Darcy's Doubts - Day 02

Before I could say anything else, Kyle was gone. I had no idea what she would return with or how long she'd be. To pass the time, I took the escalator up to the floor with the Starbucks. Not in the mood for a large caffeine hit, I grabbed an Iced Chai Latte. Being the amazing gentleman I am, I got Kyle an Iced Peach Green Tea. She loved green tea and she used to be a sucker for fruity drinks. Hopefully the latter was still true.

I had just made it back to the men's section, sat down and pulled out my phone when Kyle returned. Her cute pink lips curled up in a big smile. God, I love it when she smiles.

"Someone looks happy to try on some new clothes. What changed?"

Kyle's smile must have been contagious, because I didn't even realize I had been smiling till she said something. I tried to play it off as best I could. "Oh, I just saw something funny online, that's all."

"Hmph, Ok then, keep your secrets. Here." Kyle handed me more clothes while taking back the haul I had been lugging around. "Go try these on."

"Can I-"

"No, go," Kyle grabbed my arm and pulled me up, even though I wasn't resisting, and began pushing me towards the nearest fitting room.

"Wait, your drink." In her haste to dress me like some doll, I almost forgot her drink. "Peach Green Tea, figured you might like it." Handing her the drink, I made my way to the fitting room as she sat on a nearby bench.

$$$$

My heart was beating fast again. Darn you, Darcy. Of course he remembers that I love peach green tea. I raved about it online when it was added to Starbucks' menu, but there was no way he could've known that. That was years ago. I'm starting to think he notices more than I thought.

But if that's true, how much did he notice last night. Forget last night what about all the time I've been staring at him today. I barely took my eyes off him on the train. Hell, I would've missed our stop completely if he wouldn't have woken me from my stupor.

I literally haven't seen him for years and he still holds this, power over me. Just thinking about that goofy smile twists my stomach into knots.

I wonder.

There's no sales clerk stationed in this fitting room. I could, maybe, take a peek? Just a little one.

No, how would I even do that? Lay on the floor and peek under the door? Climb over the wall in the adjacent stall? Maybe I could wait to check on Darcy late in the evening as he undresses for bed!

I had to take a minute and fan myself. Is it warm in here or is it just me?

"Hey Kyle, which shirt goes with which pants?"

"God, you're lucky you're cute." I murmured.

"What?"

"Either or it doesn't matter, you can mix-and-match," I told Darcy from the front of the fitting room. "More bang for your buck," parroting back his earlier words. I had picked out three simple outfits, well two simple and something with a little more flair. My hope is to ease Darcy into what I want him to wear.

"Kyle, these pants seem a little tight. Sure these are the right size?"

"Stop being such a baby, they're right."

"How do you know?"

I stuttered. "U-Umm, y-you know, I'm good at guessing sizes." I was unprepared to answer such a question. I doubt he'd like to hear that I'd been keeping up to date on pretty much every post he's ever had. Especially when he and his friends had a competition to bulk up in college. I still remember every measurement: 33" chest, 31" waist, mmmmm and muscular thighs. I would fall asleep imagining every inch wrapped around me, every pound pressed against my back as I gave myself to Darcy.

"Are these skinny jeans! Where do I put my dick?"

"Sigh, you're not that big," yes he was, "j-just choose a leg and tuck it or something." That drew a chuckle out of Darcy. Not soon after he exited the stall.

I gave him a low wolf whistle. "You look good," he looked amazing. Darcy was wearing a very well-fitting red polo that clung to his pecs and perfectly accented the muscles over his core. His biceps perfectly filled the sleeves exposing his beautiful brown muscles every time he moved his arms. The pants I picked out were a brown pair of slim fit chinos. The pants were just about the correct length, but they were tight enough that you could see the rippling muscles of his thighs.

The sight of Darcy in such form-fitting clothes was beginning to make me a little hot under the collar.

"Kyle?"

"C-could you turn around?" I was flustered beyond belief and I just needed to see a little more.

"I know what you want to see," Darcy turned and gave me a faux sultry look over his shoulder. I would've giggled but I was too busy biting down on my lip. As weird as it sounds his butt looked delicious. I wanted to dive in tongue first at the mere sight.

"Wow Kyle, really? Just going to gawk at me like a piece of meat?" Darcy laughed.

"Shut up, I'm just surprised to see you in clothes that actually fit."

