential. Was expecting it to go the route of Amy cheating with the doctors and him dealing with it happening to him again.

He had a bad experience with his first marriage and he wanted to try again? Stupid move. Most of these silly stories end the same way. With a fairytale... * next time be realistic.

Need more about the wife. Why he was a cuck and let Mr. Jimmy get away with screwing his wife,

Pretty weak cheating wife story. Lacks emotions, confrontation, and pretty much everything else that makes a good cheating wife story. Then the cliché of him meeting a hott nurse soon after the divorce topped it off.

not a story.....no explanation of the mother and what happened....nothing......please write a whole story....

not a bad effort. However, it needed more development. If faerie tales were written like this one is, they would read as follows: Once upon a time, some stuff happened, and they lived happily ever after.

It was decent.

It just had no real bite. What happened to his bitch ex wife? She can't be too happy. She had a fantasy about this Jim guy, but the reality is good? She is being more or less blackmailed into fucking his son....and lost any real parental rights and a pretty large sum of money to keep it doubly quiet from Jimmy again from her now ex-husband.

Unless this Mr. Jimmy is a super hero in bed, well-to-do, and charming as silk....she must be feeling pretty pigeon holed and like she got the short stick. She can't exactly DO much, and that's gotta suck for a supposed 'freedom lover'. Her part-time work implies she relies on the men in her life financially. So she probably feels stuck now with her lover.

And her ex traded her in for a younger model with a successful career. That's gotta sting too.

I liked it 4 stars.

Missed prime opportunity to let her marry Mr Jimmy, then tell Mr Jimmy of his son black mailing and fucking his new wife...even better if he had gotten pictures.

? so the actually end of the story is in the beginning not just a half way the actual end lol that was weird

Mr. Jimmy didn't get away with anything; he got stuck with the ex-wife!

This ended up being an empty story.

There was no emotion in it, the blackmail was weak.

Its a step above the writer Loveofmylife, but like his, it lacked anything to pull the reader in.

Great story!!! 5/5!!!

This had the bones of an excellent story, but left a lot of room for expansion. I enjoyed it, but would have enjoyed a longer, more comprehensive story even more.

Well done. Gave it a 4. You showed us that a cheating wife story can be told without all the tears and whining, reciting pages 1 thru 10 of the cheaters handbook.

2 stars for what little there is here

Nice work brother.

we never know what is happening

This was literally not worthy of being on Literotica. This was like a PG version of....a typical TV show....

Pretty good over all. Liked the fact he asked for custody of his kids and didn’t do that till their 18 years old shit. And the kids did betray him either.

It's an average BTB story of a cheating wife and an exemplary husband.

WOW....almost a whole page!! As you get more experience writing you could cut it down to three sentences.

1) I caught my wife cheating and got a divorce and custody of the kids.

2) My boy fell off his bike and I met a nurse.

3) I dated the nurse for a while and we go married and lived happily thereafter.

No details of life to your story....its more of an outline than a story.....Keep trying!

*2* for the effort

...ya wanna be on the panel, Finchy? OH! Wait; you ARE! That's what COMMENTS Is all about! Everyone who reads posts on this site gets to comment, either positive or negative or???

...in my humble but Most Accurate opinion.... 😉

And now for you, Reg*

I like your stuff so far. Let me encourage you by saying this: don't get hasty. Impatience to post can take an excellent story down to good or even worse for lack of development.

Explore the "3AM thoughts." Let the story "cook" awhile. "Back-burner stew" is always tastier the second day.

Keep Writing, and good luck!

Nice.

It's a good feeling seeing new writers improve.

This story's got a stronger plot

than Regguy69's earlier stories.

Now might be a good time for the writer

to study how our best writers deepen their plots.

The best plots have stories within stories.

4 out of 5 from me.

I agree with sbrooks...

Jimmy was stuck with the ex. Seems like enough punishment with the MC free of her. The way Cindy was written, just getting rid of her was an upgrade.

Just want to thank everyone for the comments. I have no aspersions to be another James Patterson, or even a JPB. I read every comment and am thankful for any helpful information. I am not easily discouraged by the critical comments, because I write for my own enjoyment. It is my hope that what I write will be entertaining. Many have suggested I add more detail to my stories. I have a couple more plot lines in the works and will try to expand them. Conversely, I might try a 750 story. I haven’t done much erotica, thus far, so I need to address that issue. Again, thanks for taking the time to read my story and an extra thanks for any comments.

