All Comments on 'Dave and Leroy Ch. 07'

Did an English major edit this chapter? Yes, you needed an editor like others have said, but an English major (if this one was edited by them) should have picked up the errors in this paragraph alone, there are too many AND's throughout the whole story;

"Dave didn't say anything he just headed straight for the shower and Leroy grabbed up the lube and toys that they had in the family room. After taking them to the bedroom and came back for the blankets and all of their clothes. He did another search to make sure he didn't forget anything and spotted a dildo sticking out from under the couch, thinking that it could have been bad to miss with Mikey coming in, and then he walked back to the bathroom to get in the shower as Dave was getting out."

Reads better like this:

"Dave didn't say anything he just headed straight for the shower WHILE Leroy COLLECTED the lube and toys that they had in the family room. After taking them to the bedroom HE came back for the blankets and all of their clothes. He did another search to make sure he didn't MISS anything and spotted a dildo sticking out from under the couch, thinking that it could have been bad to miss with Mikey coming in; HE THEN walked back to the bathroom to get in the shower as Dave was getting out.

I’m not trying to upset you, I like your story, but I think it could be told a little better with a lot less errors. That paragraph wasn’t the only one with errors, the closer to the end of this chapter I got, the more errors there were.

Anonymous, I hate to be the bearer of bad news to your inflated ego, but YOU are so obviously not listed on the 'great editors' list' either! lol You have a great story Kmiller, a few errors, but certainly not enough to detract from the beauty of your story! A few adjustments would give it a smoother flow, but nothing to drastic should be done!! Very loving story!

Just speaking my own opinion. .. an feelings about the story in general to the Author. ... the story lines is amazing... loving.. an about "real life events"... you are doing a Fantastic job... I alwaz look forward to reading each chapter. ... I see some other comments left... were negative about... EDITS... 4get it... you do an Awesome job...

And you dont need to worry about all that editing crap... if you desire it being published as a book.. or a pulizer prise..then worry.... Great Job otherwise. ..