"Woah, low blow. My clothes fit."

"Sure, they weren't falling off of you like they did in high school, but they can't hold a candle to what you're wearing now."

Darcy raved, "Yeah, yeah. I do look good, though, don't I?"

"Ok, don't get cocky, but since you like it, does that mean you're going to buy it?

"Yeah, fair is fair. Also, all in all, it's not too expensive. How about you? That's a lot of clothes."

"There's only five...or seven pieces." With some apprehension I said "actually, I was hoping you'd help me narrow it down." The idea of Darcy ogling me as I tried on clothes made me blush.

That stupid little grin of Darcy's was back on his face again. "Good deal, let me get changed."

He seemed excited. I couldn't blame him, I was too.

****

Can't lie, I'm a little excited. I thumbed through a few of the items Kyle picked out while waiting in line for drinks and I am ready to see what they look like on her.

Stepping out of the fitting room Kyle modeled the first piece for me. A navy blue A-line dress. The bottom half of the dress was decorated with gold flowers. I've been a fan of A-line cut dresses for a while now. I don't know if it's the way they fall on women or if it's the women they fall on. To add to it, this particular dress was off the shoulder. Letting Kyle's soft shoulders and clavicle take center stage.

"Yep, that one."

Kyle gave a short spin, letting the light gleam off the golden flowers before reentering the fitting room.

The second dress, or I guess I should say outfit, was a black high waisted skirt that stopped halfway down Kyles thick thighs. She wore a loose top with it, but my eyes were so fixated on her thighs filling up the skirt that I didn't even know what color it was.

"Another yes," Kyle questioned with a smirk.

"Mhmm, well the skirt could be shorter," with exaggerated disappointment I continued "but gotta leave some mystery I guess"

That got a laugh out Kyle, but I think she could see the truth in the joke. Luckily for me, she didn't press me and continued back into the fitting room.

Not too long after heading back into the fitting room Kyle called me over. "Ummm, Darcy, could you come here?"

"Sure wussup" I asked as I walk over to the fitting room door

"Could you come in here? I- um, I need your help," her voice was small and unsure.

That made me nervous. Why was I so nervous? I was just going to help a friend. Bet you she needs me to zip her up, so cliché. Or, she's afraid to be seen in the next dress she picked out because it's super sexy. The thought spurred my penis to life.

Dammit, I just got it to calm down after that skirt.

I opened the door to a truly angelic sight. Kyle had squeezed into a black pencil dress that screamed sexy secretary. "Wow" was all I managed to mutter. My brain was running wild seeing the fabric stretched over her waist and thick thighs.

"Could you help me with the zipper?"

Cliché, this was right out of a rom-com. I however did not intend to stare this gift horse in the mouth. Closing the door behind me I stepped closer to the wondrous form in front of me. The zipper of the dress sat just below Kyle's softly hued shoulder blades. The dress still hung open enough to show the unblemished skin of her back.

I took my time zipping Kyle's dress, in no rush to hide away such beautiful skin. Peeking over Kyle's shoulder into the mirror I could see Kyle biting her lip, cheeks flush, with what I assumed was the usual embarrassment. Stepping back I surveyed my completed task, proud to have contributed to such a glorious work of art.

"I think this is too small," she said insecurely.

"Can you breathe?"

"Yes."

"Then I think it's perfect."

"Ha-ha, you dope," Kyle joked over her shoulder.

She then began running her hands slowly down her waist and over her thighs as she swiveled from side to side. My eyes fell on her ample ass. Enjoying the movement of the dress over her butt as she modeled for herself in the mirror. Kyle groaned then.

"What's wrong now?" I sighed jokingly.

"I like this, but my stomach," she turned around grabbing at what little love handles she had with both hands.

This was a big pet peeve of mine. My ex would do the same and complain about her weight, even though she barely had any extra to complain about. I want, no, need to let Kyle know that her size was no reason to deny herself nice things. Stepping even closer I placed my hands over Kyle's. The contact of our skin made the hair on my arms stand on end.

"Kyle I won't only say this once, I'll say it as much as you need to hear it, but you are beautiful. You look amazing in this dress and you shouldn't let someone else's beauty standards tell you what is and is not acceptable for you."

