All Comments on 'David's Revenge'

I didn't get past the third or fourth paragraph before giving up on this tripe, racist pile of crap!

I'm all for violent vengeance on scumbags but this was quite poorly written. Kinda disorganized, and too cliche driven.

Its £ not lbs, one is currency the other is weight

Julie's parts were skippable, the rest took a little too long to get to the showdown. Could've been a decent 'moving on' story with some significant editing, but feels a bit too messy as it is right now.

A very nice story. AAAA+++++

Nice, adding Marc LaValliere.

A touch of Midsommer ..? Chief Inspector Barnaby..... another relative ? ;-)

As an actual Englishman, this sentence made me smile:

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"Also, the payment window on the 100,000 lb. check had been extended"

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Lb is short for pound as in the imperial measure for weight. The correct way to write pound sterling is using the £ symbol, eg £100,000.

Also it's cheque, not check in UK English.

I can only hope that you get cancer and that the chemotherapy cures you but leaves you incapable of writing.

This…unmitigated bullshit you wrote is worse than Putins excuse for invading Ukraine.

You should be charged with assault and battery for inflicting this on us.

lbs100,000 ? Presumably you mean £.

Lbs!!!!! What are they being paid in that has to be weighed????

It's £££££ or GBP or quid

Just not interesting.

as we all know, that the average black guy has a three inch cock and pencil thin, I don't know why so many of you depict that black guys are huge

This is just awful, wtf, lbs200,000, isn’t there a £ sign on your keyboard. The story is totally unbelievable, no identifiable characters MATE.

LaValiere, nice touch. 😆

Great story!

5

Yeah, no. This is absolutely a racist rant. It's such a cliché that it's an internet meme to say, "This is absolutely not a racist rant," then write a racist rant.

Wow. Where would they have stored 20,000,000lbs of sterling? Imagine the size of the bank!

I suspect you have never seen the 'pound sign' but UK currency is not designated by the symbol 'Lb' that is for weight. The story was OK but not particularly memorable, like the original.

It was such a horrible original.

Why write a sequel ?

You can write much better than this.

a stretch to reach a conclusion

Isn’t it quaint when Americans write a UK based story, I suppose stereotypes are there to make it easier and not have to think too hard, but please try not to base your dialogue on Dick van Dyke’s chimney sweep in Mary Poppins.

If you attempt setting another story in the UK please be aware ‘Lb’ is a unit of weight not currency that would be £ (archaic I know but a little research wouldn’t go amiss) and we don’t call each other ‘mate’ especially ex ranking officers turned lawyer, solicitor or barrister.

Just thought I’d mention it… mate.

Rant over, nice comeuppance for the bad guys, nice HEA for the good guys, as it should be.

Laughable how unreadable this is. Couldn't get past page one. How brain dead are you to try writing about English people while not knowing it's £ not lbs.

Great story! I especially liked the La Valliere reference. Good to see Marc old by is still getting his ass whippied.

Excellent story, well told and finished with style Thank You 5***** and as you probably now know the correct symbol for UK currency is £ not lb or Lb I enjoyed reading your story and wish you more happy years with you children and grandchildren, which I find to be the best reason to get to be an old fella!

I am very grateful that you were spared Vietnam of which I know nothing but have read enough to know it was NOT pleasant ( English understatement) Enjoy NY Giants. I'm not a great follower of American sports especially basketball and baseball ( see 'netball' and 'rounders') but I do watch some American football someimes but prefer real football(US Soccer) wher the ball is actaully moved around by using the feet instead of carrying and throwing, but to each their own and I wish you many more years enjoying the NYG. Great Job on the story a new favorite( US spelling to salute you Sir) for me

100,000 lb check?

leftenant? (yes, it’s pronounced that way by the British but that’s not how it’s spelled)

Just two simple examples of the overall juvenile af tone of this story.

Ok but spoiled by inattention to detail. For future reference, lb. is the abbreviation for pounds weight ( avoirdupois ) , the abbreviation for pounds Sterling is £., not a complaint , more a pointer.

Talk about extreme. Luckily he found a solicitor, pi who could hack the business and transfer the money away so easily.

Far too many clichés.

Needs grammar and spell checking, the number of mistakes is way too much for a published story.

Major fun read!

Love a good revenge story !

5 for station wagon.

100,000 lb check?????????? that's a very heavy cheque. Stopped reading after that point.

You do know that LBs is a weight and not a currency? Otherwise a good read.

I really liked the story. This is what I come to Literotica to read stories that build and then follow-up with the theme.

