by Perfideous
Pretty good, but I think parts could've used a little more development. It wasn't rushed, but it would have benefited from some scenes being longer. Need more character development - especially during the 'dance'. How did they both go from no sex to a lesbian orgy, and how did each feel? What did each experience? No jealousy? Why not? I know you wrote it out, but this part was a little thin. And the transition form their former lives to happily finding permanent jobs at the hotel - just reaching a little. Perhaps on their third or fourth visit...
Excellent story idea. Please try again or add to this. Thanks!
Anonymous, it's a short story not a novel and it was my intention to keep the plot moving.
Your comment about the no sex to orgy puzzles me; the women were shouting the count down so obviously they knew what was about to happen and the dialogue the next morning where Daffy and Daisy learn there was a bidding war to have them at the winner's table must justify that as well.
The work at the hotel; I thought that came together neatly enough and to be fair can you imagine three visits before they decided to work as nude waitresses?
Of course its far fetched but only in an "if only" way.
It's nice to dream of "if onlys" sometimes, don't you think?
I liked you story. I was definitely laughing at all your witty remarks. Nice job!