Kyle must have been shocked by my sudden outburst. We stood there silently, staring into each other's eyes. My left hand had found its way to Kyle's waist, my thumb caressing her plump belly. My right moved from Kyle's hand and up her arm. Her eyes began to dance back and forth between my lips and my eyes. Relating an unspoken question for which I had no answer.

I feel like I'm on the verge of consummating a thought I've long carried. Is this what I want? If I do this and don't follow through it could devastate Kyle. I don't want to hurt Kyle. I just want her to be happy, and...I don't know if I can give her what she needs to be happy. At least not yet.

I took a deep breath.

And exhaled as I stepped back from a lost looking Kyle. The hair on my arms lying back down, no longer charged by our connection.

"I'm sorry, I just really hate it when I see someone I care about putting themselves down. You're amazing Kyle, and uh, yeah. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. But the dress looks great. Ummm, I'll leave you to it then." I fumbled with the handle as I tried to exit as fast as possible.

$$$$

"I'll meet you at the register Kyle." Darcy said through the door.

I tried to tell him to wait. I desperately wanted to talk to him. But when I exited the fitting room Darcy was already gone. I caught up to him at the register. He smiled as I walked up, but his body language told me a different tale. He wouldn't maintain any kind of eye contact and I caught him stealing glances at me as we left the store. Walking back to the L there was an awkward air between us. Darcy's body seemed tense as he stared off into the distance.

Our silence was neither amicable or comfortable. It seemed that neither one of us was willing to talk about what happened in the fitting room. Several times I was on the cusp of asking Darcy about his new job and if he was nervous, but the pensive look on his face deterred me.

Halfway back to the apartment the silence was finally broken.

*Stomach Growl*

"Uh, Darcy? Was that your stomach?"

"Heh heh, yeah. Guess just having coffee and a granola bar in the morning is not the best way to start the day."

I checked the map for the nearest stop. Wellington was coming up.

"We'll get off at the next stop. I think I know just what you need."

I told him about a Korean fried chicken place that had some great crispy chicken and rice bowls. Seemed Darcy's hunger overrode whatever thoughts were currently plaguing him. As the conversation started to pick up. I could see the tension leaving his body as Darcy let out a long breath like he'd been holding it in. His shoulders relaxed and he looked at ease. Even more important, his eyes were no longer focused on some distant thought, but back on me.

His attention melted me in a way that was hard to describe. I was once again the center of his world, even if it was only because I knew where to get decent kimchi, I loved it. I loved being needed by Darcy. It made me feel important, if only for a little while.

It wasn't a long walk from the L to the restaurant. Took us even less time to get our food since there didn't seem to be much of a crowd out. We decided to dine in and after we received our food the conversation flowed. I loved moments like this. The back and forth banter, Darcy's corny humor, my amazing wit that Darcy somehow always seems to match. These were the moments that gave me a glimpse of what it would be like if we were together. If I was his and he was mine. Heck, who am I kidding? I'd settle for just being his as long as he came back to me at the end of the day.

After our late lunch I tried to shake my current thoughts, but as we walked back to the train the idea of BiBi "breaking him in" entered my mind again. What would that even look like? I mean, not actually look like, but what would BiBi do? Would she be straightforward or more cunning? I tried cunning, but either I'm doing something wrong or-, no I'm probably doing something wrong.

I was so lost in thought I don't even remember getting on the train and again, Darcy had to remind me of our stop. Walking back to the apartment I decided that I'd try to be more direct, hopefully.

"Day kind of got away from us there, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, but overall I still enjoyed it," Darcy said with a big smile.

"Yeah who doesn't like a day filled with shopping and Korean fried chicken?"

"Exactly, you could've warned me not to get the double chicken sandwich, that thing was a beast"

"I'm surprised you finished it," I exclaimed. "Any plans for the evening?"

"Eh, nothing yet," he shrugged.

"How would you like to see my favorite spot in the whole apartment?"

Darcy gave me a questioning look but didn't say no.

Which is basically a yes when it comes to Darcy.

*****

Kyle led me along a small walkway that went to the back of the apartment. There was a nice wooden deck that took up most of the small backyard. I followed her past the deck and up a set of matching stairs, leaving our bags at the bottom. On top of the single car garage there was a rooftop deck. There were a couple of chairs and an 'L' shaped couch, all covered in plastic. Supposedly to protect them during the colder months, Kyle informed me.