What a waste of time and effort, not to mention the horrific writing style. I quickly reached the conclusion that this would be no more than another "linebacker loser". And I was right. 1/5*

First off, if you're going to write about England, actually visit the place and learn about it. No-one calls the police 'bobbies'; they haven't done that since the 1950's, and even then only in bad movies; the slang name for the UK police is either ' the Old Bill' or 'The Filth'. Secondly, the British symbol for Pounds Sterling is '£', not Lb; Lb denotes pounds weight, which the UK doesn't use anyway, because they measure weight in grammes and kilogrammes (g and Kg), not Lb's. Thirdly, Brits shorten 'television' to 'Telly', not 'telee', it's even listed under that in the OED. Finally, the police version of MIRANDA in the UK when cautioning someone after they've been arrested is “You do not have to say anything. But, it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.” These things are easy to look up, why didn't you even try?

What do I think of the story? Racist trash is one thing. Cliche ridden, overly long dreck is another. The author is yet another self-hating white man for another. I'm waiting for stories that are more realistic...like black wives and singles seeking out white men because white men have higher educational attainment, have better impulse control, don't tend to have lengthy arrest records, aren't as STD prone, are more responsible, tend to have fewer health issues (including early ED) and because they know that there is no such thing as "BBC" (i.e. black men having on average bigger cocks). All of that is factual, even though it will offend the woketards here. When it comes to IR relations, authors here have a mental disorder. BTW, educated black women are some of the most loyal and appreciative women I've ever encountered. This author is normally far better than this.

This comment will be deleted because it offends the sensibilities of the herd, even though it is factual. Stories like this, and worse will continue to be published even though they are based on false, racist stereotypes.

Funny and entertaining.

The description for the Loving Wives category is "Married extra-marital fun".

I don't see anything "fun" about this story. Seems like it fits better in "Non-Erotic".

At one time I really thought you would be an excellent author. But now you post this crap! This was an unbelievable story. Pathetic!

I smiled real big when I read - Marc La Valliere

The wrapup was better than the story, but don't take that poorly; the premise was so outrageous that nothing that came after it was believable.

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Amongst your tying up of the many loose ends, you fell into an impersonal mode of summarization. That made it difficult to ascertain what happened to whom, because you overused "she" and "he" to the point where I couldn't remember which female was the antecedent to which pronoun.

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And I'm sure you know this, but good dialogue makes a story. Most writers move the story using narration before adding dialogue like spices to a meal. That's mediocre writing. Good writing uses the dialogue to move the story.

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I respect your approach and appreciate your work. In this case I disagree that the foundational story was worthy of being built upon. Also not sure how I feel about so much borrowing going on between writers.

Your story is fun, the characters, the psychopaths in the story should be hit harder, keep writing.

She didn't get burned nearly enough! It was a fun read, thanks for sharing!

Stupid, just like Conpulsion's story.

Given what you had to work with, nice burn.

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4 ****

You say this isn't a "racist rant," yet you felt the need for a "black cocks" tag. If the race doesn't matter, why that tag?

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Why does she need a divorce? She's not going to marry anybody, is she?

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"I have found my true calling, being breed stock for handsome black men." - I'm sorry, that's racist.

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"Leftenant" - The British may pronounce "lieutenant" "leftenant," but it's still SPELLED "lieutenant."

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"as despicable and replenishment as her actions were" - How does "replenishment" work in this context?

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There's no need for Julie's story.

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"I was shocked, stunned,........ and very turned on." - She's just been told that she's to be "breeding stock," and she's VERY turned on?

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Not another para-military revenge? Even down to the "communication specialist." Think there'll be any bugging going on?

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How is it embarrassing for the husbands? It's the wives who are exposed as whores and sluts.

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"Trust me, you won't want a white one after the first black one." - More racist shit. You say the race doesn't matter, but you state it very explicitly here.

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I'm surprised that the servants aren't white.

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"I would have to be a fool to turn it down." - She would? Only a slut would accept it!

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"I started taking 'instructions' on pleasuring a black man in bed." - How is "pleasuring" a Black man different from any other man?

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"Mr. O'Toole was also a consummate hacker." - A hacking expert, too? What do husbands who don't have these resources do?

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You shouldn't go into excruciating detail on technical details - It will be lost on most people, and people who understand will likely find errors. For instance, it's "terabyte,"not "Terra bite." And since I assume it's two servers, you don't want to hyphenate "two-three," I assume you meant "three-terabyte," so it should have been "two three-terabyte servers."

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I don't think that hacking makes any sound.

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"All the major sports organizations have morals clauses." - Really?

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Needs editing. Many missing words and formatting errors.

