All Comments on 'Dark Division - The Capsa - Ch. 01'

This sounds like it's going to be an interesting read.

the last line of dialogue.

Females generally don't say "jerkin' off", so it leans towards the partner, Kerry. But the upcoming "Lizzie smiles..." makes me think she is the speaker.

The conversation is about 'resistance', based on Jeff's comment; for the dialogue to flow naturally, the next dialogue would be on the same subject. That makes me think it's Kerry.

The point really is, you shouldn't make your readers have to think this much to figure out which characters, said what.

Thanks for sharing your creativity and all the work it takes to put together a submission.

GeoD