by roswalien
This was a good story but there was a confusion part way through in the use of tense. Keep up the good work!!
You switch to third person in at least 4 paragraphs. Search for occurrences of "he", "his", and "they"
Just right.
Yes some grammar. Get over it people. Just use an editor, there are many here.
A good story, Nice plotline and main characters, but the changes in tense really detracted from it by distracting the reader, keep it up, but find an editor to check out your story before uploading.
Just a word of advice though. If the bathing suit was as small as you lead me to believe there is no way she would have more than a landing strip if anything at all. I haven't met a woman yet that would be caught dead with her pussy hair peking out the side of her suit.