All Comments on 'Dave'

All from Dave's perspective, that was a good idea.

What's interesting, and what cuts across the first chapter, is that Dave sees the wife acting on her own initiative. She was doing it for herself, from what he saw. This was sort of implied in ch 1, with the wife justifying what she did with the half-rationale she was pleasing her husband by acting out his fantasy.

The webs of self-deceit people weave .. I commented on the first story that the husband was being dishonest, hiding his feelings. From what Dave saw, the wife had her own share of dishonesty. These are all small dishonesties, rationalizations loosely tethered to reality. People not completely honest with themselves. This makes a communications gap, and such gaps can widen if care is not taken.

A story is a story, and good stories present moral dilemmas .. which gives space to readers to consider ways in which the actors could evolve. Certainly Dave's perspective on the wife hints at a much more complex relationship between her and her husband.

Oh, and it was a very good touch to not make Dave the stereotypical alpha male, to emphasize that the wife took the initiative. And now he is the love-lost puppy. Nice twist.

Excellent writing again. What I particularly admire is how you use Dave's perspective to demonstrate how shallow and selfish the wife is. Her husband is weak and she takes full advantage.

I liked that you told the story from Dave's perspective. I also do that in my stories. Not one to criticize the characters' morals or motives. It's just a story. I write from my true life experiences with a 19 year old sub I had when I was in my 50's. She was the most sexual human I have ever met. Your stories are believable if one suspends reality a little, for a while... Please keep writing. I enjoy your writing very much.

Loved reading Dave’s perspective; it seemed real.

It was super reading Dave's perspective. Now I'm waiting to see what other fun this young couple will have in Mexico.

is considered good writing? There you go. Have at it. There are no expectations, no standards, no established rules in English, at least in the LW category. We can slap whatever the hell comes to our mind down and listen to the madding crowd cheer. As long as we accept present tense, colon dialogue and plotless stories, that's what we'll get, and it is what we get. Now we have people stealing pennames and hacking accounts. WTF is going on?

AMerryman

The story is better when told by the other man instead of the wimpy husband. In fact, all cuck stories would be better told from that perspective.

Still need quotation marks though.

No matter which way you look at it any man who lets his wife be with another is a weak, cuckold wimp.

This is not a story of a loving wife and husband jointly agreeing to her becoming a hot wife. It is about her using his fantasy to excuse cheating and the betrayed husband wimping out and rationalising that he had actually given permission beforehand, which he clearly had not. Pretty pathetic.

Dave was much more honest with himself than the husband.

The wife was basically a slut. Her first comment to going to Greece with him, said it all: "Maybe". The only thing that stopped her was not the love for her husband but the future of her marriage as even the wimp husband would probably have found that unacceptable.

This is your second story, and it’s the second time you changed my mind about the story halfway through it. At the beginning, I felt like this was an unnecessary retelling of the same story from a different angle. Why bother?

But, man! That ending, and Dave’s revelation about what’s missing from his life, really made the entire story come together beautifully.

This encounter was special because it was a one-time-only affair. She (and I really wish she had a name) gave herself to him for one hour, and one hour only. And her husband (who also needs a name) gave his wife to this complete stranger, which is such an incredibly generous gift. All three people gained from this, and there was absolutely no downside, because it’s made clear that this was a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Thanks for proving me wrong — again. I look forward to your next story.

The two stories are so complimentary that you can't get a full appreciation of either without reading both. In fact Dave's story makes no sense without the first story as the setup. Too bad you didn't realize that before you submitted the first chapter.

She was a loyal respectful loving wife, until she decided she wanted to fuck Dave. Just that quickly, easy, and without remorse. She considered leaving her husband to continue fucking Dave, but she decided not to, this time. I would say she apparently controls the marriage, but there obviously is no marriage. The husband is married to her, but she has already left the marriage. The following explanation of her adultery indicates how weak their marriage relationship is:

"And when I was crouched down spread eagle talking to him on the stage, with his hands on my knees, you never came over to stop it. And you didn't even say a word about to me afterwards. So, I figure either it turns you on, or you really don't care about me." Could a wife be more manipulative and deceitful? She completely disregards that she's the one that decided to squat for Dave, opened herself up to this inspection, his pleasure. That she chose to give that to another man, without regard for her husband. And now she uses his lack of protest as his implicit permission, approval ("it turns you on"), to fuck some stranger she just met in a bar. Except the husband would have never known she fucked Dave if he hadn't walk in on them, so how was this supposed to be a turn on for the husband? She's just revealed herself for what she is. I suspect the husband is too weak and stupid to save himself.

