by bigmikey357
By a standard sicko author who writes the draft tale using a large crayon.
I don't know why, but I was expecting another ending...The husband revenge was mild for what she did to their marriage...And Eva from nowhere became a willing slave to the husband...that was the part that turned the story more difficult to accept...2*
I thought you were doing pretty well up until this chapter. The scene with Desmond was believable but then we move into La La land. A pity.
because it has enraged the more droolingly vacuous of the trolls. Good job!
Only an idiot would think like that. Wear the title proudly.
2 hot willing slaves?
And he walks?
nah, the better end would have been to move Eva in and had 2 willing hot slut-slaves.. what better reward for him.
Husband knew for months and did nothing?
Then the story goes into some weird bdsm crap?
Lesbianism? Wtf.
First 2 chapters were 4* but this chapter sucked.
Were you sober?
Good, then bad, fair, then awful. You had a good story going, but the you tried to get cute. It didn't work, just ugly.
And for some reason there are 3 stars locked in and it won't let me change it. I would have and do give you 4+☆s. I thought it was a pretty damn good story. Yeah, the endng was not what I would have written but then it would have been my story. As you once said, the writing was crisp with good pacing. This place is a very difficult category to write in and often the commentors are brutal, especially by or from the
"Mom's basement" anony-types who come and go like little ninjas trying to kill a thing that someone has written and put out to the world something one has worked very hard at producing. My hat is off to pretty much anyone who has the courage to put something out and endure the petty little no talent prissy-assed fuks whose snarky jabs is the best they can come up with. Good on you, and while I'm on a roll about that there are plengy of people who do put their names on their critiques but have not published a story here.I like to read the stories and there are some brilliant authors here. I learn, perhaps not real well, good techniques from them which make my writing better. Thanks for your effort and keep on truckin'.
Really started good and then like so many "writers", again using the term loosely, you go all extreme porn writer on us and completely ruin what should have been a decent story.
A total slut to the end. Hope he reeked more havoc other than humiliation...for a long long time.
OK, but how did Steven get Eva to play the submissive slave? Revenge on Angel? Really, kinda hardly revenge for Eva to degrade herself. Of course she’s a submissive, but that hardly fits with her persona in the earlier chapters. And exactly how is Angel going to dom Eva without a cock? I guess now Angel is free to peruse Des and use him to dom Eva, while having Des for herself. And where is the part were Steven kicks Des in the balls?
A disappointing, awkward conclusion. The author's skill level was insufficient to convincingly portray his vision of the dramatically altered roles adopted by the wife, the husband and the new lover. Less, if done well, would truly have been more.