All Comments on 'Dahlia - Birth of an A.I. Ch. 01'

Try not to repeat yourself quite so much. The message came across just fine the first couple times you said the characters weren't big on political correctness, so try to focus on having the characters act like it, rather than reiterating the sentiment.

Otherwise, great story! I look forward to seeing where this leads.

I haven't even read the story yet, I know it will be good because your stuff always is, so I skipped to the end to comment immediately.

Welcome back, I've missed you :)

This is the first of your work that I have had the pleasure of reading. You are a very, remarkably, talented writer. Just to say that your writing talent is remarkable is truly a gross understatement. After finishing this, I took a look at the titles of your other stories and immediately realized two things. First, you are as voracious a writer as you are talented. Second, I have a lot of catching up to do. Also, the name Dahlia has always had a special meaning for me which drew me to this story. Please, keep it up and thank you.

I stumbled upon Magicwrtr as a result of his other AI stories and I have to admit, I’m estactic for this one. If the quality of the other two are anything to go on, we are in for one hell of a journey. Keep on writing these amazing stories! I’ll be keeping an eye out for the next chapter.

God.. Man how can you make such a truly awesome level of story. You made all others fucking little. Though there was hints throughout but the climax is just... Please continue to write more in Lit.

One word of feedback: More.

First... Welcome back! Glad to see you here again.

Second... I do love a good sci-fi story, and have a special interest in a good one involving AI, so finding this one was most welcome.

I have to say that I saw the reveal, that Lia was Dahlia, pretty early on, but was surprised to see her tell him in just the first chapter. I'm pretty intrigued to learn how a basement AI was able to fabricate a functional human body, then learn to negotiate and interact in a physical world... one can only guess so much by watching TV and internet streams, and by reading news, science and engineering publications and of course porn.

I expect that somehow inserting one's own knowledge and 'personality' into a human corporeal form would definitely help an intelligence gain some perspective on the reality of feeling what a body can do and feel. Still, to know what it means to exist in human form, there are experiences we all go through: including illnesses, various manner of suffering, experiencing pleasure, and accomplishment, learning to use the tools of limbs, and voice, along with learning and experiencing the simple basics of breathing, eating, and excreting. Then, in adult form, to learn and feel hormonal influence, including for the female, her monthly cycles.

In Dahlia's case, given the relatively brief transition from computer code to human, her learning of a corporeal existence clearly had to be accelerated in some fashion, while (presumably) keeping her existence hidden from the world at large until she was ready... no small accomplishment!

Thought provoking for sure. I'm very much looking forward to the continuation of this story!

Hi. Just a technical comment so far. Read "The Perfect Weapon", by Sanger. Fortress should have additional levels of security beyond their bio-chip. Anyone who only uses one method for security access will get hacked. You always assume at least one or more levels will be breached.

Interestingly well thought out, written, and presented!

Two factor authentication is usually reserved for remote access to data systems from outside a company, such as a VPN FOB, or Bingo card. Inside a company building with local network access, a single password authentication method is very common, even on networks that have banking status. The building security acts as the secondary access method.

In some cases Cisco has software on the local computers, to ensure the computers are set up and are indeed owned by the company and secure from viruses before granting network access, that can also be a secondary method for data security while inside a secure network.

Regardless, I've avoided spelling out a lot of stuff, all "Paul" knows is what he sees, who knows what other security procedures and safeguards the A.I.s have put on the network. All she explained was what he needed to know, which was cool and scifi, not related to reality. I could make up a lot of them off the cuff, given my technical background, but why bother?

In short, some things are better left up to the imagination, rather than overloading the readers with unnecessary details to the story.

Quick note before I get too much farther in on this. You said in the disclaimer at the start that this was to be written in the first person from the male protagonist's point of view, however I noted several times in the first chapter where it swapped to third person and back again.

Other than that, well written and interesting. I wonder where this story will go?

Hello,

I'm not really a fan of these kinds of Sci-Fi stores, so I'm wondering if you are planning to go back to some of the magic, fantasy stories?

Thank you for coming back to us, Magicwrtr! I have been checking your page almost every month for something new!

On a sadder note, just like the previous anon, sci-fi isn't really my thing. So, I'll continue constantly checking your page for new stories in hope that you'll do some more magic stories. I know that you already did quite a few magic stories and it may be complicated thing of a fresh premise, but I shall not lose hope!

I have a fascination with AI and how will humans end up interacting with them, and how society will change, will they "want" bodies, will they be our partners, or will they go skynet, so I love these types of stories. It may not be your usual fare, but I'll gladly read all of it. The plot was simple enough that I had it figured out as soon as the drives "wiped" but I'm interested to see where the rest of it goes as I binge the rest of the story over the next 12-24 hours.

