Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

I spotted Judy half-way down the course. I waved to be polite and where most of the cops looked away out of respect, she looked directly at me and kept staring weirdly as I passed. I could almost see her mind working.

However, the highlight of my ride was chasing Maura's tail on the bike in front of me. She had a very fine ass. Her pelvis couldn't be big enough for me. I loved burying myself in it. Most of the ride I couldn't stop fantasizing about finally catching up with her at the finish line and dragging her off to the bushes to make passionate love, fucking her over and over.

As we reached the end of the ride, it seemed the real party was just getting started. More high-fives and hooping and hollering, we were so proud of ourselves being one with mother nature, on a starry night, in the middle of the big city. I don't think I've ever seen so many happy faces in one place.

Everyone seemed to be running toward some large fountain. Maura removed the backpack and threw it aside screaming, "Come on, Superman." She grabbed me by the hand and Lois Lane and Superman rushed into a mass of screaming, naked men and women rubbing up against each other in the fountain's spray. Everyone reacted to the cold water rising high and splashing down on our hot, sweaty bodies. Everyone was screaming. Everyone except Lois and Clark. We were embraced in each other's arms kissing.

Eventually, we exited the water orgy disguised in our birthday suits, still wearing a few remnants of paint but we didn't care. We were imbued with the overwhelming joy all around us and couldn't wait to join the party. We just needed to get dressed again.

Maura pulled her clothes out of the backpack, but mine were suspiciously missing. I couldn't take it anymore. I complained out loud about my precarious situation, ventilating to the nearest stranger, "I'm beginning to think there is some kind of a prank in the making and I'm the recipient."

Maura had the most pitiful, sinful look on her face. One of the other riders was kind enough to give me a bath towel to cover and I was still wearing the running shoes I had worn to ride the bike. I transformed from Superman into Tarzan. I grabbed Jane by the hand, and we ran off into the jungle to party with the other animals. Dj's and bands played, fireworks flew and everybody was screaming, singing, and dancing. It was fantastic, like being in a large Broadway musical. Mama Mia!

We must have partied at least a couple hours. Judy's house was only a few blocks from the event's finish and it had originally been agreed Maura and I would redress and walk back to Judy's when we were done.

Maura and I briskly made our way back. Well, actually, I dodged in and out around parked cars. I had become self-conscious again about my lack of clothing, navigating the Portland streets, nervous some cop would spot me. I was also too tired to ponder thoughts about Irish pots of gold or deeds to property. All I wanted to do was make it back to the bungalow, take a shower, and crawl under the covers of that big bed in the loft.

When we reached Judy's drive and backyard it was late. It was so quiet the only thing we heard were our footsteps. We couldn't even hear crickets. All the lights in the big house were out except for a light shining from one of the bungalow windows. I accidentally bumped into Judy's car parked behind mine. She apparently had finished her shift and returned home. Assuming everyone else had turned in I started heading toward the bungalow. Maura said, "I'm going in the house for a few minutes."

I figured she wanted to say goodnight to Judy. "Fine," I said, feeling grimy and preferring to quickly head for the shower. Besides, there was little I had to say to Judy that would make any difference, I figured.

I mounted the few steps to the bungalow's front porch and froze in my tracks. The front door was ajar. Cautiously, I proceeded forward, pushing the door open and entering. I was immediately presented with Judy curled up on the sofa in a black negligee. The only remnants from her police uniform was her cap and the nightstick she was holding in her right hand. She was tapping the stick against the palm of her left in a disciplinary manner. The only light was a table lamp turned on. It was close enough and over her on the sofa that her cap cast a shadow across her face, darkening her eyes.

All the blinds were closed and curtains pulled with the exception of the window I had seen from the drive outside.

Unsure how to react I just stood there staring, holding onto my towel to prevent it falling. Her gown kept no secrets. Her symmetrically round bosoms hung full and firm. I could easily see her silver-dollar-sized areoles through the translucent fabric. Her abdomen was tight and her hips narrow, but there was no question I was looking at a younger, newer and improved model of Maureen Robinson.