Any continuation of this story that suggests this marriage will survive is a complete fantasy, even a lie. The marriage will last as long as she decides it will, until she decides it doesn't. The stupid weak husband will hang on for as long as she lets him.

Really well written, except it so fucking depressing. Just another cheating whore and cuckold story, told with a bit more sophistication and wit. Thanks for the effort.

Writer, you know that there is help available for you, the kind that will let you live your life with the mental health you deserve to have. You, too, can be honest to your loved ones, and know that they love you, rather than the facade you have constructed to protect them from your issues, back.

I will be surprised if you aren't, in some way, a professional writer. You know how to create characters by giving each of them a distinctive 'voice'. You also portray realistic emotions -- not too shallow, and not too over-the-top. Very well done!

Thanks for all your comments. I think Dave had an interesting take and am glad he gave voice to the story.

I look forward to posting other stories down the road!

Take charge of your story, all the neg anons don't deserve listing. Don't be apologetic and thank the chicken-shits would can't be identified. You have the power, grow some balls and use it.

I mean, the tale had promise, especially the first part. But Holy Shit, man, the writing is atrocious. You do understand, quotation marks are still a thing, no? And switching from first to third person is a no no.

This episode just removes any interest piqued with the first one. Dave, as a supposed player just sounds pathetic, especially that shit with his 'ex' girlfriend. He's got to realize the couple's agreement when the tryst got stalled in the bedroom. To suddenly invite her to Greece along with a group of friends when he doesn't know her is pathetic. He.comes across as a clingy douche.

Do you hope to annoy your way to relevance? Good luck with that. Randi.

Well 3rd, 4th, 5th, and so on grade teachers concerning punctuation, 1 vs 3 rd person, and proof reading. Unreadable disjointed gibberish lacking cohesive thought striving for brilliance but failing in every way possible.

If you wish to improve read the harsh reviews and learn.

Although this wasn’t quite a love story, it definitely had me reminiscing about some partners I miss from my “young and dumb” days. Partners whom I would never seek again, but shared some very special moments with

The art of good fiction writing is to convey your message clearly and vividly so the reader can understand what you're trying to say. This writer does that admirably, so let's not get hung up about punctuation. It's not a test.

Of course, no matter how well you write you can't be responsible for how your readers interpret your story. Take swingerjoe, who sees in this story a happy fable about a generous husband sharing his wife and everybody living happily ever after. In the first place, he doesn't share her, she is stolen from him by a conniving thief with her full collaboration. In the second place, they are all left diminished by the experience. The thief is miserable, the wife has lost respect for the husband and the husband is hardened towards his wife ("that is not remotely my problem"). Sorry, Dr. Pangloss, no happy ending here.

I'm one of the readers who have no problem with the experiment in style of writing. I thought it works quite well.

Although, it was more effective in the first story. I'm not sure if I had over-identified the style with the husband as narrator. It fit better his confused, ambivalent frame of mind .. the flow of stimulation, visual, verbal .. it was all on one disconnected level. The technique said something about the husband's state of mind.

Dave was presented as more level headed in general and so the writing technique began to look like a stylistic affectation, rather than as a way to represent the state of his mind.

But, that's what experimentation is all about. The author is making choices for creative reasons, not from a lack of 3rd grade writing skills. Try things out, discover what works and where. Stick with it.

I do appreciate the feedback. I’m not sure any of these characters will show up again but if they do I’ll be glad to see them.

Can agree on three things with other comments:

- this story can't really exist without the setup in Duck Hunt;

- is a more enjoyable story overall (although the other I enjoyed much also, it even was 'hotter' perhaps);

- this should have the traditional quoted dialogue, leaving the style as the special voice of the husband, it seems a bit forced here, or rather, not hold of as well, leaving direct dialogue in.

That’s a lot of anger. If reading stories in this category makes you so furious, why do you?

On the tail of Duck Hunt this again shows legitimate life like feelings that an experience like this would generate and how messed up your head would get in a situation like this.

Interesting to write a third story from her perspective.

Thanks. I have considered a third part but really would love it if a female author could write it...

Good view from Dave. He didn't brag about his larger than average cock, but she will want more of it. They will reconnect thru FuckBook, and she Will get more of his big dick after Mexico & Greece are all done. Hoping this is a To Be Continued story, and we get more of their story. Five Stars from me.

Thanks for your comments. I don’t know that there will be any future pieces with these characters, but you never know :-)

Nicely done. Great take on this.

Hooked