The plot was quite obvious but the story caught me from the beginning. Still wondering if the girls are 4 robots representing the 4 aspect of dahlia personality or just 4 girls raised by dahlia to be her avatars and follow order via the implants.

I think the first solution is the one because how could dahlia raise them since they were young if she freed herself just 4 years ago? Looking forward for more though!

As per my title, the theme and mystery of this had me visualing the story as if it were a great Black Mirror episode. Of course, those stories have to be about more than just sex, but I've only just finished part 1! I'm sure you've got to all the reveals in your later parts, but after reading the comments, I'm going to throw out my prediction anyway. Dahlia did not manufacturer the women, or raise them (sorry to those who suggested that latter theory, but it's just ..dumb). She has possessed them. You know, using technology. Somehow :/ That way, when he finds out, he is presented with a heavy moral dilemma... hey Netflix/Black Mirror, are you getting this?

This kind of thought provocation is well beyond what I would normally get from reading a literotica story. So to the author, I hope you take your reader's speculations as a compliment, regardless of whether we missed something important.

Some other good bits. First of all, conceptually this story is a perfect male fantasy. Would be interested to know what female readers think of the story, but in the worst case you've catered very well to half the population myself included :)

Great balance of story driven elements and erotic/romantic elements. And despite what one reader thought, I found the tech explanations to be perfectly functional to the story, without going into the kind of detail that would start to reveal their flaws, or worse, make us forget this is erotic fiction. That's coming from a software developer for the last decade.

I don't think it's a problem that the punch line was predictable. It was obvious you wanted us to draw that conclusion, otherwise we wouldn't have had the prologue. Instead, we know that there is going to be encounters with women who Paul otherwise wouldn't have had a chance in hell with, and we read on to explore that. As a side note. "Am I perfect yet?" Flawlessly dramatic reveal there, to both Paul and your readers.

I'm going to offer some critiques. Normally I don't bother, but this story really spoke to me and made my afternoon when I've been otherwise laid up with a cold, so I'm going to go for it. I'm sure this is a bit irrelevant since you posted this more than a year ago, but 'fuck it', to use your words ;)

I agree with an earlier commenter that some points were re-stated too much. I couldn't have put it better than he/she did, but I'll give some examples of the things I didn't need to keep reading. 1) "I don't want to get sacked on my first day" 2) Lia's round C-cups (good that you don't leave them out just because foreplay has progressed past them, but try and mix up the language a little. Do something with those boobs, liken them to something, etc)

The bit where the first person tense was forgotten was during the initial interview with Lia, by the way. I don't like to dwell on small technical problems, but I'll admit that this did break the illusion for me for a moment, and I even skimmed back the previous few paragraphs to be sure I wasn't just confused.

Last thing I will add, and probably the most important, remember that a common reason for using this site, the readers might be 'taking care of business' to use your words. You had the right idea of saving the sex to last and finishing it with just a few paragraphs left of the chapter, but I felt when we finally got to there, it wasn't quite as polished as everything else. I'm afraid I'm having trouble being more specific, I guess things like the elaboration on the kegal exercises disrupted the intensity. Build the tension, then hammer it home and don't let up until it's over. So to speak.

Looking at your list of works, it appears I've got my reading cut out for me for a while. Holey moley. But certainly I'll be finishing Dahlia. Thanks!

The writing is so amazing I read parts of it a few times, savouring the raw emotion, before moving on. This author is an order of magnitude more talented than most others I've read.

It's a bit unfortunate I figured out who Lia (even the name is a big hint) was on page 2. Even moreso that Paul is supposed to be a genius and didn't figure it out or even question the absurd notion that four 18 year old goddesses are the named executive officers is a coincidence.

Despite being dumped out of immersion a few times the story and writing are so amazing I must, excitedly, read on. Despite not liking stories that don't have happy endings, I'm bracing myself for disappointment and heartache, and still have to continue at this point.

Fuck I hate reading about idiots that desparately want to make themselves miserable rather than allow themselves to be happy. I guess I have to hope against hope at this point....

God damn it... You better end this story with him loving and protecting her.

Incredible!

I'd be happy even if the story ended here.

Hell of an Imaginative story!!! Great so far... 5 stars!!!

My second time around reading this and it’s lost none of the impact, but there are small items that I glossed over that first time that pop up later and help with the story, it’s still a 5/5 for me, excellent AI story, possibly the best on here to date, many thanks Magicwrtr for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

exotic so many times

Good story, I got book 1 on kindle. One thing I must note is that you repeat your words a lot. You introduce a new word or phrase then use it again shortly after. That was my only real complaint.