Awesome! 5-stars.

Hahahaha! Just skimmed because the premise was just too outlandish but I promise to go back through since you tossed Literotica's biggest asshole getting stomped.

What a funny stroke!

Rugged read, it felt like driving on a potholed road in Pennsylvania in the dead of winter. Oh, it flowed at times, but every few minutes the story had an, "oh, wait, there's more!"

5 ⭐️s, but it was brutal reading, as stories go.

Why was Julie unthinking, unfeeling, and just brain dead?

I should complain that this belongs in interracial, but at this point, that's petty. Yes, it is racist and stereotypes too much, but not to the point of reporting the story.

When I saw you write that it was February I wanted to know when it would suck, I guess it was at the end with Poor old Marc getting his just desserts.

Not really that great of a BTB story. Wasn't any real emotions, drama, or suspense to really pull you into the story and get your blood pressure up. Yeah, the good guys won in the end but it was a slog to get through it and I ended up doing some skimming.

Story bounced around to little purpose.

Too scattered.

Irritating read.

I don't think Marc was the greatest asshole in lit story - I say it was the husband Jim that took the skank back!

Thanks for finishing this Tale, and with a very appropriate ending

Sorry, but the "hacking van" part was really terrible, you absolutely can't write a credible scene involving computers or cloud, Then the sex scenes didn't mix well with the revenge theme... Looks like you badly mixed two or three themes and fell flat on your face with this story. 2 stars.

Well done and thanks for a great read.

Good to see a follow up to the original story. It sort of meandered to a conclusion for me, I think it deserved a more action filled explosive ending than what we see. Nice effort though.

I just love over the top revenge stories like this one. Adding the Marc LaValiere touch was genius. Five stars from this over the top reader.

Too absurd. The writing quality is below your usual standard

Enjoyed the story and had read the prequel. One question what are Lbs around the money? Thank you 4*

If you are going to write about Britain please learn something about it and not this’Mary Poppins’ shit! Thanks

Very good story. Laughed my ass off. Excellent BTB!

I love Marc's cameo!

Very complete story, problem being too complete. The detail became rather boring as did the sex. Maybe two pages tooooo long.

Der 100,000lb check should read £100,000 cheque.

Just the fact that you yanked Marc La Valliere into the fray at the very end was worth 5🌟 for me. I actually laughed out loud, a first for me on this website. I didn't like the original story, finding the way the wife was taken away from the husband to be very distasteful. The husband was left powerless in the aftermath of his wife's apathy towards him and her sudden greed for money and illicit sex. It was never adequately explained how or why she changed into the piece of crap she became in what appears to be a short period of time. - TANSTAAFL

UK currency is denoted by the use of "Pounds" or the £ sign, LBS is a unit of weight, IE, 14 lbs = 1 Stone.

Thats probably the most glaring and ruinous error. Story otherwise is not great but thats a choice the author made.

The only thing that would have made it better would have been to have all the pregnant slags fall down a stairwell in the darkened house at the end, killing the women and their useless babies.

I have to be honest, I bumped you up to 4* based on your overall standing as one of my go-to writers in LW. That said, there are serious gaps in your plot lines in this story that had me struggling to get engaged with the characters and story in general. Similarities to GA’s infamous story are clear in how Julie just left her husband. At least in his we had a snapshot (although intentionally or unintentionally misleading) of the wife going into the incident. Yours didn’t have anything other than she frequently danced with others while out with her husband. Maybe a lead-in that she chased after black cocks in university before settling down would have added the needed depth here. The actions of her husband after she left, essentially months of nothing makes no sense at all. I would have had him frantically searching after 24-48 hours, included her friends and family with knowledge of the circumstances, and possibly the police. The story would have benefited with his relationship with his PA and her support over the missing time explained. You only gave it one sentence. I loved the core of the tale regarding the “burn”. I get it was 5 pages but it deserved more, maybe a multi-part? Sorry for all the unsolicited advice, but it bothers me when a solid author misses stuff they usually don’t. Cheers! 4*

It's racist alright. That's okay. All the other racists will like it and give it a five.

What was with the small cuts to the bound men, never explained.

Not only is it racist, it's stupid. Did some teenager write this?

Oh, okay, as long as you say "This isn't racist," it isn't racist. You can say all kinds of racist things as long as you preface it by saying, "this isn't racist." The magic "not-racist" shield. The Lion disapproves. The Lion.

Ridiculous garbage

Another fine story from you.

Enjoyed the SUV comment.

Others have discussed your annoying use of the term lb. as the symbol for the British Pound Sterling, so I won't.