Officer friendly was being too friendly, though, rubbing her thighs together, squirming, repositioning herself on the sofa, making it unavoidable for me to look at her legs and everything in between. Her thighs and calves were rock hard, yet still feminine. And there was no missing that twat. It was as cleanly shaven as her legs. Maura had told me her daughter was a demon at the gym, but not about being a devil in the bedroom.

"Close the door, William," she said, hypnotizing me, tapping the nightstick in her hand over and over. To my ear it sounded louder and louder.

I couldn't take my eyes off her vagina. All she had to do was give the command and I might thank her for giving me the privilege of fucking her.

Judy repeated herself, "I said, Will Robinson, close that fucking door or I'm going to come over there and beat your ass."

Without speaking or moving my eyes, I blindly reached behind and smacked the door shut.

"That's better." she said. "Now we can get down to business. My mother really hit the jackpot this time. I've been thinking about you all day and all the things I want to do to you. Drop that fucking towel. I want to look at you."

Without a second thought, I automatically let go of the towel. Actually, I had to pull it off me. My flagpole had risen to salute, turning my towel into a tented flag. Judy repeated the expression she made the first time she saw my manhood, only with a husky sound in her voice like she had intentions for me that were premeditated and sinister.

"Oh, my," she said, "It's been so long since I've felt the pleasure of a man's cock inside me. You're going to have be gentle with me, Will Robinson. You may not be able to get in me as far as my mother, but my young pussy is tight and wet. Your cock is going to be in heaven, after fucking an old woman for so long. Now...Get down on your knees...Get down on your knees and crawl over here to me."

That word "crawl" did something that snapped me out of the fog. I had never groveled for anyone, and wasn't about to do it for her. I said, "Judy, what are you doing here? Your mother's in the house. Probably looking for you."

"Oh, she's not looking for me, silly boy." she said, slowly running the nightstick down over her breast and along her thigh. "She knows where I am...and what I'm doing."

"She knows you're lying there in a negligee propositioning me?"

"Well," she said. "Mother doesn't have to know everything. And I don't want you to go away unhappy. Besides, aren't you the type that likes looking? Mom says she was turned on to you from the first moment she saw you watching her with binoculars."

"You know what else, Will?" Judy cooed.

"What?" I replied, irritated.

Judy lowered her voice almost to a whisper, "I'm a really good cocksucker. I bet I can get your manhood all the way down my throat. I know my mother and she'll never go down on you."

"Fuck you," I said, disgustedly. "Why don't you suck on your nightstick. I'm going to take a shower."

I turned and headed straight into the bathroom.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Judy didn't follow me. I stood under the shower head for what seemed like an hour. It felt great to be thoroughly clean again. I put a tank top and shorts on. Slipping into my sandals, I reappeared in the living room to discover Judy at the kitchenette counter writing something in a large ledger. She had put a robe on, lost the cap and nightstick, and looked all business.

Ripping a piece of paper out of the large book, she walked directly toward me holding the paper out for me to take. "Here," she said. I had definitely disappointed her. But her disposition was different, She actually apologized, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made that pass at you. You really are a decent guy. I'm sorry it didn't work out with my mom. Here, take this."

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's a note to be turned in for five hundred thousand dollars. That's far more than we gave any of the others," she explained.

"Holy shit. How much money does your mother have?"

"Billions."

"Fuck me."

Getting impatient, Judy insisted, "Well, are going to take it or not? I'm willing to make it a million if you want. You made my mother happier than I've seen her in years. But, it's over now. She's saying goodbye. And she doesn't want to see you again. All you have to do is walk away and never say anything or bother us again."

I took a long look at Judy without speaking. Then I went directly to the safe and removed my phone, wallet and car keys. Walking back to Judy I just looked at her.

