All Comments on 'Dana's Suprise'

This was hot. Keep up the good work

An OK story, with absolutely atrocious spelling and grammar. Consider getting an editor if you continue it.

Excellent first submission and definately carry on with the next and the next chapters.

The story got my cock hard, I'll give you that. I think you need to slow down a little bit, watch the versions of "too" and "to" that you use, don't just run spell check and rely on it, spell check usually can't tell context. Take your time, set up your quotes, set up your scenes. Seriously, the ideas were great. I probably would have come without touching myself if I didn't have to go back and read some lines 3 and 4 times to figure out what was going on.

please more more more..forget the grammer just write more

The story itself was really good, but the occasional lapses in spelling and grammar were a distraction.

It is amazing how, a good story line can be mitigated by incorrect grammmar. I liked what I read but found your lapses with spelling to be quite distracting. Take your time as you are writing, the end result will be better for everyone.

your basic story was reasonably lust-provoking AND reasonably well-written. You've gotten your readers hooked and wanting more. In what follows, I am NOT trying to discourage you from writing more--in fact, to the contrary.

But you do need to decide whether you are out to attract the WIDEST POSSIBLE audience that you can, consistent with your choice of subject matter and your decent writing skills.

Or whether you want to attract ONLY the more limited, we-don't-care-about-the-grammar-and-spelling, just-serve-it-up-hot crowd.

Literotica makes this choice easy, because totally discreet volunteer editors are at your service. Despite basically-decent underlying writing skills, you handled quotations poorly, your story was riddled with distracting typos and spelling errors, and--if you hadn't gotten enough comments to attract my eye in the Portal--I would never have bothered to read a story that featured a misspelling in the title (it's "suRprise," darlin').

Which would have been MY loss, because this was, again, a basically well-written, hot story. So, you can either use more care, attract more readers, and garner higher ratings. Or continue to use less care, which will attract fewer readers and earn you lower ratings.

It's not up to me, but my vote would be: Keep writing, but once you passionately pound out your story, take a deep breath, and seek the help of the volunteer editors before you submit the next installment.

Please keep going. Don't listen to the complainers no one is getting paid to write these stories. It's easier to complain than to have the guts to write a story of there own.

The adventures of Dana must go on!

This is a great story! It's certainly got me excited--you might say--FULLY excited! please write more!

Keep up the good work but watch youre spelling.

10 out of 10 for the story.

4 out of 10 for the spelling.

My suggestion echoes that which has been mentioned earlier by others. I think you should resubmit this story after you either go through it with a dictionary, or enlist the help of an editor. There is a really good story in there somewhere, but it's completely overwhelmed by the spelling errors (I stopped at twenty, I think it was "berried in her pussy" that did the trick). We all make mistakes, just take your time and get it right.

great story....but technically not incest, since she didn't have sex with her mother

projectvoyeur.

Thought it was very well writen, it was exciting and held my interest , but i hate continued stories lol

Keep up the good work

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...because of the appalling spelling and grammar.

Hi Christie,

The concept of your story is a good one. But, I gave it only 3 stars because of the grammatical errors. You need someone to read and edit your work. You display confusion re direct speech and your spelling of key words needs looking at.

Otherwise, your ideas are sound and don't seem exaggerated or unreal. Keep up your effrots but please try to improve.

Les.

Yes

Please continue the adventures. It has possibilities for sure.

Do you have a friend who can read your story before you submit.

It does need some grammatical work as some sentences run into each other

But the story is good

Will Dana like her date

Will she have sex with her mom

Or Penny

Maybe she wants dad's dick

I'll be waiting

please continue with the four of them together....