Kyle unzipped the plastic of the couch, pulling more than enough back for us to relax in the late afternoon sun. She then slipped off her shoes and sat on the firm white cushions of the couch. Tucking her feet beneath her legs before patting the cushion next to her, inviting me to join. I was more than happy to oblige her request.

It wasn't that late, but the days were still short. The sky quickly began to turn orange as we relaxed after the emotional rollercoaster that had been our day.

"Wow, this place just gets better and better," I sat back to remark.

"Yeah, this is one of my favorite spots in the apartment. Well not in, in."

"This looks pretty new, you all must take care of it."

"It's just new," she chuckled. "BiBi convinced her parents that it was a much-needed addition after she caught me climbing the lattice on the side of the garage several times to come up here."

"Wait, so you went out of your way to climb up here before there was a deck? You must love this spot"

"Yeah, there's just something about being outdoors that makes everything clearer, y'know? Also being on top of the garage off the ground and out of sight gave me this sense of safety and privacy."

"So, what you're saying is you're basically a squirrel. Right?"

"A squirrel," she said in a playfully shocked tone.

"What they're cute, like to hang out in trees, and get nervous around loud noises." I smiled.

Kyle paused for a second, obviously mulling something over.

"So, you think I'm cute."

That caught me off guard and caused me to stumble over my words "I mean, uh yeah, sure y'know." Clearing my throat and regaining my composure I expanded, "the long black hair, big brown eyes, fair skin..." I trailed off.

"So the stereotype about Black guys liking Asian girls is true?"

"No, yes? Wait, are we sure that's confirmed?" I questioned. "Even if I do, it's not like you don't have a stereotypical thing for black guys. I've seen your last two boyfriends."

Kyle's eyes went wide at that statement then immediately narrowed in suspicion of me.

"How did you know about my previous boyfriends?"

Crap, I thought. That was sloppy Darcy, now she's gonna think you've been stalking her social accounts for the past six years. Not untrue, but still a bad look.

"You told me about them," I lied.

"Um, I have a pretty good memory and I don't recall ever telling you about anyone I've been with."

She wasn't buying it. I had two options: lie or tell the truth. Honestly, lying had been my go to in the past. Not outright lying, most of the time it was omission, or I'd talk around a situation until the point was lost. I could feel the lie building on my lips, 'you definitely told me about it, how could you forget, insert joke, play it off, redirect'. The feeling in my stomach told me I couldn't do it though.

"This is gonna sound weird, but I found your social media accounts freshman year and I used a dummy profile to see your post. I promise I wasn't trying to be creepy. I-just worry about you sometimes."

Kyle's face went through a range of emotions. Surprise, distrust, confusion, then it softened. Her head hung low as she began to play with her hair. She seemed to be fighting with what to say next as her cute little lips silently formed and unformed words.

"I've been following you with a fake profile as well," she quickly confessed, unable to meet my questioning gaze."

"Well, would you look at that. Here I am thinking I was being a creep, all the while you were creeping on me too!"

"Shut up," she giggled. "Tell me this, what's the name of the account you use to follow me?"

"Oh, you'll love this. It's Kyle BARKer and the profile picture is this cute lil' Schnauzer."

"Ha, oh my god, that's adorable!" She squealed as she fell back in laughter.

"What was the name on your account?"

Still lying back she matter-of-factly said "Clarissa."

"Ah, I guess -"

"Don't you do it," she interrupted

"-that explains-it-all."

My amazingly executed dad joke was greeted by a disapproving head shake and Kyle's full smile. Success.

Kyle began to relax, placing her feet in my lap. However, it was short-lived.

"Wait," she shot back up with suspicion on her face again. "Kyle Barker? The same Kyle Barker that always liked and commented on how great I looked in my transition photos!?"

"Haha, I- forgot that little detail. I should've lied," I murmured to myself.

I couldn't read Kyle's emotions then. She looked torn, like I had betrayed her. It was never my intention to hurt her though. I just wanted her to be happy and comfortable in her own skin. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her.

"Kyle look, I'm -"

Kyle didn't wait for whatever apology I intended to limp out. Instead, she lunged at me, moving faster than I had seen her do before. The full weight of her soft plump body forced me onto my back and down on the couch. I reached back with my right hand to stabilize myself while the left wrapped firmly around Kyle's waist. Kyle's arms wrapped around my neck, encircling me in her warm embrace.