All Comments on 'Daughter's Surprise'

Overall 4 stars, but really needs a proof read. There’s some basic misspelled words that spell check should have caught and some grammar issues as well. Outside of that it’s kinda a simple story. Catches daughter and friend, fucks daughter and friend. Not much plot or character development. If you want to improve then I would work on incorporating more emotional attachment into the story as well as some more descriptive words to add some spice to your sex scene.

Dad needs to pour cum into Robin and Sam leaving them with a baby bump

Any story that gets my cock hard is a good story!

good tease, but overall a little short. was sexy even though the sex scene could have been longer.

As has been said, storyline is simple.

But simple is sometimes the best way, if this happens in real life it usually happens this way, as the characters fall prey to the circumstances. Usually, I believe that alcohol is mainly the helping hand here, as it can relieve the character of inhibitions to the extent that they would do something in the heat of the moment that they normally would not.

I have had a situation in my own past that led to a night of mind blowing sex with a sibling. After some guilt upon awaking together the relationship has carried on in secret ever since.

A brilliant story and I look forward to more of your work

Grammar. Tense issues. 3 stars

First, in addition to the myriad spelling and grammar failures already noted here, this was a xerox of thousands of other daddy/daughter/best friend stories. You added nothing new - no personal twist.

Additionally, you mix narrative point of view from first person to third person and back again and slip from past to present tense at will. If this had been a submission in a (very liberal) Comp 101 class you’d be lucky to get a “D”.

yourself an Editor/Proof Reader.

Check Literotica Index!!

Is the switching back and forth between the present and the past tenses - sometimes in one sentence - deliberate or accidental?

It's amazing those who criticize my work are anonymous or have nothing of their own for me to see how much better it would be!

Wish i was him.

I see that the literotica negatives have found your story. Sadly this is why quite a few writers I know have left this site. We are all human and make mistakes. Can’t someone just say whether or not they liked the story and let it be at that?

With that being said, don’t let the negative comments get to you. The story was fine. It didn’t feel rushed and you left room to continue it if you so desired.

My first time with dad was with my younger sis too

We both loved it and Mom after forgave us and shared Dad with us too

Great story. Room to continue chapter 2 if you choose. I found myself wanting to bury my tongue in Robin’s gorgeous ass!

Not the first Time For This theme, But A GOOD Job in only a couple pages. So glad daddy didn't have the all too common 9 inch cock lol. I liked how Robin called him dad at the end.

So many Dads have this dream.

Well written story

I am so hard just thinking about fucking and sucking 2 beautiful daughters.

When did they start fucking their boyfriends?

How about another chapter?

I enjoyed reading it and found it quite credible. Some of the dialogue is naff e,g, "I want you to fill me with your liquid love!"

You need to check the tense you have written. Should be past tense as it is easier to follow. This story jumps in and out of past and present tenses making it very difficult to read. Found myself skimming over large parts.

I am not anonymous and the books I’ve published are not erotica and therefore wouldn’t be accessible here.

I wrote a frank review with my professsional opinion, having taught composition and creative writing at the secondary and university level for an entire career. Our language has norms and basic structure - a “Rules of the Road” that we follow to efficiently communicate. If you drove as you write there would be dead bodies and mangled vehicles everywhere.

very readable, enjoyed it

Made me wish I had a teenage daughter who had a friend as gorgeous as she was

Some readers here are missing the point of criticism. If we assume that writers want feedback to improve their skills, calling out mistakes can be as valuable as praise. When 'your' is confused with 'you're' or 'to' is confused with 'too', everyone loses. But, it's important that criticism be constructive, not personal.

Many good ideas here have been diminished by awkward phrasing or the author simply not bothering to recheck his/her own story. Why should the reader be interested in a story that even the writer didn't want to read ?

Liked it as far as it went, bit of a quickie.

5 Stars. My only suggestions would be, what height are Sam and Robin. Also breast sizes. And they have both fucked before so maybe some dirty talk. Mostly about how much the love fucking.

Then begging for Daddy's cum on their young faces. And it would be nice to have them drink Daddy's cum.