All Comments on 'Dark Side of the Force Ch. 01'

You completely lost me with the direct, criminal abuse of power at the end.

Troy's sociopathic attack on the dog abuser and subsequent behavior with Woodburn makes me hate him like I hate the Oliver Norths of this country.

You have written such exciting stories but Troy has become no more than an SS officer

Troy became a storm trooper this night. Thatcher should sue and walk away with a large settlement. Troy is not the judge jury and executioner. He is a great charecter who disgraced the Constitution and any ethics. He will be punished in future episodes but not for the crimes against the lowlife Thatcher. Bad karma!

The story itself is kind of interesting, but I have a few comments.

First, a good proofreading would help a lot with fixing spelling, grammar and punctuation issues.

Second, you keep switching between first-and-third-person narration, and it distracts from the storytelling; if you have that much information that needs to be shared and that the narrator isn't aware of, maybe the entire story would be better told by a detached third-person narrator.

Third, I think you over-explain things. In some cases, there are a lot of descriptive details the reader could do without, while in others your characters imply something and then just come out and say what they meant in the first place; there's a lot of "if you get my drift" in these stories to this point. Either one - implication or explanation -

would be fine, but both, in my opinion, tend to bog down the story. Any comedian will tell you that, if you have to explain the joke, it's probably best not to tell it. Trust your readers to 'get the joke' or don't.

I also don't understand what the big deal was about not divulging the main character's last name until now. Was that just to tie his name in with the name of the painting? Just a bit curious about that one.

Anyway, thanks for contributing and I hope you continue to share your stories with us.

Not happy about Don and the dogs, that was a little extreme. However, with Woodburn if he had back up from the FEC his action might be warranted. Great start again, loved the painting and quotes from Sherlock Holmes.

I don’t think that the naming Don’s last name was about the painting only. We have learned that Don is part Jewish and they’re maybe a larger story to go with the surname “Troy”. Not the ancient city but some event.

*****Thanks for the read.