Now you have an opportunity especially if man being operated on is Mr. Jimmy and he’s now met your new wife!

Aspersions? Damn auto correct. Aspirations ..

Good story, thanks! 5 BIG FAT STARS!

Average story at best.

Wow.that was Crap

2nd read, after she signed away her family to get her childless divorce, he missed the bigger payday. Taking Mr. Jimmy to court for alienation of affection or something. John had video - doubt Jimmy would want his local buyers to know how he is a predator to mothers/customers?!?

His sales could take a big hit - so what is it worth to NOT slip this vid to the internet or the local News or the BBB ?$? Good way to start the twins college fund....

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John, is one super lucky guy to have found Amy so quickly....

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As 26th said, too much left on the cutting room floor - lots of potential wasted.

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****4, Hooyah

Stupid guy! He should have sent the video of Cindy fucking Jimmy’s kid to Jimmy as soon as she had got married!

What you wrote is good, my personal thought is that it wraps up to quickly. Maybe more detail of daily life, what sort of tree did he crash into, was it fall? As they say, the devil is in the details. Nice story.

"Trust but verify " Check once in awhile to make sure she isn't examining doctor dicks.

Good story, glad Amy isn't hung up on dick size.

The story felt both familiar but completely original, a few interesting twists thax for a good read

Nice story but should've been a bit longer & not feeling like it's a bit rushed. Get some better dialogue & depth in there- it'll be a better read. Even if it's - Oh My Gosh! - 2 pages. 3 stars Bob

Whew! I was waiting for (and dreading) Amy to pull a Cindy. Glad she didn’t.

Shoulda been longer. LP

Thanks for your writing.

...... ...... ..... OK I guess that'.s the end of the story

Short and sweet.

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Start writing a story - that WAS interesting, then it drops. WTF?? For the incompletion, 2 stars

A boring story with a cup of cold coffee.

Way too rushed

Good basis for a story. As is, tooo short.

Must read! Short, Sweet, to the point!

Stupid clueless MC should get his ass up and go check if Amy is where she's supposed to be?

What happened to the Saturday activity with Sue for antiques?

YOU'RE A STUPID WRITER

Second time through this one, RG! Good story!

I feel that you ran out on this, did you just have no more time or ideas?

Not a bad start but I think it’s begging to go farther than you have so far.

3 stars - just a standard BTB

I'm not sure what makes this a BTB like nixrox said. I'm not surprised, considering how idiotic the rest of nixrox's comments are.

What is wrong with you - Second one of yours I've read, second one where you let the predator get off scot-free. Ignorant or stupid?

Where's the payback on Mr. Jimmy and the ex?

Cindy was a piece of work.

I liked it. As for burning Mr Jimmy, if he married Cindy, he got what was coming to him, as she'll probably take all of his money.

Cheating skank bought the cuck's silence

The ending confused me a little.

Is he not. Happy with his new life and wife!

I don't know if Mr Jimmy is a predator. Scum bag yes. Predator? Insufficient information. Maybe she seduced him we just don't know. His son is a predator clearly, though the scene we were given didn't have her seeming to mind much.

As for burning them? The woman may not have been burned getting to unload the kids and go with the other guy, and the kid maybe wasn't, but Mr Jimmy, knowing or not, was. Can't see her stopping fucking her step son, and given what we've seen wouldn't be surprised to find the son making her do his friends down the road... So maybe both Jimmy and wife ended up being burned without his help .

Don't see him as cuck, he left pretty quickly.

Good story. As usual you're ending is a bit abrupt though this one wasn't as abrupt as others.

Fun read, thanks

Very good, but I would like to read a few more pages of this.

And where is Amy going at 4:45 AM? Really?

I like your style hmhmm....

🙊🙈🙉💨🆘😱

you really need to finish a story !!!!!

Not sure what the relevance ( to the story) of the last phone call to Amy was. I can only assume, you are somehow making a comparison to it, and the cheating his first wife was doing? In any case, if you need a road map to figure out a story, it probably needs to be shorter, or less complex.

Do you people even read the story??? the phone call at 445 am was the hospital telling her she needed to come in that morning as her coworker was sick. granted the story could have been fleshed out more but it was still an entire story with the bare minimum of what was needed. Some people need to get their heads out of their asses and actually read the damn story!

So are We being led to think 1 cheating wife has led to another cheating wife ?

A faithful wife one can trust is worth untold millions.