She said, "Well?"

I said, "I'll tell you what. You and your mother can keep all your money. Just give her a message for me."

"What's that?"

"Tell her...tell her to go fuck herself."

And with that I walked out of the bungalow, slamming the door behind me. Taking one look at my car I hollered, "SHIT!!" My car was blocked in by the other two.

I just kept walking straight down the driveway and out along the street calling for an Uber to take me home. Riding home in the backseat of a Honda Accord, I pondered what Maura's reaction might be. Would she be heartbroken and cry? Would Judy be breaking out the champagne with Madison and Maura, singing good riddance and laughing at my expense? Whatever. It mattered little to me.

Once home I managed to get to bed without waking up the household. That is after I bribed Judas to keep quiet with a steak from the freezer.

Sunday morning. It was time to face the fury of my family. I was cornered in the kitchen by my sister, who insisted I tell her why I had snuck into the house in the middle of the night like a guilty teenager. It was finally time I confess everything about my relationship with "Maura," a name she was quite familiar with. After facing Judy, I knew Penny would be easier to tell my shenanigans to. And to her credit, Penny never once suggested, "I told you so." Shouting a few obscenities I knew were meant more for her ex, Penny locked herself in her bedroom for a good cry. When she came out she opened up, purging details she hadn't told anyone about her painful marriage to Dr. Zachary Smith, the so-called sex therapist. I held Penny in my arms for a half hour.

*****

Monday morning. Sunny and warm. It felt oddly different going about my weekday duties. Lighter and carefree. I kissed Penny goodbye, drove the kids to their summer day camp, took the dog for a longer walk than usual. I was ready for the next adventure in my life. I was sitting up in my office with Judas, brainstorming plots for a new science fiction novel about a hero left behind on a distant planet after sacrificing himself to send his family back to earth.

Then I heard a soft knocking on the front door. It was ten o'clock sharp.

I followed Judas down the stairs to answer. Pausing for a moment, staring at the unopened door, I pondered who might be on the other side. Would it be Maura? Mrs. Robinson? Rebecca O'Dooley? My god, the woman had so many aliases I was starting to have a difficult time keeping up.

I turned my head to look down at Judas saying, "Ready, boy?" He let out a single bark. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Standing on my doorstep was someone I had yet to be introduced to. She looked like a loving mother. She could have been a sexy grandmother. She resembled Maura but had her red hair was tied back in a ponytail. She was wearing a blue floral dress. Her skirt flowed with the midmorning breeze. Her appearance was void of any indication of cleavage or nipples. No tight fitting yoga pants to tease. She was dressed in a manner she might have for been for her family, the O'Dooleys. Even Judas turned his head to the side a few seconds before wagging his tail and panting happily.

"Hi, Will," she said.

"Hey," I replied, allowing her to start the conversation as usual.

"I saw your sister yesterday. She picked up your car and suitcase, didn't say much. Can't say I blame her."

"Yeah, she's always watched out for me," I said.

"You called an Uber to get home?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so. Sorry about that."

"It's ok. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle."

"Yes," Maura said. "That's what I love about you. You always know the right thing to do. The right way to fix things."

I couldn't stand there any longer. I snatched Maura up into my arms, sweeping her off her feet, and gave her the most passionate kiss I can remember. I didn't care anymore who saw us. Neighbors, delivery men she had fucked, even family.

We must have kissed for a whole minute. And as you know, that is a long, long time. When I finally allowed my love to come up for air, she gave me a sinful look, took me by the hand, and dragged me into the house, slamming the door behind us to leave Judas outside barking in protest.

*****

What's wrong? You look really confused right now. Hmm...I know. What the fuck?

Just give me a minute and I'll explain. But, remember. If you ever tell anybody what I'm about to share with you, you'll only cause everybody to laugh in your face at your ridiculous story.

So, here's what actually happened. The true story.