On a lighter note, the term lavaliere is French for a dangling pendant, often used to describe a necktie or microphone,

It was also used in the play, "A Case of Libel" written by Henry Denker, based on the memoir by Louis Nizer, "My Life in Court.

It was used, along with the phrase, "three-piece set" to describe a man's genitalia. For further information check out the play's script.

I suspect that George Anderson was aware of the play when he named his villain in the original story on this theme.

Super story!!!

It's good to see a story where a man gets a break and does not get screwed over by a cheating woman!!!

The sad thing is most governments in the world have made it impossible for men to get a fair shake in a divorce.

A woman can fuck him over in their relationship and then divorces him and the government helps her fuck him over again!

5 🌟s

FH

The story was pretty good. Personally I would have cut the story in half and reduced her part of the story to a minimum. But that is just me

Crap story, crap syntax, crap spelling ... just crap

Why do so many cuckold authors have the wife cheating with black characters? Why is that so taboo? Why is it considered the "worst" thing a cheating wife can do to her cuck?

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Is it because those authors consider black men to be something less than human? Something dumber than an animal? These are common beliefs among ignorant, yet loud, people.

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Stories like this, and others like it, are obviously racist and entirely ridiculous.

O.K., I apologize if I offended any of my British readers. I tried my best to not be condescending and regret if it came out that way. The original story had a British flavor. Maybe I should have taken it across the pound. My keyboard doesn't have a key for the British pound sign. Sorry. I'm glad most people liked the basic storyline. It is a thing with me like I said. I like happy endings. I like having the bad guys get screwed. That was what I was going for. I AM glad that most comments were favorable. The Bear has a thick hide, and can handle the criticism. I don't mind reading the anon's; Sometimes even THEY like the story.

The BEAR

Where to start? The heavy currency? The US army ranks in the Royal Marines? The NATO rank designation? The internet that stays on without power? The Trojan that cleans up after itself after the power is cut? And how did the power get cut off?

So many holes and mistakes. If'n you must write about the UK do some research first. Even a little would help.

The dollar figures are chump change for the time required. Story may turn out ok but the original by Conpulsion is shit.

Cliche-fest. Julie was not believable in any way.

Again, I do try this authors stories but they tend to be too over the top for me.

I stopped when she decided she wanted to be nothing but a baby machine for black guys.

I think my eye rolls was louder than the groaning noise I made.

Most enjoyable. What most people seem to have missed is the whole story was supposed to be tongue in cheek, in my opinion. Mate from Australia, lb. from the weights and measure, etc. Lighten up and laugh. I guess you should have waited until closer to April 1.

Again stupid numbers

Cheapskate fictional black men did him a favor. Take the money and run.

Page 3

Of course it’s racist, but the absurdity makes it more laughable than offensive

Absurd but fun. Your numbers need to be MUCH higher.

Dear lord, this was absolute rubbish, pure trash.

5 stars for the author cuz I love a happy ending!

Station wagons are built on a car chassis. SUV's are built on a truck chassis.

Fun fact: The ecological warrior lobby created SUV's. They wanted to encourage smaller cars, so they got Congress to pass CAFE which set fleet mileage targets. This did encourage the auto makers to make smaller, more efficient cars. However, families still wanted the functions of a larger car. More than four passengers, larger cargo area, etc. Auto makers responded by building a passenger vehicle on a truck chassis. Trucks had been excluded from the CAFE standards, so their low gas mileage didn't affect the automakers' compliance with the law.

Nice atory

Are we to assume each of these black men were married to sterile white women? Otherwise, why would their wives want a child from a white whore? I’m honestly curious.

Good story author. I have to wonder how many of your critic/commenters have the symbol for pound sterling on their keyboard? Ah but they criticize, you should return the money they paid you to read your tale. Oh they didn't pay to read---then they should perhaps shut up,and thank you for a good entertaining read. LP

You stories are retry good. This one sucked badly. Wife sells her body for 5 yrs to bred black babies. This was so repugnant and pathetic writing.

One has to really suck horribly to manage less than a 4 when submitting a burn/revenge story. Honestly, I have never seen anything quite like it.

I love how you made sure to tell us this wasn't a racist rant. I suppose it wasn't a rant but it was absolutely racist. If you are incapable of grasping this fact then you are deluded. You can find solace in the fact that you aren't alone. There are numerous so "totally not racist" writers and commenters on here who peddle similar themes.

Cliche city. Don't write about things you cleary have done no research on....

I can not say this strongly enough. The back and forth stuff is SHIT. Don't do it again. Totally unreadable. Please listen to this advice. HORRIBLE!