All Comments on 'Dave's sister Pt. 01'

Enough of that already.

Not a bad start. You could go a long way with them exploring and discovering enjoyable areas on their bodies. I saw some minor errors so please proof read. I like the action and her becoming submissive. Thanks for your time and imagination.

Also what the hells a crutch? Get an editor. 3 stars

We Americans really don’t know English very well do we.

crutch(Noun)

A crotch; the area of body where the legs fork from the trunk.

Some ridiculous errors.

Crutch instead of crotch and women have vaginas, not virginas.

Obviously written by a young virgin who watches too much porn.

philtee, please let me know which dictionary you pulled that definition of “crutch” from? I have looked in both Webster’s and Mirriams and cannot find that definition. Tried Wikipedia too and found no such definition.

is a horny, whiney, cumslut, bitch. Dave should have told her to "shut the fuck up" halfway through page one.

please write more of this story

Why were you calling it a weapon? Takes away from the story. Bad word choice.

What the hell is a brov?

Not bad but you need to learn the use of quotation marks, there is a heap of them missing in this. There are rules for their use, you should be able to find them online. Also, be aware of the difference between "your," and "you're." I would think that Sus would have called her brother Dave rather than brov, and it sounds better too. So mum wants to shag him as well? Better get on to it. Also, try and find a friend on-site who would like to proofread your stories.