You probably wouldn't find it hard to believe, after everything I've told you, that Maura and I christened every room in Penny's house that day. And yes, even that magnificent king-sized bed in Penny's bedroom. I even finally yielded to give Maura the birthday gift she desired most, anal sex in the shower. I wasn't worried. My housekeeping skills were so good, I was better than Jason Bourne at removing evidence of all our activities in the house. Maura and I were the only ones that ever knew what we had really done. Well, I guess now that includes you, and Judas.

Anyway, I had known all along about Maura's past and real name. She had shared all that with me months before. However, we both agreed others would chastise us for our age difference, especially family. And two family members closest to each of us would be the most resistant, Judy and Penny.

Therefore, we wrote out a script, carefully practiced and performed, to win the two women over before we'd announce our plans to wed. The World's Naked Bike Ride proved to be the perfect occasion to carry out our devious plan.

It was my role to play just one more gigolo appearing to want Maura for her money until Judy realized how I really felt about Maura and how she felt about me. That was less painful for me. Coming home to open up old wounds in Penny hurt me the most.

You see, Maura had started seeing Penny's husband to treat her "so-called" sex addiction. Well, Maura and Dr. Zachary Smith quickly got immersed in a hot and heavy affair. But Maura simply told him to get lost after about a month. She had quickly had enough of the narcissistic, "whiney little bitch."

Penny, of course, was too smart to not know about the affair. She and Zach had been having difficulty in the bedroom for some time. Even after spreading Maura's scent all over our house, it still me took some time, pretending to mope around like I was depressed, before I turned her.

It wasn't all bad though. Maura and I continued our secret rendezvous and jammed out to our favorite rock music, while we took all our clothes off standing in our bedroom windows for anyone to see. I checked her out with my binoculars and she me with her telescope.

Before we knew it, I got Penny to beg me to make contact and make up with Maura. "Will your happiness is far more important to me than anything I might still have against that asshole ex of mine."

So, that's it. Now you know. In the end, everything worked out like a perfectly scripted play. Maura and I announced our engagement at her 60th birthday party to the shock of her family. Then we married in a small private ceremony a month later, to spare any ill feelings. Penny served as my best, woman? And Judy stood next to her mother as maid of honor. Judy liked me slightly more after she saw the prenuptial agreement I had insisted on, disavowing me of any claim to the O'Dooley fortune.

Maura and I set out to travel the world making love at every port. Those two evil O'Dooley cousins had died long ago and Maura openly laid claim to her due fortune. We even traveled around to help other O'Dooleys reclaim what had been stolen from them.

You know, it's really hard to believe it's been twenty years. It's 2039. The world seems completely different. The water is cleaner. The air is fresher. I think it all started with the passage of that Equal Rights Amendment. The fact it was ratified unanimously in all fifty-one states proves that women have taken over the world. But I don't mind. It's nice living in a world where anybody can openly love anyone else they choose, without hiding in a closet, without fear of persecution or being ostracized.

Penny is married again. This time it's the blonde bombshell around the corner. That hottie used to always give me a hard on every time I passed her walking Judas. I guess it took a divorce to convince my sister she preferred women.

Judy and Madison broke up. Judy is now captain of her police bureau but still participates in the World Naked Bike Ride every year. Only now she's riding instead of patrolling.

Next week Maura will be celebrating her 80th birthday. She had a bout with cancer last year, but it was cured with a pill in six weeks. Imagine that. They say 80 is the new 60. So I guess we get to start all over again.

Then it's on to our twentieth wedding anniversary. We're renewing our vows with a big gala celebration this time. We considered going abroad, but have decided to stay in the states. Maybe we'll spend some time alone at her estate on the water in Puerto Rico.

Well, I wish I could stay and tell you more about our adventures. However, it's almost ten o'clock and I'm done fixing Penny's kitchen faucet. My Maura says she's prepared a special "honey do" list for me and I can't wait to "do it." So, for now, farewell my friend.

Til next time.