All Comments on 'Daddy's New Slut'

You might want to fix the verb tenses....

Way too many mistakes and words added/left out

You could somewhat make up for this first attempt of yours by making it your very last. I'd sure appreciate it if you never took up Literotica's space with any more tripe like this.

not bad for a first try and unlike some who are just down right asses i wont be.

ask for an editor to help you and keep trying, you got the right ideas just need alittle help....and dont let the assholes get to you, you dont see them trying this now do you?

You have a lot of real feelings that are shared by many young women. stay closer to the actual instances of peeping and flashing. you have good potential and insight. keep writing

Lastly, the ending is too abrupt, IMHO.

Keep writing and reading stories and we'll see improvement.

I have many published articles, etc. This was a good start. Yes you need editing, however MOST all writers do. As I was not expecting Tolstoy or Hemmingway, I felt the piece quite entertaining.

Just know that it takes a lot more nerve to write and submit an article than to write an anonymous comment.

good luck

Not bad, some good kernels to develop. You probably need an editor but a small thing that (for me) would help lots would be to check your tenses ( verbs...). Flesh it out, describe somebody parts, thoughts in heads ect. and you'll get another even better story. Just my honest thoughts, thanks for the story!

its really good but just try to expand it a littlel more and it will be so much better

great first story and hot.....more explanation on feelings and keep em coming we will see the development quickly......expand on this story please

dumb story

i just ready this and was playing with myself im 18 and had my first ever orgasm from this

Meh.