All Comments on 'Daddy Takes his Babygirl'

How long till sc he shows daddy/husband a baby bump

The dialogue is totally unreal, e.g. "Be careful my love you are going to drain the seeds from my balls." "Fuck your little slutty girl with everything you've got. I need your daddy cock so deep, fill me with your cum!"

Dear oh dear.

So if I'm gonna comment, I want it to be constructive, and that's what I'm going for here. Your writing isn't dreadful... It's your dialog. People don't actually talk like that, and your odd, stilted dialog makes your story not flow well. Think about what you want to say, then imagine saying that the way YOU'D talk, and write that. And don't be afraid of a little slang. This isn't an essay for class. Also, you don't use nearly enough contractions in your dialog. Just that will improve your stories greatly. As in, "Just relax we have all night, do not worry I will back out completely if that's what you need." works so much smoother as "Just relax... we have all night. Don't worry, I'll back out completely if that's what you need." That's how people talk, even when they're fucking. Especially when they're fucking... Nobody has time for the Queen's English when he's ball-deep in his own daughter.

There are a couple of other issues you'll overcome, but the fastest way to streamline your writing is to fix your dialog. Hope this is helpful!